Why AvP sucked - SPOILERS GALORE

[Leisher]

1. Aliens are a menace to all life in the universe, and would destory everything if not for the one force that keeps them in check: Thin women acting alone. That's right. No heavily armed squad of space marines or group of Predators can match the power of one woman with no combat skills or equipment whatsoever stuck in a situation she's unprepared for. 5 movies, 5 different settings, 1 ending.

2. The aforementioned woman being a VERY small and physically unimpressive person. Not to mention a terrible actor.

3. The blatant rip off from Mission Impossible (and Star Trek 2, but you could tell they were mimicing MI.) as the lead actress is climbing the ice falls and then gets a call on her cell phone.

4. The fact that she's near the top of the totally silent falls and yet can't hear a helicopter land above her.

5. Her being a "strong, smart" character, yet traveling all the way to the island off of Antartica before asking what her job entails.

6. Then refusing to go. Did I mention this all occurs AFTER the "point of no return."

7. Finding out she's been replaced on this mission since she refuses to go. This mission that is urgent and is being done immediately. Did I mention the "point of no return" yet? Apparently, that rule doesn't cover arrivals.

8. Then being talked into it via reverse psychology by two people she doesn't even know.

9. The Geraldo Rivera tribute would be funny in other movies. Here its stupid. Why? Well, they weren't in a hole, yet there were ruins (a buried arch). his whole dig team appeared to be two people. What treasures did he expect to pull out by hand. And who crawls into a hole in the ground without a light? That whole scene was just ignorant.

10. People walking around Antartica without gloves, coats, protective covering for their faces, etc.

11. The hole into the ice disintegrated everything in its path, yet somehow left a pattern of ridges in the ice. What's funnier is that the ridges are totally ignored when people are sliding down or rocketing up the ice tunnel.

12. Flares that immediately go out even when only burning a minute and landing on rock.

13. Kane. Remember him? He got a face hugger on him and was that way for hours, and actually I think it was days. He did so by going into a room full of eggs, yet only one opened. After the face hugger fell off, he walked around for awhile, just fine. After the Alien made its appearance, it took several more hours, and maybe days for it to reach its full size. In AvP, that entire process is down to approx. 10 minutes.

14. The process I just talked about only applies to humans apparently as Predators can walk around for hours after getting preggers by an Alien.

15. Speaking of that, apparently a baby alien which can have its neck snapped by hand within a second of being born, is a threat to a ship full of Predators.

16. Aliens no longer kill. They've been on Earth too long and are now white trash. They simply take you to the trailer park for breeding purposes.

17. If you are in a room with Alien eggs now, ALL of them will hatch at the same time.

18. The Queen Alien can be beaten by thin unarmed women acting alone, yet their drones can massacre squads of heavily armed space marines and single handedly kill two Predators.

19. In a battle with a Predator an Aliens' blood turns the tide several times in one battle. Everytime he's touched his acid blood squirts out and becomes a weapon, inccluding a metal net sqeezing into his head spilling blood everywhere. 5 minutes later an Alien has his head cut in half without a drop of blood being spilt.

20. A Predator kills several humans without hesitation, then stops when a woman asks him to despite him not being able to speak the language, them looking down on humans as cattle, and her and her friends having stolen the weapon the Predator needs so badly that he knows is in her backpack.

21. How many people did the Predator kill by gun in the first film? Considering that, why would the gun be important for use in the temple? Particularly when the place is small and essentially build for hand to hand combat.

22. So the Predators' master plan was to turn on their power sources in the temple to attract humans. Somehow they knew that the human that discovered it would rush there by October 10th instead of properly planning an expedition because he's dying. Going a step farther, they knew he would get there ON Oct 10th. Brilliant!

23. How did they get the whaling community to settle there?

24. The temple was sealed at the beginning of the movie. Without any explanation, later its open.

25. At no point do the Aliens attempt to exit the temple until they're chasing someone.

26. Why would Alien drones make their queen bleed to cut the shackles, when it makes more sense that they're attack themselves or each other instead of hurting her?

27. Would you give a gift to something you thought of as cannon fodder or cattle?

28. Particularly a gift that proves there is life on other planets?

29. And essentially rewards her for fucking up their temple?

30. If they ever make a sequel, that Queen will be brought up. In reality, she'd be crushed. How long can Aliens hold their breath? If you say long enough to make a sequel, then I'd like to point out that there's an Alien floating in space waiting to kill again.

31. The whole Aliator at the end was stupid. If humans make the Aliens we know, then how did the Aliens exist before us? Don't question that as they had to exist before us. Otherwise, why would the Predators have our early humans build a temple to house the Aliens?

32. Speaking of the Aliator, where were the giant Aliens in the first film? Not the Queen, although she's mysteriously missing, but the GIANT Aliens to match the giant corpse they found on the ship. It stands to reason that if the Alien changes to match its host, then the Aliens that attacked the giant would be giants.

33. Why would the Predators show up without their guns? What hunter goes hunting without his gun? Don't say the challenge was for them to get them since the humans reached them before the first trap even went off and they didn't even know their way around the temple.

34. If all Predators go through this rite of passage, then there have to be very few Predators since it only happens once every hundred years.

35. How exactly is that woman getting home? The entire expedition was killed except her. She has no vehicle and is out of range of help in case anything goes wrong. I'm not making that up, she said that in the film. So she's fucked right? Then why wouldn't she ask the Preds for a ride.

36. Why didn't anyone show up to give Arnie some props for whipping the Predator's ass?

37. So, its not enough to fill a tight corridored temple with secret passages and acid for blood aliens, but you also have to come without guns AND have the walls shift every 10 minutes? Why? There's no logic behind it.

38. And don't get me started about the way the Predators hunted in the film. Remember, they don't kill you unless you have a weapon, yet in the opening scene one is about to kill a guy without a weapon.

Ok, I'm tired of doing this list. You get my point anyway. They went and changed all the rules for existing characters again.

Ironically, I really think this would have been a great Pitch Black 2. Turn the woman into Riddick, the Aliens into those things in PB, and for the Predators just create something similar. It'd work well with Riddick. Then they wouldn't have needed to trash established characters.

[Leisher]

To answer your next question:

I've got the night shift with the baby and I've got nothing better to do.

[Zetleft]

Wow Avp sure looks like it sucks alright, glad I never saw that one.

[GORDON]

That was an intelligent, lucid, well-thought-out objection. Overruled.

[Leisher]

That was an intelligent, lucid, well-thought-out objection. Overruled.

Thank you your honor, but I appealed to a higher court and they agreed with me.

AvP is one of the nominees to win the Razzie for Worst Remake or Sequel.