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June 7, 2002

 7:00 am EDT - Leisher - The Ignorant and The Lazy.

I have been running across several examples of the ignorance of the average human being lately and I thought I’d share 5 of them… 

1) Let’s start off with a debate on “America’s War”, a new game being made by the U.S. Army. Ever since I first read about this project, I’ve heard the conspiracy ramblings. Hell, in my own mind the first thing I thought of was “The Last Starfighter”, a movie where a young man is recruited by aliens to fight in a galactic war based on his skills at a video game. Now be aware that the U.S. Army has come right out and admitted that this is an advertising tool. They believe this might be the way to go in the future, rather than wasting money on TV or magazine ads. So, of course, you have morons coming out of the woodwork to bitch about how much money this is costing the country and conspiracy theorists yelling about how the U.S. Army will lure fragile young minds with this game into service. 

Would you all please sit down and shut the fuck up? This is probably my biggest pet peeve in the world, morons who don’t have the slightest clue what they’re talking about while conveniently forgetting history. For all of you nut jobs that don’t believe in the U.S. military and don’t believe it’s a good thing for young Americans do to, come closer… 

Do you know how this country was founded? Do you know how the slaves were freed? Do you know how Europe was saved in WWI? Do you know how Europe, Asia, and the Jews were saved in WWII? Do you know how Kuwait was liberated? Do you know how Afghanistan was liberated? Do you even understand why you are allowed to think and believe whatever you want and share those thoughts and beliefs with others publicly? Do you know why you can be a Lutheran, Satanist, Catholic, or Atheist and openly go to pray and worship with others who believe the same things you do? Do you know why you can sit on your fat lazy ass and collect unemployment checks while you pretend to look for a job, but you really just sit and watch soaps and Jerry Springer all day? Do you know why you get the right to choose between two rich white men to become your country’s leader? Do you know why you can live whatever life you want no matter if you’re white, black, Asian, Italian, Jewish, Mexican, Native American, Arabic, etc.? 

Because the men and women who serve and have served in the U.S. armed forces put their lives on the line everyday so that you can live the life you desire. Millions have died for your right to pierce your clit, or your right to demonstrate against the military, or your right to give your family a living far exceeding their needs. 

The U.S. military is made up of men and women just like you and me. There’s poor people, rich people, stupid people, smart people, blacks, whites, Asians, Latinos, etc. and all are dedicated to protecting this country and our freedoms. During their service these men and women earn money towards an education, as well as receiving training and experience for skills that translate into good paying jobs in the civilian sector. Not to mention that if a person joins the service at 18, he/she can retire at 38 with a full pension and benefits. 

Anyone who thinks that the military isn’t an honorable and intelligent way for a young person to spend 2-6 years of his or her life is, in my humble opinion, a complete fucking idiot. If you’re that against the U.S. military, please feel free to leave this country and/or give up the rights and freedom that the U.S. military has given to you. Although, I’ll bet that not one of the U.S. military’s critics is willing to do that. 

2) This next example is pretty funny, but the stupidity is hiding between the lines. If you read the article carefully, you’ll see that charges have been filed, but R. Kelly denies everything. The punch line comes in the final sentence though… 

3) This post in our forums by Gordon show that there are “people” out there who are finding racism in everything, in this case Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. I remember a period in American history when we were hunting communists and saw them everywhere; hell you could ruin someone’s life just by making accusations that they were a communist. So what’s different now? This witch-hunt for racism is the exact same thing. The truth is that racism will not go away as long as we look for examples of it everywhere. Racism will die when we all grow up and stop acting like we’re so different because of our skin color or because we have different religions or because we’re from different countries. Wake up people!!! We’re all human. We all love. We all hate. We all bleed red. As long as people want to see racism where it doesn’t exist, then racism will always be a part of our lives. The sooner we forget that there are minor differences in our appearance or beliefs the sooner racism will be forgotten. 

4) Ok, depending on your age, I’m either going to be the bearer of bad news or I’m going to be someone bringing you immense pleasure that you can take out on unsuspecting teens. I’m sure we’ve all seen the teenagers, and sometimes older kids (they are kids) wearing their pants really low so that their boxers are sticking out. How many of you are completely annoyed by this “fashion”? Ask anyone you know who does this if they know where that fashion started. I’ll bet you they don’t. Let’s be honest, they’re simply doing it to try and “be cool” and “fit in”. 

That little fashion gimmick began in prisons across the U.S. In prisons, there are these guys who are…shall we say “more feminine” than the other inmates. Whenever they would become “single” they would wearing their pants in this fashion while walking around so that other inmates would know they were there for the taking. 

So, in essence, when you wearing your pants like this you’re telling people you’re ready to get fucked in the ass. Congratulations, that’s quite a fashion statement. 

5) For the finale, I’d like to share with you an email that recently came to my attention. My comment is simply, while she may have a point about a growing concern in this country… 

Enjoy (the names have been deleted to protect the innocent and email addys covered so you can’t ID the town): 

-----Original Message-----
From: Mechele ******** [mailto:*********@***.com]
Sent: Wednesday, June 05, 2002 7:54 AM
To: '********@****.com'; '******@****.com'; ****, *********; 'news@*************.com'; ''; ''; ''; ''; ''; ''

Subject: Obesity walking down the street or eating at a vending cart. 

     Let me tell you why we are obese.  Has anyone been to the grocery store lately to price healthier food?  I have not seen a report on that yet.  I have recently chosen to eater healthier and I soon found out why we are obese.  Americans can only afford to buy pastas, potatoes, rice and beans.  These are food staples of a family, because one can make these products stretch a long way in their budget and meals.  Has anyone priced fresh, canned or frozen vegetables?  Most fresh vegetables start out at $1.99 a pound, canned vegetables are .99 cents and up a can, frozen vegetables are over $2.00 a package.  Can you feed a family of four with one package of these in a meal setting?  I don't think so.  Meat, any kind of meat is over $1.69 a pound.  Fruit is sky high.  For a half a gallon of milk is $2.00.  Juices are almost $4.00 a container.  A dozen of large eggs are $1.49. You would be lucky to make a meal of healthier food for less than $15.00.  Pasta is .99 cents a package for 2 meals.  Rice is $1.50 a package for 3 - 4 meals.  Five pounds of potatoes are $1.99 for 3 - 4 meals.    So why are Americans obese?  You tell me! 

Pass the red beans.

June 3, 2002

 6:55 pm MDT - GORDON - High Plains Rambling.

No extra days off this last weekend, but two days off in western Nebraska is still dangerous if you have nothing to do.  I'd planned on doing laundry Sunday, which left Saturday open.  So, I rambled again.

There's another coworker here who just started, and like me has nothing to do.  So, I invited her along, and she accepted.  I mean, duh.  A woman who wouldn't want to spend a day with me?  Pshaw.

Anyway, we left bright and early on Saturday, our first stop Chimney Rock, in Bayard,  Nebraska.

An extinct, eroded volcano cone, the story goes that this was a major stop on the Oregon Trail, as it was a visible, distinctive landmark that made a good crossroads.  I think it looks erect.

Behind me, as I took this picture on a dirt road, a bunch of cows were moo'ing and making a fuss.

Do I make you horny?

My traveling companion and I had lunch at a Chinese place in Scottsbluff, NE.  In spite of it being a small town, we couldn't find the "Scottsbluff Monument."  No signs, and such.

After, we drove another hour north to Agate Fossil Beds National Monument.

The scenery is great....a mixture of prairie and desert.

Shan the coworker.

The fossil beds themselves are up high off the current floor of the prairie.  A long time ago there was a watering hole, and apparently a lot of critters died there.  Over time their bones fossilized, and the rest of the area eroded around them, leaving two big hills.

The visitor's center had a big display of bones that had been found in the area.

That's one of the hills, out the window.

We took the hike up to the excavations, a mile+ each way.  These are the most fossils we actually saw, in the above picture.....I think I might have seen some fossilized footprint indentations at the top of the hill.  Maybe.

The view from the visitor's center to the top of the hills.

The view from the top of the hills to the visitor's center...which is camera left.

It was very gusty, but not uncomfortably so.  It felt nice with the 85 degree ambient temperature.  As far as you can see in every direction there is nothing but unbroken prairie with the occasional rocky bluff breaking through to the sky.  It was mostly cloudy when we started and became overcast, but the rain held off the couple hours we were hiking and exploring.  The grasses and other flora are is very arid in this region, and you can also see small cacti on the ground, if you look hard.  The path in the picture is mainly asphalt one and a half people wide, except for a portion of wooden boardwalk way down the hill in some bottom land where a river runs.  The distance of the Monument from any major throughway meant that the entire time we were there, we saw five other people.  Very secluded and serene.

More pictures will be linked to a folder in the feedback thread.

May 29, 2002

 8:03 pm MDT - GORDON - High Plains Drifting.

So I had an extra day off this last weekend, and spent a second day rambling.

I was randomly surfing the web wondering where to go, and was on when I saw a link for "Top 10 Great Places to Visit in America," or some such thing.  I saw there was a spot nearby, and it happened to be Carhenge.  I'll leave you to that link to discover the details beyond the fact that it was built on a whim by a family which owned a junkyard during a reunion.  That's kind of cool.

The drive to Alliance, Nebraska took me through some interesting terrain.  Interesting to an Easterner, anyway.   Cattle farms (with real cowboys riding horses through the herd), buttes, eroded volcano cones, tractor graveyards, even llama farms.  You can see an abundance of sky on a clear day, and I was keeping an eye on the storm cell about 10 miles to my northwest.  The general direction to my destination....

I went through another handful of small towns.  I can't recall their names now, but a defining characteristic of each was a grain elevator adjacent a set of train tracks, and a closed (for Memorial Day) diner.  Some towns had more (a grocery store named "Jack and Jill" comes to mind), but none less.

At one point I was being severely tailgated by some little blond teen girl, even though I was doing 5 over the 65 mph speed limit.  She didn't have enough engine to pass me, so she remained attached to my bumper.   Inspiration struck:  I grabbed my digital camera, and took a few pics of her from over my shoulder.  My aim, unfortunately, sucked, so you wont see them here.  After a few miles we hit town, and our road split into 2 lanes.  I assume she saw me taking pictures of her, as she zipper around me, got in front of me, and shot me the bird.  She ducked and weaved through traffic, her cheerleader pom-poms in the back window....but I kept up.  I was right behind her at a red light, and grabbed the camera middle finger buys you your picture and license plate number on the internet:

I know the Nebraska plates are about unreadable...but it's the thought that counts, right?

Anyway, this town pictured above is actually Alliance, NE, and is only 2 miles south of Holy Carhenge.

First look from the parking lot.

Note the storm clouds which have moved in.

I cant decide if the gray cars against the gray sky is cool or not.

These are a couple sculptures around the back, made from car parts.  Looks like a scene out of Jurassic Park, no?


Some very high-tech materials were used in Carhenge's construction which will be studied by scientists for ages.  Yes, that's a log being used as a shim.

Well, that's enough bandwidth for the front page.  I'll put a folder up for you to view the rest of my pics if you want.  It was a solo flight, so you wont see my handsome mug in any of them.  Sorry.  

Folder URL will be linked in the feedback thread.

May 27, 2002

 8:53 pm MDT - GORDON - Technology don't go round here, technology dog.

Whadda weekend.

I decided I wanted to do some sightseeing, and lamented yet again my lack of digital camera.  I checked some .gov's to see if I could get one for free with some wealth redistribution, but when that didn't pan out, I decided to put Cheyenne, Wyoming's Wal-Mart first on my list of places to go.

I decided to take back roads on the way there...over 100 miles of them...because I wanted to catch the vibe of this part of the country.  On the Interstate, all you get is the vibe of the Interstate.  I went through many small towns....Crackerville, Whiteytown, and Honky Bluff.  Casper was farther to the north.  My point....there's a noticeable lack of "Dazzling Urbanites" in this part of the country.

I saw cows and deer and buffalo on the way there.  I waved at farmers riding their horses on the side of the road.  I figured out how the town of "Pine Bluffs" got its name.  I refreshed my suntan with my t-tops open and the CD changer on random.  I saw snowcapped Rocky Mountains at bearing 3-3-5 (Which I decided will be a future trip...perhaps July 4th weekend.).

My first impression of Cheyenne as I topped a hill was the fact that the largest structure in town was the cracking tower of a refinery.

I drove straight to the center of town, and proceeded to find my Wal-Mart.  I saw cowboys walking down the street wearing leather chaps.  Real cowboys, flamingly gay, dunno.  Considering they were walking near "Wranglers; Frontier Wear Since 1867," I'd guess they may actually have occasion to ride horses.  At least their ass cheeks weren't bare.

I passed Warren Air Force Base, which had three nuclear missiles at the front gate.  I found my Wal-Mart, had lunch at Outback, and headed back from whence I came.

I played with my new camera last night...

Current Casa de Gordo.

And planned my activities for today.....


But that's a story for tomorrow.  I have an expense report to fill out.

Fear the GORDON with new new digital camera.

May 24, 2002

 10:53 pm MDT - GORDON - Hi there.

Trip was successful (driving through Missouri sucks), I'm all moved into my hotel room, and I've got my ID badge for my new job.

So I'm training out at the company's "Distribution Center."  Big fucking warehouse days of yore it was an ammunition factory. But I digress.

The company HQ is at the far edge of the known universe.....but the "DC" is about 16 miles beyond it. Back roads, lots of turns. I've been following landmarks.....grain elevators, railroad tracks, and the nuclear missile silo.

I'm not kidding.

Anyway, I was listening to the wind from inside the building all morning, but didn't realize what it meant until I stepped out of the building at the end of the day...and into Dust Bowl '02. 

Quittin' time arrives, and the trek to my car begins......60 mph gusts trying to knock me down.

I get in my car (rocking on its springs) and realize.....the dust has reduced visibility to about half a mile, and I can't see any of my landmarks. But off I go...

I lodge several tumbleweeds into my car's air intake, and do my best to find my way home. Needless to say, it isn't long until I'm thoroughly lost in the middle of fucking Nebraska, deaf (didn't bring the cell phone), blind, and almost out of gas.

Long story short, I found the nearest Interstate, and I estimate my 15 mile commute was about 45 miles, total.

Then, stupid me decides to go out to dinner instead of ordering in, and I nearly get swept onto my ass again coming back to the hotel.

THEN, later that night, it starts to rain out here in the wannabe Sahara. This morning my newly washed and waxed car is caked with a layer of dust.


Artists's conception of me driving through the dust storm.

On a related note, at 10pm this evening I decided to go out to a grocery store for which to pick up a few items so I could get my drink-on and my snack-on.  Grocery store was already closed.  Oy vey.

Doesn't really warrant a feedback thread, but when I omit them people ask for them.

May 3, 2002

 2:54 pm CDT - GORDON - Pages turned.

The job hunt concludes.  I've just accepted a position in a good company in the Midwest.....there's a good chance you'd recognize the name if I mentioned it.  Considering the current technical job market and the fact I wasn't forced to take a pay cut, I feel lucky.  My first day of new employment is May 20, and the first couple months I'll be living in hotels.  I have no idea what the internet connectivity situation will be (time to scratch and reload the laptop...), so may or may not become static for a little while.  At any rate, the message board is on autopilot so there will still be activity there.

Now I don't feel guilty buying DVD's and PC games with my severance money.....but like I've always said, priorities.


There's a question I've been contemplating for the last month, or so.  I've bounced it off a couple people, and it seemed to spark some thought.....the question is, "What do we really want from a Federal Government?"

When I first thought to ask myself that question, almost immediately I thought, "Defend the borders, and maintain the interstate highway system."  From an absolute minimalist perspective, that's all we really need.....except for maybe a department to collect tax revenues.  Ask yourself about everything else upon which the Federal Government spends your money.  How much is regional pork that benefits a handful of people you'll never meet?  How much is basic Socialist redistribution of wealth from the "have's" to the "have-not's," via "social programs?"  

If there must exist programs beyond the basic necessities...  wouldn't they be better controlled by the States themselves?  After all, the bigger the scale, the greater the inefficiency.  As forum regular "thecatt" is fond of pointing out, people tend to forget the 9th Amendment to the Constitution, guaranteeing individual powers to the States themselves.  As such, wouldn't the current tax paradigm.....relatively higher taxes to the Federal Government and relatively lower taxes to the State governments....make more sense to be reversed?  This would give the States better ability to spend the money wisely.  If there is "pork spending," at least it would be within the state to which you paid your taxes.  If you don't like the way your particular state is invading your privacy, you have the chance to move to a different state and remain an American...something you can't do when the Federal Government whittles away your civil rights.  

Spearheaded, of course, by John "I Fear Marble Boobies" Ashcroft.

If you must pay The Man, which Man would you prefer?

April 30, 2002

 2:54 pm CDT - GORDON - Forced update.

The job hunt continues.  I just returned yesterday from an interview in NEBRASKA.  It went well, I think, but I've yet to hear anything.  "Jesus, it hasn't even been 24 hours yet."  Lincoln, NE is big enough and would be a decent place to live, but the other possible location is way out in the middle of nowhere in the west,  where the sign into town says "Population 6363," or something like that.  But, there's a Pizza Hut there that still serves taco pizza.  That's a big plus.

As the title of this post implies, I'm making myself write this.  My head hasn't been in a Man Damning place since February 28, even though I have had a few ideas for updates.  Here's one:

What's the point of pulling every 10th business traveler out of line at the airport in Nebraska for a One of these people could be a Muslim hijacker.  Better check their shoes. body cavity search, when it is Muslim countries exclusively that have vowed to destroy America?  It isn't a big deal, but just seems ridiculous from an objective standpoint.  Prior to and since September 11th, one air traveler in a million had ill intent.  Random searches are an amazing waste of time.  You have to narrow the focus to some kind of logical search parameter:  people of Arab descent.  I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is.  Searching Dick Jones the traveling salesman on his 2 millionth frequent flier mile isn't the threat.  It's the ultra religious bearded zealot who believes his is a religion of peace that wants to kill you.

The existence of religion has put all our lives in danger.

But anyway, I'm going to stop there.  I've a few other thoughts to put down, but maybe I can keep this ball rolling and make another post tomorrow.

See ya, and watch out for the church people.

April 10, 2002

DTMan Trivia Contest Winners v1.0 !

It was grueling, but we've got some winners.  From thousands and thousands of entries, we hired a Think Tank out of Boston to compile the winners.

They are:

Winner - Zetleft!

First loser - Jaera!

Second loser - Thibodeaux!

The other entrants aren't worth remembering, as people don't care about losers.

Here's the answer key:

1. How tall was the Predator in the movie “Predator”?  7’6” – That’s according to a documentary on the making of the film, although I am getting conflicting reports, so I threw this question out. It didn’t matter to anyone’s score anyway.

2. Going on recent Hollywood gossip and a hit TV show, explain the fictional title: “The One With The Dead Mother”.
  From Friends, Rachel was rumored to die giving birth.

3. In the movie “Tombstone” Doc Holiday says, “Oh! Johnny, I apologize. I forgot you were there. You may go now.” To what actor was he speaking?
  Billy Bob Thorton

4. Who was the only actor from the film “M*A*S*H” to regularly star in the television show, “M*A*S*H”?
  Gary Burghoff (Radar)

5. In the television show “Seinfeld”, George Costanza paid homage to a scene from Star Trek II while standing in a car dealership. He raised his arms, looked to the sky, and screamed…what?
  Twix (He yelled “Khan” in a different episode)

6. At the funeral for Maude Flanders, four other gravestones are shown for characters that have died. Who are the gravestones for?
  Bleeding Gums Murphy, Marvin Monroe, Beatrice “Bea” Simmons (Grandpa’s Girlfriend), “Grimey” Grimes

7. In “A Fish Called Wanda”, which of these male characters: Archie, George, Ken, and Otto, did Wanda kiss?
  All of them

8. On the show “Scrubs”, Turk and Elliot have a pet dog. What is unusual about this dog?
  He’s dead and stuffed.

9. Finish this rhyme: “No more rhymes now. I mean it!”
  “Anybody want a peanut?” (The Princess Bride)

10. What was the final card Maverick turned over to win the Poker Tournament in “Maverick”?
  Ace of spades

11. In “The Rock”, after completing the mission, the Seals were to give an “all clear” signal. What was that signal?
  Green smoke

12. In “The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly”, who was “Blondie”?
  Clint Eastwood

13. Since “Jaws” is a classic, it’s a multipart question:
  a. What was the name of Quint’s boat? 
  b. Of the three men who go out on Quint’s boat, how many get back to shore?  
  c. What were Quint and Hooper comparing when the discussion turned to the U.S.S. Indianapolis? 

14. In “Unforgiven”, why did Clint Eastwood kill the bar owner? 
Because he hung Morgan Freeman’s body outside his bar as a trophy.

15. In the movie “Clerks”, a woman explained the odd behavior of guidance counselors and eggs. What did she do for a living? 
She manually masturbates animals for artificial insemination

16. In “Con Air”, what key piece of evidence was picked up resulting in Nicolas Cage’s character getting convicted of manslaughter? 
A knife

17. In the movie “Greedy”, what does Uncle Joe do at the end? 
He gets out of his wheelchair and walks

18. In the movie “Cool Hand Luke”, what was Lucille doing to distract the prisoners? 
She was washing the car

19. Where was Sonny Corleon killed? 
Toll Booth

20. In “Meet the Parents”, what is Gaylord Focker’s vocation? 

21. In the original “Planet of The Apes”, what happens to the female crew member on the team? 
Her stasis tube breaks and she dies of old age before they ever land.

22. What cult phrase is used in both “Apocalypse Now” and the X-Men comic books? Hint: The phrase is only used once in the film in a non-Brando scene and is used in the comic on a T-shirt with a picture of the X-men’s leader, Charles Xavier. 
Charlie Don’t Surf.  (How the hell did Zetleft know that?)

23. “History of The World Part I” opens with a parody of the opening scene of “2001: A Space Odyssey”. What our “Our Forefathers” doing? 

24. Kane, a villain in the movie “Kuffs”, robs a store while wearing a bandana as a mask, and a T-Shirt. What’s on the T-Shirt? 
A picture of himself

25. Answer this question: “Going somewhere meat?” 
“About 90 feet” (Major League)

Thus endeth Contest v1.0.  The winners are in the process of choosing their prizes, and soon all will be well and there will be peace in the middle east.  Contest v2.0 will appear in the next month or two.  Until then, "go spit."  (movie?)

April 3, 2002

DTMan PopCulture Trivia Contest v1.0

If you’re a regular reader, you know most of what I’m about to cover. If you’re new, allow me to introduce you to Damn the Man or 

Welcome to our humble little site. We’ve been around for a while now, and have pretty much kept to ourselves. We aren’t out for glory, or money, or to change the planet. We are simply writing about whatever strikes us at the moment, and spending way too much time discussing this planet and its inhabitants in our forums. 

The site is still a bit under construction because Gordon and myself are too busy or lazy to fix everything up. We will be adding more and more content when we have the time so stay tuned. In the meantime, check out the links on your left, some of those sites are “must-sees”, and be sure to register and join our forums. We pride ourselves on them, and consider them to be a bastion for intelligent and freethinking. Also, as you can see by the links on the right, the forum is broken into sub-categories. We find that this helps keep the forum less cluttered, and keeps the current, relevant stuff near the top. Everyone and every opinion is welcome in the forum, just be mature. 

Now for the contest…several of our regular forum members seem to think that they’re movie experts. Quote after quote is posted in our forums and members scramble over each other trying to answer first. So, we got to thinking that a movie trivia contest would be very appropriate for us to have. 

So here’s the deal: Beginning today, April 3rd and ending midnight EST Sunday, April 7th we will be having a movie trivia contest. Monday morning the winners will be announced, or in the event of a tie, they will be given tiebreaker questions.  Or, possibly, a coin will be flipped.  The three people to submit the most correct answers to our questions before the deadline will win our fabulous prizes. Currently, the prizes are the DVD versions of: Monty Python and The Holy Grail, Dogma, and The Princess Bride. The top winner gets first choice of prizes, the second place winner gets second choice, and the third place winner gets third choice. The only catch to all of this is that the winner will be notified via his/her forum account, which means that to enter, you’ll need to register in our forums. It’s a one minute process at most, and it costs nothing. We figure if you can’t do that, we don’t want to send you anything anyway.  Do not post your answers in the forum!  Either email them to GORDON or myself, or send them to either of us in the Forum Private Messenger.  Prizes will be sent within the week via one of the more common methods, whichever is most convenient to us at the time.

If you have any questions about the contest, the site, or the forums, either email me, GORDON, or come ask your questions in the forums.

Legal disclaimer: This contest is being held with the best of intentions, but we aren't going to guarantee anything.  There is 99.999% chance that it will run as planned, but, if not, you don't have any grounds to sue us.  So there.

Here's the contest.

Good luck.

March 10, 2002

 1:52 am CDT - GORDON - Priorities.

On the last day of February in the year of our Lord 2002, I had the Football of Employment snatched from before my foot by the Lucy of Corporate Downsizing.  It was a Thursday.

My emotions were mixed.  I wasn't happy with my job, but then I like having a steady paycheck.  The economy currently sucks and my employment options are 1% of what they were pre-Y2K bug, but they aren't nonexistent.  I'm enjoying this time between having The Man looking over my shoulder, but of course there is still some uncertain anxiety that threatens to darken my mood.  

As in all times of transition, I'm choosing to look at this period as an opportunity for personal growth.  We can't test our mettle when safe and sound and comfortable in a cubicle; our true selves are revealed when facing adversity.

In the spirit of remaining true to my nature and declaring loudly to the universe that I know what is best and important in life, here's another drinkin' story.


Sometime on the month of June, 1991, young Gordo was on a 10 day period of leave between Marine boot camp and tech training.  I went back to my homeland of northwest Ohio to see if there was any bit of myself left after the mindfuck of basic training.

It took a few days, but I managed to stop popping out of bed at 6am at the position of attention and relax my sphincter a bit.  I spent a lot of time with the girlfriend (which didn't please my Mother...she wanted her little boy back)....but one day was set aside to go drinking with my Uncle.

The day started in the a.m. by driving up to Lake Erie to catch a ferry to the islands.  The larger island, called "South Bass," is a resort island with lots and lots of bars in a town called "Put in Bay."  In fact, when I was there last a local establishment  called "The Beer Barrel" held the world record for "longest bar."  But I digress.

We took the "Miller Boat Line" that day.  Most bars are near the public docks.

We hit shore a little after lunch time (at #59 on the map) and caught the old bus into town.  There we acquired a golf cart rental and proceeded to go bar to bar, winery to winery (Put in Bay is on the same latitude as French wine country, strangely enough) and proceeded to get really drunk.  I never got's fairly laid back, and I let my Uncle do the buying.  He's older.

You aren't supposed to drink and drive the carts....but what else are you going to do?  We tooled around the island drinking one bottle of wine out of a paper bag after another.  It was several hours into our excursion that the speed governor on the engine stopped working.  I was fairly baked by then and my Uncle...well, you never can tell.  Not only could we get our cart going at a pretty good clip, but the thing would also backfire exactly 8 seconds after letting off the gas pedal from going full tilt.  Eight seconds.  Eight seconds.  We were going down the road at approximately #13 when we saw the 40-something old ladies walking along the road dead ahead.  My mind saw perfectly what was about to happen.

I floored it.  I timed it.  I released the gas pedal.  It was perfect.  Directly beside them....FUCKING BANG!  I think some actually screamed.  Looking back at them, some were laughing, some were crying.  Perfect day.


Anyway, if you've never been to the Erie islands in the summer, you're missing out.

Before sunset we caught the ferry back to the mainland and proceeded with our adventure.  As I recall, we both drank a six pack of Rolling Rock on the boat ride back and I drank another bottle of wine on the drive to Toledo.

There was one or three country bars on the way which I'm forgetting....but I remember my dog tags being ID enough to get me served (this being immediately after Desert Storm), and picking fights with fake cowboys in a cowboy bar.  I've ridden horses and shoveled shit from stalls, and yet I didn't need to wear huge belt buckles and cowboy hats and shitkicker boots and dust coats in the June heat.  I felt it my duty to point out they were stupid.  Hell...someone has to.  I think they got pissed when I asked them when was the last time they actually rode a horse.  Oh well.

We went to a bar near downtown...a biker bar called "Scott's" (currently "Dobbers").  Very famous, classic biker bar.  Scary.  But I was up for it.

We go in, and it's as you expect.  Sleazy, tattoey, dark, dangerous.  Again, my dog tags got me served, and the scurvy barmaid proceeded to try to pick me up by showing me how cool she saying, "See?  I don't give a shit!  Look!" and then throwing glasses on the floor.  I'm not kidding.  Then, down at the end of the bar, a seedy type sidles over.  I know the eye contact rule, so I'm letting peripheral vision track him.  I'm making a mental image of the locations of bar patrons, the front door, and the nearest empty bottle and pool cue.  He sits next to me and I can feel his eyes on me.  Knowing it's face off or punk out, I turn to him sharply....and it's a cousin of mine I hadn't seen in awhile.


A few drinks later, and it's approaching "last call" in northwest Ohio.  We decided to close the bar near home, an old place called "The Grapevine," in which I'd spent half my childhood for various reasons.

Up to this point I'd been drinking hard all day, and feeling fine.  But it was at the Grapevine I learned an important lesson....what an overabundance of sugar will do to an alcohol steeped body.  I remember a shot of Wild problem.  I distinctly remembered a beer.  No problem.  I remember something called a "Cement Mixer," which was chocolatey  and mostly a novelty take two different shots at once, and it solidifies in your mouth.  Wacky.  But then it was a "Lemon Drop" that did me in.  Nothing but sour and a congealment of sugar at the bottom.  That was what put me over the edge.

I've mentioned before my vomit control, and it served me, here.

I excuse myself to my table, "I'm going to go vomit now," and take my leave.  I casually walk down the hall to the men's john.  I enter.  I close the door behind me.  It smells strongly of urinal cake over urine, and probably has for the last 40 years.  So there I sink, one toilet, and one urinal....but this is where my brain misfired.  For some reason I thought the best thing to do would be to open a small window and vomit out of it into the parking lot.  And that I did.  Puked and puked.  At one point the owner of that fine establishment was out to get something from his car, and between heaving I of course said, "Hi," and thanked him for letting me drink there.  He said something, I said something, we were both laughing.  Later he would say, "I've never, in all of my bar-owning years, seen someone vomit and laugh at the same time."  I heard someone behind me in the bathroom laughing, and that only made me laugh harder.

Gordo Puking out the window of The Grapevine at around 2 am.

We left.  I remember singing the quarter-mile drive to Uncle's house.  He put me on the couch, and I kept falling off of it.  Hey....the floor kept tilting back and forth...not my fault.  I was puking into a bucket at this time....and suddenly I remembered I promised to call my then-girlfriend when I got in.  She hadn't wanted me to go without her in the first place, because she was jealous and clingy...and I tolerated that because she was so fine...but I told her I'd be fine and she could survive without my sweet lovin' for one night.  But I did promise to call.

So, there I am, barely on a couch, my head in a bucket and the phone at my ear.  "I love you baby...*puuuuuuuuke*.  No baby, don't drive out tonight, I'm going to sleep...*puuuuuuuuuuuke.*"  And so on and so on.  My uncle is laughing his ass off because the bucket reverberating my voice makes me sound like I'm in a cave.  Eventually I passed out, I think I said good bye to her and hung up the phone before I did.  The next day I had one of those joint-aching hangovers that tell you you were really serious the night before.

Mission accomplished.

Here's the old drinkin' thread.  Share your stories.

February 26, 2002

 10:00 pm CDT - GORDON - Liar liar.

In an attempt to deal with the fact that 61% of Islamic-types still don't believe Muslims were behind the WTC bombings, the Pentagon attempted to open an "Office of Strategic Influence."  Criticism in western media pretty much made the point moot by giving it so much attention, it pretty much let the cat out of the bag.  The Pentagon has reported it is giving up on the idea.

What are your thoughts?

I was torn.  On the one hand, it would hurt credibility for any news release, fabricated or otherwise.  On the other hand, nobody is stopping the Muslim world from printing their own anti-American disinformation on a daily basis, keeping the fury against us alive so people feel like hijacking planes.

There've been many false stories I've seen; I believe the last one was that the United States was deliberately dropping the humanitarian food packages into mine fields so we could kill more Afghans.  And you know those people believe that shit.  And it makes them want to kill Americans.

Should we just start destroying printing presses?  I think that's been tried before.

Do we fight propaganda with propaganda?  We just tried it, and it got shot down.

Is the only solution to let fundamentalist Islamic governments say whatever they want to keep their citizens incensed and ignorant enough to walk into malls with bombs under their trench coats?

February 22, 2002

 10:15 am CDT - GORDON - Olympic sized hissy fits.

Against my will I've been exposed to a lot of the Winter Olympic Games this year, and I've seen live a lot of what has made the news the next day.  I watched the US Women's' Bobsleigh team have a bitchfest when the girl who was screwed over by her childhood friend won the gold.  I saw the bit when the female Bellarussian athelete dissapeared after testing 400 times the legal limit for steroids.  I saw the speed skating long track wipeout with the Korean skater taking down as many other skaters as he could....and watched as the last place Australian win the gold with a sheepish grin on his face.  I watched the Russian pairs skaters give an extremely flawed performance and through corrupt judging score higher than the flawless Canadians.  And, I saw the before mentioned Korean speed skater body check an American coming up the inside and trying to pass.

What has happened to sportsmanship?  What value can a medal have if you know you won it with deceit? 

Here's what happens these days when three cameras get different angles of hockey tactics on a racetrack:

My name is Kim Dong-sung, and I am a little bitch.
You throw down your nation's colors and cry about it.

This is already being discussed on the message board, and my disgust for his unseemly behavior is apparent.  What hadn't hit the forum, though, are the death threats that Ohno has been receiving.  It must be horrible when your self worth and your national identity relies on a sporting event every four years.

And the fixed judging in the pairs skating.....first the woman admitted to being coerced, then after her people got a hold on her, she denied it all.  "Trust the French," indeed.

I am a horrible monster,  oui oui, pass the wine.
I either have no integrity, or I can't judge for shit.  You decide.

And on to the event that actually inspired this topic.....Russia crying like spoiled babies and threatening to take their toys and go home.  But, their national identity is now riding on their hockey team.

Privately, Russian officials admit that if they were to pull out on the eve of the much anticipated showdown, people back home simply would not understand their decision, Reuters reported.
       “They said they just can’t do it now because they believe they can beat the Americans, and if they were to pull out now, it will just kill their hockey team,” the source said, according to Reuters.

What happens if the American team wins again?  It's interesting to consider what a hysterical baby could do when it's the size of Russia.

Maybe they'll boycott the rest of the games after hockey.  Maybe they'll boycott the Athens games, as they've threatened.  Maybe they'll start selling more arms to Iran and Iraq.  Russia, if you do decide that life is unfair, let me be the first to express my feelings to you:



February 19, 2002

 10:15 am CDT - GORDON - The new "Wolf."

So I'm doing my morning surfing today while waiting for my Kona Blend to kick in.  I get to, and see the headline, "Zimbabwe's anger over EU sanctions."  It looked interesting, and clicked it for more details.  I'm always morbidly curious to see how the world is going to fix severely broken Africa.

This post is quite linky so far, no?

Anyway, I'm in the news article, and the byline causes me to groan:

HARARE, Zimbabwe -- Zimbabwe has denounced the European Union's decision to impose sanctions as "organised economic terrorism."

Has anyone else noticed that since America started the harsh rhetoric against anything "terrorist," that every little gripe from every little country in the world has become about "terrorism?"  Economic sanctions are usually highly regarded as a peaceful way for one group to get a point across to another group.  Gandhi did it, in a way, with his work stoppages.  And these idiot Zimbabweans want to call it terrorism.  Like Gandhi was a terrorist.  (I promise you that today, he would be labeled one by whomever off he was pissing.)

They want to compare their economic wrist slap to a car bomb in a mall, a claymore mine disguised as a Valentine's Day bunny rabbit, or a couple airliners slamming into some buildings. 

Here's what I'm going to do next time I get a speeding ticket....I'll take it to court, call the press, and plead that I'm a victim of "State" sponsored terrorism in the form of the Highway Patrol.  I can use terms like "Speed Limit Nazi" and "Armed Extortion to fill Government Coffers" and "Organized Racketeering to meet Quotas and Justify Positions."  I can claim "Automotive Profiling" because I drive a "Sports Car."  Maybe I can throw in an argument about legalizing Hemp, too.

The U.S. Government is dedicated to stopping all forms of terrorism wherever it may be, right?  They can rattle their sabers for me, once.  Then I'll tell them about their own I.R.S.

Agree, disagree, whatever.

February 16, 2002

 2:05 am EDT - Leisher - How the Networks screw you, and Linkorama.

 A discussion was raised tonight about the odds of a popular, with Sci-Fi geeks, programming move by TNN lasting. The executives at TNN have been trying to recreate their image from The Nashville Network with mostly “Southern” themed programming to The National Network with programming aimed at males 18-50. Currently, TNN is running 4 episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation on Friday nights. Will it last? Sure, if the ratings are there to justify it lasting.

 Now, a little education about how television ratings work:

 Ratings are used to determine the popularity of television programs, IE: how many U.S. households are tuned in to a program each night. Salespeople from the networks (ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, UPN, and the WB), cable (TNN, TBS, TNT, USA, etc.), and local television stations go to their customers and sell advertising space on these shows with their monetary value based on the ratings each show receives. For example, Friends ranks at number 2 on the top rated shows list (out of 1st due to the Olympics) and would cost an advertiser more to put commercials on during it than Dawson’s Creek, whose ratings doesn’t crack the top 20.

 A “market” in ratings terms is a ranking of population versus other markets across the U.S. I believe New York City is the number one market, Los Angeles number 2, Cleveland number 13, etc.

 “Primetime” is the industry standard for the time period between the news hour of 6 p.m. and the news hour of 11 p.m. This is traditionally the highest priced time slots to advertise in because it’s when most Americans are watching television. To show how important a good time slot and ratings are in each market, a 30 second ad during ER can run an advertiser $1500, while a 30 minute infomercial at 2 a.m. can run $50 (based on a market in the 60s).

 And that leads us to the issue at hand…

 Ratings are currently determined in two ways: “Metered Markets”, which is through an electronic means that monitors a household’s viewing habits each second and via a “Book”, which is assigned to a small sample of the population in each market and is just a book a single viewer in the house fills out daily and mails into Neilson (the people in charge of calculating ratings).

 Most cities across this nation use the Book as a ratings tool and this is where The Man screws you over. Remember those shows you liked, and seemed to be popular, yet were cancelled? Freaks and Geeks, Sportsnight (now called The West Wing), Space: Above and Beyond, The Lone Gunmen, etc., etc., etc. were all shows with a following that were cancelled because their ratings weren’t up to snuff. But were they really? Why is it that ratings for shows like this seem to be high is the overnights from metered markets, yet drop when the book ratings come in the next day? Networks would have you believe that the books represent the majority of the population and are more accurate. The truth, however, is that if all markets were metered, cable companies would see big gains in ratings, while network ratings would dive, thus lost advertising revenue for the networks.

 Some of you might be looking at that list of shows I have above and are thinking, “But those are all network shows. Why would the networks risk their own shows getting cancelled with the “book” system?” The answer is that the networks consider ALL shows replaceable, but what’s not replaceable is the common view that the best shows are on the networks. If all the markets were metered that common stereotype would go out the window with advertisers when they realized that a larger percentage of people were watching cable networks than what is currently accepted under the book system.

 What can you do to change this and save your favorite shows? I honestly don’t know. As long as the networks have the power and money I doubt the books will be replaced. I would guess about the only thing you could do is write your Congressman and ask them to look into this situation. As for any particular show you like, write the network and tell them how much you love it. Believe it or not, that has saved a few shows in the past…more proof the ratings system is garbage. I mean, why would a network continue running a show they cancelled due to ratings just because a bunch of viewers asked them not too unless they KNOW the ratings system is flawed?

 Did the ratings kill your favorite show?

Linkorama time!! There are some gems here…

  • I don’t know if this first link is bullshit or not, but I’ve got to support the guy either way. This is a must see! First go here. Then “vote” here.

  • The Catholic Church and the Bush Administration have to open their eyes and start understanding human nature. I mean come on, they’re kids and they’re going to have sex. That’s what their bodies, nature, Hollywood, their friends, etc. is telling them to do. Asking them to have sex with a condom is smart to protect them. Asking kids to use condoms isn’t encouraging them to have sex. Last time I checked Jesus died for our sins because we’re mortal and we do sin. How about we stop trying to pretend it doesn’t happen, and instead try to stop teen pregnancy and VD? An estimated 10% of Catholic priests in the Boston area are pedophiles and they’re worried about teenagers going through a natural process of life? Amazing! I mean science has proven that masturbation in men is not only natural, but also necessary, so why stop the girls from having some fun? If you haven’t seen The Meaning of Life, I suggest you do so; there is a fantastic scene in it that parodies the Catholic Church’s belief that “every sperm is sacred”.

  • This guy tried to do a remake of this film. Whacky! (P.S. See the film. It’s a Sci-Fi classic.)

  • This is a tragedy, however I cannot help but laugh at the fact that he continued to work his route!
  • People, I have a simple belief when it comes to video game piracy.  If you continue to copy the good games (Half-Life, Empire Earth, Metal of Honor, etc.) then they will stop making them as they will run out of funds. Then all we’ll be left with is shitware from Wizardworks.
  • This is a very interesting read (until he gets preachy starting at Time Utilization), and a must read for future residents.
  • If you’re a gamer, this should be required reading material every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Before the move knocked them off the site, it was one of my recommended links.
  • Speaking of Penny Arcade, they linked this page today. Pretty funny stuff. I wonder if any of it is true.
  • Sticking with Hollywood, this page is interesting, hilarious, and disturbing. WARNING: Read the disclaimer at the top!!! It’s not an adult site, but it may ruin your image of some people you love…
  • There’s tons of reading material and entertainment above, so I’ll leave you with one last page. Another one that used to be in my recommend links is this page, it’s a pop culture/gaming site. Currently, you should read this article, which is pretty funny, especially the top comic on page 2.

So many topics, so much to talk about…

February 15, 2002

 2:08 pm CDT - GORDON - TGIFF.

In celebration of the French Olympic judge's admission that she allowed her integrity to be compromised and her subsequent banning from the sport, I'd like to offer my submission for France's new national flag:




Please don't hurt us.




There's already a thread running about it in the "General" Forum.

February 4, 2002

 4:05 pm EDT - Leisher - Random observations.

 The NFL’s best offense ever(?) versus a “Cinderella” team in a patriotic themed Super Bowl ending with a game winning field goal. Yeah, it sounds exciting, but for me, it was the most boring Super Bowl of all time. This game just lacked any energy at all. I believe the event itself actually took away from the game. Has the Super Bowl gotten too big? Can any game live up to its hype?

Speaking of the Super Bowl, I wouldn’t scoff at a suggestion that it was rigged. Seriously! The New England Patriots, with an inept offense and the 24th worst defense in the league wins the Super Bowl? In the process they defeat three of the best offenses and defenses in the league? Teams that looked unstoppable suddenly appeared flat, clumsy, and inaccurate… Do I believe the Super Bowl was fixed? No. However, I do find it a bit…”coincidental” that the Super Bowl champions this year were the Patriots and their colors are red, white, and blue.

 Speaking of the Super Bowl (last one, I promise), what was with the ads this year? They sucked. There were a couple of decent ones, but nothing close to last year’s crop. I can remember commercials from last year, but I barely remember even two or maybe three from this year. People are blaming the recession; I blame old money making old decisions, and a serious lack of new blood.

 WARNING: Only adults over the age of 18 should click the links in this section.

Anyone catch Fear Factor Sunday night with the playmates? You want to talk about stereotypes? I’d have to claim that these playmates did little to prove that they aren’t plastic bimbos. A couple of them were just idiots with about as much depth as a child’s wadding pool. Cheers to the three girls who actually made it seem like non-bimbos pose for Playboy too: Angel, Stacy, and Lauren.

 For your convenience, here are the girls that appeared on the show, in order of elimination:

Nicole Narain – Pissed off women by acting like a moron and never working out.

Julie Cialini – She was gone too soon to determine her bimbo factor.

Stacy Sanches – Stacy’s sister is hot too, and you’ve got to love this.

Priscilla Taylor – If Anna Nicole Smith were dead, Priscilla would be Queen Bimbo

Angel Boris – Mmmmm, smart, sexy, and dirty.

Lauren Hill – She won and she wasn’t a bimbo. Bravo.

 Of course, if you love naked women, then be patriotic about it.

Due to the storms last week I was left with power, but without cable. During this outage, I found time to watch Tomb Raider. What a piece of shit. Avoid it like the plague. Not only did this film have the typical Hollywood “touches” with complete character and story changes from the existing property that made the film possible and the original property popular, but the acting was so poor and the action so over the top ridiculous that I felt like the movie should have been done in Japanimation. You could smell the marketing all over this film. From the robots to the topless guys to the side view of Angelina’s naked breast, everything screamed, “My script was touched up by marketers to appeal to our demographic!!” Hey Hollywood, you want to appeal to your demographics? Make something that doesn’t suck ass. Oh, and try to leave existing properties alone, they made enough cash and enough fans before you came along. You can’t make every film appeal to everyone, so don’t try. Just make it for the properties’ audience and let them support it. Don’t worry, they will (EX: Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, etc.).

Come, discuss the Super Bowl, commercials, shitty marketing movies, and naked women.

February 1, 2002

 11:00 am CDT - GORDON - Stories about going out drinking with my buddies.

By request.

Welcome to February.  Seems like just yesterday it was January.

It was brought to my attention that I could use more drinkin' stories here.  Part of me agrees.  I have many tales to tell, but I'll try to just tell a good one here, and start a thread for us to share.  Because sharing is.....I don't know.  Mom always said I should share.  But I sometimes disagree.


I've always had amazing drunken vomit control.  I've drunk to the puking stage many times, but every time I've managed to get myself to a receptacle and avoid voiding all over whatever or whomever happened to be in close proximity.  I have many occasions I could cite, but I think I'll talk about the one time my amazing self control bit me in the ass.  Kinda.  At any rate, it produced one very unhappy sailor.


Once upon a time there was a United States Marine named Corporal Gordon.  He wasn't your typical Marine.  He was unusually reserved and reflective while on duty, often solving problems with his intellect rather than brute force.  Much like Jean Luc Picard of the Enterprise.

But Corporal Gordon had another philosophy which helped keep him sane:  Work hard, play hard.  "Playing Hard" was his pressure release valve.  He could suppress his emotions when he had to, but there had to be a time to cut loose.

The year was 1994, and there was trouble in Haiti.  Dictators blah blah blah country in deterioration blah blah blah starving people blah blah blah military intervention.  Cpl G, deciding he needed a break from deepest darkest North Carolina, volunteered to join the unit going to Haiti to take care of business.  He was accepted and soon was embarked on the USS Wasp (LHD-1), the largest amphibious ship in the world.

The Wasp.

Cpl G, not new to being deployed on ship, soon settled into his new duties.

He and his crew were on station in Haiti for about two months.  It was squalor and hardship, but he felt they left the place better than they found it.  They even left them minus the one government brute squad that decided it was a good idea to shoot the Navy interpreter on patrol with a squad of Marines.  The Navy guy lived to tell the tale, the bad guys didn't.

Now, when US military vehicles are deployed to foreign lands, they need to be cleaned (damn near sterilized) so they will pass an inspection by customs officials.  They come aboard and inspect for mud or fruit or anything else that could be harboring foreign insect stowaways.  That being the case, they had a ten day stop in Puerto Rico for vehicle washdown before returning to The States, proper.  And thus the stage is set for the story.

"We were docked on the west end of the island at a US Naval Base Roosevelt Roads.  The shorthand is "Roosey Roads."  And it turns out there have a pretty well stocked E-Club up on a hill," says Corporal Gordon.  Click here to see their current weather conditions.

One night...a school night, it turns out....the stressed Corporal Gordon decided it was time to release the pressure valve, grabbed a few buddies, and caught a cab to the club.  "I remember at least 20 shots of various hard liquor."  Hilarity ensued. 

1 am rolls around, and the Shore Patrol (military police) rolls in to collect the drunks (everyone).  "Nobody was being belligerent, so they just crammed about 25 of us into their van and drove us down to our ships.  I remember a lot of singing."

Fast forward to 5 am.  revele is sounded over the ship's intercom, and in the military there is no snooze alarm.  "I roll out of the rack and realize I am still plastered.....and I have an uncomfortable knot in my stomach.  I get myself in the shower and attempt to get my central nervous system operational," remembers Gordo.  It was only partly successful, it turns out.

He skipped morning chow.  Mistake?  Unknown.  "I drag myself up to the office and crash in a chair next to the Staff immediate boss."   His head finds its way into his hands.  "We were at dock, but I'd have bet money we were underway in heavy seas.  SSgt Jackson, being enlisted himself, told me to get the hell out of there before the Commanding Officer came in and gave me shit.  I don't think the CO would have really cared, as he was former enlisted himself and would have been amused by my pained status, but I was in no condition to argue."

But he had to pause and think...."where am I going to go to sleep this off?  I cant go back to the rack because the privates are down there cleaning, and there's always people supervising who want to screw with you.  But, a Navy ship is a big place full of nooks and crannies, and I found one."

His particular cranny was an observation deck stuck to the outside of the ship about one level down from the flight deck (where the helicopters land).  "I went way the hell down to the end where there's no pedestrian traffic, found a spot out of the field of vision between two large gear lockers, curled up in a fetal position on a gray steel deck, and passed out breathing the fresh Caribbean air."

Fast forward two hours.  Corporal Gordon comes awake with a strange feeling in his gut.  "Aha," he says to himself.  "Retribution is upon me."  He realizes it is time for his legendary self control.  He closes his eyes and steadies his heartbeat and breathing, and ignores the fact his mouth is beginning to water.  Softly, he finds his feet and eyeballs the rail 3 feet from him....the rail that would keep a person from tumbling sixty feet to the blue waters of the Caribbean Sea.  The Caribbean Sea that would hide all evidence of Corporal Gordon's drunken overindulgence of the previous evening.  Corporal Gordon approaches the rail and puts his hands on it.  Standing ramrod straight, he closes his eyes and allows his body's natural response to being poisoned to continue.

He feels his gorge rising.  Eyes still closed, he leans over the rail to deposit his last paycheck into the secretive waters.  Waters that told no tale.  He contributes once.  Twice.  Thrice.  His stomach begins to settle, and a sense of euphoria falls over him.  "Another price paid," he tells himself.

Corporal Gordon, still leaning over the rail, opens his eyes.


It is a well known and much lamented fact of Navy lore that one of the places you don't want to be assigned on a ship is in the trash incinerator room.  In the past they were dark, hot, smoke filled dungeons where the ship's burnable detritus ended up.  In this ship, only a few years old, a nice big door had been built into the side of the ship, actually turning the incinerator room into one of the nicer compartments on the ship, as you could have a nice big picture window through which to see outside.  This is a luxury on ship. 

This particular hatch, square and six feet on a side, happened to be hinged at the bottom and opened down, where in the open position it was held perpendicular to the sea by two large chains on either side.

This hatch happened to be open, today.


Corporal Gordon was standing directly over the open hatch of the incinerator compartment.

Corporal Gordon never did find out if there were any seamen in that compartment at that particular time, but he did have about five seconds lament for the poor squid who had to clean up his puke.  But then he reflected on the fact that out of 844 feet of ship, he blindly (but with good intentions) picked 6 feet that actually blocked his access to the water.  God must have wanted it that way.

Artist's conception of Corporal Gordon vomiting onto the open hatch of the incinerator room of the USS Wasp (LHD-1).

Got any stories?  Share.

January 30, 2002

 8:30 am CDT - GORDON - Poor, poor rich people.

Why in the hell is Lay's (the guy who steered Enron into the iceburg) wife making all these TV appearances defending her husband?

Does she really think newly unemployed and broke people need help to understand the likable guy with $5 million in stock (not Enron) and 10 houses?  Does she really feel like he's the victim in all this?

Is she fucking retarded?

What is it about rich white people that makes me hate them so much?


Hey, how bout that State of the Union Address.  Why was Jesse Jackson there?  Why was LtCol McSally there, if she's so universally reviled?   Why does Hillary Clinton seem to go out of her way to look bored when her President speaks?  At whom did the President keep glancing and laughing?


Here's a webpage a forum member posted.  I spent most of my work afternoon yesterday reading it.  Agree, disagree, maybe it will make you think.  Fred on Everything.  Lots of current events and cynicism and grizzle.


The Bush family women sure seem to have a wild streak, no?  I wonder what kind of hellcat Barbara was when 41 met her back in 1816.


Why does anyone even take Tyson seriously anymore?  Personally, I only had to be told two or three times as a child to not eat my playmates.  What's his problem...too much money make him an idiot?  You know...I may have nailed it.  In the real world he'd be on the streets starving, or rotting in jail for any number of felonies.


I need to buy the domain  Since I know everything, and everything.

January 22, 2002

 9:34 am CDT - GORDON - I have a huge car payment.

So there I was sitting at a traffic light, when BAM, an old shit pickup comes out of fucking nowhere and bumps into the back of my car at 2 mph.

He apologized and had Marine stickers all over his shit pickup.  There was nary a scratch, so I just told him don't worry about it, nothing's broken.

Light turned green, then the fucker sped around me and cut me off.



K-Mart declaring bankruptcy has actually affected my job security.  They're going down owing my employer $10 million, which has seriously affected our year end figures.  I've known this since last week but I didn't want to panic the market while they were trying to find funding.... I tell ya, if I lose my job over this, you can believe I'll be writing a sternly worded post about them, here.

Then I'll move to the tropics and open a bar.


2 + 2 = ?

Remember that airliner en route from Israel to Russia that exploded over the Black Sea on about Septemer 17th?  And do you remember reading that "shoe bombs" was supposed to have been a widespread tactic of the bad guys?

Have we ever gotten an official word of why that airliner exploded?


Whoever is whining about Anghani prisoner treatment in Guantanamo Bay, please report to my office, because youre fuckin' fired.  Some facts:

  • They're fucking prisoners.  This isn't a day at a theme park.
  • They were captured as part of a group plotting to kill as many American civilians as possible.  As far as I'm concerned, the only reason they shouldn't have been killed on the battlefield is for the intelligence they may yield.
  • They were pulled out of holes in the ground, and now they're on a tropical island.  I'm stuck in a cubicle with no windows, and no vacation for another five months.  Cry me a river.
  • The prisoners themselves are reporting no harsh treatment. (See the "British are assuaged" bit in the linked article.)

Next the highly concerned "International Community" will be crying that the prisoners don't have cable TV and broadband internet and ice cream on Tuesday.  Gordo to "International Community:"  Bite Me.  If you were so concerned about their well being, you should have sent your own sons to fix Afghanistan.  Now shut up and let Daddy take care of the problems.

Don't ever let it be said I was afraid to sound off on issues I've not researched.

January 15, 2002

 10:34 am CDT - GORDON - One track minds.

I've got something to share.


From the beginning of puberty and through most of his life, every single thing a human male does is directly related to his trying to have sex.

This may not seem like a huge revelation, but consider what a broad statement that is.  Everything a man does, each mundane detail, is his trying to bed a woman, and possibly a man, depending. 

Examples?  Going to college.  A person arguing would say, "A man will go to college to better himself and have a successfull career." is the worse example one could use to argue with me.  Not only are campuses reknown for being gathering places for the much desired "Drunken Sorority Chick," but the entire point of getting an education is so that you can make good money later and attract the females.  Don't even try to tell me that girls don't like the monies.  No, not the only thing...but still.

How about getting up every day and going to a Life Sucking Cubicle of Doom and Vague Misdirected Anger?  See the "gainfull employment to make money" line, above.

Personal hygeine?  All to not repulse the women.

Cleaning the apartment?  The cute girl in the upstairs apartment might knock on the door any second to borrow sugar...can't look like a pig.  You have to make them think that you'd still clean up your house after they marry you.  Suckers!  Mental note:  check the sugar supply at home.

Maintaining a personal webpage?  Vain attempt to attract geeky webgirls with glasses who enjoy lounging naked in front of their webcams and if only would remove their glasses and let their hair down would look like Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Buying new clothes twice a year?  men think chicks like men with fashion sense.

Buying new clothes once evey two years?  Men think chicks like to buy their men clothes.

Going to the gym?  Trying to maintain the hard body to attract the chicks with pheremones, where pure personality is failing.

Men even borrow their toddler nieces and nephews for walks in the park.  Come on.

Going to a club and acting like they enjoy dancing?  *shiver*

Going to a bar and drinking to excess?  Manual lowering of standards so they will be eager to have sex with a woman they wouldn't otherwise have looked twice at.  The only type, usually, that would sleep with him in the first place.

So here's the challenge.....think of a common thing men do that I can't prove isn't entirely an ulterior motive to having sex.

January 13, 2002

 6:52 pm CDT - GORDON - Still here.

I couldn't believe it when I realized it had been a month since the last post.  It wasn't complete laziness....12 of those days I was on vacation out of state, and another 3 of those days I was on my deathbed with the flu.  But the rest was laziness.

Elena Sea is still alive (and on painkillers), but she is between ISP's at the moment.  I convinced her to denounce her AOLish ways, but now she's playing the DSL setup game.  When she'll be connected again is anybody's guess.

The DTMan Forum is hopping.  To me it is by far the most interesting thing about this web page.  You need to register to post, but it's quick and painless.

Couple new links on the left; The Morlocks are some former Lummies who, I noticed, linked to me.  Right back atcha.  And Wil is the page of TV's Wesley Crusher.  Fairly interesting stuff...I'll keep it linked as long as it stays that way.

Fox is showing something called "The Chamber" right this second.  It looks like self induced torture for money.  My first thought was..."stupid."  Then I realized that torturing myself was something I was really good at, and I could probably win that show.  But damn...hard questions.  Top 10 car rental agencies?  There are 10?

Some girl just called the Rook a "tower."  Hey look..."Sopranos" repeats.

I'm almost over my Lord of the Rings obsession.  I loved the movie and saw it twice in the theaters.  The only movies I've paid to see more than once in the last decade are "Fellowship of the Ring," "The Blair Witch Project," "Starship Troopers," and "Jurassic Park."

Some might say my taste in films is hit and miss.

Well, this technically qualifies as an update, and my Subway Cold Cut Combo  just walked in the door.  Later.

 December 13, 2001

 9:28 am CDT - GORDON - Wielding the Sword of Racism and the Hammer of Not Thinking.

It appears that if you enjoy Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings" stories that you're a racist.

From the mind of someone claiming to be more enlightened than you (no, not me):

The appeal of the Lord of the Rings is fundamentally racist. Middle Earth is inhabited by races of creature deeply marked off from one another by language, physical appearance, and behaviour. It is almost a parody of a Hitlerian vision: orcs are ugly, disgusting, brutal, violent - without exception; elves are a beautiful, lordly, cultured elite; in between are hobbits, short, hairy, ordinary, a bit limited, but lovable and loyal and brave when they have to be.

So there you have it.  You enjoy (or don't, as the case may be) these stories not because they are well written, but because they appeal to your darker, racist natures.  No pun intended.  It has nothing to do with it being good story or a fun read.  It's because you subconsciously enjoy bashing people different than you.

Another series of books that had received this kind of scrutiny is the "Chronicles of Narnia" by C.S. Lewis.  The first and most famous book of the series, "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" was a basic good/evil story written with children in mind.  I had this book read to me in the 3rd Grade.  The king of the land, Aslan, is a talking lion.  Even in the 3rd Grade I recognized some similarities to the Christ mythology, but I dismissed it as secondary to what was just a good story. 

The novelist and critic Philip Hensher, a rising figure in the London literary establishment (he's a Booker Prize judge), censured the Chronicles as "poisonous" and "ghastly, priggish, half-witted" books intended to "corrupt the minds of the young with allegory." Corruption by allegory? Bailiff, take him away! Never mind that one of Hensher's own books, Kitchen Venom (1996), all but glorifies pederasty. What Hensher meant by corrupting the young was exposing them to what he derided as "Lewis's creed of clean-living, muscular Christianity."

The thing that bothers me about all this is...I'm being taught all about stereotypes.

Racism and stereotyping are assigning a certain trait across all members of a race, regardless of its validity, or lack of.

When Episode I came out, I started hearing instantly about all of the "racism." I never saw it that way. Watto wasn't a Jewish shopkeeper....he was a small flying alien. Jar Jar wasn't Jamaican to me...he was just an idiot...who was an alien. It took the stereotypes of the people pointing these things out to me to make me even wonder if Lucas was a racist.

As far as Tolkein, even if he were subconsciously influenced in his writings by the events around him (*gasp*), he never came out and said "Orcs are bad like the dirty Huns or thieving A-rabs." The fact that people take a fairy tale and assign racist and nationalistic undertones just displays their own stereotypes, not those of the author.

Next they'll be telling us Sylvester, Wile E. Coyote, and Tom were all homicidal maniacs due to their relentless pursuits of Tweety, Roadrunner, and Jerry, respectively.

 December 10, 2001

 12:41 pm CDT - GORDON - Stuff.

Much stuff going on.

Time Magazine is mulling naming Bin Laden the Man of the Year for 2001.  I found a second reference to this today; after seeing a reference to it last Friday, I searched all over and couldn't verify.  According to that news article, there's lots of love being directed at Time:

What the HELL is wrong with you people?  I am so mad I can't even type. Have you lost your minds or are you just idiots? - Meredith

Personally, I don't think he qualifies, in spite of the fact past "winners" included Hitler and Stalin.  "Criminal of the Year," sure.  Man of the Year, no.  PS - Fuck Osama.  Fuck him right in the ear.  Aural sex!


The "American Taliban."

Unless he officially renounced his citizenship at some point, he sounds like a traitor to me.  And a stupid one, at that.  Idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot.  I hope the Marines are making him feel welcome.  And somebody let Time know we have another potential Man of the Year.


Israel vs. Arafat

I side with Israel.  I vote full attack, occupation and annexation of the landmass known as "Palestine."  Palestinians are to be relocated and spread out evenly throughout Israel...or Phoenix, Arizona...and none are to be allowed to remain in what used to be Palestine.  The Palestinians will be forced to share one meal a week with their Israeli (or Arizonan) neighbors, for a minimum of 90 minutes.  If any bickering occurs beyond how much butter to put on the beans, the meal period is considered void and they can try to be civilized again the next day.  Once Palestine is cleared out, a fortified fence is to be erected around it and patrolled by the United Stated military.  Any persons found trying to enter the Un-Zone will be stopped.  Palistine will remain devoid of humans for the next 50 years, at which time the United States will decide the best use of the land.

I'm thinking a Disney water park.

If you can't play nice with your toys, I'm taking them away.


I've had to correct a few people on the definition of a "Dirty Bomb."  News stations are going for the sensational by saying "Taliban developing a nuke!" then going on to discuss dirty bombs.  Bah.  A "dirty bomb" is a conventional bomb surrounded by radioactive material.  At best, they will spread radioactive debris over an area a couple city blocks.  They aren't going to be flattening cities or taking out the corn fields of Iowa.  So stop spazzing already.

When a dirty bomb leaves its house, I go over and bang its wife.


Does "IT" look stupid, or what?  Newsflash, people:  we're all waiting for the Jetsons-cars.  Unless it flies, don't waste out time.  Idiots.


That's about it for now.  Nothing has really inspired me lately, so hopefully this quenches your eternal thirst for my waxing Gordotic.

Get it?  AURAL sex???

 December 4, 2001

 9:13 am EDT Elena Sea - Inhibitions.

I have a question.  When I drink alcohol, I find myself doing and saying things that I wouldn't do under "normal" circumstances.  My question is this:  Are we our "true" selves under the influence of alcohol?  My "political correctness" (or whatever you wish to call it) prevents me from doing or saying what really is on my mind.  But give me a few drinks and I find myself saying exactly what I feel without inhibiton, I find myself less concerned about consequence of action.  To me, I am more "true" , I am without the "mask".  It bothers me actually that it takes alcohol to rid of the walls I put up to protect my ________ <---not sure what to call it.   I'm not a phony person at all, but I think I am very raw, real, and completely myself when I have had a few.

Do you have the same experience?

 December 2, 2001

 5:39 pm CDT - GORDON - What's wrong with the world part XXVI.

More than once on the DTMan forums we've debated the morality of corporal punishment.  It was recently while rereading Heinlein's, "Starship Troopers" that I found an excellent dialogue on the subject.

The background for the following bit is a future around the year 2400.  The world is a selective democracy; selective in that the only people granted full citizenship rights were those who had volunteered for a stint of "Federal Service."  Society is in full bloom, crime is nearly nonexistent, the parks are safe at night, and public floggings for committing misdemeanors is commonplace.  Here's a flashback of a dialogue between the story's protagonist and a teacher he had in high school.

I found myself mulling over a discussion in our class in History and Moral Philosophy.  Mr. Dubois was talking about the disorders that preceded the breakup of the North American republic, back in the XXth century.  According to him, there was a time just before they went down the drain when such crime’s as Dillinger’s were as common as dog-fights.  The Terror had not just been in North America – Russia and the British Isles had it, too as well as other places.  But it reached its peak in North America shortly before things went to pieces.

            “Law-abiding people,” Dubois had told us, “hardly dared go into a public park at night.  To do so was to risk attack by wolf packs of children, armed with chains, knives, home-made guns, bludgeons….to be hurt at least, robbed most certainly, injured for life probably – or even killed.  This went on for years, right up to the war between to Russo-Anglo-American Alliance and the Chinese Hegemony.  Murder, drug addiction, larceny, assault and vandalism were commonplace.  Nor were the parks the only places – these things happened also on the streets in daylight, on school grounds, even inside the school buildings.  But parks were so notoriously unsafe that honest people stayed clear of them after dark.”

            I had tried to imagine such things happening in our schools.  I simply couldn’t.  Nor in our parks.  A park was a place for fun, not for getting hurt.  As for getting killed in one – “Mr. Dubois, didn’t they have police?  Or courts?”

            “They had many more police than we have.  And more courts.  All overworked.”

“I guess I don’t get it.”  If a boy in our city had done anything half that bad….well, he and his father would have been flogged side by side.  But such things just didn’t happen.

            Mr. Dubois then demanded of me, “Define a ‘juvenile delinquent.’”

            “Uh, one of those kids – the ones who used to beat up people.”


            “Huh?  The book said –“

            “My apologies.  Your textbook does so state.  But calling a tail a leg does not make the name fit.  ‘Juvenile delinquent’ is a contradiction in terms, one which gives you a clue to their problem and their failure to solve it.  Have you ever raised a puppy?”

            “Yes, sir.”

            “Did you housebreak him?”

            “Err…yes sir.  Eventually.”  It was my slowness in this that caused my mother to rule that dogs must stay out of the house.

            “Ah, yes.  When your puppy made mistakes, were you angry?”

            “What?  Why, he didn’t know any better; he was just a puppy.”

            “What did you do?”

            “Why, I scolded him and rubbed his nose in it and paddled him.”

            “Surely he could not understand your words?”

            “No, but he could tell I was sore at him!”

            “But you just said you were not angry.”

            Mr. Dubois had an infuriating way of getting a person mixed up.  “No, but I had to make him think I was.  He had to learn, didn’t he?”

            “Conceded.  But, having made it clear to him that you disapproved, how could you be so cruel as to spank him as well?  You said the poor little beastie didn’t know that he was doing wrong.  Yet you inflicted pain.  Justify yourself!  Or are you a sadist?”

            I didn’t know then what a sadist was – but I knew pups.  “Mr. Dubois, you have to!  You scold him so that he knows he’s in trouble, you rub his nose in it so he will know what trouble you mean, you paddle him so he darn well won’t do it again – and you have to do it right away!  It doesn’t do a bit of good to punish him later; you’ll just confuse him.  Even so, he won’t learn from one lesson, so you watch and catch him again and paddle him still harder.  Pretty soon he learns.  But it’s a waste of breath just to scold him.”  Then I added, “I guess you’ve never raised pups.”

            “Many.  I’m raising a dachshund now – by your methods.  Let’s get back to those juvenile criminals.  The most vicious averaged somewhat younger than you here in this class…. and they often started their lawless careers much younger.  Let us never forget that puppy.  These children were often caught; police arrested batches every day.  Were they scolded?  Yes, often scathingly.  Were their noses rubbed in it?  Rarely.  News organs and officials usually kept their names secret – in many places the law so required for criminals under eighteen.  Were the spanked?  Indeed not!  Many of them had never been spanked even as small children; there was a widespread belief that spanking, or any punishment involving pain, did a child permanent psychic damage.”

            (I had reflected that my father must have never heard of that theory.)

            “Corporal punishment in schools was forbidden by law,” he had gone on.  “Flogging was lawful as sentence of court only in one small province, Delaware, and there only for a few crimes and was rarely invoked; it was regarded as ‘cruel and unusual punishment.’”  Dubois had mused aloud, “I do not understand objections to ‘cruel and unusual’ punishment.  While a judge should be benevolent in purpose, his awards should cause the criminal to suffer, else there is no punishment – and pain is the basic mechanism built into us all by millions of years of evolution which safeguards us by warning when something threatens our survival.  Why should society refuse to use to use such a highly perfected survival mechanism?  However, that period was loaded with pre-scientific pseudo-psychological nonsense.

            “As for ‘unusual,’ punishment must be unusual or it serves no purpose.”  He then pointed his stump at another boy.  “What would happen if a puppy were spanked every hour?”

            “Uh….probably drive him crazy!”

            “Probably.  It certainly will not teach him anything.  How long has it been since the principal of the school had to last switch a pupil?”

            “Uh, I’m not sure.  About two years.  That kid that swiped –“

            “Never mind.  Long enough.  It means that such punishment is so unusual as to be significant, to deter, to instruct.  Back to these young criminals – They probably were not spanked as babies; they certainly were not flogged for their crimes.  The usual sequence was:  for a first offense, a warning – a scolding, often without trial.  After several offenses sentence of confinement but with a sentence suspended and the youngster placed on probation.  A boy might be arrested many times and convicted several times before he was punished – and then it would be merely confinement, with others like him from whom he learned still more criminal habits.  If he kept out of major trouble while confined, he could usually evade most of even that minor punishment, be given probation – ‘paroled’ in the jargon of the times.

            “This incredible sequence could go on for years while his crimes increased in frequency and viciousness, but with no punishment whatsoever save rare dull-but-comfortable confinements.  The suddenly, usually by law on his eighteenth birthday, this so-called ‘juvenile delinquent’ becomes an adult criminal – and sometimes wound up in only weeks or months in a death cell awaiting execution for murder.  You –“

            He had singled me out again.  “Suppose you merely scolded your puppy, never punished him, let him go on making messes in the house…and occasionally locked him up in an outbuilding but soon let him back in the house with a warning not to do it again.  Then one day you notice that he is now a grown dog and still not housebroken – whereupon you whip out a gun and shoot him dead.  Comment, please?”

            “Why…that’s the craziest way to raise a dog I ever heard of!”

            “I agree.  Or a child.  Whose fault would it be?”

            “Uh…why mine, I guess.”
 It goes on to discuss the fact that humans don't actually have any natural sense of morality, so that if it isn't taught, you'll never have it.  I personally agree with the above argument.  I personally agree with the concept of corporal punishment.  I hold those who disagree with scorn and contempt.

Let's have some discussion.  Hopefully we can find some "Time-out" believers.

 November 27, 2001

 12:54 pm CDT - GORDON - Marines vs. Army.

Back in November 1775 the North American Continentals had a problem.  Taxation and mistreatment by the British had American Colonials in a treasonous state of mind.  Many were saying that something needed to be done.

A Colonial Army was already established comprised of underpaid farmers.  They were taught to load and fire a flintlock, and basic drill.  As meager as the army was, the fighting spirit was strong enough that they they had the preposterous notion that they could defeat the armies of the dominant empire of that time.

A known weakness, though, was maritime combat.  Not the ship to ship warfare, but the common practice of "Coming 'lonside" and being boarded.  An standard issue army dog trained to stand in a formation and fire straight ahead isn't suited for hand-to-hand on rolling steps needed to be taken.

"That two battalions of Marines be raised consisting of one colonel, two lieutenant colonels, two majors and officers as usual in other regiments, that they consist of an equal number of privates with other battalions; that particular care be taken that no person be appointed to office or enlisted into said battalions, but such as are good seamen, or so acquainted with maritime affairs as to be able to serve to advantage by sea."

(Resolution of the Continental Congress, 10 November 1775.)

Enter Lieutenant Presley O'Bannon.  Charged with forming a fighting group to not only be competent but to excel at fighting on the water, he went to where the rough, tough sons of bitches gather.  A bar.

Tun Tavern, to be exact, in a bad part of Philadelphia.  This is considered to be the birthplace of the Corps.  He was laughed at when he made his proposition to the room, so he opened his purse and started buying the steaks and beer.  Several beers later, and he had his men.

"The Continental ship Providence, now lying at Boston, is bound on a short cruise, immediately; a few good men are wanted to make up her complement."

(Marine Captain William Jones, Providence Gazette, 20 March 1779.)

During the Revolutionary War Marines served with valor, often taking position in ships' rigging and using superior sharpshooting skills to fire down on enemy troops as the ships would come alongside.  This proved very effective.  The Marines lost 49 men out of approximateley 2000 (assuming a standard battalion of 1000 men).

"A ship without Marines is like a garment without buttons."

(Admiral David D. Porter, USN, 1863.)

Later was the war of the Barbary Pirates, who were plundering the shipping of the newborn country.  It was decided to hit them where they lived....and this is where the part of the song, " the shores of Tripoli" comes from.  Standard practices of transport-group-formation-march-fire were not used.  The Marines landed en masse, and ran up the beach like madmen while screaming at the top of their lungs.  It is said that the enemy was scared to death by the display....such things just weren't done in civilized warfare.

"The Marines have landed and have the situation well in hand."

(Attributed to many sources and popularized by the correspondent Richard Harding Davis during the late nineteenth-century.)

The Marines spent the next couple centuries maintaining their tradition of excellence.  Under constant pressure from the army which feels it can handle Amphib and Takeover duties just fine (see Somalia, and more recently Omar's house in Afghanistan) with their "Elite Force Army Rangers," the Marines have carried on doing what they do best: being the most proficient fighting force the world has known.

"Retreat Hell! We've just got here!"

(Attributed to several World War I Marine Corps officers, Belleau Wood, June 1918.)

The "Marine Disband" battle hasn't just been fought in the 19th century, either.  In 1994 when the US Government decided to occupy Haiti for a second time, (Army) Major General Shelton, in charge of the operation, actually put his Rangers on an aircraft carrier so they could be transported to occupy the high-visibility capitol of Port Au Prince.  The Marines were relegated to take the major military base at the north end of the island, Cap Haitian.  The army, Ranger or not, has no business doing what the Marines specialize in.  But, anything for camera time.  Like their berets?

"I have only two out of my company and 20 out of some other company. We need support, but it is almost suicide to try to get it here as we are swept by machine gun fire and a constant barrage is on us. I have no one on my left and only a few on my right. I will hold."

(First Lieutenant Clifton B. Cates, USMC, 96th Co., Soissons, 19 July 1918.)

The Rangers are fine, for being in the army.  It's too bad that all soldiers don't get the same high quality training to ensure maximum survivability in combat.  I guess some rate better than others.

"Casualties many; Percentage of dead not known; Combat efficiency; we are winning."

(Colonel David M. Shoup, USMC, Tarawa, 21 November 1943.)

"The raising of that flag on Suribachi means a Marine Corps for the next 500 years."

(James Forrestal, Secretary of the Navy, 23 February 1945.)

"The bended knee is not a tradition of our Corps."

(General Alexander A. Vandergrift, USMC, to the Senate Naval Affairs Committee, 5 May 1946.)

"I have just returned from visiting the Marines at the front, and there is not a finer fighting organization in the world."

(General Douglas MacArthur, USA, outskirts of Seoul, 21 September 1950.)

"I can't say enough about the two Marine divisions. If I use words like brilliant, it would really be an under-description of the absolutely superb job they did in breaching the so-called impenetrable barrier. . .Absolutely superb operation, a textbook, and I think it'll be studied for many, many years to come as the way to do it."

(General H. Norman Schwarzkopf, USA, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, 27 February 1991.)

Once a Marine, always a Marine.  Being ex-Army has little more distinction than having worked at McDonalds.

Want to fight about it?

 November 22, 2001

 11:04 pm EDT Elena Sea - I need to tell Gordo what to title my updates.

I was horrified to learn how women have been so oppressed and brutalized in Afghanistan. I read an article that astounded me: women endure removal of their genitals so as to avoid sexual pleasure! This, to me, is the most wretched form of torture and if I ever have the pleasure to encounter anyone who performed these acts on women, I would gladly remove his genitalia with a butter knife doused in rubbing alcohol and while I was at it, I would slowly force sharp metal toothpicks into each of his nail beds. Don't even ask me what I would stick in his ass but remember that scene at the end of Braveheart?

Talk to me.

 November 15, 2001

 12:51 pm CDT - GORDON - Don't let the tent flap smack you on the ass on your way out.

The Taliban and the caveman are in full haul-ass mode.  They sure stayed in for the long haul, didn't they.  Even in full retreat, they still jabber like they'e winning.  Reminds me of something.....  ahh yes.  Children talking smack on the internet.  But I digress.

Of all the news footage I've seen, what I like the best is the images of men shaving, and women smiling.  It amazes me to think of a woman living her life outside of her house under a bed sheet.  If ever an example of organized evil were needed, the Taliban would be it.

From the destruction of thousands of innocent lives in New York City to the liberation of thousands of innocent people in a faraway land.  Sometimes it hurts to be the beacon of freedom for the entire world.  It is not a task for the timid.  The United States is equal to the challenge.

In the archives, you'll find many posts from Jesus and myself making fun of the Taliban well before September 11th happened.  They were tolerated about 5 years too long.

I vote we move our bases out of Saudi Arabia, and set up shop in Afghanistan.  Get some GI's spending their paychecks in Kabul, which will stimulate the economy.

Build a McDonalds, for the love of Allah.

So what happens now?

 November 14, 2001

 3:07 pm EDT - Leisher - How long before HBO makes this a series? 

I received an email this morning that was a press release for a book of confessions. It claimed that all the confessions were anonymous and made through a website. 

I found the page in question and downloaded a sample from the book. All the samples come categorized by the seven deadly sins (nice touch). Here are a few of the confessions: 

  • It's an upper-middle class notion if there ever was one, but I occasionally envy white trash. I want to drink, fuck, and fight without moral qualms. I hate feeling guilty about every single thing I do. 
  • I am envious of my sister because she died and everyone loves her more now than ever and they only pity me for having to live without her. 
  • I was supposed to bring my fish home from college for Xmas break, but I was so lazy I just flushed them and told everybody that they died of mysterious circumstances in transit. 
  • I worked in the business of a friend for years and stole from him daily. 
  • Sometimes when my wife leaves the house, I put on her bra and panties and masturbate to pictures of her family. 
  • I put poison ivy in my ex-husband's underwear so he would think he has a disease. 

These are just ones I choose to show you as examples, they do not represent the most twisted or hilarious. 

Now, the very first thing I thought about while reading the sample is “how many of these are fake”? Obviously, some are fake there is no question. The cool part is that you know that the majority isn’t fake. However, for those people who feel the need to make up lies on an anonymous confession page…how big of a fucking loser do you have to be? That is quite easily the most pathetic thing I have ever heard of. Your ego (among other things) is so tiny that you actually have to try and out-do people on an anonymous confession page by making one up, even though you get no credit for it. You should honestly go out and kill yourself. You obviously have nothing to offer society. 

Anyway, if you want to read the rest of the samples go here. (You’ll need Adobe Acrobat 5.0) 

If you want to visit the site and order the book, go here. 

If you want to confess your sins, go here.

 November 13, 2001

 12:54 pm CDT - GORDON - Nuggets.

Not in the mood to rant on any one particular thing, so here's some stuff.

Halle Berry nekked in a movie!  Woohoo!  I'd say she's on my List.


Appears the not-quite-as-bad guys are kicking ass in Afghanistan.  Gordo is pleased.  They're not exactly the NORTHERN Alliance anymore....wonder what new name the media will give them.


Go, girl.

Chelsea Clinton wrote about her angst over anti-American feelings abroad, but the former first daughter is doing more than putting her thoughts on paper. Chelsea Clinton recently attended an anti-American rally at Oxford and shouted pro-American sentiments at the protestors, according to the London Times. . . .


I'm glad to see the Queens plane crash was probably an accident.  Still incredibly horrible, but at least the caveman doesn't get to claim another victory.

Airplane thread.


Had a little Mexican for lunch.  Speaking of first kiss/girlfriend was a little Mexican.


Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter.  I'm going to see it just to piss of the religious right.  Damn the God people.

Insert Feedback thread here.

 November 12, 2001

 9:47 am CDT - GORDON - I just wanted to see the water.

I had house guests this weekend from Ohio who had never been to this part of the country.  As such, they wanted to be sure to go into Mississippi so they could mark it off their list of visited states. 

There isn't really anywhere to go in Mississippi....most people are trying to leave as it is.  So I grabbed a map, and found a lake that looked to be about an hour drive into the state.  It was a mission, would give us a goal, and looked like it would get us off the highway and onto some back roads where you can really experience the area.

We got as close as we could get on the beaten path, and made our first turn into the Twilight Zone.

The weather was sunny and 70 degrees as we accelerated up the two lane blacktop.  We had just seen a big brown sign that told us Arkabutla Lake was indeed in the direction the map said it would be.  Good ol' Rand McNally.

As we motored about 15 miles down this road, the Yankees were impressed by the untouched and freshly picked cotton field.  "Jill" had us stop so she could get some cotton puffs off the ground as a souvenir.  It looked like a lump of drier lint, to me.

We came to a crossroad and another brown sign told us to turn left to get to the jewel known as Arkabutla DAM.  Yes, the lake turned out to be a dam.  Even better.  Turning left took us through the town of "Eudora."  My geek mind wondered if "that was where the email came from."  My self amusement was soon ended when I saw a platoon of Southern Rebel Soldiers with Battle Flag unfurled....the stars and bars....about to attack our Chevy Tracker.

Eudora was either having a Civil War reenactment....or word of General Lee's surrender at Appomatox Courthouse hadn't reached here, yet.  Considering that I didn't see any Union soldiers for the "reenactment," it suddenly occured to me that I needed to take on a southern accent.....and fast.  "Drive like you're a southerner," said I.  "Weave and don't use turn signals and stuff."

Apologies for being anticlimactic, but we managed to cross their lines without challenge and egressed Eudora.

Another 20 miles down this country road, we were beginning to wonder if we'd made a wrong turn.  This was the point our road ended in a t-intersection, and yet another happy brown sign told us, while smirking, that Arkabutla Dam was down the road to our left.

The road that was barracaded with "Road Closed" signs.

So we got some pictures of "Cattle Crossing" signs, hay stacks, tarpaper shacks and some swamps, and went back to Eudora for ice cream.  Which was an adventure in itself.

 9:14 am EDT Elena Sea - Needs More Juice.

In the  deep dark world of sports gambling ,  "THE MAN" refers to the bookie taking all your money.  "Damn the man" (Fuck the man)  is a common phrase in sports betting.  Everybody wants to "kill the man".......few actually do , the edge always goes to "the Man".

I was talking to a friend of mine who was driven out of New York by the IRS as he was running one of those scams preying on the vulnerable gambler.  He ran one of thousands of "sports pic phone lines" where they offer a "game of the year" pick or "guaranteed winner" or your $$ back scam. 

He moved to the Carribean and started a sports booking service accessable by phone and internet.  The service is legal long as the money doesn't make it back to the States.  The money is in the "juice".  For every bet, there is a "fee" or "juice" of 10%. Example:  To win $100 on the NY Jets -4, one has to risk $110.  Juice equals $$$$$$.

They are raking in the cash, every weekend, on the plus side.  They have grown in numbers due to demand and on any given weekend, they can have a cool million out there in pending bets.  Unbelievable. He said in 3 years, they have had only 3 losing weekends.   DAMN THE MAN!

Anyone interested in a move to the Carribean?

 November 9, 2001

 9:30 am EDT Elena Sea - Go ahead and be rough, I've done this before.

So I was "on call" last weekend where patients call an answering service and complain about the flavor of the day.  The calls then get triaged to me and I call the patients back to give advice or whatever need be done.  Last Saturday, I was on call.  I was swamped all day with heart attacks, shortness of breath, and the usual plethora of people who feel they have been exposed to anthrax nowadays.  Then I get this call :  Here is the
conversation that took place:

ME:  "Hi this is Elena Sea taking call for blah blah blah blah , how can I help you"

BIMBO:  "ummmmmm.  (imagine a whining crying 18 year old voice) I'm really really upset.  See, I had my hair braided yesterday and it's too tight and it hurts my head!"

ME:  "And what exactly do you want me to do for you on a Saturday over the phone"

BIMBO:  "I called you to help me, it hurts!! My scalp feels tight!"

ME:  "Uhhhh.  I assume you have taken your braids out"

BIMBO:  "NO!! It cost me a lot of money and time! Do I really have to take them out!?"  (crying whining voice now).

And this call is one of hundreds of STUPID IDIOT phone calls I have logged over the years.........


 November 8, 2001

 6:57 pm EDT - Leisher - I’ll take “Pet Names” for $500, Alex.

This morning, while preparing for work, I remembered a time in my life when everyone I knew called me a slut. Hell, even my own mother was guilty of this crime. They all knew I was very involved with the female community and doing my best to improve male/female relations. Besides bringing back some memories, both good and bad, this got me to thinking about derogatory names. I began to wonder what the difference is between a “slut” and a “whore”. See, my problem is that most people would think the two words are interchangeable and both are insults…unless you’re a guy in which case society says its ok to be a slut, but that’s another subject. 

I’m here to say we have all been misled and these words are not interchangeable.

“Whore” is defined as: 

whore [hawr ] noun (plural whores)

1.  an offensive term for a prostitute

2.  an offensive term for somebody regarded as being sexually indiscriminate

3.  an offensive term for somebody who is regarded as willingly setting aside principles or personal integrity in order to obtain something, usually for selfish motives (insult

“Slut” is defined as: 

slut [slut ] (plural sluts) noun

1.  an offensive term for a woman thought by others to be sexually promiscuous (slang

2.  an offensive term for a woman who is regarded as not concerned about conventional standards of domestic cleanliness (dated)

 Obviously, to call someone a “whore” is an insult. Implying someone is a whore is basically saying that they would be willing to do anything to help themselves, even at the expense of their souls, friends, families, morals, values, etc. 

Now look at that definition for “slut” again. It is the year 2001 right? I believe that we now accept a woman as being allowed to be a bit more sexually active, and it has always been ok for men…so why is “slut” an insult? 

On a side note, I look at the word “slut” as being related to the word “glutton”. You’ve all heard the phrase “a glutton for punishment”? It implies someone loves something a lot and continues to search for it. I believe that somewhere in time, somebody was kidding around with someone else regarding his or her sexual habits. Somewhere in the teasing the word “glutton” came up, however it was changed in an attempt to be humorous. The “ton” was probably dropped off of the end to shorten the word, as insults and barbs are much better when short and sweet. The “s” might have replaced the “g” to signify the word’s relationship to sex. Yeah, it’s a stretch, but that’s actually how some words were invented. 

Anyway, if you still don’t understand, here are some examples: 

Whores –

  • All salespeople.
  • “Yes Men”
  • Entertainers, athletes, and bandwagon fans who sellout their art or sport for personal gains. (Examples: The people planning to remake Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. N’Sync/Backstreet Boys/Menudo/etc. Fans who only cheer for that year’s winning team. Major League Baseball “juicing” the balls.)
  • Any guy or girl who puts out because they believe it will make them popular.
  • Your mom.

 Sluts –

  • Any guy or girl who has sex with whomever they want because they enjoy having sex.

Follow me? Being a slut is not a bad thing unless you’re Catholic. 

Hell, you can even be a slut while you’re married. Who cares if you’re only with one partner, if you crave that sexual attention then Webster’s says you’re a slut! 

So before you call Mary Jane Johnson a slut just because she fucked and sucked those three guys at that party, remember she may have done it because she likes to get gangbanged. Thus, her being a “slut” might be true, but not a bad thing. On the other hand, she may just be a whore trying to increase her popularity by spreading her legs…speaking of which, notice you didn’t get any? Now what’s that say about you?

A proud slut,


P.S. Make sure you read Elena Sea’s first post, directly below this one…and welcome to Damn the Man, Elena!

Know a whore?

 2:21 pm EDT Elena Sea - Be gentle, it's my first time.

So I came home today and checked my email to find a surprise.  For those of you who think that women would be offended by a picture of a are mistaken, it is quite alluring and it took me back to a place and time that lives in my memory.  I had a connection to a man once upon a time.........and due to distance, circumstance, and unfortunate decisions, we spent a short time together and then we separated.  But the connection was far deeper than the physical....which was mmmmmm very deep in its own sense of the word. ;)

Well today, in my email, there was a picture of my past lover quite hard..........and reminding me of a time we once shared. It reminded me what awaits me if I so choose, it stirred me to distraction, and I thought I would write about it to you today. 

Have you ever wished you could go back in time and stop the clock........?


 8:25 am CDT - GORDON - A mystery wrapped inside an enigma.  With a great ass.

Ladies and gentleman, it gives me great pleasure to introduce you to the newest member of the DTMan Army, Elena Sea.

I first met Elena in a naval hospital in Vietnam.  I woke up in the hospital bed with her looking down on me...."So we've decided to live," were the first words she spoke.  "The other doctors said there was no chance....but I could tell you were special.  And congratulations....according to our records, you're the first human transplant recipient of a heart from a Carnivora Felidae Panthera Tigris."  I managed to answer "Groovy" before I passed out again.  It turns out that I had been wounded while on a mission to get some food to a Vietnamese village.  Turns out that Charlie had burned their rice fields, and they'd missed breakfast. 

Nobody misses breakfast on my watch. 

And we've been close ever since.

Describing her to others has always challenged me.  Those who know me know my penchant for adjectives (as strong as my dislike for non-organically grown vegetables), but I've never found a good way to describe her.  Physical description is easy..."hottie."  Personality is something different all together.  I'll let you decide for yourselves.

So, prepare for Elena.  She is coming.  She should have a post up sometime later today.

She's already said HI.

 November 6, 2001

 8:48 am CST - GORDON - Stuff.

I've been trying to think of a relevant and witty topic on which to write, but damned if I can think of one.  So here's a potpourri of non-interesting tidbits:

Remember back about a month ago I mentioned I had a bad feeling about the State Department and the Pentagon squabbling about the best way to fight a war?  Remember I said that was the major problem in Vietnam?  Look what's happening.  If it were me, I'd already have established Fort Ronald Reagan about five miles outside of Kabul with 2nd Marine Division keeping the peace.  Bush made the witty remark, "I'm not going to fire a million dollar missile at a tent and hit a camel in the butt."  Well...isn't that what he's doing?  We're half stepping this war, sending in Army Rangers 12 at a time to get their asses handed to them.  Rangers or not, they're still army.  I say the following statement with full conviction.....a Battalion of Marines would have had Bin Laden singing "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy" by now with the Taliban singing backup.  For the uninitiated, a nice reinforced battalion consists of about 1200 men who were mentally conditioned to laugh at pain and enjoy killing.....and they have their own Howitzers.  The biggest battle an Army Ranger has seen lately is in picking a nice color for their beret.


I have a new updater who has already submitted a few posts.  She thinks she's enlightened....but in reality she's just anti-male.  She'll argue about that, too.  Should make for some interesting posts.  As soon as I get her dtman accounts in order, you'll be seeing her here.  In addition to....


Time Warner RoadRunner still sucks, after all this time.  At least they're consistent.  After eight days, they still haven't updated their DNS tables, and I can't do any of the web work I've been wanting to do from home.  Three days is standard.  Four is unheard of.  They're going on nine.  Worthless.


What do I want for lunch today?  Food is the only pleasure I get out of life, so it is not a decision to be taken lightly.


I think Episode II is going to suck.  It will be dumbed down for five year old kids the same way Episode I was.  The only thing that will save it will be to take it away from Lucas.

Well, that's about it for now.

 October 31, 2001

 10:06 am CST - GORDON - Blue saw me standing alone....

Happy Halloween to all except Jesse Jackson.  Jesse sez celebrating Halloween is against God.  Unlike adultery.

The server transition is in progress.  Right this instant, if you're reading this post, then you're seeing the new host, and the message board is broken.  This is all dependant on your particular ISP's Domain name Server.  They take 24-72 hours to's been about 48 now.  Yesterday I was seeing the new page at work, but the old page from home.

Assuming I can see the new page from home tonight, I'll get the message board fixed.  Can't do it from work for various reasons.  It's technical.

AND YET MORE archives!!!!!!!!!!