Child's Eye - At 'Dem Flicks with Malcolm

As long as we recognize Lucas is washed up and most TV sucks, we'll all get along fine.
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Malcolm
Posts: 32040
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 1:04 pm
Location: Minneapolis

Post by Malcolm »

Synopsis:
An Asian production company decides to make a "horror movie" presumably for tween girls.

Review:
Unfortunately, they only let you in on that fact during the last twenty minutes of the movie, when it goes from "standard Oriental ghost movie" to goddamned 90210. Someone also had the bright idea to shoot this for a 3D release, there are a number of unnecessary "things blast towards the viewer" shots.

There are a few long, drawn out shots with genuine tension. However, that is literally half the tricks this director knows, the other being something rushing at the camera in a blur in a lightning fast take. That last one is occasionally varied by having the rush, uh, arpeggiate, for lack of a better term by being sync'd with a strobe lighting effect. Whatever is moving appears frozen when the light is on, the light flashes, then it appears closer, lather rinse repeat.

Verdict:
Fuck this movie. 1 out of 10.

Spoilers follow, but you won't care.







1) There are six protagonists. They all survive in spite of several scenes in which they appear to die.

2) The only body count comes from the two sympathetic villains who off themselves and let the heroes go.

3) The only unsympathetic villain (that again, that never kills anyone) also offs herself after a lengthy emotional chat with one of the heroes. They bond over their pregnancies. I shit you not.
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
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