Spent some time in the hospital this weekend, and watched a few indy flicks to kill time.
In The Darkness - "A search and rescue team is called out to find two missing boys, but something more sinister is going on."
This is an hour long film, and for the life of me, I didn't get it.
So these two guys kidnap a girl after rape drugging her at a party or bar. They stop to rape, and possibly kill her, when they are attacked and killed by an unknown assailant.
Someone must have reported these guys missing because the cops start looking for them, and quickly determine what must have really happened. While they're searching two cops from other jurisdictions show up to help in the search and are accepted into the fold. This was a massive red flag for me. Cops don't just drive around to each other's jurisdictions and act like they have authority there because they don't. Also, the guy who owns the land where the boys went missing acts ridiculously guilty and even threats the head cop.
So then the twist comes, and I'm going to spoil it here so look away if you'd like, it turns out that the victim, the land owner (who wasn't really), and the two rogue cops were all in on it, and they drive away into the sunset in a Kaiser Sose moment. WTF? That made no sense, whatsoever. So they killed the two "bad guys", and returned to the scene...why? Why not just drive away and call it a day? Why bore me for an hour?
Just a terrible movie.
Zombie Wars - The zombie war has been going on for 50 years, and the zombies have begun breeding humans for food...
You're already hooked right? You're thinking this is either going to be insanely awesome or a spectacular piece of shit. Truth be told, this movie is so terrible that it's comedy gold.
From the overacting to the terrible effects to the guy doing the Christian Slater in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves imitation to the terrible plot that makes no sense to the zombies that act like Frankenstein to blatant attempt at T&A, etc. I seriously could go on forever with this list.
Ok, if you like bad movies for the entertainment factor, this is a must see. It's simply terrible, but entertainingly so. If you don't like bad movies you should avoid this like the plague.
Ok, if you're going to check it out, stop reading now...
Spoilers
If you discover that humans are behind the zombie human breeding farm, would you confront them by telling them "You're bad. Stop it." and leave or would you put a bullet in their brains? Would you make a movie where your main character spends the last 30 minutes just wandering around a forest aimlessly with no interaction with anyone of consequence only to die alone and completely by accident? If you're an elite military force and you have to enter enemy territory would you avoid the enemy or go directly at what is essentially a toll booth like the one in Blazing Saddles where the only two guards are stationed? If you did approach that booth, would you flank the guards (these are people who feed zombies people...) and kill them or would you send your commander up to flaunt her tits and then have everyone else pop out while the guards looked at her tits? Would you then not only NOT kill the guards, but leave them free and armed so they can kill the main character by mistake towards the end of the film...?