Synopsis:
Uwe Boll needed a tax write off.
Review:
The posterboy for coke-snorting Eurotrash, Uwe Boll, may be the long awaited German answer to Ed Wood or punishment for the US giving rise to the Hasselhoff epidemic that now infects the Fatherland. There is no other way to explain this film besides copious amounts of drugs, especially amphetamines and MDMA, mixed with exactly the right amount of liquor (this is also the only way to enjoy viewing it). Badly pixelated shots of video game action are the segue images every time Uwe needs to move from one scene to another. He also must've gotten something of a bargain on cheap-looking 360 "strike a pose" cameras because there's what has to be a ten-minute sequence that has one every thirty fucking seconds.
There are two dudes you should recognize:
1) Clint Howard, Ron's brother, the serial killer the cops mistook Kramer for in Seinfeld and...
2) Jurgen Prochnow, I assume Uwe knows where he buries his dead hookers or holds his neo-Nazi rallies because he doesn't have the financing to straight up bribe him. Jurgen has looks on his face in some scenes that I recalled seeing in Jeremy Irons's during Dungeons and Dragons, that is a distinct "How the fuck did my career get reduced to this," look.
Anyhow, there are some zombies that alternate between walking, swimming, shambling, and sprinting. They conveniently melt into the scenery whenever they're not needed and they swarm at the drop of a hat. Some dumb-ass kids show up for a rave on an island in a boat helmed by Captain Das Boot and notice it's a bit deserted. As luck would have it, he's a smuggler with a fuckton of illegal weapons which consume bullets like guns in the game ... meaning you cut away from a scene where the chick's machine gun is empty, cut to someone else with a machete, then back to the same chick now going full auto with the same previously empty shitty prop gun that can't decide if it's an AK-47, AR-15, M-16, Ma Deuce, or the result of weird mechanical group sex involving all of them.
Verdict:
How fucking shitty is this film? Someone edited the wikipedia page to make you believe Uwe Boll gets real funding.
Budget $175 Million
Box office $942 Million
Box Office Mojo reports a far more realistic $10M gross from $12M budget, which is pretty fucking bad.
Edited By Malcolm on 1449430855