At 'Dem Flicks w\ Malcolm - Hellraiser III : Hell on Earth

As long as we recognize Lucas is washed up and most TV sucks, we'll all get along fine.
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Malcolm
Posts: 32040
Joined: Fri May 21, 2004 1:04 pm
Location: Minneapolis

Post by Malcolm »

Synopsis :

Pinhead somehow comes back to life & is released upon Earth, causing playful mischief.

Review :

Ugh. This movie is a slow descent into bad '90s psycho-horror followed by a sharp plunge into Spinal Tap-esque bad '80s baroque horror.

Terry Farrel (of DS9 "fame") plays the most stereotypical plucky goddamned upright journalist I've seen done seriously in a long while. Doug Bradley is back as Pinhead & his human alter ego in some meta-quasi-reality flashbacks. If it seems I have to use distorted, fucked-up language to describe the shit in this film, it's cos the script has a similar feeling of unease to it. There is no one else in this flick you'd recognize.

The first act is somewhat interesting as it's heavily atmospheric & gothic (which is apparently the writer's strong suit for lack of competency anywhere else). The second act is far too much dialogue delivered by a mediocre cast of supporting players whose collective talent is less than that of your average fluffer's fluffer. Pinhead's lines have also taken a noticeable hit in their quality. Instead of flowing & proper prose, he spouts far too many shit one-liners & vernacular. The third act is painfully unimaginative & absurd. Pinhead makes new follower Cenobites. He makes one out of a camera man, a DJ, a barkeep, amongst others. These daemons kill respectively by walking up slowly to someone & shoving a camera lens thru their head, walking up slowly within throwing distance of someone & throwing razor sharp CDs, walking slowly within throwing distance of someone & throwing a martini shaker full of gasoline on them followed by breathing fire. The actual mechanisms by which the plot is begun, carried out, & end are even worse. Some shit was just blatantly made up, seemed like recycled horror ideas from the late '80s, or was rehashed from the two previous (& far superior) films. & more realistic character interaction has started w\ a porn grove & "Are you here to fix the sink?"

I can imagine that Clive Barker wasn't happy when he found out Pinhead had been turned into a stack-and-slash villain who bad comedic lines were being wasted on a rather good actor.

That being said, there is ample gore. Blood, disembowlments, body parts, lacerations, etc. are all graphic & common. The special effects continue to impress, though they are starting to show their age. & I can think of at least one shot the director did surprisingly skillfully. Too bad 99.99% of his other shots sucked ass.

Verdict : 1 star. Mostly ass. Only for fans of bloody violence or the series chroniclers.
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
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