Sci-Fi Channel Original Movies

[Leisher]

So I had the pleasure of being sick all weekend and thus was able to watch lots of movies on TV. Army of Darkness, Resident Evil, The Matrix, Day of the Dead, and Underworld were a few of the good or entertaining films I was able to see.

Unfortunately, I was also able to watch House of the Dead 2 and Shark Attack: Megalodon, two Sci-Fi Channel Originals. If these films ever come on the TV set in your home I suggest that you take the closest sharp object and use it to rip your eyes out of your skull so that you don't have to watch these crimes against humanity.

How bad was House of the Dead 2? It would have been better if Uwe Bol was attached to the project!!!

The whole thing seemed like a very cheaply done pilot. I kept watching it thinking "If this gets decent ratings, they're going to make this a weekly series." As it turns out, even the storyline matched that theory as it ended on a cliffhanger.

I'll give them credit for a single thing. While searching a campus that had been overrun by zombies, one of the strike team members got bit by a mosquito. Have mosquitos ever been addressed in zombie movies before?

Other than that:
-Blood is splattered ALL OVER the protagonists in scene after scene only to disappear as soon as they show up in the next room or scene.
-A cruise missle does not destroy a structure, it only sets it on fire according to this film.
-Special forces members routinely break away from the group to go out on their own without informing anyone.
-Special forces members also prefer fist fighting zombies instead of shooting them at range.
-Fat cowards can get into special forces.
-Special forces people are horrible shots, but civilian scientists hit head shots every time.

I could go on and on, but there's no point. If anyone at the Sci-Fi channel happens across this, be aware that I can write a better film than that in a week and do it for half what you paid the morons who wrote this piece of shit. The premise here of "zombie hunters" was a solid one and could have easily been a series, but I don't see how they can interest anyone when it's written like that.

Some highlights from Shark Attack: Megalodon:
-A woman goes into a flooded cabin of a small boat to get a shotgun. She loads it and pumps it. A shark then crashes through the side of the cabin and knocks the gun out of her hand which falls into the water. A few minutes later the boat has not tilted despite a huge shark leaning on the side of it, the water has not risen despite a huge hole in the hull that is below water level, and the woman picks up the shotgun from under the water, pumps it AGAIN, and fires killing the shark.
-A 18 foot speed boat is cruising up to the damaged boat described above when the "mom" shark shows up and proceeds to swallow the entire 18 foot speed boat and passenger in one bite. She doesn't even break the boat, that's how wide her mouth is, at least in THAT scene. Later a man jumps from a cruise ship and the mom catches him in mid jump. The great special effects show that he is the exact width of her mouth. So somehow, she shrunk.
-Every scene her the mom opening her mouth and eating something was the same shot of a great white opening it's mouth above the surface. They'd just stick a new object into it's mouth each time. Boats, people, etc.
-Another scale issue, A scene shows that the mom is as big as a big yacht or a small cruse ship. Yet later, a two man sub smacks against her side and not only changes her course, but is shown to be as tall as the shark.

My wife, who thinks that Jaws 4: The Revenge is the best film in that series with Jaws 3 a close second, thinks Shark Attack: Megalodon was beyond stupid.

Hear that Sci-Fi Channel executives? My wife thinks a story in which a Great White follows a specific family to the Bahamas from Maine and only targets them is a better story and more realistic than your Megalodon story.

I understand they might not have the budget to make great looking films, but there's no excuse for making poorly written films.



Edited By Leisher on 1139840660

[GORDON]

My wife, who thinks that Jaws 4: The Revenge is the best film in that series with Jaws 3 a close second, thinks Shark Attack: Megalodon was beyond stupid.

Being forced to watch Jaws 4 is punishment for jaywalking in some countries.

[Malcolm]

Megalodon is beyond horrible. This is what John Barrowman had to do before he had a career or credibility. & as Leish says, the big critter seems to have some Apache Chief in its genes as it can change its size to fit whatever the scene needs.

The good news is you only need to watch five minutes of this flick to learn what it's all about. The bad news is that's about twenty minutes longer than you should be watching.

[TPRJones]

I think the Sci-Fi channel original movies are intentionally bad. That's the only possible explanation for how horribly vile every single one of them is.

They're in the same vein as - but much worse than - such fine classics as The Core.

[Malcolm]

They intentionally make movies that are generally categorized worse than B-flicks? Making a movie that shitty is a choice. You have to put effort into making shit that bad.