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     ~~ The Home of Self Indulgent Tripe, where it is better to be a Smartass than a Dumbass ~~

    ====================What the hell is wrong with you people?====================

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  • I WILL be insulting a lot of people I know and work with, including myself. Keep watching for updates.


  • 03.26.2000
  • Quote of the Update: "U GUYS ARE LOOSERS" - Not Worth Mentioning.

    Finally getting my shit together. Stand by for more updates.

    - Flash 0348




    Quote of the Update: "I hope the US economy has a good depression soon. I'm getting sick of bad service at restaurants. Everyone knows that if they get fired from their job, there are another 5 waiting for them." - My Mommy.


  • Just got in from Malaysia. Tired, but need to share a few tidbits before they lose their edge.

    1. In the last 2 days, I've traveled from Malaysia, to Singapore (SIN), to Tokyo (NAR), to Minneapolis (MPL), to Sioux City (SUX). What is interesting is that I didn't have dealings with someone who didn't speak English until I got to Minneapolis.

    2. While in the Tokyo airport I observed the following:

  • a. All of the airport employees were well groomed and dressed.

    b. Everyone I had to do business with spoke English with minimal accents.

    c. Everyone in a service capacity actually seemed to enjoy and take pride in doing his or her job.

  • 3. While in the Minneapolis airport, I observed the following:

  • a. A woman on a packed shuttle bus singing "Reunited" (Re-u-nited and it feels so gooood....) at the top of her voice. She was also repeating everything said over the driver's two-way radio. That fucking song is still in my head, 7 hours later.

    b. An old white man attempting polite banter with a young black man; the young black man just stared at the old white man as if to ask, "Who said you could talk to me?"

    c. Once on the small, packed commuter plane, I saw two different women walk down the aisle, only to realize that they had passed their seat four rows back, causing everyone behind them to have to backtrack.

    d. Had a couple hours between flights. Went to one of the many Pizza Hut Expresses in the airport. Ordered my pan pizza and a coke. Paid. Got change. Had to ask for my coke. Had to ask again before the girl could be bothered to give it to me. There were no other customers in front or behind me. She wasn't speaking English to her friend behind the counter, which was why she couldn't be bothered to do her job.

  • I wonder if the right to be ignorant/an asshole in this country is being taken for granted.

    - Flash 1904

  • 10/28/1999

    No quote today. There is no time. What I have to say must be said as quickly as possible, for the sake of all mankind:

    If you are in the fast lane, and there is nobody in the slow lane keeping you from getting right, THEN YOU ARE WRONG. Get off the road. Everyone except your fellow dumbasses hate you, and wish you'd die.

    Thanks for your time.

  • - Flash 1928

  • 10/23/1999
  • Quote of the Update: "What was that girl's name....the one from 'Scream...' Jennifer Hewlett Packard?." - My Uncle...trying real hard.

  • Got Blair Witch on DVD last night. Scary.

    Current pics showing why I'm so cool:

  • Me, Malaysia, June 1999. Monkeys. They run around there like squirrels run around here. Nuff said.



  • So I sent an email to the company that I bitched about last update. I made several of the points I made here. And I finally got a response:
  • Westwood Studios would like to thank you for your comments. Due to the large

    quantity of e-mail we receive daily, we are unable to give an individual reply

    to everyone who writes us with their comments and suggestions. However, we do

    read the messages that are sent. Again, thank you for your input. After all,

    you, the player, make up such an important part of the gaming industry.


    Westwood Studios


  • So after buying the game, playing, and getting banned, and making several good points, they took enough time to auto-reply me a form letter. Good of them. After all, I, the player, am the one who will not buy any more Westwood games that lack the ability to be played without using Westwood's website. Fuckum. Damn the Man.

    I had some reader feedback from my last post, as well. I was told that, "When you go into a public room, you play by their rules." But, this person didn't realize that you didn't have any other choice to play online than within their chatrooms, and there was no way to differentiate 'adult' from 'general' rooms. So then she agreed.

    As she should.

    Just put together, "Steve Gordon's Southeast Asia Goodwill Tour," beginning the chronicles of my travels of the last summer. Look at it. Enjoy.

    What...you looking at me?

  • - Flash 1634



  • 9/25/1999
  • Quote of the Update: "You have been banned from this channel. Please show consideration for our younger guests." - The message I received when I was ejected from a game chat room on the Internet.

    Of Ignorance, Political Correctness, and Protection of the Children.

  • Been an interesting couple of weeks, oppression-wise.

    Fresh in my mind is my recent banning from Westwood Online, the website you must transverse to play the game, "Command and Conquer, Tiberian Sun" over the internet. You log in to this website, and there are various chatrooms full of people, looking to play against you head to head. I rarely play against strangers, as I have several friends who play this game, and are often online to play against me.

    So a couple nights ago, two others and myself get into a game. We play, we finish, and are back in the chatroom talking about the last game, and whether or not we should play another. A friend of mine says, "That rush you used against me fucked me up," or some such thing. "Fucked" was the word he was banned for. He let me know through a different Internet chat program, and I told our 3rd player. We were about in shock. Still in the chatroom, Matt and myself start talking about "How 'funked' up it was to get banned for saying a dirty word," saying things like "Those funked up Westwood fascists are telling us the shite we are and aren't allowed to say," etc. Matt finally got banned for saying the word "Phuck," which isn't a real word, but merely rhymes with a 'naughty' word. I was banned soon after for saying, "penis vagina penis vagina penis vagina." I was taught in gradeschool that those two words were ok to say, because they were proper. Apparently, they aren't proper on Westwood Online. And Matt getting banned for using "phuck..." which just rhymed with fuck. I guess it is a good thing he didn't use the word, "rock." And I get banned for speaking Latin.

    Now, fine...this is their world. I accepted an agreement (the fine print on software that nobody ever reads) saying that they were in charge, and I'll play by their rules. But consider this. I was told to have some consideration for younger players. I have a couple issues with this. 1 - The game box itself has a parental advisory on it. 2 - The chatroom itself has a profanity filter, so it you don't want to see dirty words, they will appear as &*$% on your screen. 3 - This game is about war. 4 - In that war, we have the graphic killing of humans, including blood splatters and death cries. 5 - In this game's cinematic cut scenes, famous actors say dirty words, including but not limited to, "son of a bitch, bastard, and god damn it." 6 - In the game's cinematic final scene, one human impales another human on a long piece of metal. Taking all of the above into account...I'm being told to watch my language, for the protection of younger players? WHAT THE FUCK is that all about? I submit that Westwood Online is NOT in the parenting business, and that they should knock a dollar off the price of each game, and fire the person they have checking for profanity in the chatrooms. In this we have Political Correctness and Protecting Our Nation's Most Precious Resources, the children....but unfortunately it is under the umbrella of ignorance and misplaced priorities. Words are being given more merit than actions. I'm reminded of the scene in "Apocalypse Now," when the old crazy colonel is talking about bomber pilots toasting entire tows of women and children, but aren't allowed to have the word 'fuck' scrawled onto their aircraft (i.e., "Gonna Fuck Charlie a New One"). I guess we should be thankful the appearance of PC'ness didn't appear until now, else Sam Clemmens would never have written "Huckleberry Finn." Unfortunately...as we are living in a society founded by Puritans, Political Correctness is being forced on us now...telling us what we can say, or even think, for that matter. Who can say what great novel is being repressed, because someone is afraid of "saying the wrong thing." Who the hell is to say what is right and wrong. In the battle between, "Right to Free Speech," and the "Right to not be offended," the latter is winning. Funny thing is...until now, we haven't HAD the right not to be offended. Somebody do me a favor...go to DC, take a match, and burn the constitution. It is hardly worth the paper it is written on, anymore.

    If you want to email Westwood and tell them about ignorance...or even praise them for their censorship (it's STILL a free country), click here.

    But, I shouldn't be completely against activism. In order to keep from being called a complete shit, provided here is a link to help you fight....well, it is hard to define this type of pornography...but I know it when I see it.

    Oh, the horror. The horror.

  • - Flash 1424



  • 9/08/1999
  • Quote of the Update: "No problem. I get life insurance if you die." - My wife, responding to my statement that I wanted to climb Devil's Tower next summer.

  • Fair enough. Stand by for pics. Assuming I don't die.

    Current pics showing why I'm so cool:

  • Me, Lake Erie, August 1999. Out on the lake having a day with my partner. These pics beg one question...."Gordo...can you BE any cooler?" Not likely.

    *This bad boy between my legs can top off at about 65 mph. Ate a few waves, and it hurt, but damn was it fun.


  • Just got back tonight from a long weekend in the Black Hills. Fairly relaxing. Managed to put work out mind for the majority of the time. Visited Mt. Rushmore...which was too foggy to see on the first day. Visited the Crazy Horse Monument...fairly cool. Visited Devil's Tower, Wyoming, which inspired the aforementioned desire to climb. Never wanted to climb rocks before...but this thing just begs to be mounted. Also spelunked through Wind Cave. Very impressive...the park rangers estimate there are 84 miles of caves, going as far as 600 feet deep. We went through a 1.5 hour tour, only taking us down 220 feet. All in all, a good weekend. Stand by for pics.


    Finally got the pics from Malaysia and Japan developed, will put a page together for those. Some interesting stuff.


    So...many have asked my opinion of, "The Blair Witch Project." I personally loved it. Never once was I induced to vomit, like others were. I felt the plot worked fine, and I wasn't left feeling cheated. I felt it accomplished exactly what it was meant to accomplish, in spite of the fact that I knew beforehand it wasn't real. Saw "Wild Wild West" this summer, and forgot the movie about 10 minutes after it ended. Blair Witch was the first movie in a long time to completely freak me out, and have me looking into the shadowy corners of my bedroom after the lights went out.

    To quote Limp Bizkut, "It fucked up my program." "Significant Other" is an excellent album, by the way...even though the other day, while driving in my car with a few other white-collar computer industry-type workers, we were nearly incited to riot while listening to the CD. They should be banned, because they are just way too provocative. I need The Man to tell me what I should and shouldn't listen to, because I am incapable of making that decision for myself.


    Ok, that ought to do it for now. Is late, have had a long day, and have to go to work tomorrow...at a job I hope to not be working at within 45 days. Plea to the masses...if in the market for a PC...buy a Dell. ;-) More details later.


  • - Flash 0042

  • 8/14/1999
  • Quote of the Update: "I haven't seen Def Leppard since before that drummer lost his leg in that accident." - Uttered by a Sioux City local, overheard at the recent Def Leppard - Euphoria concert.

  • No comment.

    Here's another...was just too funny:

  • Second Quote of the Update: "I am too much fucking busy." CIO of the company I was working at in Japan, explaining why he had very little time for his family, what with the hours he spends at work, and his mistresses.

  • Not only did I learn a bit of Japanese, I also learned how to speak broken English pretty well.

    Current pic showing why I'm so cool:

  • Me, Overlooking Phoenix, May 1999. Went on a job interview out there, a direct result of being outsourced. Was making sure I had a lot of options when my offer from the outsourcer came in. Oh...and I also know the drummer lost his arm.


  • So I'm back from Japan. Was interesting. One of the big surprises I had was the general lack of English speaking people. I know this is rather facetious-ugly-American-type statement, but speaking as someone who has traveled a fair bit of the world, I've found most people in foreign lands speak English as a second language, at least in a limited fashion. So I learned a bit of Japanese. I learned to say the important things like Good Morning (ohaio gozimasu), Hello (kanichiwa), how to tell a taxi driver to take me to my hotel (minato marai, Hotel Pan Pacifico), and Fuck Me, (Suke-sen). Another surprise...in Malaysia...ATM's were everywhere. I figured would be the same in Tokyo. After all...it's Tokyo. If it was good enough for Godzilla...it should be good enough to plant a few ATM's in. Not so. Got over there with my check card...and was in trouble. Who knew.

    And now, here is the official War Cry of the Webpage: "What the hell is wrong with you people?" Been dealing with a lot of ignorant people lately, in many places and time zones. That statement applies to that telemarketer that called me at 8am this Saturday morning, to the psycho daytrader in Atlanta that whacked his kids. To the Gateway CIO that joined the company, outsourced my job and then quit to go work at eBay, to the manager at Burger King who told me I was just trying to get free food, after I finally called and told him they had screwed up my take-out order for the 5th time in a month. I read an internet news article about the growing instances or air-rage...when a regular person flips out in an airport or plane, because he has been jerked around for hours or days by delayed flights, bumped seats, seat downgrades they paid first class rates for, etc. The Airline spokesman admitted that it was more frustrating than ever for air travelers these days. And they admitted that there were more screwups than ever. The solution? They are going to be spending more money to deal with passengers that finally snap. Hey, I have an idea. Why don't they spend that fucking money to actually improve the traveler's experience? Why spend money to install bulletproof glass, and beef up security, when they can just pay more money to ticket-counter people, and afford some with good attitudes for a change. I can't be the only person that has thought of that.

    Can you tell I've been flying a lot lately? I tell ya, that 12-hour flight from Minneapolis to Japan is becoming hellish. It never ends. Except for when I'm in Bidness Class, that is. Company won't fly me in some semblance of comfort, so I upgrade my damned self, from now on. Damn the Man...he aint keeping me down. And he aint going to jam my 2.5 foot wide shoulders into that 2 foot wide seat in coach, anymore.


    Going to Ohio next week for some much needed R&R. Spend time with family and friends. Drink a lot. Go to tittie bars. Drink a lot. Play some euchre. Drink a lot.

    Do you have any idea how good beer is? If you haven't tried it, I highly recommend it.

    Hey...before I forget...can anyone tell me what is best in life?

  • - Flash 1650

  • 7/18/1999
  • Quote of the Update: "In Malaysia, we have two types of weather. Rain, and heat." - Taxi driver, taking us from the international airport in Kuala Lumpur to Malacca.

  • And they was right.

    Current pic showing why I'm so cool:

  • Me and some of the boys, May 1999. Playing hooky from the big project, boating on the Missouri River. Damn the Man. Decided we needed an afternoon off. We weren't forbidden...we just didn't ask. Tom the Cap'n, Matt, Me, Paul. The Token Babe Suzie on the camera.
  • Holy shit, sonnuvabitch, I'm I a travellin fool lately.

    Since the last update...I've been to Malaysia, in Malacca and Kuala Lumpur. Got the job done, despite the odds. Went off my Malaria pills two weeks into it. They were screwing me up. Got pics, but they are currently being developed, and I won't be able to post them for a couple weeks...as I am packing for Yokohama, Japan. Going this Saturday for two weeks, doing more Y2K crap. I suppose I should thank those short-sighted accountants in the 60's, when they weren't approving funds for more mainframe computer storage, which forced the overworked computer programmers to store date fields with 2 digit years. Because of them, I get to spend tens of thousands of dollars of The Man's money travelling the globe, analyzing and writing papers about what it will take for this one company to fix the problem in each particular facility. And I'm one man, in one company. Tens of thousands of companies, hundreds of thousands of programmers. And let's not even talk about the blood sucking lawyers, lining up at the January 1 starting line, accusations and claims of wrongdoing already written, ready to fill in the blanks with the names of every software vendor, company, CIO, and programmer they can think to blame; because when someone's car won't start on January 1st and it needs a new $5 silicon chip, or somebody else's ATM card won't work for 26 hours, I need some cash, for the pain and suffering. God forbid someone loses power for 35 minutes, at midnight. Sounds like a $1.2 million dollar lawsuit, to me.

    Here's what I think will happen:

    Power will go out for what would have been 2 days, nationwide, due to small regional power generating companies going down due to Y2K incompatible hardware. They will go down, overwhelm the energy grid, and overload the larger stations, which did have their shit together.

    With all of the hoopla, propaganda, and panicky sensationalism surrounding the "Looming Y2K Crisis," about 30 seconds after midnight, 29 seconds after power goes out, 95% of America will stream out into the streets; panicking, crying that the end of the world is come. There will be looting in every city. Food riots...without any shortages. Martial law will be declared, but won't stand...as the lowest bidder produced 100% of the equipment the U.S. Government owns, and none of it works. The nation will fall. I think it will look like The Postman (joke). Anyway, people, being the sheep they are, will flock around the nearest person appearing to be in charge (meaning, the loudest person around), which will invariably be an insane religious zealot. He will proclaim that Judgement Day is nigh, and the sheep must redeem themselves...and cast Satan out of their lives. And who is this incarnation of Satan on Earth? The technical people, who brought this doom down on our heads. Kill them. Burn them. Cleanse them by fire, for their own good, for Satan doth surely reside in them. There will be a thousand years of anarchy, which will see a return of the feudal system. All of the technological advances of the last 100 years, the fruits of the Industrial Revolution, will be erased and forgotten.

    On the bright side, the rainforests and coral reefs will recover, and Ricky Martin will never be heard from again. Maybe there is a god.

    But there will be pockets of resistance, programmers and systems analysts huddling around fires in caves, trying to figure out how to get email back up and running, so they can get The Joke of the Day. That Darwin Awards email sure was funny!

    But fuck it...I'm goin to see Def Leppard Friday, for my birthday.


    Well, that's about all I got to say, for now. Wish me luck in Japan; maybe I'll get better Internet options there, and be able to provide a 'from the field' update. I'll do what I can. Bound to be some Internet bars somewhere, there...

    Love me like a bomb, baby.

  • - Flash 1937

  • Wanna tell me why you think I'm so great? Email [Me. 

  • Born on 19990112