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This page mirrored 4/21/2007
Merry Christmas Eve. There, now that I have the pleasantries out of the way...
Attention, Yankee restaraunteers:
Effective immediately, you better have god damned sweet tea when I order god damned sweet tea. No, I don't want raspberry tea. It tastes likes old, chewed bubblegum. No, I don't want unsweetened, iced tea. Sugar crystals don't dissolve in it, and you aren't smart enough to put a syrupy, pre-dissolved sugar solution on the tables like several countries in Asia I've visited.
From here on out if I am in your establishment and order a god damned sweet tea, you better bring me a god damned southern-style sweet tea. If you tell me you don't have it, or worse, offer me a raspberry-flavored tea instead, I will simply leave your establishment, get into my car, and project my rage at you until the entire restaurant explodes.
God damn it.
Fucking sweet tea. It aint hard.
Best movie ever with the words "Tenacious D" in the title? Possibly.
Saw this movie weeks ago, but I've been too much fucking busy to review it.
This is a goofy little comedy movie about the fictional origins of the World's Greatest Rock Band, Tenacious D.
Tenacious D is an acoustical (usually) power duo featuring Jack Black (JB, Jables) and Kyle Gass (KG, Kage, Rage Kage). KG handles lead guitar and JB is lead vocalist. Satan is, for the most part, the 3rd D as The D is powered by Satan, as is all metal. As it was written. In accordance with prophecy.
First of all, despite the comparisons to Citizen Kane, this aint it. I like The D, but drug humor just doesn't do anything for me... and this movie has plenty of it. Yawn. That's really the only bad thing I can say about the flick... but I say that as a fan of The D. I'm sure your typical 50 year old Americans (for all of the Animal House nostalgia) would get a lot less out of this movie than I did. (Disclaimer: I'm 35, but I'm REALLY immature. Way more immature than most people. So I have that going for me. [Gunga Golunga.])
And liberal hippy Tim Robins has a bit part, too... now, Jack Black is a liberal, but he doesn't let that taint his art (ala George Clooney, Madonna, and a whole lot more). That's great. And we know Tim Robbins is a liberal, from his vocalizing during the last two presidential election cycles... but I tell yeah... he has a GIFT for doing comedy which punches holes in his own smarty-pants, windbag persona (See: Anchorman, High Fidelity, this movie). He is self deprecating, and I can dig that. I would have a beer with Tim Robbins.
If you are a fan
of The D, this movie rates 8 cock push-ups out of 10
(Unless you are bored with bong-and-weed jokes, in which it's
down to 7 out of 10).
NO SPOILER discussion thread. (Registration required)
SPOILERIZED discussion thread. (Registration required)
Best actor to play James Bond, ever? Possibly.
The movie itself was also quite good, adding something the the last two decades of bond have lacked: actual suspense. There are no day-saving, deus-ex-machina gadgets, here. Nor is there any stupidly extreme luck, or perfect unflappability from our protagonist. This James is a real human with real emotions, and the actor is able to portray those emotions while remaining stony faced. That's a good actor.
The story itself is good enough: James Bond has to play some cards against a global supervillain to keep him from funding terrorism-hobby. Only thing that kinda, sorta bugged me was the choice of game, instead of Baccarat. You already know what game they play, even if the name is never uttered in the movie. Too trendy to be cool.
A couple hidden swipes at evil Amerikkkan foreign policy, but subtle enough for me to convince myself they were accidental and ignore them.
The movie leaves me somewhat confused as to how they play with the timeline of the franchise, much the same way Sum of All Fears did... are they restarting the character in the present-day, ala Batman Begins? Has there been more than one James Bond who inherits the name in addition to the double-oh-seven-rating, like The Princess Bride? Or what? Maybe someone who has read Ian Fleming's work has an explanation for me.
Overall, a good enough movie to catch in a theater.
Eight and a half invisible cars out of ten.
Spoiler discussion thread (Registration required).
seriously, for a moment...
I'm busy packing so I don't have a lot of time to post, but I just want to add a few final thoughts before I Leave The Country with the rest of my fellow conservatives:
Oh, wait, I guess none of that happened... I was just flashing back to the 2004 election. In reverse.
the rest of the world sure is happy about the election, that's
for sure. It will probably usher in a new era of peace
on Earth that existed before Bush came into office. Thank
Allah the long, national nightmare is over.
For nearly six years we have had a single leader. While things initially looked good, we've suffered recently. What was once a source of greatness has become a source of conflict and despair. This year, in particular, has been an embarrassment.
Today, however, good news has arrived. After weeks of speculation and rumors, our leadership has changed. While it's not quite official, the media is reporting that it is a done deal.
By tomorrow it will have been spun into nonexistence, but today it still happened.
Walked by a television the other day that had Oprah Winfrey on it. I don't know what bullshit crisis she was highlighting that day, but I caught a line as I walked by. She said, "I've had such a hateful reaction since I first aired this subject... I even got one email that said, 'This is America and if you don't like it take your hairy black ass back to Africa.'"
This got the appropriate GASP! from the audience. My thought was, "Yeah, right, whatever."
I've been going about this thing all wrong.
From now on whenever I want to make a point but lack facts, I will use an imaginary email from a hate group to make you feel that if a hate group is against my argument, then you must surely support my argument... for surely you have nothing in common with racists!
Why, just yesterday I got an email from Hitler telling me I'd better shut up with all my bashing of dirty hippies.
Just attempted to book passage to Toronto from Toledo, and I could neither get a date I wanted nor a departure time that wasn't 1:30 AM.
As shitty as air travel has
become, I'd love to have more convenient train schedule
available to me.
Things that got linked.
Cleaning the Stalls
Bringing Down a Nation
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