Bleed: Reap the Flesh

[Malcolm]

Synopsis:
The manatees who write Family Guy try their hand at what I can only describe as a lazy, half-assed potpourri of every crappy horror movie ever made.

Review, SPOILERS follow, but who gives a fuck:
Pregnant chick with a weird birthmark on her way to a secluded, isolationist village full of xenophobes? Check.
Abandoned jail where an alleged child serial killer mysteriously burned to death in a fire? Check.
Authorities complicit in keeping things quiet? Check.
Dumb-ass twenty-somethings who inexplicably decide to towel snap some supernatural balls? Check.
Lame-ass "twist" ending, doubled down on with a second lamer-ass WTF "twist" ending? Check.

Remember the early bit in the original Ghostbusters where Peter, Ray, and Egon are in the library and don't have a better plan than "get her?" An amateur ghost hunter who's badly trying to be Stephen Dorff talks his wanna-be Dharma (as in "and Greg") gf, and some assorted other annoying fodder into checking out a supposedly very haunted prison in the middle of the night. It helps that the local cult/townsfolk are, for some reason, chasing them inside.

Once inside:
Idiots randomly getting separated in a completely unfamiliar environment while a mob's waiting outside to murder them? Check.
Black guy dies first? Check.
Doing everything humanly possible to piss off the Satanic demon-ghost, including literally fucking and committing murder in his old cell? Check.

The second act mercifully comes to an end when the townsfolk just figure, "Eh, fuck it," and storm the place. Their motives remain a mystery to me. It's as if they had a council and the mayor opened with, "You know what we need to do? We need to force them to go inside the place where we fucked over that country bumpkin years ago by pinning those killings on him. Oh, and we totally need to back off after they get inside, so they can do everything imaginable to wake him up. After all that, we should then pursue them to make sure all witnesses are eliminated."

"Isn't that guy's spirit going to be kind of pissed if he sees us? I mean, we did frame, shackle, and murder him in cold blood."

"Nah, he'll be cool."

That minor miscalculation causes enough resulting chaos to let the pregnant chick get escape to the road for the aforementioned second twist of the lamer-ass variety.

Verdict:
Sucks and blows.