Kong: Skull Island : ***SPOILERS***

As long as we recognize Lucas is washed up and most TV sucks, we'll all get along fine.
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Malcolm
Posts: 32040
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 1:04 pm
Location: Minneapolis

Kong: Skull Island : ***SPOILERS***

Post by Malcolm »

This movie is fucking bad. Characters? Shallow. Plot? Made no sense. Overly gratuitous hippie ideals injected into the themes? Yeah, we got that.

So, why hasn't Skull Island been mapped before? It's "surrounded by a perpetual storm system and every known trade route of every known civilization has avoided it for all known history." Sure. I guess submarines couldn't go under the storm in the '40s because they didn't have the satellite photos then. But some weird indigenous civilization has been living there for thousands of years without much issue.

The characters, well, what can you say about one-dimensional cardboard cutouts. With one glaring exception to that rule, every single character is exactly what you assume they'll be within three seconds of seeing them the first time. Tom Hiddleston is virtually wasted as he flails in front of a green screen, trying manfully to hold his own against imaginary prehistoric gargantuas. About halfway through, he just stops giving a fuck. Brie Larson seemed visibly bored in several scenes. Samuel L. Jackson plays Samuel L. Jackson pretending he's an insane colonel who goes full-on Khan-revenge mode after Kong busts up his chopper team ... who happened to be bombing the shit out of Skull Island of seismic mapping purposes. John C. Reilly plays a WWII fighter pilot that crash lands in '44, along with the Zero pilot who was trying to kill him.

I was disappointed at the limited ecosystem shown. All the big-ass creatures there were had been given away during the previews.
- giant spider/crab thing that looks like it was ripped from the dumpster after The Mist started filming? Check. Taken out in a glaringly simple way.
- man-sized pterodactyl things with razor beaks? Check. They randomly get a kill because, I got no idea. SLJ blows one away and I suppose it's their payback.
- big-ass kraken-squid thing fighting Kong? Check. A fight for all of ten seconds before KK stomps its head in.
- two-legged dinosaur-lizard crawling things that live in subterranean lairs? Check. KK dusts them the same way you use to exterminate imps in DOOM.

KK is portrayed as keeping the crawlers in check, especially a big-as-a-mofo one that lives in a dormant state under a lake, waiting for Kong to die off or be awakened, or wtf-ever, the writers didn't care, neither should you. However, it's apparently the same crawler that took out both Kong's parents some time ago. Maybe they were having off days.

The post-credits scene (and very end of the credits) indicate Godzilla, Rodan (bird-pterodactyl-thing), Mothra, and Ghidorah (three-headed flying space hydra) could all be in play. The last thing you hear is Godzilla's familiar roar as everything fades to black. This a a total reboot of the Kong franchise, and I've got no idea how it fits into the existing Godzilla continuity since it takes place in 1973 with plenty of room for prequels and even a bit more time until MUTOs rampage across Vegas. However, it certainly does figure in because the studio is officially going for a "giant monsters" and hollow Earth-type setting, in spite of the obvious scientific problems with that theory being close to true.
Legendary, with Warners, are in the middle of their monster universe which is centered around classic silver screen creatures Godzilla and King Kong.

Godzilla, released in 2014, was the first entry and Skull Island, during its development, was retrofitted to fold into an overall story.
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Malcolm
Posts: 32040
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 1:04 pm
Location: Minneapolis

Kong: Skull Island : ***SPOILERS***

Post by Malcolm »

Oh, one more thing: John Goodman was awful and almost looked relieved to get killed. I'd cast him as Doc Loomis in a Halloween remake, though.
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
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