6:38 pm EST - Leisher - The Weakest Link.  But not how you think.

Hollywood - Lacking a firm grasp of reality (Part 1?). 

The Weakest Link, NBC's hit game show, aired Monday night and featured 8 Hollywood comedians, all of whom have been on TV and/or in movies. The "stars" featured were Joe the maintenance guy from Newsradio, Kathy the annoying redhead from Suddenly Susan, Alisha the Talk Soup host, DL Hughley, George Wendt, Rob Schneider, Nora somebody from Saturday Night Live, and another guy who is such a  huge star that I've already forgotten him. This episode had the "celebrities" playing for their favorite charities with the prize money going to the winner's charity. Sounds very nice doesn't it? Sounds like these celebrities took time out of their busy schedule to help people in need or support something they believe in, right?  

Wrong.  

With the exception of George Wendt, who was a class act throughout and also possibly the smartest contestant ever on the show (he didn't miss a question through 5 rounds), the rest of these "stars" proved that they truly believe themselves above the rest of us by making complete asses of themselves.  

Now don't get me wrong, their jokes during the show were expected and at times funny. Rob Schneider in particular had me cracking up. The thing that really irked me began after the first round. The host, Anne, announced that the team had made an embarrassing $2,000 out of a possible $125,000. In response, certain members of this "celebrity" panel began whooping and giving each other high fives. Very funny. I'm sure all the people who would have had a chance to benefit from that money really enjoyed your mocking. 

But, it gets better...certain "stars" then chose to stall during their turns so they could make jokes instead of answering the questions properly. Once again taking money from the very charities they were supposed to be there supporting. I'll bet the AIDS foundation found your "Earl" jokes hilarious D.L. 

Finally, in probably the biggest insult, three of these stars decided that George Wendt shouldn't continue in the game even though he had not missed a question the entire game. What could their possible motivation be? Hmmm...I'm betting it's not charity. 

I apologize right now to any of these celebrities that may have made up for their intentional goofs by donating a larger portion of their money to their chosen charities. If any did so, you're a class act. 

As for the rest of you, please go find another forum to showcase your mediocre talents. Trying to act out on a game show for charities isn't the right place to try and get a new TV show or bit part on a movie. 

AND while I'm on the subject of The Weakest Link...

First, to the producers of The Weakest Link, how about adding something in like immunity to the smartest player every round? I'm sick of watching the morons vote off the smartest. How about for once in one of these game shows we show that brains actually matter.  

Secondly, to those who object to Anne's comments. Shut the hell up. If you're a man, I'm betting you're older and object to a woman in a position of power like that. If not, or if that doesn't apply to you, I'd bet that you're an idiot and feel stupid by the show's questions, and thus, offended by her remarks about idiots. Her comments are supposed to be rude, that's part of the show.

What do you think?

 1:06 pm CST - GORDON - But he's not bitter.

An associate of mine is in the middle of a divorce.

As a form of therapy, he is venting a portion of his anger and sadness into a webpage.

Guess what.

With his permission, here it is.

Read it.  Help Vince vent.

Talk about your own experiences with other Satan Spawn here.

 3:29 pm CST - GORDON - Valuable Public Service announcement.

I like to support companies that provide valuable services.

I can't tell you how many times I've needed a corpse to disappear quickly and discretely.

Cadaver, Inc.

They even do carpets!

 8:35 am CST - GORDON - Staggering idiocy.

 9:09 am CST - GORDON - Tony Soprano is my Daddy.

This has to be the best show on TV at the moment, with "Malcolm in the Middle" a close second.

What can I say...I can relate to dysfunctional families.  My Mom and I relate best over cocktails and a Blackjack table.

If you watch the series and just listen to the words without thinking, you're getting about half the story.  In this year's season opener, the FBI is trying to get a court order to tap the Soprano home's basement.  The judge orders them to only enter the basement, and avoid the rest of the house.  Agents are shown roaming the house....rifling through mail...etc.  Later that episode, Tony's son A.J. is trying to grasp the Robert Frost poem...I can't think of the name...the one with "miles to go before I sleep" in it.  Tony's daughter Meadow is explaining to him the symbolism of "endless fields of white snow" meaning death.  A.J. says that he thought black meant death.  Meadow says that sometimes, white is death, too.  Good guys, bad guys.  Black, white.  Sometimes white means death.

 3:16 pm CST - GORDON - Oh please.

Oh please someone investigate Carty Finkbeiner, Mayor of Toledo, OH.

Lisa Marie Kowalski, 23, administrative assistant to Arturo Quintero, the mayor’s executive officer, said she won’t pursue the matter with police, through internal channels, or with a lawyer. When asked why she decided to drop the matter, Ms. Kowalski replied: "No comment." Toledo police Chief Mike Navarre said he spoke with Ms. Kowalski yesterday morning. He refused to explain why he approached her or whether they discussed the nature of the dispute. "Lisa Marie indicated to me that she did not wish to file a police report, nor did she wish to pursue this matter any further," he said. "She wanted to put the matter behind her."

Full article here.

Does it take a sledgehammer over the head before people realize this woman  was coerced?  An "altercation," with unprofessional language and behavior from the guy in charge...a known buffoon...and the police chief then pays you a little visit.  Afterwards, you're too scared to say anything except "No comment."

Mmmm hmmmm.

Join in the lovefest here.

 3:10 pm CST - GORDON - FYI.

This is a little note to the woman driving the Maroon Jaguar, Tennessee tags "CLASY 1."

Hey, nice car.

But as soon as you tell someone that you have class; you no longer do.

Have a nice Friday.

 3:10 pm CST - GORDON - Math is fun.

 8:42 am CST - GORDON - Ch-ch-ch-changes.

Asshole du Jour!  Mr. Forest Green Ford Taurus SE, Tennessee tags CTJ 821, who proved to me this morning that safely merging and using turn signals is HARD when you're on your cellular phone.

And, there are brand new forums.  I was getting tired of multiple pop-up ads from EZBoard, often up to three at a time, and sometimes of the exact same product.  I could have paid $50 for a year to get the advertising removed, but I really can't guarantee that EZBoards will survive for a year.

So enjoy the new non-advertising forums.

 9:27 am HST - Jesus - *Slaps Forehead*

First those slapstick Afghans think their God cares about ancient statues and trinkets, and now they think headwear is the important thing.  Oy vey.

No Turban, No Education.

I tried contacting Mohammad for a statement (and to make fun of him), but he and Allah were busy trying to convince Muslim leadership that the whole "Don't eat pork" thing was important at the time, but that there have been wonderful advances in refrigeration technology since the 7th century.  Most of his priests remain unconvinced, being distracted by headwear and facial grooming.

You wacky humans.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again:  You get so caught up in the dogma, that you totally miss the point.  I can sum up every world religion into one sentence:  Just be nice to each other.

That's all we really care about.

ENERGY SOURCES FOR US ELECTRICITY IN 1999: Coal: 52% Nuclear: 20% Gas: 15% Hydro: 8% Oil: 3% Wood Waste(wood-burning): 1% Garbage: .6% Geothermal: .4% Wind: .1% Solar: .01% Power sources: Solar - Nice but innefficient and currently <.1% of our electricity output. It's MUCH better for passive heating than electricity generation. Use it to heat swimming pools, or add a greenhouse effect which can warm a whole house. However, limited deployment when you get too far north. It might be a viable energy source for sub-saharan African nations, maybe a few Asian/European nations, but that is many, MANY years into the future with research. This is not a savoir power source though. You can't power Alaska on solar power. Hydro - Nice but with environmental concerns. Also, nearly all gone in the US. We can't dam the Mississippi, so what we have(3.5 Quads a year) is all we'll get. This is generally not debated. Hydro is a good continuous power source, but far too limited to include in any real debate about the future of energy. It's there, it's good, we need more though. Wind - Nice, with a future. I'm unsure of the environmental damage(the Sierra Club cries about golden eagles, I don't know if any have actually been killed yet), and it is pretty useless east of the Mississippi, but in places like the Dakotas and Montana it should be very good. Still, not practical for the large scale, as even the largest wind farms produce only fractions of what a 1000MW nuclear power plant can make. Wind contributed .1% of all the electricity the US used in 1999, and will probably grow to maybe 1% by 2008. However, it still is too hard to deploy, as mentioned, to provide anywhere near the fossil fuels. Geothermal - Nice, but it does have a few environmental concerns(mainly noise and loss of possible wildlife areas like Yellowstone's geysers if you really want to get the most out of geothermal). Plus, it's very limited. The largest geothermal plant possible in the US has already been made in California, and it still doesn't supply as much power as a single nuclear power plant. We can squeeze a bit more power out of geothermal, but it's just not that likely. Geothermal isn't best used as an electricity source, but as a heating source, same as solar. Most all of the hot water in Iceland is heated through geothermal heating. Coal - Ick. MUCH more radiation is given off in coal than in a nuclear power plant, with much fewer safeguards and environmental concerns. Hope you like sulfer dioxide, cause if you oppose nuclear power that's what you're going to get. In 1999 Coal supplied 52% of all electricity in the US. While it's safer now than it was 50 or 60 years ago(back in the truly black, sooty days when sulfer dioxide and nitrous emissions weren't being noticed), thanks to the implementation of limestone scrubbers, electrostatic precipitators, and cyclonic dust collectors, they still emit sulfer dioxide ranging from .4 to 3 million tons per year, in addition to even more dangerous NOx gases and the usual CO2. Still, the fact that these plants don't take as many permits and as large a capital to make as nuclear plants makes them more attractive at the moment to investors. Oil-fired and gas-fired plants provide some electricity, about 3% of our total, but are generally not smart. They pollute, plus why not use the fuel for cars while we can? Not a good application of oil. Natural Gas is used to provide a good bit of electricity, about 15%, but again, why not use it for something else(namely heating)? It's clean, but running out fast. It's going at about the same rate as oil. Trying to conserve it for heating is the best path I see... Fuel cell technology doesn't seem very good for large-scale electricity production, but it looks like a VERY good alternative for gasoline in transportation. Give a good hydrogen storage tank and we'll see a new industrial revolution in about 20 years. EXTREMELY clean, reliable, affordable, in use already(Louisiana buses are driven by fuel cells), and without any moving parts, they are a great replacement to fuel injections engines. Tidal and Ocean tech - Nearly useless with LOTS of green concerns. Tidals generators use the idea that as tides rise you collect the water they hold, then as they fall you dump the water like a dam. However, this seriously screws up the marine life in the area, and very hard to deploy(basically just a few areas in northeast canada). Ocean thermal energy converters were an idea where you'd make a huge pipe vertically down in the ocean, and using natural convection of head you'd get an amount of water to circulate and generate heat/electricity. Found nearly unfeasible...might work later with better research, but pretty much nobody is interested anymore. Nuclear - The way to go for now for many reasons. Economically, they are the most consumer friendly group, providing the cheapest power at a very consistent rate. Plus, the economic barriers to building them which scared off investors in the 70's/80's are being reworked by the NRC and Congress, getting rid of much of the redundant bureaucracy and numerous permits for the same exact thing. Soon it will only require one permit to conceptualize, build, and operate a power plant instead of 3 seperate permits for each. Also, there will only be one public hearing on safety instead of two(think of these as filibusters used by coal companies to stop the building of nuclear plants), overall reducing the time it takes to build a plant by anywhere from 1 to 4 years. Also, modular design in nuclear plants means that instead of 100 unique plants in the US there will be two major designs, making retention for building crews very easy(thus giving incentive and bonuses for the contractors to actually build the damn things on time), employees can switch between plants without needing new certifications or instructions, the plants can all be modified together with new designs easier, and overall permit times and building times will be shortened by the simple fact that the design is already known and approved. Plus, the design of the new pebble bed reactor, which uses helium in the heat exchanger means that plants using a pebble bed core will be more efficient and have a much shorter re-fueling outage than normal fuel-rod plants(20 days vs. 2-3 months). Pollution is a concern. To say that there is no pollution is incorrect. However, there are ways that are incredibly safe to deal with the high level wastes. Out of the spent fuel of a nuclear plant in a year(~30 tons), 28 of these will be U-238, .8 will be the highly dreaded fission products(such as cesium-137, Strontium-90), .35 will be unspent U-235, and the rest will be transuranics(U-238 which absorbs neutrons without fissioning, such as plutonium, americium, curium). It's that .8 in fission products plus the transuranics which are the high level waste. These are currently stored in fuel rods they were used in, and these fuel rods are placed into a pool of depleted water(no minerals) 40 feet deep, with 6 foot cement walls coated with stainless steel on the outside. Any dosimeter will tell you that no radiation escapes(last month I visited the U of Illinois campus nuclear reactor and verified that for myself, actually. Got to look inside of the core, and inside the fuel storage pool). Now, what to do with these high level wastes that amount to about a ton per year per plant. Right now they are, as mentioned, safely stored in pools right next to the reactor. The water blocks any radiation, plus cools them down from their high core tempature, plus keeps the energy given off as they decay cool. Some plants have been doing this for 25 years already. So right now the high level wastes with very short halflives are already being worn down. But what to do with Cesium and its 30 year halflife, or the transuranics and their 1000+ year halflifes? There are two steps. Containment and isolation. First of all, the fuels are inside dense oxide fuel pellets and zirconium metal rods, together which retain more than 99.99% of the waste by-products from fission. This is under EXTREME high temperature, high pressure conditions which never take place in the handling of the fuel later. However, if they are to be taken to geologically sound locations later, they must be stored in safe containers designed mainly to prevent the flow of water in or out, as well as prevent the flow of any by-products. The first step is to make the waste form acceptable. The fuel pellets we use will corrode, nor spontaneously turn into liquid, so it will not mobilize on its own(good). Next, the waste cannister of steel or carbon is placed around it, with alloys of copper or titanium. These will last thousands to hundreds of thousands of years even under the constant heat and radiation of the fuel, even if exposed to ground water. Next, an overpack encloses all the other layers, and often a certain mix of dried cement is placed surrounding the inside layers from it. Thus, should any ground water reach this layer, it will turn into cement and not let any more water pass. Over THIS is a packing which stuffs the space between the host rock and the container. This is usually bentonite clay and crushed rock, which are very effective at reducing the movement of ground water into the waste package, and delays the migration of any waste by-products from the waste form. A 1-foot thick packing can delay the movement of strontium and cesium up to 10,000 years, as one example. EVEN IF all these somehow fail, and water makes it in, the waste form itself acts as a final barrier, as the pellets hold the elements well while maintaining nearly no solubility at all. And even if THEN it gets it...it needs to flow all the way back through the same obstacles. Not going to happen. These engineered safeguards are not designed to last forever. What will happen though, to the transuranics which will outlast the containers(many thousands of years, but it will happen), is that they will be stuck in the isolation factor of the equation. By storing them in safe geological repositories they will be nearly harmless, delayed for many hundreds of thousands of years before they could do any harm. Utah claims to be concerned about transportation of nuclear waste through the state. Let's talk background radiation for a second. Each person receives about 125 millirems of radiation per year from everyday sources, such as the sun, microwaves, xrays, natural elements/minerals, hell even bananas are a source of measurable radiation. 500 millirems is the most the US gov't allows an average citizen as a safety rule, and 5000 millirems(5 rems) is the most allowed to a nuclear power plant worker(although, with the exception of Chernobyl, no worker has ever even approached those rates, the VAST majority stay under the 500 millirems of average citizens.). So 125 is average, 500 is most allowed for most people, and workers can get 5 rems. If you were to live 90 feet from a road that saw 250 shipments of spent fuel, the increase to your annual exposure would be a fraction of a percent of what you get from normal sources. Virtually unmeasurable. The transport cask, which must survive 40 foot freefalls onto unyielding surfaces, direct falls onto steel rods, 1475 degree F fire for 30 minutes, and underwater submersion for 8 hours straight, ALL IN SEQUENCE ONE AFTER THE OTHER without a SINGLE leak of so much as a drop of water. If that isn't safe enough...well, I can't really figure out a way to finish that sentence. But it's safe. I watched a couple videos of trains colliding with these casks at 80+ MPH. Now THAT was some cool! No damage to the things at all. The radiation shielding these things have is cylinders of steel(1/2" thick) clad with 4 inches of heavy metal shielding, enclosed by a shell of 1 1/2" thick steel, surrounded by 5" of water, encircled by a stainless steel outer jacket. No radiation is getting out. Okay, enough about safety, I hope that's convinced you a bit of the safety of waste products and whatnot. How much fuel do we have? We have a TON. It is dirt cheap because it is unbelievably common. Uranium mines are generally not saught after because there is far too much supply without the demand. Plus, fast-breeder reactors allow more fissile material to be made at the expense of unusable U-238. Without getting into too much detail, these plants don't have a moderator, instead letting fast neutrons form with U-238 to make Plutonium, a fissile material, while some neutrons hit Plutonium to cause more chain reactions. More plutonium is made than used, so you can get more fuel from less fuel. Plus, reprocessing allows unspent fuels to be re-used(They do this in France right now), further extending usable fuels while reducing wastes. All in all there are about 26000 Quads worth of coal left, while the world uses about 90 Quads per year(assuming use is nearly constant, 300 years left). There are many times more uranium in the world. We can provide all the electricity we want for pretty much as long as it takes until we develop fusion to a measurable degree. Lots of uranium. Dan mentioned the safety of plants, ie Chernobyl and TMI. TMI has already been addressed, it released only a trace amount of reactants(mainly Xenon gas) into the public, while the containment building did everything it should, and the core stabilized. It's a wreck economically, but it caused no problems environmentally, and served to give the alarm for tighter safety systems and increased emphasis on inherantly safe systems as opposed to human-controlled safety systems. Chernobyl flat out CANNOT happen in the US. The reasons are twofold. 1) We do not use RBMK reactor design, which has a graphite moderator(useful for plutonium production). This reactor type, if it loses all coolent, can run into severe problems, as the graphite still remains to keep the reactor running. As the reactor runs, it gets hotter without water to boil off, and the graphite can then catch fire or explode. Boom. We use water as both a moderator AND coolent source in all our plants, thereby making sure that if we DO lose coolent, the moderator goes away too, thereby causing all reactions to stop. With the reactions stopped, an ECCS can dump high-pressure water onto the core to cool it off, and no problems then. 2) They did not have a containment building. This is a HUGE HUGE HUGE NO. Like with guns, no matter how safe you think it is, ALWAYS treat a nuclear power plant as if the core can "explode", or send highly radioactive particles miles around. As a result, all American plants are required to have containment buildings. These are huge concrete buildings, built to withstand(and they've tested this successfully) B-52 crashes. They cost $800million, but they will prevent any release of radiation to the general public, as they did in TMI. The big fear at TMI is that hydrogen from a reaction would form up, and blow off the top of the containment building, but no such thing was close to happening. It easily held all radioactive particles in. Chernobyl, and most plants like it in Russia, did not have one. If it did, you probably wouldn't even know about Chernobyl. Since it didn't, when the graphite blew the core out the top it spread radioactive particles all over Europe. Oops. Finally, any fears that a plant could blow up like a nuclear warhead are absolutely impossible beyond impossibility. A nuclear warhead requires 95% fissile material to maintian the chain reaction it uses to blow up. No reactor has more than 3-5% enrichment. As a result, no boom. Enriching to the 95% mark is something very few places can do, and I believe they are all controlled by various governments around the world. That, is why I support Nuclear power as the solution for the next 100 years. No atmospheric pollution, high level waste can be dealt with, safe, plentiful, more jobs, constant...altogether the best road. Fusion - Definitely need research, looks very promising provided we can figure out how to mimic the sun. Right now we CAN do it. We use tritium and deuterium to fuse into...lithium-3 I think? I'm not sure about that one...there's a few kinds of fusion possible, with the harder ones being the ones we want to do. The end goal is fusing two hydrogen together to form helium(roughly). This causes NO radiation, NO waste products, uses water for fuel, and is incredibly powerful. It is THE ultimate energy source. An olympic sized swimming pool could supply the power for a city of about 400,000 people for a YEAR. Yes, I think that works nicely. Which is why I'm studying nuclear engineering to work with fusion in college now. The problem with getting those good kinds of fusion? Pressure and containment. The sun can provide an UNBELIEVABLE amount of pressure, and hold the resulting fused helium for thousands of years before finally releasing it(gaining all the energy efficiency it can). We can provide about 10^-9 amount of pressure, and can hold the result for about one second. We can, however, provide hotter temperatures than the sun can. We're around 200 million degrees K compared to 15 million for the sun. Go us. We can use this to fuse various isotopes of hydrogen such as deuterium and tritium, but these have problems, such as tritium's radioactive properties and deuterium's slight rarity(it's still fairly common though). Lithium-3 is also used I believe, it's a bit safer but a bit harder to fuse. I saw fusion in action about a week ago, now that was nifty. Just something to say, "I saw fusion".

Nuclear Powerplants are your Friends.

 10:40 am CST - GORDON - Horseshit in the road.

Have you ever wondered what substituted for news in Ohio?  I know you have.

In the absence of any sense of "prioritization," the Toledo Blade found it fitting to blow the cover off the seamy underbelly of....the Amish. 

It seems there's a loophole in their society...they aren't required to follow the tenets of their society until they're 21 years old.  This is leading to loud stereos in their horse buggies, and driving drunk.  Or buggying drunk.  Whatever it's called.

Sheriff’s deputies attack hard in the spring, when most big drinking parties start. On one night last year, they took into custody an entire busload of Amish teenagers after breaking up a party. On this night, deputies report "Buggy all over the road ... headed toward [State Rt.] 168 1 mph." After stopping the black buggy pulled by a single horse, they find what they had suspected.

One mile per hour.  I wonder if those Sheriff's deputies have dashboard mounted video cameras...they could submit them to "Non_Extreme Police Chases Caught on Video."  I wonder if their siren scares the horse.  I wonder what the police would do if the buggy doesn't stop....shoot out their hooves?

But wait, there's more.

The buggy’s interior is upholstered in royal blue velour. A triangular swatch of the same material is attached to the dash. Silver key chains with colorful emblems - Guns and Roses, Cleveland Browns, and a miniature baseball bat - hang from battery-operated light switches. Five stereo speakers - including a 12-inch sub-woofer - line the inside of the covered buggy. On the seat is a selection of old cassette tapes: "The Outfield," "Vixen," and "Hooters."

The Outfield?  The imagery is making my brain hurt.

Think of the carnage when these repressed kids discover chassis hydraulics.  Bouncing low-riding horse buggies.

Feel free to tell The Blade about such trivial things such as China and Missile Defense and stuff.  Wake the hicks up.

 9:54 am CST - GORDON - Since you brought it up....

Welcome Pamela Sue.  I look forward to endless hours enjoying your estrogen laden rants.

Which reminds me of something I noticed recently when I was on vacation.

A few days out of the week, I was exposed to daytime television programming.  Normally I am sheilded from it by "working."  But in visiting various family members, I saw more Oprah and Montell than my system could handle.

What struck me were the commerials during the day.  Advertisement after advertisement for pills for women to take during those difficult feminine times, both monthly and menopausal.  Pills to help "maintain your hormone balance," and "control your mood swings."  One of the commercials showed a woman who looked pissed at her husband, pulling the standard, "Come here to me, I love you....no, get away, you disgust me" move.  Husband just looks all confused.

And there you have the main difference between men and women.  Men are expected to always keep their emotions in check.  To not run into the back end of the moron who cut him off on the freeway.  To live his life in a cubicle like one more ice cube in the tray, and be happy about it.  To not smack around the woman who spends every waking hour trying to make his ulcer grow.  Men accept the fact that the key to a happy life is to find a woman who won't kill him outright.....to find one who will kill him slowly, over 50 or 60 years.

And women?  They get pills.  Because they aren't expected to be able to control themselves.

"How do you write women so well?"
"Easy.  I just think of a man, and take away reason and accountability."

Men are from Mars, Women are from the local Pharmacy.

 2:12 pm EST - Leisher - The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

So I'm driving home for lunch and I wind up behind an old beatup blue Ford pickup truck. It was being driven by a guy in a dirty t-shirt. He wore a ball cap and looked to have less than ideal hygene. He had a passenger whose description can be summed up by saying, "ditto". The truck itself was rusted and seemed to be just covered with chips, cracks, and dents. As I was riding along following this truck I noticed that the bumper was not only completely rusted out, but the bumper was quite close to falling off. That's when my eyes found the bumper sticker.

The bumper sticker read: Live Better. Work Union.

 2:18 pm CST - GORDON - China revisited.

China's still in the news, stretching their 15 minutes of fame ridiculously thin.  China's whining about Taiwan.  Whining about U.S. support of Taiwan.  Whining about the U.S. criticizing their human rights record.  Whining about the U.S. conducting surveillance off their coast...a practice China recently admitted doing to Japan.  China always talking about their big ol' scary military.  You know...the one that is 25% trained troops, 75% peasants with pitchforks.  But, I don't think most Americans would take the China threat all that seriously, if they thought about it:

Their economy is dependant on the USA...not ours on them.  Militarily, yeah, they have lots of people.  So?  So did Iraq.  If they want to play with nukes, they can reach about 5 major US cities.  We can carpet bomb their entire country several times over.  Technologically, they're morons, they stole the knowledge they have.  China doesn't even qualify as a Super Power, even though they think they do.  Their average per capita income is less than USA$1k.  They don't have the ability to move military forces across the Pacific...if we don't want them to.  Their current style of government has a long history of failing in the long run.  They think they could survive an arms race is the U.S.A. builds a missile shield.  Why do they think they'll succeed where the USSR failed?  Laughable.

What's so scary?

China, I fart in your general direction.

 10:20am CST - GORDON - Rich white people in space.

So there's a civey on the Space Station, and Nasa's not thrilled.  Russia got $20 million out of the deal.  Mr. Terminator wants to go up next.  Russia is looking to make more out of the deal.  Why?  Yes, I know there are safetly issues....especially since, 1, we blew up the last civilian to ride on the shuttlle, and 2, there are PC's up there running Microsoft operating systems.  Microsoft in space...talk about a recipe for disaster.

If you have any vision or imagination at all, you know mankind's future is in space.  These are the first steps.  How about getting with the program, NASA?  According to the movie, I'm supposed to be able to visit an orbiting Hilton by the end of the year.

 9:48 am CST - GORDON - Not my fault.

"Jackass."  No, not you....the show currently being blamed for brainwashing children into doing things that no rational person would do.  If you have a television, you haven't been able to escape it.

Violent movies and music.  Currently being blamed for brainwashing children into doing things that no rational person would do.  If you have a television, you haven't been able to escape it.

Video games.  Currently being blamed for brainwashing children into doing things that no rational person would do.  If you have a television, you haven't been able to escape it.

How about we lay the blame where it really belongs?  I can't wait to see the following news story:

Toledo, OH, May 1 - Lawmakers blamed modern literature today for the death of a Toledo man on the high seas over the weekend.  Carty Finkbeiner, Mayor, stated "Without the influence of modern literature, smut like "Beowolf," "Tom Sawyer," and "Call of the Wild," Mr. Smith would still be alive today.  I only hope more lives aren't wasted before something is done,"  refering to the April 29th death of John Smith, 19, of Curtice, OH.  Mr. Smith was working as a crab fisherman in Alaska at the time of his death, when the vessel he was on capsized in high seas.  All aboard are lost and feared dead. "I never taught him to do things like this," said his Mother during an interview.  "I tried to teach him to stay home and find a nice girl to settle down with, but he'd have none of it.  As a youngster he read "Treasure Island" over and over again," she continued.  "I blame Robert Louis Stevenson." Ironically, in an interview last month for the local newspaper, Mr. Smith was quoted as saying, "I'm having the time of my life.  The work is dangerous, but for the first time I actually feel alive.  I thank God every day for giving my the courage to face life head on, instead of slowly dieing in a life of steadily decreasing inertia." Local lawmakers are meeting in closed chambers this week to discuss how best to protect children from the dangeous influence of free thinking.

Is there any blame to place for the actions of idiotic kids?  Personally, I think it's 50% parenting and 50% luck.  Kids are going to be kids no matter how the parents teach them.  All one can hope is that the parents were able to trigger the "Common Sense Gene" early enough to matter.  Your kid set himself on fire because the guy on TV did it?  Guess what, parents....while you're blaming MTV, most of America is pointing at you, laughing, and submitting the story to the Darwin Awards.

Stupid is as stupid does.

  6:33 pm CST - GORDON - By request.

Brought to my attention by an associate.  I can't describe it...you just need to go there.

It upsets me that I find the theme music kind of catchy.

 7:44 pm CST - GORDON - Are you not entertained?

Received this from a buddy in Switzerland.

Does the statement "We've always done it that way" ring any bells? 

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches. That is an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used? Because that is the way railroads were built in England and English expatriates built the US railroads. Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways and that is the gauge they used. Then why did THEY use that gauge? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used the same wheel spacing. Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Because the wheel ruts on some of the old, long distance roads in England were a certain distance apart and if the wagon wheels were spaced differently, they might break in the ruts. So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.  Since the chariots were made for (or by) Imperial Rome, they all had the same wheel spacing. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet 8.5 inches is derived from the original specification for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Specifications and bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's ass came up with it, you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses. 

Now, the twist ..... There are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank of a space shuttle. These are called solid rocket boosters or SRBs. Thiokol makes the SRBs at their factory at  Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs might have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track and the railroad track is about as wide as two horses' behinds. So a major design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years go by the width of a horse's ass.

 12:44 pm EST - Leisher - Errata.

My 1.33Ghz 266FSB Athlon chip arrived today. My 512MB 2100 DDRAM arrives tomorrow, then I'll be a GeForce 3 away from Nerdvana...and that arrives in a week or two.

Almost got killed this morning driving to work. That's twice in as many weeks at the same intersection. People turning left from Street A don't watch the traffic on Street B to see if they're turning left onto Street A. It results in morons trying to turn left right into your car. Last week it was a private company's bus, this week it was some fat bitch in her brown and white Ford 4x4. The bus actually came within about three inches of my car, no shit.

The scariest part of the two incidents is that I wasn't even pissed afterwards. I think that I've gotten so used to you fucking morons that have no clue how to drive or don't pay attention that I'm becoming desensitized to your ignorance.

 9:32 am CST - GORDON - This, that, and the other.

Back from vacation.  Drove...and had to drive around Kentucky because of that silly ol' Bench Warrant for my arrest there.  Silly hillbillies.  But the good news is, I brought home some phat lewt from the casino in Windsor.  Dig the l33t Blackjack skillz.  Canada is my bitch.

Read a great line this morning morning on X-Entertainment:
The only difference between the two countries (Japan and China) is one sends tanks after Godzilla, while the other sends tanks after student protesters. 

Things that amuse me:

 12:52 pm CST - GORDON - MP3's and you.

Apparently, Big Business seems to think they know what you want better than you do.

There's a law known a "Fair Use" that states if you legally purchase a piece of media, you may use it as you wish, as long as you aren't reproducing it for redistribution.  This is what separates a guy making a mixed-tape for his car stereo, and a Chinese black market media pirate.  For many, ripping MP3's is a completely legal and non immoral use of the illegally fixed price CD's they purchased.  Not all MP3 users used Napster...I never did.  I enjoy the freedom of ripping a CD on my home computer, burning them onto a CD-R for archive and transportation purposes, and also listening to the tunes on my work PC.  Soon, car stereos that can read the MP3 format will become standard in new vehicles...they already exist in higher priced vehicles.

What the industries are now trying to do is make MP3's 'obsolete' by creating 'better' new methods.  Their main concern will be security...your tunes will only play on the system on which it was created.  Goodbye, Fair Use.  They are not attempting to achieve their goals by producing a better product...they are doing it be reducing your choices.  If you buy a Windows XP system, there is code BUILT INTO THE OPERATING SYSTEM that will cripple the production of MP3's.  Isn't that nice of them?  I know, it's shocking....Microsoft pushing their own standard by bundling code into their OS that you have no choice but to accept.

I honestly can't wait for WinXP to become popular....and see how many minutes it takes for hackors to strip the anti-MP3 code out.  As soon as the utility is written, you'll find it on DTMan available for download.

Long live the freedom to choose.  Long live freedom.

 8:35 am CST - GORDON - Hmmmmm.

So after 11 days, our people are on their way home, 10.5 days late.

They're flying on a charter jet out of Guam.  Lets hope that no Chinese MIG's get within 25 miles of the jet, or they might start crashing into the ocean and China will want another apology.

So who won?  I will admit that it was a tough test for Mr. President.  We could either negotiate, or extract by force.  You either roll over, or you possibly start World War III. 

Mr. President sounded slightly more contrite than I'd have liked, but I'm an Ex-Marine, and therefor a psychotic maniac thirsty for the taste of blood.  I haven't killed anyone in over a week, and I'm feeling a little twitchy....  but I digress.

Our people are home after being illegally detained because Mr. President made just enough groveling noises to make the insane Chinese government happy.  Now China will still be allowed into the WTO, they'll still have a "Most Favored Nation" trading status with the U.S., and the Olympics will be in Beijing in 2008.  (Big) Business as usual.  Joy.

Assuming No Chinese Jet Fighters Crash Into Incoming Olympic Athletes.

 5:34 pm CST - GORDON - I made this up.

 British Helicopter Crashes Near Kosovo Border, China Demands Apology 

Just kidding about that China part.  But how about....

"XFL Failing in the Ratings, China Demands Apology."

or....

"Nicole Kidman Suffers Miscarriage, China Demands Apology."

or....

"Rivers Rising in Minnesota and Dakotas, China Demands Apology."

It all sounds equally as stupid as, "Chinese Jet Fighter Flies too Close to American Recon Plane and Causes Accident, China Demands Apology and will Hold Breath Until it Receives One."

Think of other things China would whine about here.

 3:11 pm CST - GORDON - Told ya.

 9:29 am CST - GORDON - Things and stuff and whatnot.

Thank you Hear Ye!  They are, to my knowledge, the first web page to link Damn the Man.  They recognize quality when they see it.

Secondly, Asshole du Jour.  Acura Legend driver, Tennessee tags DEZ 397, who thinks the world is his ash tray.  He flicked his cigarette butt out of his car window on the highway this morning, and after bouncing off of the road it bounced off of my windshield.  He thinks that it is ok to pollute your public areas as long as he's keeping his ashtray clean.  Asshole.

Thirdly, lazy lazy worthless racists.  The KKK has been kicked out of the litter program I've mentioned a couple of times.  Sad.  Additionally, here's a little message board of some white supremacists.  Go call them idiots.  Show them the light.

And finally, our detained Americans in China.  It is amusing that a country with one of the worst civil rights records in the world, a country which thinks it is a good idea to run over student protesters with tanks, is having a hissy fit because one of their idiot pilots didn't know enough to get off the train tracks.  There isn't a lot to say that I haven't already said...but I am enjoying watching China hang themselves over this situation.

Question....where is the U.N.'s opinion in all this?  They don't hesitate to slam the USA most other times...why aren't they sticking up for us now that the USA is so clearly in the right?

China comments here.

KKK comments here.

 8:42 am CST - GORDON - China is an Idiot Part V

The United States must not apologize to China.

Besides the obvious fact that we didn't do anything wrong, of course.

I've seen a lot of message board traffic the last couple of days saying otherwise.  A lot of it from brainwashed Chinese, of course, but also a lot of messages from loyal Americans.  Americans, who in attempting to speak from an angle of logic, say we should apologize just to get our people home, and then take 'steps' afterward.

Look at it from the perspective of our servicemen.  As an Ex-Marine, I feel I'm qualified to guess at how they're handling the situation.  Our people were out there doing a job they felt was very important.  They knew there were risks involved, but put their fears aside in order to get the job done.  Then a dangerous Chinese hot dogging jet pilot comes out, with whom we've had problems in the past (pictures exist from prior flights of a jet with the same tail number BUMPING into other flights.  What a dumb ass.), and gets himself killed.  Our pilot with a damaged plane makes a miraculous landing.  Our people are taken into custody...POW's for all intents and purposes.  Our people are being interogated, and probably threatened with a firing squad as spies.  Trying to break down their resolve.  Trying to get our people to admit to anything to make it all stop.

What keeps our people strong?

Love of country, and the knowledge that what they were doing was right.  If the USA issues an apology, it is selling out our people.  I guarentee that the Chinese captors have already told them the USA has apologized, and "please to sign these forms admitting your rolls as spies."  What about the current surveilance missions still happening?  Do we want to undermine their confidence too, plant the seed in their minds that they're doing something immoral?

These surveilance missions are neccessary.  The cost of freedom is eternal vigilance.  And China does not have a strong track record for being, you know, sane.

So hold out, Mr. President.  Be strong for our people.  Because they're being strong for you.

Comment here.

9:20 pm EST - Leisher - The Vegetable Holocaust.

Gordon's post about PETA brought up a subject that I've always been curious about, "vegetarianism."

Can someone please explain this to me? Seriously, I don't get it.

Now before you hit my name to drop me an email to explain, please understand that I don't just want any vegetarian writing me. See, I think most vegetarians are either misguided or full of shit. Now I really, really don't mean offense by saying that, but I've found that a lot of the vegetarians I know have beliefs that contradict each other. So please review the following criteria, and if you don't match any of them, then please write me and explain vegetarianism to me.

1. If you're a vegetarian and you believe in God or Darwinism, then go get a Big Mac because your beliefs don't mesh too well. 
   -Anyone who believes in Darwinism cannot believe in the rights of the weak. Darwinism explains the weak as the one that dies when two things meet or one that dies of its own actions. It is nature's way of eliminating the bad genes.
   -Anyone who believes in God must know that Jesus was a fisherman (Its true! - Jesus) so that disqualifies them, unless they believe Jesus was wrong... Also, I believe religion disqualifies Jews and Muslims, as their religions have specific food rules stating they can eat meat, just not pork unless its prepared right. But, even the reasons for that are now outdated...before refrigeration, pork could and often did kill you. Don't even get me started on those "Jesus was a vegetarian" billboards...
   
2. If you're a vegetarian for health reasons, then let me recommend a filet mignon because your argument holds no water with me. We all know you're taking supplements to get those precious vitamins and minerals meat provides so that you can live a full and healthy life. The human digestive system just isn't built to extract nutrition from plants efficiently. This is why we are predisposed to eat grazing animals; their digestive system is built to digest the hell out of plants, and the nutrients are then locked into it's flesh. And then humans derive the nutrition from the plants by way of the flesh. Quite elegant, actually.
   
3. Now for those guys and gals who don't eat, wear, or use anything that comes from an animal or its by-products (milk, cheese, eggs, etc.). I've got to admit, I just don't get you. I figure you are extremists that believe animals are our equals. Well, I've got news for you kiddies, until I can play chess and discuss politics with a cow, they're not our equals. Oh, and don't let me hear that any of you are into S.C.A.T. (look it up) or going down on your partner, that would be using an animal's by-products for your own purposes...
   
4. Ok, now for the atheist (if you are religious, you were disqualified in #1) humanitarian vegetarians. Let's begin with the basics:
   -Bugs eat other bugs, plants, small animals (really), and vile shit.
   -Mice, birds, and other small animals eat everyone above and each other.
   -Cats, snakes, lawyers, and other animals in this size range eat each other and everyone listed above.
   -Here we get the bigger animals, like dogs, wolves, bigger cats, etc. You know what happens by now right?
   -Here come the biggest animals, like tigers, crocodiles, sharks, and Rosie O'Donell.
   -Here stands Man. We eat everybody, including each other.
   -The only exception is John Goodman. He might be the very top rung of the food chain. Scientists are still doing some tests.
   So get over yourselves. Who the hell are you to tell Mother Nature she's wrong? You are simply bored with life and need something to prove to yourself that you've made a difference. But let's be honest, you are a murderer. Just like that butcher in the little shop around the corner. The only difference is, you think you're better than him because the things you kill and eat can't scream or look you in the eyes when you do it. Does that make you a humanitarian, or a coward?

Now those veg-heads I don't have a problem with are:

1. People protesting the cruel way animals are treated, killed, and/or caged before becoming food. "Protesting" being the key word there...
2. People with medical conditions; i.e. high cholesterol problems, lactose intolerance, etc.
3. People who just plain ol' don't care for the taste. I suppose it could happen.

Before you bash me as an animal hater, please understand that I love animals. I watch nature shows all the time, I have pets, I hate the treatment animals receive from corporations, and I do believe animals can be important family members and friends.

So the next time you're in the store, walk past the fruit and vegetable corpses and head on over to the meat section. Look around at the meat and the people shopping. Are you saving animals by not eating the meat there? No, you're really not; we'll get to them soon enough. But don't feel bad; you can do something productive and important with your life. Try boycotting companies that slash and burn the rainforests. Not only are they destroying the habitat for thousands of species of animals and insects, but they're also destroying the planet's ecosystem, reducing oxygen in the atmosphere, putting holes in the ozone, raising global temperatures, melting the poles, creating worsening weather patterns, and raising water levels around the globe.

Why save a cow that will be eaten by someone anyway, when you can save the Earth itself and ALL of its inhabitants?

We now join a commentary thread already in progress.

2:20 pm CST - GORDON - On a lighter note....

A coworker recently brought this page to my attention.  It is a fun little site that lets you take the paper currency currently in your pocket and enter it into a database, for tracking purposes.  The site recomends you write their URL on all the currency you enter.  That's how he found the page.

I'm about to dip my money in some diluted brown food coloring, and enter the bills into the database with a description, "I proved that you can swallow paper money and it will pass through your digestive system undamaged."

Fear the Ass Pennies.

8:46 am CST - GORDON - China is an Idiot IV.

"Hey America.  We've been drinking milk (when allowed by our communist government), and we think we're strong enough to ignore international law and do whatever we want." - China

Their stupidity is so thick that it hurts my brain to even visualize it.

They've gutted the plane, are restricting our contact with the crew, and are having tantrums because they want an apology for their idiot pilot flying directly under our plane, its blind spot, and then gettin clipped when the aircraft tried to turn.  The jet had to be within 20 or so feet of our plane, yeah, that's safe.

Here's your apology, China: Sorry your pilots suck so bad.

Unfortunately, there's a precident for how long our government might let this drag out...the USS Pueblo.

"The USS PUEBLO was a U. S. Navy vessel sent on an intelligence mission off the coast of North Korea. On January 23, 1968, the USS PUEBLO was attacked by North Korean naval vessels and MiG jets. Eighty-two surviving crew members were captured and held prisoner for 11 months."

Hopefully, our leadership wont allow our fellow Americans to be detained 11 days, much less 11 months.

And we'd have to be nuts to let them into the WTO, now.  They're obviously crazy, with little regard for International Law.

Sometimes an ass whuppin is a learning experience, China...

6:15 pm CST - GORDON - China is an Idiot III.

They're fuckin' crazy, too.

“All Chinese must stand up and fight against Americans,” declares one participant in Beijing University’s online bulletin board. “[T]his time we’ve already got some Americans in our hands. Let’s kill some of them and brainwash the others.”

Psssss.  Hey China.  FUCK YOU.  Psychos.

Why haven't we liberated our people yet?

1:51 pm CST - GORDON - You heard it here first..

I'm betting that foot and mouth and/or mad cow shows up in the U.S.A.  If being a citizen of the internet and the world has taught me anything, it is that IGNORANT PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS TRY TO DESTROY A GOOD THING FOR EVERYONE ELSE.  In the online world you have script kiddies making virii, and there are massively multiplayer online games in which certain people go out of their way to ruin the experience for everyone else.

In the real world you have "Pro-Life" activists setting up hit lists for planned parenthood doctors, and PETA, who think animals aren't food.  If experience has taught me anything, then even as we speak these crazed wackos are hatching a plan to infect U.S. herds. 

Because who needs common sense or the ability to see other sides of the issue when you have passion?

1:30 pm CST - GORDON - "...perhaps he can’t afford long-distance, either."

Remember my March 5 article on the KKK winning the right to Adopt-a-Highway in St. Louis?

Apparently, they don't have enough motivation or brainpower to even pick up trash.

It looks like the stretch of highway with their name on it will adequately reflect the minds of their members...neglected, cluttered, and generally unclean.

Trashy, lazy, cheap, ignorant, incompetent.  At least my impression of bigots hasn't changed.

HAHAHAHA.

10:50 am CST - GORDON - More on the RIAA and Napster.

You already know my position.  I've said it a hundred times...the RIAA is against the artists as well as the fans.  Here's an article on AntiMTV that agrees with me.  Sounds a lot like the stuff I've written in the past, but an good read nonetheless.

Damn the man.

9:17 am CST - GORDON - China is an Idiot II.

They admitted the collision took place in International airspace, so that's baldfaced lie number 1.

One of the Americans they are holding prisoner is a Marine, so they are risking pissing him off and him going Khe San on their asses.  The fact he hasn't already over-run (all) their base means they're probably keeping him pacified with lots of beer and many women. 

Our Generals claim that the Chinese are "notoriously bad airmen."  Which makes me chuckle.

Chinese civilians want to know why we released information about the accident as soon as it happened.  They think we're trying to embarrass their government.  They don't understand what it means to live in a free society.

The Chinese leader, pictured here, was quoted as saying, "If this plane is sovereign American territory, how did it land in China?"  I learned how illogical such arguments were back in Junior High School.  He's either stupid, or being an ass.

Mr. President better just listen to the people he surrounded himself with, who all know China is full of shit, and not ask the opinion of his Big Business cronies, who would gladly sell the 24 imprisoned Americans for the ability to sell their products in China. 

And now China has broken International Law and boarded the plane.  They've openly stolen millions of dollars of U.S. property.  What more has to happen before Mr. President does something about this?  To be honest, I'm glad W is there for this instead of Gore.  But I haven't seen a lot happening, besides China bending us over and making us like it.  Is Mr. President going to let us be China's bitch?

It's bullshit.

5:29 pm CST - GORDON - Real men make web updates immediately after chemotherapy.

Get it?

On a global front, it turns out China is an idiot.

China Blames U.S. for Midair Crash

Are they stupid?

A plane with the size and agility of a 757 is operating in International Airspace.  China sends out one or two nimble fighter planes to go harass it.  Either the big plane veered and a jet was too stupid/incompetent to move, or the fighter jet swerved and the big plane couldn't move in time.  Either way, it was Chinese jets out there harassing an American plane.

Yeah, our fault.

Fuck you, China.

Share in the love for the eaters of dog.

9:51 amCST - GORDON - What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?

What were you doing 10 years ago today?

I was spending my first full day in Southern California.  My head was shaved for the first time, and my scalp was blue.  I was getting yelled at a lot and being deprived of sleep.  I had drunk my last can of soda and made my last phonecall home for the next three months.

Yes, it was the first day of Marine Corps bootcamp.

Three months of constant supervision, stress, physical and mental abuse, stress, and stress.  Longest three months of my entire life.  Besides my long needed discipline (and a bigger ego, which was not needed), I also had 6-pack abs for the first time in my life.

I've become more efficient since then; I now sport impressive 1-pack abs.  A pony keg, perhaps.

On to another way The Man keeps all of us down.

We are well into the electronic age.  The ability to communicate our thoughts to our government representatives has advanced from archaic snail mail to the much more efficient email.  It may not sway someone receiving donations from high-dollar lobbyists, but it may give them pause to consider their actions, when the true will of their constituents is known to them.

Enter the spammers.

If it isn't the rich industry lobbyists, it's the immoral special interest email spammers.  Everyone take the time to thank your local special interest for putting their agenda ahead of yours, and taking away your most efficient method of communication with your elected officials.

In my book, nothing says "Thank you" like a flaming bag of dogshit on a doorstep.

11:31pm HST - Jesus - Happy "You" Day, Patrick.

Sup, thou.

Just wanted to suggest to thee to go here and buy stuff.

Of the following, guess which t-shirt I'm currently wearing under my robes:

Groove is in the heart.

11:43am CST - GORDON - Can I get a witness?

First, Today's Asshole:  The driver of the blue-green Neon, Mississippi license plate GWZ 327, who because of his cell phone conversation couldn't be bothered to check for the presence of stuff like other cars in the lane he was changing into.  If I hadn't slammed my brakes, we'd both be giving our version of the accident to the cops.  PS, your plates expired in January, asshole.

Secondly, props to this guy who's perfectly captured the wonderful soft smooth insane creatures known as "our women."  He has a gift.

Here's a conversation from home last night.

Players:
Me.  The Husband.
Dawn.  The hypochondriac obsessive wife.

Situation:
Hypocondriac wife detects four miniscule specs of 'red' on varied portions of her previously unblemished skin.  She takes her concerns of leprosy to our hero, The Husband:

Dawn:  Gordo, what are these red dots I'm getting?
Gordo: (Looking) What red dots?
Dawn: (pulls up shirt sleeve and holds back of shoulder 3" from my face) Like THIS one!
Gordo: (squinting) Oh, I see it now.  How did you ever spot that?
Dawn:  Oh god, you see it too.  Am I dieing?
Gordo: Nah, you're just getting older.  You'll get little skin blemishes from time to time.
Dawn: I'm not THAT old.  What is it ??!!??
Gordo:  I don't know.  It looks like nothing, but if you're concerned, go to a doctor.
Dawn:  I'm not going to the doctor.
Gordo:  Why.
Dawn: Because he might tell me it's something bad.
Gordo:  I see.
Dawn:  So what IS IT?
Gordo:  . . . . .

How can anyone stand not being me?

March 15, 2001

10:10am CST - GORDON - I've not yet found the will to start working today.

This is amusing.  Monty Python, who art thou Daddy, have a decent little time killing website.  Worth a few moments of your time.  You wipers of other peoples' bottoms.

9:07am CST - GORDON - Do cell phones piss you off?

This post inspired by the dick in the Tahoe who almost hit me this morning, who was holding a cell phone to his ear.

I mentioned before I was researching cell phone jammers, no?  I'm yet to find any schematics, but I've found a couple places selling them.  These devices are illegal in the USA, so whatever you do, DONT BUY THEM.

C-Guard

Spinlock

Interesting fact about C-Guard (also known as Netline), they are an offshoot of the Israeli Army's Electronic Warfare Division.  W00+.

3:47pm CST - GORDON - Damn the Man, High School Style.

Stolen from /.

 Sophomore Uses List Context; Cops Interrogate.

Good example of what happens when people who are unable to "think" are put into positions of authority.  It is ok to be vigilant and concerned, just be smart enough to admit when you've screwed the pooch and avoid national ridicule.

Really bright, creative kids have a hard enough time getting by without frightened adults giving them criminal records.

2:39pm CST - GORDON - While I'm in an environmental frame of mind....

I found this website awhile ago, and occasionally go back to read the psychos on their message board.

It is an anti-SUV page called I'm Changing the Climate.  They sneak around and tag SUV bumpers with stickers saying as much...basically trying to make the owners feel guilty about driving a gas hog.

What cracks me up is that even though the website gives simple instructions for removing the stickers within 2 minutes, their message board is full of angry people threatening bodily harm to anyone tagging their beloved Lincoln Navigator.  Great spokesmen for the SUV crowd.

9:38am CST - GORDON - *cough* *cough* *cough* (cha-ching).

As I age, I begin to realize that money may not be the root of all evil, but it sure can help evil out a lot.

Mr. President decides that keeping power companies happy is more important than having breathable air.

I'd like to be able to say I don't know what he could be thinking, but I already have a pretty good idea.  He's a corporate whore.

My argument has one given...carbon dioxide emmisions are harmful to the environment.  I personally believe it, but you can pay a scientist to tell you facts to the contrary, so not everyone agrees.  The tobacco companies had scientists telling you nicotine wasn't addictive back in the 60's, so this is nothing new.

You can do anything with enough money.  Money and a Republican, that is.

Mr. President railed against CO2 emmissions while campaigning, because that is what environmentalists wanted to hear.  Never saw it personally, but it isn't too far fetched to believe he was winking toward his old power industry cronies the entire time.  He achieved his goal and won the Presidency, and immediately became a "Politicians Lie" cliche.  If he had stated his real intention for things like the environment and abortion rights, I guarentee he would have lost some of his votes, because he wouldn't have looked identical to Gore, on the issues.  And his PR people knew it.

What kills me are his main arguments for his decision.  1, that CO2 isn't on the EPA's list of official pollutants.  2, that energy costs are rising and that we need to give the poor power companies a break.

The first point is just annoying nitpicking, but the second point should really piss you off.

Your health and well being are being given to big business for a better profit margin.

Allow me to plug the circumstances into a basic economic model, and you will see it for yourself:

• Fossil fuel power is cheaper than alternative energy (like the start-up costs for solar), so people keep using it.
• Solar technology evolves slowly, and doesn't drop in price, because people won't give up their cheap fossil fuels.
• To keep fossil fuel manufacturers from killing people, tougher guidlines are placed on production, just as with any other dangerous product.
• The industry is hit with a double whammy that drive up prices:
  • Making their product less polluting (which they should have done voluntarily) has driven up production costs, and
  • OPEC, who treats the USA like a red headed stepchild, is playing with their output totals, so they can make $3 trillion a year instead of $2.8 trillion.
• With energy costs skyrocketing, this is the point where solar becomes price competitive.  Solar is becoming more attractive as fossil fuel prices increase.
• As more people start using alternative energy sources, the money for technology improvements becomes available, and prices drop.
• We end up not needing the big polluting fossil fuel burners, and in turn become less dependant on OPEC.

But, the natural cycle isn't being allowed to turn.  Instead of leaving the market alone, government is stepping in to help the existing power companies stay in business.  This ensures the polluting, bloated Republican-donating power companies stay in business, and clean energy technologies never get off the ground.

Thank you, Mr. President.  "Fuck you, I'm gettin' paid." - W

I think I just coughed up a lung.

March 9, 2001 1:18pm CST - GORDON - Slow news day. I've been trying to find a current event upon which  to comment, but nothing is really jumping out at me. So let me say this... If you're on the highway in Memphis during rush hour, and you're doing any of the following, then YOU ARE WRONG: High speed tailgating.  Most traffic jams I get stuck in are ultimately caused by a rear-end accident.  How are they caused?  High speed tail-gating assholes. Using the breakdown lane as a passing lane.  Pretty self-explainatory.  Then you cut back into traffic, causing a chain reaction of people hitting their brakes to keep from hitting you, slowing down the flow of traffic even more than it already was.  Asshole. Cell phone drivers.  Worse than drunk drivers.  I hope you enjoy the dashboard mounted cellphone jammer I'm researching.  Assholes. Speeding up/jamming brakes in stop-and-go traffic jams.  Why do you think you're in a stop-and-go traffic jam?  High speed acceleration/deceleration.  If you just go slow and steady, the flow of traffic will speed up, and you wont be riding your brake.  Assholes. Rubernecking.  Should be a capitol offense.  There's just no excuse.  Stay home and watch Jerry Springer if you want to gawk at 'accidents.' I'm absolutely correct in the above points, so it merits no discussion forum.

March 6, 2001 2:37pm CST - GORDON - Damn the RIAA. Pretend for a moment you're an executive at one of the big record companies.  You're generally out of touch with technology, but you're well read on the finer points of copyright law.  You send high dollar lobbyists to Capital Hill to buy high dollar lawmakers to ensure laws are made to protect your high dollar wallet. Then comes Napster.  Suddenly, in spite of increasing record sales, you claim Napster is cutting into your profits.  Knowing that you already have a bad public image from CD price fixing scandals and a long history of screwing the artists on your label out of most of the money they've earned, you get a high profile band to front your crusade against it.  And they do.  They take a machine gun to their fans who use Napster.  They get a ton of flack for it.  "I got something to say...I killed your mother today...just don't share my music on Napster cause that's wrong." You tie Napster up in court for months and years.  You win an injunction.  Napster wins an appeal.  You win an injunction on their appeal.  They appeal it....  and all the while Napster users are downloading record amounts of data, each day more than before. And still the sales of CD's increase. You can see Napster going down in flames, and you are pleased.  But...in the shadows....are other file swapping programs that are decentralized, unlike Napster.  They grow in number and popularity and power as each day goes by.  And they are owned by nobody in particular.  Your worst nightmare has become real...there is no one to sue. So without resorting to filing a restraining order on each and every person with an internet connection (you already looked into it; too expensive), how do you get millions of everyday people to willingly not use a file-swapping program? Maybe by creating a virus and unleashing it in order to anonymously scare the users into submission. Damn them to hell.

March 5, 2001 11:52am CST - GORDON - God Bless America. Personally, I think the courts made the correct decision, here. Now, I don't like nor do I advocate the KKK, or hate groups in general.  But....I don't think unpopular speech, even stuff as moronic as the KKK's, should be censored.  Just too dangerous. Now, I'm not going to advocate littering, or breaking the law in any way.  But wouldn't it be hilarious if everyone who drove that stretch of highway dumped their trash, lawn clippings, dirty baby diapers, and random containers of human urine out onto the side of the road, and kept the racists really, really busy? Muahahaha.

March 3, 2001 10:53pm CST - GORDON - I am the RAM Mastah. So my new system just arrived. All I have to say is this... 12:34pm EST - Leisher - A DTM FNG. Hello all. Yes, someone new is finally posting. There will be others... Before I even begin ranting, I want to add that I'm talking to another guy about posting here. I think he'll add another perspective that maybe isn't being represented by the guys that typically post here. I won't reveal his identity, but he likes to be called Lou. (Yes, that's a hint.) Please allow me to say "Hello" to my friends and family out in Seattle. I was lucky enough to travel to beautiful Seattle two years ago on business. If you have not been to Seattle you're missing out. Any city with a Benehana is ok in my book. Getting drunk at the top of the needle was nice. Plus, there's a great, but expensive steak place in the downtown area whose name is eluding me. Of course, I was drunk the entire visit thanks to the corporate card that paid for the whole trip, yes, including alcohol. However, I do remember not seeing the sun even once the whole time I was there. Also, while there are quite a few Seattle women that were very pleasing to the eye, there are far less than you would imagine. Let's chalk that up to the lack of sunlight or maybe the rain. Now I'm not saying it rains a lot in Seattle, but if its not raining, you're indoors. However, the memory that stands out most for me now is a conversation I had with a few Seattle natives about earthquakes. See, earthquakes aren't new in Seattle, they occur rather often, just not on the scale of their most recent one. There's a mountain there called Mount Rainer and this is the culprit behind the earthquakes. A mountain is a typical place to find earthquakes, however, in recent years the yearly total of earthquakes around Mount Rainer has increased from 33 a year to 66 a year. Guess what this is leading to boys and girls. Yep, Mount Rainer is going to erupt at some point. The fun part is that nobody knows when. Take the lack of sun, the constant rain, the sunlight deprived women, the earthquakes, the constant looming threat of Mount Rainer, toss in Courtney love and depressing alternate music and you probably understand why Seattle has the highest suicide rate in the U.S. Seattle, a great place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there.

February 26, 2001 12:34pm CST - GORDON - Triumphant return. Sounds fair to me. Yes, I realize it's a bigger issue than the basic tit for tat "women can have a group so men should too" argument.  I believe there probably is sexual discrimination down under.  But one needs to make sure to not tilt the needle the other way; if men become oppressed by law in favor of allowing 'equality' for women, does that really amount to equality?  I'd like to see a department interested in ensuring everyone's rights regardless of sex, age, race.  I believe here in the states it's known as the ACLU.  Anything else is special interest lobbying. Off the soapbox. If you glance left into the "Links:" box, "Music" is now a valid selection.  If you happen to click on it right now, you'll be dissapointed.  The first review will go online tonight. Additionally, except for Jesus, the DTMan staff has been pretty sorry at updating, no?  Bunch of damn slackers. Help!  Help!  I'm being oppressed!

February 14, 2001 1:20pm CST - GORDON - Two steps forward, one step back. I can remember being about 10 years old when I noticed the contradiction:  I was being taught in public school that the dinosaurs lived hundreds of million of years ago, but then told in Sunday School that God created the world in six days, about 6,000 years ago.  Something wasn't jiving.  I asked my Mother about it.  Without hesitation, she answered, "Well, nobody really knows how long a day is to God."  And that was good enough for me.  That answer sustained me for several more years until I decided I was tired of being told in church every Sunday that I was a Sinner, and I needed to beg forgiveness to God for my "Tresspasses."  As far as I'm concerned, grown adults have no business telling young kids stories about (Old Testament) God's wrath....flooding the world killing all but one family....taking out evil cities in a rain of sulphur....being told you'll suffer in fiery torment if you covet your neighbor's wife (whatever the hell 'covet' meant.).  I was a thoughtful kid, I took a lot of it to heart; and almost always left church feeling bad about myself.  I had been convinced at the age of 12 that I was doomed to hell. But that's how they get you, isn't it.  Get their hooks into you young.  Get you accoustomed to feeling spiritually deficient.  Keep you comin back and forking out your 10%, as it is written in the bible. After all, if everyone went around feeling good about themselves, why would they feel they needed spiritual guidance? Which brings me to my point.  I don't mean to tread on J.C.'s turf here, but here I go anyway. Must have been a temporary brainfart. I've argued this topic hundreds of times with different people, from the evolutionary side of the debate.  And their arguments always, ALWAYS come down to, "Well, the bible says ye must have faith."  A point that can neither be proven nor disproven.  My fave line from that article has to be Religious groups argue that evolution cannot be proven, and some feel that evolution is not in accordance with Biblical teachings regarding the origins of life. Many regard evolution instruction as part of a liberal agenda that confuses children and undermines religious instruction. What an excellent argument...evolution can't be proven, unlike creationism, because the bible said so.  That has to be the worse argument I've ever heard.  And I'm loving that buzz word, "Liberal Agenda."  Doesn't that just send chills down your spine?  "Liberal Agenda."  God save us from the LIBERAL AGENDA.   "If you aren't a Liberal in your 20's, you have no heart.  If you aren't conservative in your 30's, you have no brain."  -  Winston Churchill "See, I'm making this tax cut, and giving you $1600 back, right in your pocket.  Al Gore would have taken that money and given it to a tree."  -  SNL's George W. Bush I bet some people disagree with me.

February 13, 2001 8:11pm HST - Jesus of Nazareth - So I was taking a stroll after supper tonight.... When I happened across my good friend Buddha sitting on a grassy hill under a lone tree, looking reflective. "What troubles thee, my brothah?" I asked. "It is my children," he replied, "sometimes they certainly vex me.  Check this..."  And then he said, http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/nm/20010213/od/valentine_dc_3.html I tried to hide it, but he could tell I was trying to not laugh.  I've never been good at subterfuge... "Thou should laugh not at my troubles.  Sometimes it seems they have completely forgotten the spirit in which my words were intended, and instead follow the minutia of details I had never thought of or intended." "Dude.  I can understand the "all life is precious" angle, but what is the deal with the cows running around everywhere down there in India?  Looks and smells like a Sioux City cattle yard.  When my Dad populated the Garden of Eden, he said something like, "Yo, Adam, I give unto thee beasts for your sustenence.  These animals are made out of food.  I recomend the beef, it rocks."  Or, something to that effect.  The schools weren't great in my part of town when I was young, and I forget his exact words." "Yes...the sacred cows....what were they thinking..." "Oops....sorry...I just accidently stepped on an earthworm.  That wasn't an ancestor of yours, was it?"  And I couldn't help but bust out laughing at that point. "Oooo....dog....that's harsh.  You know, you shouldn't laugh.  You've got the Mormons and Catholics.  And don't even get me started on Jimmy Swaggart."   ". . . . ."   ". . . . ." "Good point."   So, he got me there.  But hey...don't ever let it be said that The Son of God can't take it as good as he gives it. I myself added "Good sense of humor" to the list of requirements for folks to be granted entry to Heaven. Wanna talk about it? 9:37am CST - GORDON - I think Battlefield Earth negates all of his cool points from Pulp Fiction. I just wanted to say GO TO HELL AND DIE to Travolta for being responsible for "Battlefield Earth."  http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/nm/20010213/re/leisure_razzies_dc_1.html I was very excited when I first heard the movie was in production, and really talked it up.  I was a huge fan of the book, in spite of the fact it was written by L. Ron Hubbard, founder of the most rediculous "religion" on the planet, Scientology.  I dragged my feeble and aged ('aged' pronounced with two syllables) Auntie to the film.  We payed cash to get in.  We stayed for the entire thing.  I deeply regret the money and time lost, time that I'll never, ever get back.  Damn you, Vinnie Barbarino.  Damn you to Sweathog Hell.  May Arnold Horshack forever "Oooo oooo ooo" right in your ear. How spiritually lost does a person have to be to actually find peace in a cult like that?  Whenever I see Tom Cruise in a flick, in the back of my mind is the shadow of knowledge that he's a complete nutball.  I mean, the scene in MI:2 when he's hanging from the sandstone cliff was cool and e'thing, but my god....he actually believes in a god named "Xenu" and that his soul was put on Earth thousands of years ago by aliens, into a volcano, and then blown up with hydrogen bombs.  Definately a screw loose.  I have newfound respect for Nicole for leaving his psycho ass. Here is the only religion sanctioned by Damn the Man Productions.  Praise be unto "Bob."  No offense, J.C.  Praise be unto You, too.  Word.  (I'll talk to you later about this, Gordo. - Jesus) Nothing like a sick cult peopled with crazed wackos to make me feel really, really good about myself.  Gordon out. 9:39am HST - Jesus of Nazareth - Quick addendum Just wanted to add that when a Scientologist dies and meets Peter at Heaven's Gates, Peter has standing orders from Dad to make the Scientologist feel like it was all true, and hardly anyone BUT Scientologists get into Heaven....and then when they are all happy and are feeling good about themselves, Peter is to say "NOT" and send them directly to either Hell or Utah, depending on how much money they gave to Lron.  One of Dad's rare displays of cynical sarcasm.  (If they get sent to Utah, a surprising number of them become Mormons.) Jesus out.

February 12, 2001

2:37pm Heaven Standard Time - Jesus of Nazareth - Holy Me!

Now where will I get my Benedictine Monk Choir bootlegs?

10:46am CST - GORDON - Someone let me know when his 15 minutes are up.

Good grief.  I can't wait until kids get as board with Marshall as they are with Marylin Manson.  Bring on the next flash in the pan, already.

http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/nm/20010212/re/people_eminem_dc_10.html

A duet with Elton John....hilarious.  Thursday Night Live had this to say about it:  "Controversial rapper Eminem will be pairing up with Elton John at the upcoming Grammy Awards.  When asked how he felt to be preforming with someone so obviously homosexual, Elton John claimed to not be bothered by it."

And, the vehicle by which Eminem arrived at so much success; MTV.  When MTV was born, it was about music.  Music videos 24 hours a day.  It was irreverent.  It was disrespectfull.  It was about Damning the Man.  Today, MTV is a corporation.  Spoonfeeding crap to teenagers and telling them how good it tastes....and if you don't like the flavor, then there's Something Wrong With You.  MTV tries to be edgy while dressing their on air personalities in the latest from Old Navy and Abercrombie and Fitch.  They claim to be progressive while spotlighting whiny fake-angst-ridden pseudo-disenfranchised teens in carefully planned-spontanious Real World situations. 

They claim to be against all forms of discrimination and hate crime by going off the air for 12 hours, showing victims' names on the screen.

Of course, in order to do that they had to stop their non-stop coverage and hourly videos of Eminem singing about how much he hates homosexuals, and how much joy he'd get if he could kill his wife.

So, this means hate crime is bad, mmm k, unless you have money or are popular or have an image that can be fed to millions of teens with stupid parents.  Worked for OJ.  Domestic abuse is cool as long as you can sell a million pairs of pants from your new clothing line while singing about it.

Someone please tell me I'm not the only person who sees the hypocracy.

Here's a good site about Damning the Man, music style.  For when you get sick of the same 10 videos every 6 hours (in between the whiny-teen reality shows.).

February 9, 2001 - Jesus - Sup, thou!

When Gordo first approached Me to become an updater on DT Man, I had only three things to say:  Give Me an email account, I want My own section of the page, and I required of him that he accept Me as his Lord and Savior.  His exact words were, "Cool, cool, and wassup with that?"  Apparently he believes not in My divinity, as he proceeded to take Me to lunch at a nearby "Exotic Topless Establishment," and kept giving the wayward ladies that worked there $20's to "Give my man the Son of God here a little special attention."  His irreverence went so far that at one point when he finished his cocktail, he slid his glass of water to My side of the table and asked Me to "Hook him up," while waving his fingers in the air mystically.

February 8, 2001 - GORDON - Welcome new updaters.

New faces will soon be appearing.  Some you know, some you don't.  We won't all agree on every topic posted, but that's good, right?

February 3, 2001 - GORDON - Damn the stupid people, too.

Signs you may be too stupid to be allowed to procreate (Part I):

1. You think it's BADASS to anonymously threaten people over the web. Favorite phrases include, but are not limited to, "I'll knock your teeth in IRL" and "Where do you live?"
2. You set yourself on fire after watching MTV's "Jackass." Includes people who find fault in MTV for said stupidity.
3. You think I'm wrong about anything, ever.
4. You think your piano sized suitcase is of suitable size to serve as carry-on baggage.
5. You think turn signals are optional.
6. You think tailgating someone will make the traffic jam in front of them move faster.
7. You got the email from the same-sex business collegue and think they might actually love you.
8. You think it isn't important to know the difference between 'there,' 'their,' and 'they're.' Also applies to 'your' and 'you're.'
9. You think a personal insult is an excellent counterpoint in a debate.
10. You think it's really hip to tell a chatroom full of people that you need to take a break to go smoke some crack/weed. Nobody's buying it, sport.
11. You are suprised to find your teen son had an arsenal of weapons in his bedroom for months before he shot up his school.
12. You don't stand for no book learnin'.
13. You think the people who stole the "W's" off the keyboards need to be prosecuted.
14. You think "W" would have won if the true wishes of the Florida voters were truly recorded.
15. Conversely, if you can't even punch a hole in a piece of paper correctly.

More to come.