Gods of Egypt

[Leisher]

Yay my friend's HBOGo account!

A re-imagining of the gods of Egypt told with the most liberal use of CGI you've ever seen. This is basically an animated film.

The story is exactly the same plot as The Lion King. Jamie Lannister is Simba and he's dragged onto his road for redemption by a human trying to save his love, played by the unbelievably hot, Courtney Eaton. Gerard Butler is Set, Simba's uncle, who also bangs Simba's girlfriend, played by Elektra. (Also, a hottie.)

I really expected this movie to suck. However, while it wasn't a classic, and definitely gets goofy at the end, it was entertaining. I loved the new ideas they used on the gods. Very cool stuff. The CGI is mostly great with only one special effect that was jarringly bad.

The human, Bek, is the best and worst parts of the movie. His look, blonde hair and blue eyes, is ridiculous for Egypt and he looks like he's 14. The fact that he acts that way doesn't help. Courtney WAY outclasses him. Plus, the power of these gods should have killed multiple times, but that part of the movie isn't consistent. Still, his story is nice. It's a love story and his never give up attitude plays well.

I wouldn't tell anyone to run out and rent it, but I'm not mad that I saw it.

[Malcolm]

I loved the new ideas they used on the gods.

New ideas?

The human, Bek, is the best and worst parts of the movie.

You're half right. "Best and worst" has to go to Gerard Butler. Watching him massacre an entire pantheon of superbeings was hilarious. On the other hand, the fucking accent, just dear god ... Set shouldn't sound like someone who always just had dental surgery where the Novocaine hasn't worn off.

[Leisher]

New ideas?

I have not personally seen a movie use the size difference, the transformer power, the ruling class, Ra's role, the gold blood, etc.

You're half right. "Best and worst" has to go to Gerard Butler. Watching him massacre an entire pantheon of superbeings was hilarious. On the other hand, the fucking accent, just dear god ... Set shouldn't sound like someone who always just had dental surgery where the Novocaine hasn't worn off.

I'm used to that from him. I use my suspension of disbelief on the way he talks the same way I did with Arnold.

[Malcolm]

Ra's role is ripped straight off from a certain ancient Egyptian cult. They literally believed a huge fucking snake would come to eat everything unless Ra the Creator bounced his ass every single day. The gold blood seems like a convenient way to persuade the censors that it's PG-13. Ditto for the Egyptian god morphin' time. They badly butchered the Set-Osiris-Horus narrative for the plot. I also find it hilarious that the god of wisdom has his brain ripped out so Set can consume it, seeing as how Egyptians thought that organ was useless.

The size thing is weird because hieroglyphs portray humans and gods as about the same size. The old Hindu and Jewish texts are full of stories of giant-ass divine beings blasting the fuck out of each other all over the land (especially the Hindu ones). I assume some racist screenwriter culturally appropriated that aspect into the CG window dressing.

[Leisher]

The size thing was really cool. Very nice way to show off who was a god and who wasn't.

Although, the first thing I thought of was how they would have sex with humans...

Ra's role is ripped straight off from a certain ancient Egyptian cult. They literally believed a huge fucking snake would come to eat everything unless Ra the Creator bounced his ass every single day.

I didn't know that. I was never into the Egyptian gods. I always preferred the Norse gods.

[TPRJones]

Although, the first thing I thought of was how they would have sex with humans...

Very carefully.

[Malcolm]

I didn't know that. I was never into the Egyptian gods. I always preferred the Norse gods.

Racist. Although, horus was the prototype for Jesus.

[Leisher]

Although, the first thing I thought of was how they would have sex with humans...

Very carefully.

It reminds me of the old joke:
Why do you wrap a guinea pig in electrical tape? So they don't explode when you fuck them.

[GORDON]

I was thinking half way through that this movie was the spiritual successor to Clash of the Titans. The original good one, not the shitty remake. I got much the same vibe.