| Links
|
7:00 am EDT - Leisher
- The
Ignorant and The Lazy.
I have been running across several examples of
the ignorance of the average human being lately and I thought I’d
share 5 of them…
1) Let’s start off with a debate on
“America’s War”, a
new game being made by the U.S. Army. Ever since I first read about
this project, I’ve heard the conspiracy ramblings. Hell, in my own
mind the first thing I thought of was “The
Last Starfighter”, a movie where a young man is recruited by
aliens to fight in a galactic war based on his skills at a video
game. Now be aware that the U.S. Army has come right out and
admitted that this is an advertising tool. They believe this might
be the way to go in the future, rather than wasting money on TV or
magazine ads. So, of course, you have morons coming out of the
woodwork to bitch about how much money this is costing the country
and conspiracy theorists yelling about how the U.S. Army will lure
fragile young minds with this game into service.
Would you all please sit down and shut the fuck
up? This is probably my biggest pet peeve in the world, morons who
don’t have the slightest clue what they’re talking about while
conveniently forgetting history. For all of you nut jobs that
don’t believe in the U.S. military and don’t believe it’s a
good thing for young Americans do to, come closer…
Do you know how this country was founded? Do
you know how the slaves were freed? Do you know how Europe was saved
in WWI? Do you know how Europe, Asia, and the Jews were saved in
WWII? Do you know how Kuwait was liberated? Do you know how
Afghanistan was liberated? Do you even understand why you are
allowed to think and believe whatever you want and share those
thoughts and beliefs with others publicly? Do you know why you can
be a Lutheran, Satanist, Catholic, or Atheist and openly go to pray
and worship with others who believe the same things you do? Do you
know why you can sit on your fat lazy ass and collect unemployment
checks while you pretend to look for a job, but you really just sit
and watch soaps and Jerry Springer all day? Do you know why you get
the right to choose between two rich white men to become your
country’s leader? Do you know why you can live whatever life you
want no matter if you’re white, black, Asian, Italian, Jewish,
Mexican, Native American, Arabic, etc.?
Because the men and women who serve and have
served in the U.S. armed forces put their lives on the line everyday
so that you can live the life you desire. Millions have died for
your right to pierce your clit, or your right to demonstrate against
the military, or your right to give your family a living far
exceeding their needs.
The U.S. military is made up of men and women
just like you and me. There’s poor people, rich people, stupid
people, smart people, blacks, whites, Asians, Latinos, etc. and all
are dedicated to protecting this country and our freedoms. During
their service these men and women earn money towards an education,
as well as receiving training and experience for skills that
translate into good paying jobs in the civilian sector. Not to
mention that if a person joins the service at 18, he/she can retire
at 38 with a full pension and benefits.
Anyone who thinks that the military isn’t an
honorable and intelligent way for a young person to spend 2-6 years
of his or her life is, in my humble opinion, a complete fucking
idiot. If you’re that against the U.S. military, please feel free
to leave this country and/or give up the rights and freedom that the
U.S. military has given to you. Although, I’ll bet that not one
of the U.S. military’s critics is willing to do that.
2) This next
example is pretty funny, but the stupidity is hiding between the
lines. If you read the article carefully, you’ll see that charges
have been filed, but R. Kelly denies everything. The punch line
comes in the final sentence though…
3) This
post in our forums by Gordon show that there are “people”
out there who are finding racism in everything, in this case Star
Wars: Attack of the Clones. I remember a period in American history
when we were hunting communists and saw them everywhere; hell you
could ruin someone’s life just by making accusations that they
were a communist. So what’s different now? This witch-hunt for
racism is the exact same thing. The truth is that racism will not go
away as long as we look for examples of it everywhere. Racism will
die when we all grow up and stop acting like we’re so different
because of our skin color or because we have different religions or
because we’re from different countries. Wake up people!!! We’re
all human. We all love. We all hate. We all bleed red. As long as
people want to see racism where it doesn’t exist, then racism will
always be a part of our lives. The sooner we forget that there are
minor differences in our appearance or beliefs the sooner racism
will be forgotten.
4) Ok, depending on your age, I’m
either going to be the bearer of bad news or I’m going to be
someone bringing you immense pleasure that you can take out on
unsuspecting teens. I’m sure we’ve all seen the teenagers, and
sometimes older kids (they are kids) wearing their pants really low
so that their boxers are sticking out. How many of you are
completely annoyed by this “fashion”? Ask anyone you know who
does this if they know where that fashion started. I’ll bet you
they don’t. Let’s be honest, they’re simply doing it to try
and “be cool” and “fit in”.
That little fashion gimmick began in prisons
across the U.S. In prisons, there are these guys who are…shall we
say “more feminine” than the other inmates. Whenever they would
become “single” they would wearing their pants in this fashion
while walking around so that other inmates would know they were
there for the taking.
So, in essence, when you wearing your pants
like this you’re telling people you’re ready to get fucked in
the ass. Congratulations, that’s quite a fashion statement.
5) For the finale, I’d like to share
with you an email that recently came to my attention. My comment is
simply, while she may have a point about a growing concern in this
country…
Enjoy (the names have been deleted to protect
the innocent and email addys covered so you can’t ID the town):
-----Original
Message-----
From: Mechele ******** [mailto:*********@***.com]
Sent: Wednesday, June 05, 2002 7:54 AM
To: '********@****.com'; '******@****.com'; ****, *********;
'news@*************.com'; 'Nightly@NBC.com';
'Dateline@NBC.com'; '48hours@cbsnews.com';
'evening@cbsnews.com'; 'cnn@cnn.com';
'president@whitehouse.gov'
Subject: Obesity walking down the
street or eating at a vending cart.
Let me tell you why we are obese. Has anyone been to the grocery store lately to price
healthier food? I have
not seen a report on that yet.
I have recently chosen to eater healthier and I soon found
out why we are obese. Americans can only afford to buy pastas, potatoes, rice and
beans. These are food
staples of a family, because one can make these products stretch a
long way in their budget and meals.
Has anyone priced fresh, canned or frozen vegetables?
Most fresh vegetables start out at $1.99 a pound, canned
vegetables are .99 cents and up a can, frozen vegetables are over
$2.00 a package. Can you feed a family of four with one package of these in a
meal setting? I don't
think so. Meat, any
kind of meat is over $1.69 a pound.
Fruit is sky high. For
a half a gallon of milk is $2.00.
Juices are almost $4.00 a container.
A dozen of large eggs are $1.49. You would be lucky to make a
meal of healthier food for less than $15.00.
Pasta is .99 cents a package for 2 meals.
Rice is $1.50 a package for 3 - 4 meals.
Five pounds of potatoes are $1.99 for 3 - 4 meals.
So why are Americans obese?
You tell me!
Pass
the red beans.

|
6:55 pm MDT - GORDON
- High Plains
Rambling.
No extra days off this last
weekend, but two days off in western Nebraska is still dangerous if
you have nothing to do. I'd planned on doing laundry Sunday,
which left Saturday open. So, I rambled again.
There's another coworker here who
just started, and like me has nothing to do. So, I invited her
along, and she accepted. I mean, duh. A woman who
wouldn't want to spend a day with me? Pshaw.
Anyway, we left bright and early
on Saturday, our first stop Chimney
Rock, in Bayard, Nebraska.

An extinct, eroded volcano cone, the story goes
that this was a major stop on the Oregon Trail, as it was a visible,
distinctive landmark that made a good crossroads. I think it
looks erect.
Behind me, as I took this picture on a dirt road,
a bunch of cows were moo'ing and making a fuss.

Do I make you horny?
My traveling companion and I had lunch at a Chinese
place in Scottsbluff, NE. In spite of it being a small town,
we couldn't find the "Scottsbluff Monument." No
signs, and such.
After, we drove another hour north to Agate
Fossil Beds National Monument.

The scenery is great....a mixture of prairie and
desert.

Shan the coworker.
The fossil beds themselves are up high off the current floor of the
prairie. A long time ago there was a watering hole, and
apparently a lot of critters died there. Over time their bones
fossilized, and the rest of the area eroded around them, leaving two
big hills.
The visitor's center had a big display of bones that had been
found in the area.

That's one of the hills, out the window.
We took the hike up to the excavations, a mile+ each
way. These are the most fossils we actually saw, in the above
picture.....I think I might have seen some fossilized footprint
indentations at the top of the hill. Maybe.

The view from the visitor's center to the top
of the hills.

The view from the top of the hills to the
visitor's center...which is camera left.
It was very gusty, but not uncomfortably so.
It felt nice with the 85 degree ambient temperature. As far as
you can see in every direction there is nothing but unbroken prairie
with the occasional rocky bluff breaking through to the sky.
It was mostly cloudy when we started and became overcast, but the
rain held off the couple hours we were hiking and exploring.
The grasses and other flora are brownish...it is very arid in this
region, and you can also see small cacti on the ground, if you look
hard. The path in the picture is mainly asphalt one and a half
people wide, except for a portion of wooden boardwalk way down the
hill in some bottom land where a river runs. The distance of
the Monument from any major throughway meant that the entire time we
were there, we saw five other people. Very secluded and
serene.
More pictures will be linked to a folder in the
feedback thread.

|
|
8:03 pm MDT - GORDON
- High Plains
Drifting.
So I had an extra day off this
last weekend, and spent a second day rambling.
I was randomly surfing the web
wondering where to go, and was on cnn.com when I saw a link for
"Top 10 Great Places to Visit in America," or some such
thing. I saw there was a spot nearby, and it happened to be Carhenge.
I'll leave you to that link to discover the details beyond the fact
that it was built on a whim by a family which owned a junkyard
during a reunion. That's kind of cool.
The drive to Alliance, Nebraska
took me through some interesting terrain. Interesting to an
Easterner, anyway. Cattle farms (with real cowboys
riding horses through the herd), buttes, eroded volcano cones,
tractor graveyards, even llama farms. You can see an abundance
of sky on a clear day, and I was keeping an eye on the storm cell
about 10 miles to my northwest. The general direction to my
destination....
I went through another handful of
small towns. I can't recall their names now, but a defining
characteristic of each was a grain elevator adjacent a set of train
tracks, and a closed (for Memorial Day) diner. Some towns had
more (a grocery store named "Jack and Jill" comes to
mind), but none less.
At one point I was being severely
tailgated by some little blond teen girl, even though I was doing 5
over the 65 mph speed limit. She didn't have enough engine to
pass me, so she remained attached to my bumper.
Inspiration struck: I grabbed my digital camera, and took a
few pics of her from over my shoulder. My aim, unfortunately,
sucked, so you wont see them here. After a few miles we hit
town, and our road split into 2 lanes. I assume she saw me
taking pictures of her, as she zipper around me,
got in front of me, and shot me the bird. She ducked and
weaved through traffic, her cheerleader pom-poms in the back
window....but I kept up. I was right behind her at a red
light, and grabbed the camera again....one middle finger buys you
your picture and license plate number on the internet:

I know the Nebraska plates are about
unreadable...but it's the thought that counts, right?
Anyway, this town pictured above is actually
Alliance, NE, and is only 2 miles south of Holy Carhenge.

First look from the parking lot.

Note the storm clouds which have moved in.

I cant decide if the gray cars against the gray
sky is cool or not.

These are a couple sculptures around the back,
made from car parts. Looks like a scene out of Jurassic Park,
no?

Raaaaaaaar.

Some very high-tech materials were used in
Carhenge's construction which will be studied by scientists for
ages. Yes, that's a log being used as a shim.
Well, that's enough bandwidth for the front
page. I'll put a folder up for you to view the rest of my pics
if you want. It was a solo flight, so you wont see my handsome
mug in any of them. Sorry.
Folder
URL will be linked in the feedback thread.

|
|
8:53 pm MDT - GORDON
- Technology
don't go round here, technology dog.
Whadda weekend.
I decided I wanted to
do some sightseeing, and lamented yet again my lack of digital
camera. I checked some .gov's to see if I could get one for
free with some wealth redistribution, but when that didn't pan out,
I decided to put Cheyenne, Wyoming's Wal-Mart first on my list of
places to go.
I decided to take
back roads on the way there...over 100 miles of them...because I
wanted to catch the vibe of this part of the country. On the
Interstate, all you get is the vibe of the Interstate. I went
through many small towns....Crackerville, Whiteytown, and Honky
Bluff. Casper was farther to the north. My
point....there's a noticeable lack of "Dazzling Urbanites"
in this part of the country.
I saw cows and deer
and buffalo on the way there. I waved at farmers riding their
horses on the side of the road. I figured out how the town of
"Pine Bluffs" got its name. I refreshed my suntan
with my t-tops open and the CD changer on random. I saw
snowcapped Rocky Mountains at bearing 3-3-5 (Which I decided will be
a future trip...perhaps July 4th weekend.).
My first impression
of Cheyenne as I topped a hill was the fact that the largest
structure in town was the cracking tower of a refinery.
I drove straight to
the center of town, and proceeded to find my Wal-Mart. I saw
cowboys walking down the street wearing leather chaps. Real
cowboys, flamingly gay, dunno. Considering they were walking
near "Wranglers; Frontier Wear Since 1867," I'd guess they
may actually have occasion to ride horses. At least their ass
cheeks weren't bare.
I passed Warren Air
Force Base, which had three nuclear missiles at the front
gate. I found my Wal-Mart, had lunch at Outback, and headed
back from whence I came.
I played with my new
camera last night...

Current Casa de Gordo.
And planned my activities for
today.....
CARHENGE.

But that's a story for
tomorrow. I have an expense report to fill out.
Fear
the GORDON with new new digital camera.

|
|
10:53 pm MDT - GORDON
- Hi there.
Trip was successful
(driving through Missouri sucks), I'm all moved into my hotel room,
and I've got my ID badge for my new job.
So I'm training out at the company's "Distribution Center."
Big fucking warehouse complex....in days of yore it was an ammunition factory. But I digress.
The company HQ is at the far edge of the known universe.....but the "DC" is
about 16 miles beyond it. Back roads, lots of turns. I've been following landmarks.....grain elevators, railroad tracks, and the nuclear missile silo.
I'm not kidding.
Anyway, I was listening to the wind from inside the building all morning, but didn't realize what it meant until I stepped
out of the building at the end of the day...and into Dust Bowl '02.
Quittin' time arrives, and the trek to my car begins......60 mph gusts trying to knock me down.
I get in my car (rocking on its springs) and realize.....the dust has reduced visibility to about half a mile, and I can't see any of my landmarks.
But off I go...
I lodge several tumbleweeds into my car's air intake, and do my best to find my way home. Needless to say, it isn't long until I'm thoroughly lost in the middle of fucking Nebraska, deaf (didn't bring the cell phone), blind, and almost out of gas.
Long story short, I found the nearest Interstate, and I estimate my 15 mile commute was about 45 miles, total.
Then, stupid me decides to go out to dinner instead of ordering in, and I nearly get swept onto my ass again coming
back to the hotel.
THEN, later that night, it starts to rain out here in the wannabe Sahara. This morning my newly washed and waxed car is caked with a layer of dust.
\
Artists's conception of me
driving through the dust storm.
On a related note, at 10pm this evening I decided to go out to a
grocery store for which to pick up a few items so I could get my
drink-on and my snack-on. Grocery store was already
closed. Oy vey.
Doesn't
really warrant a feedback thread, but when I omit them people ask
for them.

|
|
2:54 pm CDT - GORDON
- Pages turned.
The job hunt
concludes. I've just accepted a position in a good company in
the Midwest.....there's a good chance you'd recognize the name if I
mentioned it. Considering the current technical job market and
the fact I wasn't forced to take a pay cut, I feel lucky. My
first day of new employment is May 20, and the first couple months
I'll be living in hotels. I have no idea what the internet
connectivity situation will be (time to scratch and reload the
laptop...), so DTMan.com may or may not become static for a little
while. At any rate, the message board is on autopilot so there
will still be activity there.
Now I don't feel
guilty buying DVD's and PC games with my severance money.....but
like I've always said, priorities.
+++++++++++++++++++++
There's a question
I've been contemplating for the last month, or so. I've
bounced it off a couple people, and it seemed to spark some
thought.....the question is, "What do we really want from a
Federal Government?"
When I first thought
to ask myself that question, almost immediately I thought,
"Defend the borders, and maintain the interstate highway
system." From an absolute minimalist perspective, that's
all we really need.....except for maybe a department to
collect tax revenues. Ask yourself about everything else upon
which the Federal Government spends your money. How much is
regional pork that benefits a handful of people you'll never
meet? How much is basic Socialist redistribution of wealth
from the "have's" to the "have-not's," via
"social programs?"
If there must exist
programs beyond the basic necessities... wouldn't they be
better controlled by the States themselves? After all, the
bigger the scale, the greater the inefficiency. As forum
regular "thecatt" is fond of pointing out, people tend to
forget the 9th Amendment to the Constitution, guaranteeing
individual powers to the States themselves. As such, wouldn't
the current tax paradigm.....relatively higher taxes to the Federal
Government and relatively lower taxes to the State
governments....make more sense to be reversed? This would give
the States better ability to spend the money wisely. If there
is "pork spending," at least it would be within the state
to which you paid your taxes. If you don't like the way your
particular state is invading your privacy, you have the chance to
move to a different state and remain an American...something you
can't do when the Federal Government whittles away your civil
rights.
Spearheaded, of
course, by John "I Fear Marble Boobies" Ashcroft.
If
you must pay The Man, which Man would you prefer?

|
|
2:54 pm CDT - GORDON
- Forced update.
The job hunt
continues. I just returned yesterday from an interview in
NEBRASKA. It went well, I think, but I've yet to hear
anything. "Jesus, it hasn't even been 24 hours
yet." Lincoln, NE is big enough and would be a decent
place to live, but the other possible location is way out in the
middle of nowhere in the west, where the sign into town says
"Population 6363," or something like that. But,
there's a Pizza Hut there that still serves taco pizza. That's
a big plus.
As the title of this post implies,
I'm making myself write this. My head hasn't been in a Man
Damning place since February 28, even though I have had a few ideas
for updates. Here's one:
What's the point of pulling every
10th business traveler out of line at the airport in Nebraska for a
body cavity search, when it is Muslim countries exclusively that
have vowed to destroy America? It isn't a big deal, but just
seems ridiculous from an objective standpoint. Prior to and
since September 11th, one air traveler in a million had ill
intent. Random searches are an amazing waste of time.
You have to narrow the focus to some kind of logical search
parameter: people of Arab descent. I'm sorry, but that's
just the way it is. Searching Dick Jones the traveling salesman
on his 2 millionth frequent flier mile isn't the threat. It's
the ultra religious bearded zealot who believes his is a religion of
peace that wants to kill you.
The existence of religion has put all
our lives in danger.
But anyway, I'm going to stop
there. I've a few other thoughts to put down, but maybe I can
keep this ball rolling and make another post tomorrow.
See ya, and watch out for the church
people.

|
|  
DTMan
Trivia Contest Winners v1.0 !
It was grueling,
but we've got some winners. From thousands and thousands of
entries, we hired a Think Tank out of Boston to compile the winners.
They are:
Winner
- Zetleft!
First
loser - Jaera!
Second
loser - Thibodeaux!
The
other entrants aren't worth remembering, as people don't care about
losers.
Here's
the answer key:
1. How tall was
the Predator in the movie “Predator”?
7’6” – That’s according to a documentary on the making of
the film, although I am getting conflicting reports, so I threw this
question out. It didn’t matter to anyone’s score anyway.
2. Going on recent Hollywood gossip and a hit TV show, explain the
fictional title: “The One With The Dead Mother”. From
Friends, Rachel was rumored to die giving birth.
3. In the movie “Tombstone” Doc Holiday says, “Oh! Johnny, I
apologize. I forgot you were there. You may go now.” To what actor
was he speaking? Billy
Bob Thorton
4. Who was the only actor from the film “M*A*S*H” to regularly
star in the television show, “M*A*S*H”? Gary
Burghoff (Radar)
5. In the television show “Seinfeld”, George Costanza paid
homage to a scene from Star Trek II while standing in a car
dealership. He raised his arms, looked to the sky, and
screamed…what? Twix
(He yelled “Khan” in a different episode)
6. At the funeral for Maude Flanders, four other gravestones are
shown for characters that have died. Who are the gravestones for?
Bleeding Gums Murphy, Marvin
Monroe, Beatrice “Bea” Simmons (Grandpa’s Girlfriend),
“Grimey” Grimes
7. In “A Fish Called Wanda”, which of these male characters:
Archie, George, Ken, and Otto, did Wanda kiss? All
of them
8. On the show “Scrubs”, Turk and Elliot have a pet dog. What is
unusual about this dog? He’s
dead and stuffed.
9. Finish this rhyme: “No more rhymes now. I mean it!”
“Anybody want a peanut?” (The
Princess Bride)
10. What was the final card Maverick turned over to win the Poker
Tournament in “Maverick”? Ace
of spades
11. In “The Rock”, after completing the mission, the Seals were
to give an “all clear” signal. What was that signal?
Green smoke
12. In “The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly”, who was “Blondie”?
Clint Eastwood
13. Since “Jaws” is a classic, it’s a multipart question:
a. What was the name of Quint’s boat? Orca
b. Of the three men who go out on Quint’s boat, how many
get back to shore?
2
c. What were Quint and Hooper comparing when the discussion
turned to the U.S.S. Indianapolis? Scars
14. In “Unforgiven”, why did Clint Eastwood kill the bar owner?
Because he hung Morgan
Freeman’s body outside his bar as a trophy.
15. In the movie “Clerks”, a woman explained the odd behavior of
guidance counselors and eggs. What did she do for a living? She
manually masturbates animals for artificial insemination
16. In “Con Air”, what key piece of evidence was picked up
resulting in Nicolas Cage’s character getting convicted of
manslaughter? A
knife
17. In the movie “Greedy”, what does Uncle Joe do at the end?
He gets out of his
wheelchair and walks
18. In the movie “Cool Hand Luke”, what was Lucille doing to
distract the prisoners? She
was washing the car
19. Where was Sonny Corleon killed? Toll
Booth
20. In “Meet the Parents”, what is Gaylord Focker’s vocation?
Nurse
21. In the original “Planet of The Apes”, what happens to the
female crew member on the team? Her
stasis tube breaks and she dies of old age before they ever land.
22. What cult phrase is used in both “Apocalypse Now” and the
X-Men comic books? Hint: The phrase is only used once in the film in
a non-Brando scene and is used in the comic on a T-shirt with a
picture of the X-men’s leader, Charles Xavier. Charlie
Don’t Surf. (How the hell did Zetleft know that?)
23. “History of The World Part I” opens with a parody of the
opening scene of “2001: A Space Odyssey”. What our “Our
Forefathers” doing? Masturbating
24. Kane, a villain in the movie “Kuffs”, robs a store while
wearing a bandana as a mask, and a T-Shirt. What’s on the T-Shirt?
A picture of himself
25. Answer this question: “Going somewhere meat?” “About
90 feet” (Major League)
Thus
endeth Contest v1.0. The winners are in the process of
choosing their prizes, and soon all will be well and there will be
peace in the middle east. Contest v2.0 will appear in the next
month or two. Until then, "go spit." (movie?)

|
|
DTMan PopCulture
Trivia Contest v1.0
If you’re a
regular reader, you know most of what I’m about to cover. If
you’re new, allow me to introduce you to Damn the Man or DTMan.com.
Welcome to our
humble little site. We’ve been around for a while now, and have
pretty much kept to ourselves. We aren’t out for glory, or money,
or to change the planet. We are simply writing about whatever
strikes us at the moment, and spending way too much time discussing
this planet and its inhabitants in our forums.
The site is still a
bit under construction because Gordon and myself are too busy or
lazy to fix everything up. We will be adding more and more content
when we have the time so stay tuned. In the meantime, check out the
links on your left, some of those sites are “must-sees”, and be
sure to register and join our forums. We pride ourselves on them,
and consider them to be a bastion for intelligent and freethinking.
Also, as you can see by the links on the right, the forum is broken
into sub-categories. We find that this helps keep the forum less
cluttered, and keeps the current, relevant stuff near the top.
Everyone and every opinion is welcome in the forum, just be mature.
Now for the
contest…several of our regular forum members seem to think that
they’re movie experts. Quote after quote is posted in our forums
and members scramble over each other trying to answer first. So, we
got to thinking that a movie trivia contest would be very
appropriate for us to have.
So here’s the
deal: Beginning today, April 3rd and ending midnight EST
Sunday, April 7th we will be having a movie trivia
contest. Monday morning the winners will be announced, or in the
event of a tie, they will be given tiebreaker questions. Or,
possibly, a coin will be flipped. The three people to submit
the most correct answers to our questions before the deadline will
win our fabulous prizes. Currently, the prizes are the DVD versions
of: Monty Python and The Holy Grail, Dogma,
and The Princess Bride. The top winner gets first
choice of prizes, the second place winner gets second choice, and
the third place winner gets third choice. The only catch to all of
this is that the winner will be notified via his/her forum account,
which means that to enter, you’ll need to register in our forums.
It’s a one minute process at most, and it costs nothing. We figure
if you can’t do that, we don’t want to send you anything anyway.
Do not post your answers in the forum! Either email them to GORDON
or myself, or send them to
either of us in the Forum Private Messenger. Prizes will be
sent within the week via one of the more common methods, whichever
is most convenient to us at the time.
If you have any
questions about the contest, the site, or the forums, either email me,
GORDON, or come ask your
questions in the forums.
Legal disclaimer:
This contest is being held with the best of intentions, but we
aren't going to guarantee anything. There is 99.999% chance
that it will run as planned, but, if not, you don't have any grounds
to sue us. So there.
Here's
the contest.
Good luck.

|
|
1:52 am CDT - GORDON
- Priorities.
On the last day of February in the
year of our Lord 2002, I had the Football of Employment snatched
from before my foot by the Lucy of Corporate Downsizing. It
was a Thursday.
My emotions were mixed. I
wasn't happy with my job, but then I like having a steady
paycheck. The economy currently sucks and my employment
options are 1% of what they were pre-Y2K bug, but they aren't nonexistent.
I'm enjoying this time between having The Man looking over my
shoulder, but of course there is still some uncertain anxiety that
threatens to darken my mood.
As in all times of transition, I'm
choosing to look at this period as an opportunity for personal
growth. We can't test our mettle when safe and sound and
comfortable in a cubicle; our true selves are revealed when facing
adversity.
In the spirit of remaining true to my
nature and declaring loudly to the universe that I know what is best
and important in life, here's another drinkin' story.
+++++++++++++++++
Sometime on the month of June, 1991,
young Gordo was on a 10 day period of leave between Marine boot camp
and tech training. I went back to my homeland of northwest
Ohio to see if there was any bit of myself left after the mindfuck
of basic training.
It took a few days, but I managed to
stop popping out of bed at 6am at the position of attention and
relax my sphincter a bit. I spent a lot of time with the
girlfriend (which didn't please my Mother...she wanted her little
boy back)....but one day was set aside to go drinking with my Uncle.
The day started in the a.m. by
driving up to Lake Erie to catch a ferry to the islands. The
larger island, called "South Bass," is a resort island
with lots and lots of bars in a town called "Put in
Bay." In fact, when I was there last a local
establishment called "The Beer Barrel" held the
world record for "longest bar." But I digress.

We took the "Miller Boat Line" that
day. Most bars are near the public docks.
We hit shore a little after lunch time (at #59 on the map) and caught the old bus into town. There we
acquired a golf cart rental and proceeded to go bar to bar, winery
to winery (Put in Bay is on the same latitude as French wine
country, strangely enough) and proceeded to get really drunk.
I never got carded...it's fairly laid back, and I let my Uncle do
the buying. He's older.
You aren't supposed to drink and drive the
carts....but what else are you going to do? We tooled around
the island drinking one bottle of wine out of a paper bag after
another. It was several hours into our excursion that the
speed governor on the engine stopped working. I was fairly
baked by then and my Uncle...well, you never can tell. Not
only could we get our cart going at a pretty good clip, but the
thing would also backfire exactly 8 seconds after letting off the
gas pedal from going full tilt. Eight seconds. Eight
seconds. We were going down the road at approximately #13 when
we saw the 40-something old ladies walking along the road dead
ahead. My mind saw perfectly what was about to happen.
I floored it. I timed it. I
released the gas pedal. It was perfect. Directly beside
them....FUCKING BANG! I think some actually screamed.
Looking back at them, some were laughing, some were crying.
Perfect day.

Ahhhhh......youth.
Anyway, if you've never been to the Erie
islands in the summer, you're missing out.
Before sunset we caught the ferry back to the
mainland and proceeded with our adventure. As I recall, we
both drank a six pack of Rolling Rock on the boat ride back and I drank
another bottle of wine on the drive to Toledo.
There was one or three country bars on the way
which I'm forgetting....but I remember my dog tags being ID enough
to get me served (this being immediately after Desert Storm), and
picking fights with fake cowboys in a cowboy bar. I've ridden
horses and shoveled shit from stalls, and yet I didn't need to wear
huge belt buckles and cowboy hats and shitkicker boots and dust
coats in the June heat. I felt it my duty to point out they
were stupid. Hell...someone has to. I think they got
pissed when I asked them when was the last time they actually rode a
horse. Oh well.
We went to a bar near downtown...a biker bar
called "Scott's" (currently "Dobbers").
Very famous, classic biker bar. Scary. But I was up for
it.
We go in, and it's as you expect.
Sleazy, tattoey, dark, dangerous. Again, my dog tags got me
served, and the scurvy barmaid proceeded to try to pick me up by
showing me how cool she was.....by saying, "See? I don't
give a shit! Look!" and then throwing glasses on the
floor. I'm not kidding. Then, down at the end of the
bar, a seedy type sidles over. I know the eye contact rule, so
I'm letting peripheral vision track him. I'm making a mental
image of the locations of bar patrons, the front door, and the
nearest empty bottle and pool cue. He sits next to me and I
can feel his eyes on me. Knowing it's face off or punk out, I
turn to him sharply....and it's a cousin of mine I hadn't seen in
awhile.
*sigh*
A few drinks later, and it's approaching
"last call" in northwest Ohio. We decided to close
the bar near home, an old place called "The Grapevine," in
which I'd spent half my childhood for various reasons.
Up to this point I'd been drinking hard all
day, and feeling fine. But it was at the Grapevine I learned
an important lesson....what an overabundance of sugar will do to an alcohol
steeped body. I remember a shot of Wild Turkey...no
problem. I distinctly remembered a beer. No
problem. I remember something called a "Cement
Mixer," which was chocolatey and mostly a novelty
drink...you take two different shots at once, and it solidifies in
your mouth. Wacky. But then it was a "Lemon
Drop" that did me in. Nothing but sour and a congealment
of sugar at the bottom. That was what put me over the edge.
I've mentioned before my vomit control, and it
served me, here.
I excuse myself to my table, "I'm going
to go vomit now," and take my leave. I casually walk down
the hall to the men's john. I enter. I close the door
behind me. It smells strongly of urinal cake over urine, and
probably has for the last 40 years. So there I was....one
sink, one toilet, and one urinal....but this is where my brain
misfired. For some reason I thought the best thing to do would
be to open a small window and vomit out of it into the parking
lot. And that I did. Puked and puked. At one point
the owner of that fine establishment was out to get something from
his car, and between heaving I of course said, "Hi," and
thanked him for letting me drink there. He said something, I
said something, we were both laughing. Later he would say,
"I've never, in all of my bar-owning years, seen someone vomit
and laugh at the same time." I heard someone behind me in
the bathroom laughing, and that only made me laugh harder.

Gordo Puking out the window of The Grapevine
at around 2 am.
We left. I remember singing the
quarter-mile drive to Uncle's house. He put me on the couch,
and I kept falling off of it. Hey....the floor kept tilting
back and forth...not my fault. I was puking into a bucket at
this time....and suddenly I remembered I promised to call my
then-girlfriend when I got in. She hadn't wanted me to go
without her in the first place, because she was jealous and
clingy...and I tolerated that because she was so fine...but I told
her I'd be fine and she could survive without my sweet lovin' for
one night. But I did promise to call.
So, there I am, barely on a couch, my head in
a bucket and the phone at my ear. "I love you baby...*puuuuuuuuke*.
No baby, don't drive out tonight, I'm going to sleep...*puuuuuuuuuuuke.*"
And so on and so on. My uncle is laughing his ass off because
the bucket reverberating my voice makes me sound like I'm in a
cave. Eventually I passed out, I think I said good bye to her
and hung up the phone before I did. The next day I had one of those
joint-aching hangovers that tell you you were really serious the
night before.
Mission accomplished.
Here's
the old drinkin' thread. Share your stories.

|
|
10:00 pm CDT - GORDON
- Liar liar.
In an attempt to deal with the fact
that 61%
of Islamic-types still don't believe Muslims were behind the WTC
bombings, the Pentagon attempted to open an "Office
of Strategic Influence." Criticism in western media
pretty much made the point moot by giving it so much attention, it
pretty much let the cat out of the bag. The Pentagon has
reported it is giving up on the idea.
What are your
thoughts?
I was torn. On the one hand, it would hurt credibility for any
news release, fabricated or otherwise. On the other hand,
nobody is stopping the Muslim world from printing their own
anti-American disinformation on a daily basis, keeping the fury
against us alive so people feel like hijacking planes.
There've been many false stories I've seen; I believe the last one
was that the United States was deliberately dropping the
humanitarian food packages into mine fields so we could kill more
Afghans. And you know those people believe that shit.
And it makes them want to kill Americans.
Should we just start destroying printing presses? I think
that's been tried before.
Do we fight propaganda
with propaganda? We just tried it, and it got shot down.
Is the only
solution to let fundamentalist Islamic governments say whatever they
want to keep their citizens incensed and ignorant enough to walk
into malls with bombs under their trench coats?

|
|
10:15 am CDT - GORDON
- Olympic sized
hissy fits.
Against my will I've been exposed to a lot of the Winter
Olympic Games this year, and I've seen live a lot of what has made
the news the next day. I watched the US Women's' Bobsleigh team
have a bitchfest when the girl who was
screwed over by her childhood friend won the gold. I saw
the bit when the female Bellarussian
athelete dissapeared after testing 400 times the legal limit for
steroids. I saw the speed skating long track wipeout
with the Korean skater taking down as many other skaters as he
could....and watched as the last place Australian win the gold with
a sheepish grin on his face. I watched the Russian pairs
skaters give an extremely flawed
performance and through corrupt judging score higher than
the flawless Canadians. And, I saw the before mentioned Korean
speed skater body check an American coming up the inside and trying
to pass.
What has happened to
sportsmanship? What value can a medal have if you know you won
it with deceit?
Here's what happens these days
when three cameras get different angles of hockey tactics on a
racetrack:
 You throw down your nation's colors
and cry about it.
This is already
being discussed on the message board, and my disgust for
his unseemly behavior is apparent. What hadn't hit the
forum, though, are the death threats that Ohno has been
receiving. It must be horrible when your self worth and
your national identity relies on a sporting event every four
years.
And the fixed judging
in the pairs skating.....first the woman admitted to being coerced,
then after her people got a hold on her, she denied it
all. "Trust the French," indeed.
 I either have no integrity, or I
can't judge for shit. You decide.
And on to the event that actually inspired this
topic.....Russia crying like spoiled babies and threatening to take
their toys and go home. But, their national identity is
now riding on their hockey team.
Privately, Russian officials admit
that if they were to pull out on the eve of the much
anticipated showdown, people back home simply would not
understand their decision, Reuters reported.
“They said they just can’t do it now because they
believe they can beat the Americans, and if they were to pull
out now, it will just kill their hockey team,” the source
said, according to
Reuters.
|
What happens if the American team
wins again? It's interesting to consider what a hysterical
baby could do when it's the size of Russia.
Maybe they'll boycott the rest of
the games after hockey. Maybe they'll boycott the Athens
games, as they've threatened. Maybe they'll start selling
more arms to Iran and Iraq. Russia, if you do decide that life
is unfair, let me be the first to express my feelings to
you:
BYE.
Feedback.

|
|
10:15 am CDT - GORDON
- The new
"Wolf."
So I'm doing my morning surfing today while waiting for
my Kona Blend to kick
in. I get to CNN.com, and see the headline, "Zimbabwe's
anger over EU sanctions." It looked interesting, and
clicked it for more details. I'm always morbidly curious to
see how the world is going to fix severely
broken Africa.
This post is quite linky so far,
no?
Anyway, I'm in the news article, and the
byline causes me to groan:
|
HARARE, Zimbabwe -- Zimbabwe
has denounced the European Union's decision to impose
sanctions as "organised economic terrorism."
|
Has anyone else noticed that since America started the harsh
rhetoric against anything "terrorist," that every little gripe from
every little country in the world has become about
"terrorism?" Economic sanctions are usually highly regarded as
a peaceful way for one group to get a point across to
another group. Gandhi did it, in a way, with his work
stoppages. And these idiot Zimbabweans want to call it
terrorism. Like Gandhi was a terrorist. (I promise you
that today, he would be labeled one by whomever off he was
pissing.)
They want to compare their economic wrist slap to a car bomb in a
mall, a claymore mine disguised as a Valentine's Day bunny rabbit,
or a couple airliners slamming into some buildings.
Here's what I'm going to do next time I get a speeding
ticket....I'll take it to court, call the press, and plead that I'm
a victim of "State" sponsored terrorism in the form of the Highway
Patrol. I can use terms like "Speed Limit Nazi" and "Armed
Extortion to fill Government Coffers" and "Organized Racketeering
to meet Quotas and Justify Positions." I can claim
"Automotive Profiling" because I drive a "Sports Car." Maybe I
can throw in an argument about legalizing Hemp, too.
The U.S. Government is dedicated to stopping all forms of
terrorism wherever it may be, right? They can rattle their sabers
for me, once. Then I'll tell them about their own
I.R.S.
Agree,
disagree, whatever.

|
|
2:05 am EDT - Leisher
- How the Networks screw you, and
Linkorama.
A discussion
was raised tonight about the odds of a popular, with Sci-Fi
geeks, programming move by TNN lasting. The executives at TNN have
been trying to recreate their image from The Nashville Network with
mostly “Southern” themed programming to The National Network with
programming aimed at males 18-50. Currently, TNN is running 4
episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation on Friday nights. Will it
last? Sure, if the ratings are there to justify it
lasting.
Now, a little education about how
television ratings work:
Ratings are
used to determine the popularity of television programs, IE: how
many U.S. households are tuned in to a program each night.
Salespeople from the networks (ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, UPN, and the WB),
cable (TNN, TBS, TNT, USA, etc.), and local television stations go
to their customers and sell advertising space on these shows with
their monetary value based on the ratings each show receives. For
example, Friends ranks at number 2 on the top rated shows list (out
of 1st due to the Olympics) and would cost an advertiser
more to put commercials on during it than Dawson’s Creek, whose
ratings doesn’t crack the top 20.
A “market” in ratings terms is a ranking of
population versus other markets across the U.S. I believe New York
City is the number one market, Los Angeles number 2, Cleveland
number 13, etc.
“Primetime” is the industry standard for
the time period between the news hour of 6 p.m. and the news hour of
11 p.m. This is traditionally the highest priced time slots to
advertise in because it’s when most Americans are watching
television. To show how important a good time slot and ratings are
in each market, a 30 second ad during ER can run an advertiser
$1500, while a 30 minute infomercial at 2 a.m. can run $50 (based on
a market in the 60s).
And that leads us to the issue at
hand…
Ratings are currently determined in two
ways: “Metered Markets”, which is through an electronic means that
monitors a household’s viewing habits each second and via a “Book”,
which is assigned to a small sample of the population in each market
and is just a book a single viewer in the house fills out daily and
mails into Neilson (the people in charge of calculating
ratings).
Most cities across this nation use the Book
as a ratings tool and this is where The Man screws you over.
Remember those shows you liked, and seemed to be popular, yet were
cancelled? Freaks and
Geeks, Sportsnight
(now called The West
Wing), Space: Above and
Beyond, The Lone
Gunmen, etc., etc., etc. were all shows with a following that
were cancelled because their ratings weren’t up to snuff. But were
they really? Why is it that ratings for shows like this seem to be
high is the overnights from metered markets, yet drop when the book
ratings come in the next day? Networks would have you believe that
the books represent the majority of the population and are more
accurate. The truth, however, is that if all markets were metered,
cable companies would see big gains in ratings, while network
ratings would dive, thus lost advertising revenue for the
networks.
Some of you might be looking at that list
of shows I have above and are thinking, “But those are all network
shows. Why would the networks risk their own shows getting cancelled
with the “book” system?” The answer is that the networks consider
ALL shows replaceable, but what’s not replaceable is the common view
that the best shows are on the networks. If all the markets were
metered that common stereotype would go out the window with
advertisers when they realized that a larger percentage of people
were watching cable networks than what is currently accepted under
the book system.
What can you do to change this and save
your favorite shows? I honestly don’t know. As long as the networks
have the power and money I doubt the books will be replaced. I would
guess about the only thing you could do is write your Congressman
and ask them to look into this situation. As for any particular show
you like, write the network and tell them how much you love it.
Believe it or not, that has saved a few shows in the past…more proof
the ratings system is garbage. I mean, why would a network continue
running a show they cancelled due to ratings just because a bunch of
viewers asked them not too unless they KNOW the ratings system is
flawed?
Did the ratings kill your favorite show?
Linkorama time!!
There are some gems here…
- I don’t know if this first link is
bullshit or not, but I’ve got to support the guy either way. This
is a must see! First go here.
Then “vote” here.
- The Catholic Church and the Bush Administration have to
open their eyes and start understanding human
nature. I mean come on,
they’re kids and they’re going to have sex. That’s what their
bodies, nature, Hollywood, their friends, etc. is telling them to
do. Asking them to have sex with a condom is smart to protect
them. Asking kids to use condoms isn’t encouraging them to have
sex. Last time I checked Jesus died for our sins because we’re
mortal and we do sin. How about we stop trying to pretend it
doesn’t happen, and instead try to stop teen pregnancy and VD? An
estimated 10% of Catholic priests in the Boston area are
pedophiles and they’re worried about teenagers going through a
natural process of life? Amazing! I mean science has proven that
masturbation in men is not only natural, but also necessary, so
why stop the girls from having some fun? If you haven’t seen The Meaning of Life, I
suggest you do so; there is a fantastic scene in it that parodies
the Catholic Church’s belief that “every sperm is
sacred”.
- This guy tried to do a remake of this film. Whacky!
(P.S. See the film. It’s a Sci-Fi classic.)
- This is a
tragedy, however I
cannot help but laugh at the fact that he continued to work his
route!
- People, I have a simple belief when it
comes to video
game piracy. If
you continue to copy the good games (Half-Life, Empire Earth,
Metal of Honor, etc.) then they will stop making them as they will
run out of funds. Then all we’ll be left with is shitware from
Wizardworks.
- This is a
very interesting read (until he gets preachy starting at Time
Utilization), and a must read for future residents.
- If you’re a gamer, this should be required
reading material every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Before the
move knocked them off the site, it was one of my recommended
links.
- Speaking of Penny Arcade, they linked this page
today. Pretty funny stuff. I wonder if any of it is true.
- Sticking with Hollywood, this page is
interesting, hilarious, and disturbing. WARNING: Read the
disclaimer at the top!!! It’s not an adult site, but it may ruin
your image of some people you love…
- There’s tons of reading material and
entertainment above, so I’ll leave you with one last page. Another
one that used to be in my recommend links is this page, it’s a pop
culture/gaming site. Currently, you should read this
article, which is pretty funny, especially the top comic on
page 2.
So many topics, so much to talk about…

|
|
2:08 pm CDT - GORDON
- TGIFF.
In celebration of the French Olympic judge's
admission that she allowed her integrity to be compromised and her
subsequent banning from the sport, I'd like to offer my submission
for France's new national flag:
There's
already a thread running about it in the "General"
Forum.

|
|
4:05 pm EDT - Leisher - Random
observations.
The NFL’s best offense ever(?)
versus a “Cinderella” team in a patriotic themed Super Bowl ending
with a game winning field goal. Yeah, it sounds exciting, but for
me, it was the most boring Super Bowl of all time. This game just
lacked any energy at all. I believe the event itself actually took
away from the game. Has the Super Bowl gotten too big? Can any game
live up to its hype?
Speaking of the Super
Bowl, I wouldn’t scoff at a suggestion that it was rigged.
Seriously! The New England Patriots, with an inept offense and the
24th worst defense in the league wins the Super Bowl? In
the process they defeat three of the best offenses and defenses in
the league? Teams that looked unstoppable suddenly appeared flat,
clumsy, and inaccurate… Do I believe the Super Bowl was fixed? No.
However, I do find it a bit…”coincidental” that the Super Bowl
champions this year were the Patriots and their colors are red,
white, and blue.
Speaking of the Super Bowl (last one, I
promise), what was with the ads this year? They sucked. There were a
couple of decent ones, but nothing close to last year’s crop. I can
remember commercials from last year, but I barely remember even two
or maybe three from this year. People are blaming the recession; I
blame old money making old decisions, and a serious lack of new
blood.
WARNING:
Only adults over the age of 18 should click the links in this
section.
Anyone
catch Fear Factor Sunday night with the
playmates? You want to talk about stereotypes? I’d have to claim
that these playmates did little to prove that they aren’t plastic
bimbos. A couple of them were just idiots with about as much depth
as a child’s wadding pool. Cheers to the three girls who actually
made it seem like non-bimbos pose for Playboy too: Angel, Stacy, and
Lauren.
For
your convenience, here are the girls that appeared on the show, in
order of elimination:
Nicole Narain – Pissed off women by acting
like a moron and never working out.
Julie
Cialini – She was gone too soon to determine her bimbo
factor.
Stacy Sanches – Stacy’s sister is hot too,
and you’ve got to love this.
Priscilla Taylor – If Anna Nicole Smith were dead, Priscilla
would be Queen Bimbo
Angel Boris – Mmmmm, smart, sexy, and
dirty.
Lauren Hill – She won and she wasn’t a
bimbo. Bravo.
Of
course, if you love naked women, then be patriotic about it.
Due
to the storms last week I was left with power, but without cable.
During this outage, I found time to watch Tomb Raider. What a piece of shit. Avoid it
like the plague. Not only did this film have the typical Hollywood
“touches” with complete character and story changes from the
existing property that made the film possible and the original
property popular, but the acting was so poor and the action so over
the top ridiculous that I felt like the movie should have been done
in Japanimation. You could smell the marketing all over this film.
From the robots to the topless guys to the side view of Angelina’s
naked breast, everything screamed, “My script was touched up by
marketers to appeal to our demographic!!” Hey Hollywood, you want to
appeal to your demographics? Make something that doesn’t suck ass.
Oh, and try to leave existing properties alone, they made enough
cash and enough fans before you came along. You can’t make every
film appeal to everyone, so don’t try. Just make it for the
properties’ audience and let them support it. Don’t worry, they will
(EX: Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, etc.).
Come,
discuss the Super Bowl, commercials, shitty marketing movies, and
naked women.

|
|
11:00 am CDT - GORDON
- Stories about
going out drinking with my buddies.
By request.
Welcome to February. Seems like
just yesterday it was January.
It was brought to my attention that I
could use more drinkin' stories here. Part of me agrees.
I have many tales to tell, but I'll try to just tell a good one
here, and start a thread for us to share. Because sharing
is.....I don't know. Mom always said I should share. But
I sometimes disagree.
Anyway.....
I've always had amazing drunken vomit
control. I've drunk to the puking stage many times, but every
time I've managed to get myself to a receptacle and avoid voiding
all over whatever or whomever happened to be in close
proximity. I have many occasions I could cite, but I think
I'll talk about the one time my amazing self control bit me in the
ass. Kinda. At any rate, it produced one very unhappy sailor.
+++++++++++
Once upon a time there was a United States
Marine named Corporal Gordon. He wasn't your typical
Marine. He was unusually reserved and reflective while on
duty, often solving problems with his intellect rather than brute
force. Much like Jean Luc Picard of the
Enterprise.
But Corporal Gordon had another philosophy
which helped keep him sane: Work hard, play hard.
"Playing Hard" was his pressure release valve. He could suppress
his emotions when he had to, but there had to be a time to
cut loose.
The year was 1994, and there was trouble
in Haiti. Dictators blah blah blah country in deterioration
blah blah blah starving people blah blah blah military
intervention. Cpl G, deciding he needed a break from deepest
darkest North Carolina, volunteered to join the unit going to Haiti
to take care of business. He was accepted and soon was
embarked on the USS Wasp (LHD-1), the largest amphibious ship in the
world.
 The
Wasp.
Cpl G, not new to being deployed on ship,
soon settled into his new duties.
He and his crew were on station in Haiti
for about two months. It was squalor and hardship,
but he felt they left the place better than they found
it. They even left them minus the one government brute
squad that decided it was a good idea to shoot the Navy interpreter on patrol with a squad of Marines. The Navy guy lived to tell
the tale, the bad guys didn't.
Now, when US military vehicles are
deployed to foreign lands, they need to be cleaned (damn near
sterilized) so they will pass an inspection by customs
officials. They come aboard and inspect for mud or fruit or
anything else that could be harboring foreign insect
stowaways. That being the case, they had a ten day stop in
Puerto Rico for vehicle washdown before returning to The States,
proper. And thus the stage is set for the
story.
"We were docked on the west end of the
island at a US Naval Base Roosevelt Roads. The shorthand is
"Roosey Roads." And it turns out there have a pretty well
stocked E-Club up on a hill," says Corporal Gordon. Click here to
see their current weather conditions.
One night...a school night, it turns
out....the stressed Corporal Gordon decided it was time to release
the pressure valve, grabbed a few buddies, and caught a cab to the
club. "I remember at least 20 shots of various hard
liquor." Hilarity ensued.
1 am rolls around, and the Shore
Patrol (military police) rolls in to collect the drunks
(everyone). "Nobody was being belligerent, so they just
crammed about 25 of us into their van and drove us down to our
ships. I remember a lot of singing."
Fast forward to 5 am. revele is
sounded over the ship's intercom, and in the military there is no
snooze alarm. "I roll out of the rack and realize I am still
plastered.....and I have an uncomfortable knot in my stomach.
I get myself in the shower and attempt to get my central nervous
system operational," remembers Gordo. It was only partly successful, it turns out.
He skipped morning chow.
Mistake? Unknown. "I drag myself up to the office and
crash in a chair next to the Staff Sergeant....my immediate
boss." His head finds its way into his
hands. "We were at dock, but I'd have bet money we were
underway in heavy seas. SSgt Jackson, being enlisted himself,
told me to get the hell out of there before the Commanding Officer
came in and gave me shit. I don't think the CO would have
really cared, as he was former enlisted himself and would have been
amused by my pained status, but I was in no condition to
argue."
But he had to pause and
think...."where am I going to go to sleep this off? I cant go
back to the rack because the privates are down there cleaning, and
there's always people supervising who want to screw with you.
But, a Navy ship is a big place full of nooks and crannies, and I
found one."
His particular cranny was an
observation deck stuck to the outside of the ship about one level
down from the flight deck (where the helicopters land). "I
went way the hell down to the end where there's no pedestrian
traffic, found a spot out of the field of vision between two large
gear lockers, curled up in a fetal position on a gray steel deck,
and passed out breathing the fresh Caribbean air."
Fast forward two hours. Corporal
Gordon comes awake with a strange feeling in his gut. "Aha,"
he says to himself. "Retribution is upon me." He
realizes it is time for his legendary self control. He closes
his eyes and steadies his heartbeat and breathing | |