Automatic +\- :
More bitter old man Kris Kristofferson : + .5
Goddamn bitch from WB that can't act : - .5
No name dude starring as Dracula : - .5
Subtotal 1 : - .5 stars
Synopsis :
Vampires wake up Dracula, or Drake as his name is, & enlist his aid to kill Blade & place the entire human race in gigantic blood farms, a la Matrix-style energy supply thingie.
Review :
Dear god, where to begin. I'll hit the positive aspects first. I learned a new insult. Now onto the rest...
Damn near everything about this movie felt like it was merely a pathetic attempt to cash in without putting in an ounce of decent film-making. This is supposed to be a brainless action flick & I went in expecting such. Even by that low standard, it falls hideously short.
The director shot for comedy WAY too much. It got tiring after about two seconds flat. The character of Hannibal King looks like he's there exclusively for comic relief. Wesley Snipes has most none of the coolness or kick-ass miasma about him that the other two films managed to capture. The villain, supposedly the most powerful fucking vampire in existence EVER, spends the majority of the film running away from the puny hybrid, bastard hero, afraid to confront him directly. Pussy-ass Dracula, indeed. Couple this w\ the fact that he commands no sense of evil & you get a rather shallow, deflated Dracula.
Then, of course, we've the fun scenes where three of the heroes are walking on in broad daylight, complete with swords, gun, bows, arrows, & other shit that might make you stop & call a cop if you saw them on the street.
& as a last sidenote, the wussiness of the vampires seems to have reached a new high here, where they die by the dozens now not only to Blade, but damn near to anyone who looks at them the wrong way.
The action sequences looked like fifth-rate Matrix fight scenes, Blade looks like he's had a cool-ectomy, the supporting heroes have little to no scene presence or are just fucking annoying, Dracula spends more of his time running than killing, & his minions evoke all the fear of a group of girl scouts picking flowers in a field on a picturesque afternoon with a gentle summer breeze.
Subtotal 2 : 1.5 stars (for a couple comedic reasons)
Subtotal 1 + Subtotal 2 = 1 star
Verdict : Renter, if that. Fuck, just watch the second one again, it's better. Hell, watch someone changing a tire, it's better. If I ever find this director, I will make him piss into a vat & boil him in his own urine.
If anyone really wants a spoilers thread, start it up. Course, that'd mean you might've gone to see it, which is fucking sad.
At 'Dem Flick w\ Malcolm - Blade : Trinity
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mbilderback
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I've got to go with Malcolm on this one.
Hannibal King may be one of the most poorly conceived characters of all time. Ryan Reynolds did a good job with what he had to work with, however the Hannibal character did seem to be just for comic relief. (He did have some good lines.) Hannibal King should have been revealed as a decendant of a line of vampire hunters kind of how the Catlevania series has always dealt with its protagonist. King's bad guy turned good made him seem more like a bitter ex-employee than a hero.
Dracula was a total disappointment. The actor played it llike he was Billy Bad Ass, and all the other vampires acted like he was Billy Bad Ass, so why was he always running as Malcolm said? I also think Dracula was the wrong way to go with this third movie, or at least, we got the wrong ending. I'll save more comments on him and the Nightstalkers for a spoiler chain if someone ever creates one to discuss this film.
I also agree with Malcolm that the vampires were all pussies. Not only was Blade whipping their asses, but so were mere humans. You'd think that immortality would give you enough time to train to be a total hardass instead of getting your ass kicked by a 20 something year old woman.
Blade was a different story.I think they forgot he is half human because they played him up as all vampire. Instead of living among us and protecting us, he seemed more like a man who was simply protecting his cattle from wolves.
Also, did the girl really need to listen to MP3s during combat? Apparently, hearing isn't needed for fighting, particularly when you're fighting as a team.
That's just the probelms with characters. The plot had its own share of problems that I can't get into without spoilers, but at the risk of pissing someone off, I am going to say the following:
SPOILERS IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH
Dear Hollywood, if you're going to make the good guys' hideout a "secret" in the film, then you should probably take a second to explain how the villain finds it.
END SPOILERS
The movie is worth a rental and is entertaining, but nowhere near as good as it could have been. Had Hollywood made an effort here, they would have more fuel for the Blade series and a spinoff franchise in the Nightstalkers.
4 out of 10. The action is ok and there's just enough to be worth the rental, but the writing is terrible.
Hannibal King may be one of the most poorly conceived characters of all time. Ryan Reynolds did a good job with what he had to work with, however the Hannibal character did seem to be just for comic relief. (He did have some good lines.) Hannibal King should have been revealed as a decendant of a line of vampire hunters kind of how the Catlevania series has always dealt with its protagonist. King's bad guy turned good made him seem more like a bitter ex-employee than a hero.
Dracula was a total disappointment. The actor played it llike he was Billy Bad Ass, and all the other vampires acted like he was Billy Bad Ass, so why was he always running as Malcolm said? I also think Dracula was the wrong way to go with this third movie, or at least, we got the wrong ending. I'll save more comments on him and the Nightstalkers for a spoiler chain if someone ever creates one to discuss this film.
I also agree with Malcolm that the vampires were all pussies. Not only was Blade whipping their asses, but so were mere humans. You'd think that immortality would give you enough time to train to be a total hardass instead of getting your ass kicked by a 20 something year old woman.
Blade was a different story.I think they forgot he is half human because they played him up as all vampire. Instead of living among us and protecting us, he seemed more like a man who was simply protecting his cattle from wolves.
Also, did the girl really need to listen to MP3s during combat? Apparently, hearing isn't needed for fighting, particularly when you're fighting as a team.
That's just the probelms with characters. The plot had its own share of problems that I can't get into without spoilers, but at the risk of pissing someone off, I am going to say the following:
SPOILERS IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH
Dear Hollywood, if you're going to make the good guys' hideout a "secret" in the film, then you should probably take a second to explain how the villain finds it.
END SPOILERS
The movie is worth a rental and is entertaining, but nowhere near as good as it could have been. Had Hollywood made an effort here, they would have more fuel for the Blade series and a spinoff franchise in the Nightstalkers.
4 out of 10. The action is ok and there's just enough to be worth the rental, but the writing is terrible.
"Happy slaves are the worst enemies of freedom." - Marie Von Ebner
"It was always the women, and above all the young ones, who were the most bigoted adherents of the Party, the swallowers of slogans, the amateur spies..." - Orwell
"It was always the women, and above all the young ones, who were the most bigoted adherents of the Party, the swallowers of slogans, the amateur spies..." - Orwell