Knock Knock (2015)

[Leisher]

Currently on Netflix

Eli Roth warning...and because of that, this review will NOT be spoiler free.

Keanu Reeves is a loving family man, and this is fucking HAMMERED into your head in the first 20 minutes of this film. From the horrifically fake moments with his wife and kids to the house absolutely filled with pictures of them all being happy. Happy in their terrible, fake acting. Well, not totally happy because Keanu and his wife can't do the deed, and it's been three weeks! (You see, men are weak and driven solely by sex.) It's Father's Day and Keanu's wife is taking the kids to a beach house for the weekend. Late that night, Ana de Armas (who I'm certain belongs in my "5") and Lorenza Izzo show up in pouring rain looking for someone that doesn't like there are anywhere nearby. Keanu lets them in despite the fact that anyone with two brain cells to rub together would be able to tell they will be his downfall. (A woman would have resisted, but a man? HA!) Every move the women make in his home is even more ridiculous, and would be a major red flag to a normal functioning adult, but Keanu is a man, so he just goes along with it. This culminates in the girls "seducing" him.

I put that in quotes because we're going to have a conversation about that later.

He wakes up the next day to find them in his kitchen having destroyed it and eating pancakes. His wife facetimes him and he runs outside to answer the phone. You can see the girls start running up in the background exposing their tits and making noise. That's when I paused the movie and went to IMDB. I just can't watch this shit anymore. It's so fucking stupid. It's Hostel except the killers are women and they use sex as their primary weapon.

So IMDB says the women overpower him three times, claim to be 15 and thus he's a pedo (them claiming to be 15 is as valid visually as an 80 year claiming to be 29 again), MURDER one of his wife's co-workers, destroy all of his wife's artwork (she's a famous artist), destroy all his kids' stuff, steal his new puppy (which seems like a shot at John Wick), justify everything they've done because they "punish bad dads" and they've been watching him for days (and what part of doting faithful husband made them decide he's a perfect target?), tie him down and fuck him all while he's screaming no and stop, then post it to his FB account where all of their friends start negatively responding, and this all culminates with them simply walking out the front door (Cue credits.)

I mean, if I didn't know better, I'd say Gordon wrote this film!

So let's go back to the seduction and then the scene where he's tied down. Quickly swap genders and what is the sex in these scenes? Rape. However, since a man is the victim, it's all good. In the video on FB he's tied down and protesting, yet none of the commenters have anything to say about that. The scene where they seduce him, he is clearly saying no over and over, but they persist and physically force themselves upon him.

Most fucked up moment was both girls going down on him and then saying "Happy Father's Day". I was legit disgusted by that.

I don't know if the point of this movie was supposed to be how your dick can get you into trouble and ruin your life, but the message is kind of lost with all the rape.

If you enjoy cringe viewing (you know where it's almost painful to watch characters be stupid), love rape, and hate men then this is the movie for you.

I can count the number of movies I've turned off and stopped watching on one hand. That's not a joke. My entire life and less than 5 movies were so awful that I turned them off. I sat all the way through SolarBabies ffs. So congrats on joining that exclusive club Eli Roth. Fuck you for wasting an Ana de Armas nude scene on this turd of a movie.