Review to come later, but I just thought I'd warn everyone : this movie sucks ass. DO NOT go see it. Imagine Blair Witch Project underground & eight billion times worse.
Edited By Malcolm on 1157262864
At 'Dem Flicks w\ Malcolm - Descent
& now for the actual review.
Synopsis :
Half a dozen poorly-written women go spelunking & freaky shit happens.
Review :
Neil Marshall is the fucker responsible for this flick. I swear to fucking Christ he just threw some variables into the random horror/sci-fi movie scene-generating machine for most of the time, borrowing considerably from "The Blair Witch Project" and "The Hills Have Eyes" with just a hint of "Pitch Black."
His screenplay thinks it's a helluva lot more clever than it actually is. If you're even somewhat observant, you'll pick on up the various "hints" he leaves in the script that lead up to actions that will be played out later. They're nowhere near subtle enough to have the effect they need.
Secondly, the characters are underdeveloped & generic or interesting & largely ignored. Maybe it's because his character development is so bad given any of the chicks & enough time, he could make them boring.
The plot is damn near nonexistent for a long time. For the first thirty to forty-five minutes, it's like watching footage of someone's MTV camping trip minus the shitty music. When shit does start happening, one must look past a few plot inconsistencies & numerous...ahem..."timely coincidences" that allow the story to play out.
In the entire film, I saw exactly two parts (both only a matter of seconds) that didn't suck. Oh, yes, lest I forget...Neil uses the cheap-ass scare tactic "gotcha" setups about once every five minutes. They're about as scary the first time as they are the last time; that is, not a goddamn bit. They are particularly ineffective if one is a trained viewer & can notice out of focus objects coming closer or watch the entire screen as opposed to just the subject of a shot.
In short, this film fails on about every level possible. There's shit for a plot, the characters are totally illogical (even for women), & the scare factor doesn't even register. This sort of shit seems to be the standard for horror flicks made in the last five or so years. Oh, for the days of the '70s & early '80s when brutality & Italian cannibal horror films were flourishing.
Verdict : 1 star for the somewhat bloody violence & two well-done shots.
Synopsis :
Half a dozen poorly-written women go spelunking & freaky shit happens.
Review :
Neil Marshall is the fucker responsible for this flick. I swear to fucking Christ he just threw some variables into the random horror/sci-fi movie scene-generating machine for most of the time, borrowing considerably from "The Blair Witch Project" and "The Hills Have Eyes" with just a hint of "Pitch Black."
His screenplay thinks it's a helluva lot more clever than it actually is. If you're even somewhat observant, you'll pick on up the various "hints" he leaves in the script that lead up to actions that will be played out later. They're nowhere near subtle enough to have the effect they need.
Secondly, the characters are underdeveloped & generic or interesting & largely ignored. Maybe it's because his character development is so bad given any of the chicks & enough time, he could make them boring.
The plot is damn near nonexistent for a long time. For the first thirty to forty-five minutes, it's like watching footage of someone's MTV camping trip minus the shitty music. When shit does start happening, one must look past a few plot inconsistencies & numerous...ahem..."timely coincidences" that allow the story to play out.
In the entire film, I saw exactly two parts (both only a matter of seconds) that didn't suck. Oh, yes, lest I forget...Neil uses the cheap-ass scare tactic "gotcha" setups about once every five minutes. They're about as scary the first time as they are the last time; that is, not a goddamn bit. They are particularly ineffective if one is a trained viewer & can notice out of focus objects coming closer or watch the entire screen as opposed to just the subject of a shot.
In short, this film fails on about every level possible. There's shit for a plot, the characters are totally illogical (even for women), & the scare factor doesn't even register. This sort of shit seems to be the standard for horror flicks made in the last five or so years. Oh, for the days of the '70s & early '80s when brutality & Italian cannibal horror films were flourishing.
Verdict : 1 star for the somewhat bloody violence & two well-done shots.
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Here's the spoiler for those of you who like knowing the story, but don't want to waste time/money on the movie.
Hmm, the U.K. ending seems more fitting. But the dude's reasoning behind it sucks if the spoiler is correct.Here's the spoiler for those of you who like knowing the story, but don't want to waste time/money on the movie.
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."