Synopsis:
Don't click the link if you want to keep the "surprise" in this film a secret. Guillermo Del Toro swings and misses because he's asking you to believe these things in miniature and en masse are deadly.
Review:
This is a concept that's been visited, somewhat, in flicks like Trilogy of Terror and Tales from the Hood. There are many, many more that play around in the same vein but mentioning those titles would give things away.
Their origin is left intentionally vague and what little history they do give is a random madlib of religious figures and folklore. Guy Pearce has a detached "I can't fucking believe I signed up for this" look the whole time. I imagine Katie Holmes's direction from Guillero went something like, "Scream like a psycho's kidnapping your daughter and is trying to transform her into a cruel, evil being with a single malevolent goal in mind."
Anyhow, they move into a new house and weird shit starts happening. There's a certain point in the movie where even the most skeptical of skeptics would have to admit something supernatural or at least highly improbable and unknown was going on. Every truly shitty horror flick has at least one of these moments, it's kind of like a hallmark. This scene is a little before the halfway point. In order to make believe that nothing's out of the ordinary, you'd have to be the sort of dude that thinks someone can commit suicide or be accidentally killed with a dozen stab wounds to the back. The stupidity is baffling.
There is also a quintessential old dude no one listens to until well after it matters. Why he didn't straight up tell these motherfuckers about their house right when they moved in is beyond me. A quick, "Whatever the fuck you do, don't do X because if you do, Y will happen because it fucking happened before" is all it would have taken.
Y, as it happens, predates all human history or prehistory but is clever enough to determine where the breakers are on the basement wall.
Verdict:
I don't know how the fuck this got an R rating. This is pure PG-13 schlock. Makes me nervous, viewing this before Pacific Rim.
