Archives.

Old fun.

20011115 - Moronicas Idiotas.

Nothing new to report on the war fronts; S0V stragglers continue to get themselves perished, and the same old idiots are still talking instead of having skill.

Remember Breanna?  Case in point:  I think he/she has a macro set up to call people "Trammies."  Kill her in combat?  You're a Trammie.  She and five friends attack you while gray and you escape?  You're a Trammie.  Get him/her hiding in his/her house during a 2v2 fight? 

CIA, and especially Breanna, might very well be the biggest idiots on the shard at the moment.  Next they'll be calling folks "poopie heads."

Speaking of idiots...remember Stilletto the blue potty mouth from the last update?  Pics below.  Well, I finally bumped into him gray and attackable at the Yew gate last night.  So attack I did.  Look what it takes to keep him alive:

Blue heal much?

After getting jumped by more blues....and counts WERE given....I snapped this gem:

Right after, he started his cute little "say cheese THURSDAY" picture taking thingy.  It seems funny that he proudly takes screenshots of the very things I do, but for opposite reasons.  Personally, I don't take photos of my making a non-guild kill in which I had 4+ healers. 

One of those four+ healers was "Abe the Monk."  He was a blue healer, but he didn't trash talk...so he at least gets minor props for that.  I attacked him while flagged, and managed to get him away from the rest of the healers.  1v1, here's the result:

Those other two showed up after the kill.  The bad guys may not believe that, but Abe knows....and that's what counts.

++++

Awhile later, TKV made a guild kill of a straggler s0v.  Just as I had killed orange Brandhie, Stilletto starts casting on me.  I'm not sure if I was full health, or not.  As I was busy looting, I didn't notice he was casting a combo on me until it landed.  As I still had a spear in hand, so I couldn't hit a potion to heal.  I tried to maneuver a bit to get him away from the two blues he was with, but I either fatigued or got hung up on terrain.  Not sure.  Because by now, his next spells landed, and I gave Stilletto a count.

Stilleto, you suck at the general combat, but you make a fine PK.

GORDON

20011031 - Chronicles of the New Friends.

We started warring S0V, supposedly the "best pvpers on the shard," using their own words.

Almost immediately, due to their sloppy procedures, we found their tiny guild house and stone.  The stalking began.  We took a few hits, but generally killed two for every loss.  Usually while vastly outnumbered.  Even though they never gank because "lol wtf that takes no skill newb."

 
See?  No ganking here.

We used our standard moves to take them out, and it of course was very effective.

We even got them to the point where three of them wouldn't leave the safety of their house if even one of us were outside.

With odds of merely three to one, I felt fairly confident strutting around their yard.  Well, that is to say, MY yard.

They called reinforcements to deal with me, so I hid and watched awhile.  My guildmate and I were were discussing how to deal with four to one odds....when a gate opened and FS! poured out.  Well crap....we've got them hiding, and FS! wants to horn in.

S0V, seeing FS! outside instead of TKV, decides they like those odds a lot better, and rush out the door to fight.  The two TKV in the area decide to jump in....might as well salvage as much of our ambush as we could.

The fighting is brutal, but short.  I personally killed two S0V, and my partner more.  FS! helped.

After, FS! starts whining to us about how we shouldn't be there, we're interrupting their raid, etc.  They never stopped to wonder why we were there from the beginning.  I said to one of the whiners..."Hey, we were here first.  Cry more?"

Stilletto (I think) was angered by my response....or perhaps the fact that he knew immediately that I was right and he was an idiot.  A few FS! started "considering their sins" and casting.  I started pulling health bars looking for one to turn gray...7 to 2 odds is my kind of fight.  People get PISSED when they die with that big an advantage....  but nobody flagged.

Conan decided to stick up for his intellectually challenged mate so he chimed in with...

I assume he's referring to my tagline of the account I made on their message board hangout, "I'm smarter than you."  Too bad he screwed it up..."You are not smarter than thee."  Which implies that I am.  Oh, sweet, sweet irony.

Such anger.  Such language.  Such teen angst.

And on a side note, here's a pic of Magus gate hopping away from TKV.  There is now undeniable proof that he does this.  This absolutely nullifies 80% of his inane babblings.

Please, s0v.  Don't quit yet.  We're not even warmed up.

GORDON

20011025 - Why, yes.  We're always looking for new friends.

In our everlasting crusade to rid the shard of "undesirables," a guild mate and I stumbled upon what it's citizens refer to as "the ultimate pvp board."  We poked and prodded a bit (pissed where they slept), and received many-o'-challenge for armed combat.  Do I love it?  You know I do.  More on that later; he's some morons on the hoof:

During some hunting, three of us found one Mr. "Smelly Poo."  Mr. Poo did as he should have; he ran.  He would have gotten cool points if he would have faced us without trash talk.  He would have neither gained nor lost cool points if he had just fled from the unbeatable odds.  As it is, though, he ran AND trash talked us, and in effect lost many cool points.  His running and teleporter pad hopping was peppered with multiple "lol's" as well as such gems as "You are pathetic."  It was immediately after one such exchange that he died, more than likely being too busy typing taunts to play to maximum effectiveness.

Now, a key aspect of that chase and kill was the weapon my fighter was carrying that evening, a "Broadsword of Woe and Sorrow."  It enabled Gordonopolis to distribute vast amounts of pain with a single hand, leaving the other hand free to quaff the occasional potion of blessing and love and fluffy kittens.

My usage of that weapon did not go unnoticed by Mr. Poo.

Soon after, we were back to scouting Moonglow for more bad guys.  Alas, they are scarce.  However, Mr. Poo's blue healer is in the area, accompanied by someone on foot.  I can't remember either of their names, which will teach me to wait a week on these pictures...

At any rate, the person on foot runs past me, I get a message that he was trying to nab my Broadsword of Anal Leekage, and he was immediately guard killed.

"Oh ho ho ho HO!" says I.  Someone knows the value of this sword, and is trying to steal it from me. This blue thief must be Mr. Poo's blue safe blue character!  Unfortunately, I'm used to meeting enemy guilds' blue characters a lot.  I bank the sword, and watch him come back from the healers and do more drive-by's.  I say to him, "Hmmmmmmmmmmmm........wonder where that swell sword went!"  At which point he starts in with the standard "lol TKV gank newb" stuff.  He yammers a bit more and mutters something about getting his mage.

A few minutes later, yet a third incarnation of Mr. Poo appears, and trash talk.  He leaves town and returns flagged as a criminal.

Don't mind if we do.

There was much chasing/teleporting/teleporter pad usage involved, and the events are all kind of a blur.  But, at one point of the chase I managed to capture this nugget of intelligent wit and discourse:

Whoa!  Zing!  Zowie, zam!  He called me middle aged!  And he questioned my sexual orientation!  Ouch, that just hurts so much, I don't have the will to even chase idiots anymore!  No, wait, yes I do.  Something tells me that his resorting to that middle school crap means I'm really getting on his nerves.

Score.

+++++++++++++++++

Last night some TKV members crossed paths with the guild of our old blue healing nemesis Breanna, guild CIA.  Couple houses in the Bucs' Den vicinity.  One by one, two TKV annihilated about....six members and friends of their guild.  Six plus or minus; I lost track.

Near the end, one of them left their house to yap a bit....waiting to be safely blue, of course.

Good ol' Zain a'yappin.  He's telling one or the other of us to flag so he and his friends can jump us, instead of vice versa.  Yeah; we're stupid.  Anyway, I'm just always amused by the tough talk over the computer.  Here's Alex and I asking politely and saying please, and there's Mr. Zain acting all bratty and calling us names.  Bad show, junior.

+++++++++++

Schooling the opportunists:

Know what?  You're not as good as you think you are.  Situation:  I'm on station patrolling any given area for enemies.  I see one, fight him, and kill him.   Now, what kind of genocidal guild warrior would I be if I let his mount live?  Not a very good one.  So here's what happens:  After I loot the corpse clean, it is my goal to kill his mount and return to patrolling.  After I attack the mount and flag myself, blue opportunists always attack me.  It is their goal to kill me.  My goal is to kill a horse and return to patrolling for orange; their goal to kill the gray.  

So, I kill the horse and haul ass to hide out my two minute flag.  Can't remember the last time I wasn't able to evade the mob.

Invariably and without fail, when I return to my post safely blue, those who chased me start with the "lol newb can't 1v1" and they suggest that they "owned" me.

They think they defeated me, somehow.

Here's the schooling.

It was my mission to kill the mount.
It was your mission to kill me.

I accomplished my mission.  You didn't.

Gordo, 1.  Idiots, 0.

As usual.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Now, back to the folks on the PvP'o'rama message board.

The roster of guilds we were warring was shrinking drastically, so we were looking for some new bad guys to...play with.  We watched and noticed that two guilds, D-I and CPT both seemed particularly active.  This is a good thing, for us.  We hate having to camp for months on end slowly whittling them down until they quit in disgust.  We've not really decided yet, as we want to be sure to dismantle the griefiest guild first.  So, we're deliberating.  Anyone has any thoughts?  Who wants to be made an example of first?  ;-)

Perhaps a poll....

GORDON

20010930 - Involuntary break.

I moved in August, and it took Time Warner almost two months to get the ol' internet connection working.  Which means I had a nice long break from UO.  Which explains why I was so hungry I ate 20 enemy guild members the night I got back.  Details will be on the TKV guild page. 

We're now warring approximately 50 people in 4 guilds.  We have 10 in our guild.  We're kicking a lot of ass already.

I had a bunch of pics stockpiled from August, and then lost my connection and couldn't update this page.  But here's some highlights before I relegate them to archives for all eternity....  Imagine.  Morons and their moronic attitudes captured for all eternity...

Anyway.

If I recall correctly, Alex Artist and I stumbled upon a group of an enemy guild's blue characters and various blue healers training resist with demons outside of Delucia.  Not while we're around, they're not.  Alex and GORDON dispelled their demons, and they started positioning themselves to attack.  Attack they did, flagging criminal, four of them against we two, and as I recollect, three of them died.  Including their "summon demon" mule, who lost hundreds of each reg.....stupid.

Keep in mind we were outnumbered, which will be relevant later in the story.

This is the aftermath.  They ressed, and came back to trash talk.

We went to the bank as we were pretty loot heavy.  They started yipping, and we recommended they form a guild and declare.

Of course they wont, because they lack both the courage and teamwork skill to engage in a sustained war against TKV.  Oh yeah; balls, too.

Talk talk talk.  This is a new res saying we lack skill.  Funny funny.

Potty mouth.

Blah blah blah.

Reiterating the fact I'd just looted them clean, hoping to prove a point.  I'm sure it was lost on them.

They just lost a fight in which the outnumbered us, and seem to think they'd fair better under actual even odds.  This is proof that God exists, you realize.  Nobody that stupid could survive without a benevolent god watching over them.

+++++++++

On a side note, Berzerker is still banned.  It's nice.

+++++++++++

AIA guild is all but nonexistent.  We got extremely bored with them and declared on a few other guilds, and immediately annihilated them with a 20:1 kill ratio.  TKV are pvp god's.  Bow down, worms.

Bow down.

GORDON

20010609 - Various things.

First bit of news on everyone's lips is that I managed to get the person playing the Berzerker character banned from UO.  He thought he would be cool, or he would win friends, if he figured out my home phone number and spammed it all over UO.  Say what you will about me....but I never took anything from UO into the real world.  Even now I have all kinds of real-world information about zerk and peon who was stupid enough to actually call my home at 1 a.m., but you don't see me posting it here.  Why?  Because I'm not a scumbag like they are.  Don't get me wrong.....they tried to fuck me, and they're going to get fucked back with a dick so big an elephant would feel it.  But it's going to be my way.

I'll be ridiculed no matter what, but tell me....what would you have done?

So zerk the nazi zombie is gone.  Hopefully for good, but OSI doesn't have a good track record for being consistent.  I give it 10:1 odds he manages to lie his way back into his account.  Better odds than I'd like.

In memoriam, here's an email he sent me a long time ago (I didn't correct misspellings):

Good riddance, you nazi skinhead scumbag.  And shame on everyone who ever associated with him.

Enough of him.......he deserves no more time dedicated to him, ever.

++++++++++++++

I was in Tram the other day (yuck) hunting for hidden oranges.

I saw Juan the Minaxian using his warhorse safely in Tram to kill orcs.  Sickening.  I hate Tram.

+++++++++++++

At a different time, I had a newer character on building skills.  Got killed by the critter he was fighting.  Found a wandering healer, and a guy named "Hannibal" watched me res and followed me back to my corpse.  When I see somebody res, I will follow them and help them retrieve their stuff.  Get the monster that got them, or something.  A new friendship, and the chance to help someone in need, is always worth more whatever junk I could steal from them.....  Hannibal, though, started looting me while the monster killed my horse.

Cool.  "Hannibal."  Mental note.

Later the same day, same area.  I have Gordonopolis on.  Guess who walks by.

I even let him know I was the same guy he looted earlier before I attacked.

Hannibal goes down fast.  I got back most of the stuff from my other character, and another 10k in his own gold and loot.  Took a count, of course, but no matter.  It is SO RARE that true player justice works...I feel the need to comment on it.

He ressed and came back while I was sorting his gear.

He did what they all do.....lipped off to cover his lack of skill.  

I forget his exact words. mostly because I don't pay that much attention.  A guild mate warned him though.

He replied to my "Scuse me" with his opinion that my hearing was just fine.

I said something to the effect of "Watch your mouth, little man."

Was his response.

No real point...I left at that point to bank the 7k in gold off his corpse.  He just fits the same mold as everyone else....extremely short memory, and no concept of "you reap what you sow."  If he hadn't screwed with me earlier, he wouldn't have gotten screwed back.  If he'd just taken the payback and left, he wouldn't be on this webpage being ridiculed.

Moron.

++++++++++++

People still think TKV res kills for no reason.

When possible, I like to get screenshots like this....

That's a new res Great Big-Ass with a dp dagger that was a gift from his blue healer.  And you can see he's attacking me.  And I was called lame for res-killing soon after.

Morons.

+++++++++++++

No story here, I just like the pic.

He doesn't appreciate my phat HTML skillz.

++++++++++++++

Candle Box was orange for about five seconds, but found that life expectancy to be too short.  The only way he could live long enough to trash talk is to be blue to TKV.

Here's a disturbing little homoerotic episode starring him.  Not really sure what he's babbling about, I just know it's disturbing.

Polly want a cracker?

++++++++++++++

And for the final pic of the update, at the end of week 2 of our war against AiA and S!C....with at least one of their accounts banned and S!C down to five members from about 15 when the war started.....here's how the war is going.

It's good to be the king.

GORDON

20010530 - Funny little secondary adventure.

We were fighting bad guys in Del when they tried to escape through a gate.  We followed through, and got him in spite of his healers....

So, there we were.  We decided to go ahead and leave before a horde of blues with free murder counts to give showed up.

With the 2-minute recall delay, we walked a bit.  About 10 screens to the south, we stumble upon 

You see: Addison
You see: NeoN
You see: SliM
You see: Hott Nikkels
You see: Crippled Masta

"Hott Nikkels" was a red, and it looked like he was presiding over the other 3 (4?) guys, who appeared to be sparring in front of their house.  Alex and I had a quick consultation about what to do with the red, and decided to leave them alone and leave.

This is when some of the blues decides to open their mouths and say....

Crippled Masta: ALEX THE ARTIST
Crippled Masta: HAHA
Crippled Masta: U SUX
NeoN: HEY GUYS
Crippled Masta: WHAT A NOOB

It is a well known and much lamented fact of Great Lakes lore that TKV hates trash talk.

Another quick consultation has Alex casting an energy field over the house entrance and us taking out the red.

See?

In the 7 seconds it took to kill the red, Crippled Masta went gray somehow.

And another of the blues flagged criminal.

Can't stomach seafood, or criminals.  So steps were taken.

Alex the Artist: Vas Ort Flam - Explosion
Gordonopolis: You are attacking Hott Nikkels!
NeoN: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY AND CHAT A WHILE
Crippled Masta: roflmao
Being perfectly rested, you shove them out of the way.
Crippled Masta: hahaha
Alex the Artist: Corp Por - Energy Bolt
SliM: 7lol
Hott Nikkels: In Mani - Heal
Alex the Artist: Corp Por - Energy Bolt
Hott Nikkels: In Mani - Heal
Hott Nikkels: In Mani - Heal
You see: a corpse of Hott Nikkels

Gordonopolis: You are attacking Crippled Masta!
NeoN: you guys be back
You see: a corpse of Crippled Masta
Gordonopolis: You are attacking SliM!
Hott Nikkels: OoOoooOo
Being perfectly rested, you shove them out of the way.
Crippled Masta: oOoo
You see: a corpse of SliM

See?

The last guy didn't flag, but I didn't feel like killing him.  Yes, I have counts to spare.  I just don't like wanton killing.

No, really.

The last guy decided to try and save some face by....you guessed it.....yapping.

SliM: OOO oOoOO oOOo oOoO
NeoN: you just ganked my friends
Crippled Masta: oo ooo

Gordonopolis: trash talk is bad

NeoN: that's not cool
Hott Nikkels: oOO
Crippled Masta: oOOOooO
Crippled Masta: OoOOOo
Hott Nikkels: OOOO
Crippled Masta: ooo
Crippled Masta: oOooo
Hott Nikkels: oo oo ooO
NeoN: exscuse me
Hott Nikkels: oOO ooooO OOooooO
NeoN: you give them 2 min
Hott Nikkels: Oo oo OOo
NeoN: you'll be owned
Hott Nikkels: ooO OO ooo
SliM: OoO OOOO
SliM: OOoO oO
SliM: oOOO Oo
NeoN: that's a fact
SliM: OO OOooo

Gordonopolis: yawn

NeoN: if i didn't have stuff on me
SliM: oo
NeoN: you'd be owned

See?

Unfortunately, we were very loot heavy, and had to meet our smithy at the guild HQ to start smelting down the loot.

But a fun time was had by all.

Side note:
A friend was watching the above events over my shoulder.  I was explaining to him that we in TKV attempted to be "good guys" and our game mission was to kill idiots.  He found it funny that, "Gordo, you just annihilated 4 guys because they lipped off a little."  We couldn't stop laughing for a few minutes.

GORDON

20010528 - Late night last night.

We returned the declaration on S!C last night due to aia hiding.  "Hiding, you say?"  Yes.  Besides zerk, who is on a mission to overload our guild coffers with his armor and weapons (I personally have a collection of 2500+ band aids I've pulled off his corpses), aia is hiding.  The last non-zerk aia we've found lately was Whistler in TRAMMEL.  Sad sad sad.

But back to sic.  At least one of them watched us for a great part of the evening on his safe non-orange character while we kept aia from using the bank.  It wasn't until later in the evening that aia and sic combined forces to fight the two TKV members running the show.  After several victories for TKV, they finally managed to get on the scoreboard with some kills.  Here's a screenshot I took immediately after:

That's Deadly speaking.  You want trash talk?  Okie dokie.  WELL DONE on taking out Gordonopolis.  What did it take?  Two aia, one sic, and THREE blue healers.  Wow.  You're soooooo good.  I'm sure that makes up for all the losses you guys took while you outnumbered us.  Woohoo!  Go you guys!  Where do I sign up for sic?  Should I just drop my loot at TKV's guild house to save time?

How's that, chief?

And, something else that had us cracking up...

A counterfeit Alex!

A little birdie told us that the idiots planned on creating their own characters with the names of the TKV guild members.

Wow.

I haven't seen hero worship like this since.......all those homosexual men tried to emulate and dress like their heroes, the Village People.  I bet next they'll be wearing our guild colors.  And after that they'll start a new guild with an abbreviation that looks similar to TKV....perhaps TMV....and they'll claim it stands for "Too Much Viagra," or something.

Never....NEVER have I been so obsessed about anyone that I tried weird shit like this.  This is like...."Single White Female" without Bridgette Fonda.  Kind of spooky.  Like being stalked.

People, I don't like you "like that."  There is NO SEX in the Champaign Room or Delucia.  But if it makes you happy, do it.  Have fun.  Find that self worth you're lacking while in your own persona.

And, I sure hope we "don't peace before the week is out. (Lord deadly)"  After last night's 11:4 TKV victory, it is looking like another profitable war with s!c.

Much love.

GORDON

20010526 - Would you say I have a plethora of trash talk pics?

Thursday night was a record setter for great photo ops.

Here's part 1.

The story begins when I spot a brand new enemy guild member, Oxis.   He went down pretty quickly.

Anyone get the number of that truck?

He wasn't too happy about it.  Most of the following pics don't require any explanation; they speak for themselves.

He seemed upset that his horse was dispatched while he was healing, so I tried to make him feel more comfortable with the situation.  TKV is in control of this war, after all....what kind of host would I be if he wasn't made to feel at home?  And Del is, after (it) all, Our House.

I was starting to feel bad for him....he's as yippee and excitable as a Chihuahua.....so I patted his head and let him know he was loved.  He didn't say anything after that.

Part II.  Introducing The TKV Drinking game.

This next story doesn't really have a point, it just shows how much idiots like to hear the sounds of their own voices.

"Bleech" is bugging me for a fight, so he flags criminal and gets one.  One of his friends opens a gate to allow him to escape, but as you see it doesn't work very well.

You can see "Lumber Guy" there trying to loot my kill.

He runs into his house trying to escape my retribution.  As you can see, my final katana swing beat his finger to the ENTER key....and he just missed banning me.  Denied.

At this point, "Lord Deadly," on the llama, is flagged gray, and we attack.  He immediately hides inside his house.  Since there are still three blues in the immediate area, we decide to leave before they think about getting organized.

I have to wonder.....how does it feel to be in a group of six people, surrounded by friends....and two guys walk in and completely kill the shit out of you...loot you clean....kill one of your friends, loot him clean...chase another one of your friends and send him hiding under his bed....and walk away like it aint no thang?  Does it make one feel helpless and ineffective?  I'd think it would.

On with the story.

We dump our loot, and head back to Del looking for legit bad guys.

Bleech and company return, and start yapping, trying to talk themselves out of the deep depression they're in.

He starts by letting me know....while trying to convince himself....that it is not a big deal to get beaten in a game.

He begins with the "d" word.  Everybody drink!

Seeing that the usual stuff wasn't going to provoke me...as usual....he starts talking about my lil ol' webpage.  Also, he said "LOL," so everybody drink.

Talking about my webpage doesn't phase me, so he starts with the grade school stuff.  He also said "LOL" again, so everybody drink.

Back to the "d" word.  And drink three more times.

Back to the grade school insults.  But no drinking this time.

Seeing that he could not get my attention no matter what he did, he seeks approval from his friends in order to remind himself that he isn't insignificant.  Oh, and "lol" and "rofl" means two drinks. 

He said "one on one."  Everybody drink.

By now it's all just white noise to me....but he said "duel" again, so drink.

We had word of an orange sighting at this point, so that's the end of the "Kewl Dewd Drinking Game" for that evening.

Part III.  The Faith Hill Situation.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...I'm always a little leery when boys play girl characters.

Faith Hill was flagging himself gray earlier, but with his connection, we couldn't even come close to hitting him.  So we stopped wasting our time.

A little later at the bank, completely unprovoked, he starts in with the hate.  But unlike most TKV haters, he starts right in with the web stuff, instead of the "lame gank newb" stuff.  Points for originality.

Apparently.....having enough extra cash to own a domain (or 4, actually) is stupid, or something.  Perhaps he thinks my rich parents purchased dtman.com for me.  I'm surprised he didn't suggest it.

He refers to a webpage...I wrote in HTML....and says I need to learn HTML.  That one makes my head hurt.  And, there's a "lol."  Everybody drink.

The colors were matched from OSI's page, and the graphics are all UO screenshots.  He's just insulting everyone on the internet.  Some people are never satisfied....   And no...the first Microsoft web developer I've used is Front Page 2000, and that's just because it came with my Office 2000 Enterprise Edition CD's.  I was using notepad before that.  I have to say, though, FP2000 is a damned fine tool.

Bleech starts talking about how cool the TKV movie is.  Bleech has a bit of good taste.  Faith starts slipping into this "Alex/Gordonopolis" sex fantasy, fanboy style.  I missed a few lines, but it was disturbing.

*shiver*

This is Bleech complimenting Alex on the movie that Taran created.  And that's Faith Hill being pissy and never satisfied.  Maybe it really is a woman playing that character....

Until next time.  

GORDON

20010524 - Quick Update.

I haven't been in UO for a couple of days due to other projects, but I thought I'd take a moment to direct you to the latest cinematic masterpiece from the TKV Guild GM, Taran.  Alex and I kill'em, and Taran makes fun of 'em to a groovy soundtrack.

I'm crunching the numbers to let you know the current score.  It's either incredibly good or incredibly bad depending on which guild you're in.  If you thought the LAST set of numbers (20010102 - Reality check.) was impressive, then you're for a nice surprise.

20010402 - The well of stupidity is bottomless.

A guildmate and I were camping in Delucia, waiting for oranges to show up, so we could liberate them of their stuff.  None were appearing, and it was tedious.  We decided to kill some time by killing some of the otherwise blue players who were flagging themselves criminal, and marching boldly to the bank looking for a fight.  So, we gave them exactly what they wanted, and we of course won.

Richard Noggin (Dick Head, get it?) was our victim.

He kept coming to the bank gray looking for trouble, so we gave it to him.  We just screwed up by not letting him win.  He zombied a few times with an axe and baids, but that too got tedious, so we hid until our aggressor flag wore off.

When he could no longer fight us, he got vocal.

He saw us blue, and proceded to say...

I didn't have a lot to say in response.

I thought maybe he'd shut up once he got the "losers," "1 on 1," "shit," and "fag" out of his system.  But he was just warming up...

Guildmate was back to waiting for oranges.

He wanted us both there for his 1v1, or something.

The noises he made began to bore me.

At this point an orange showed up and gave us his stuff.  Details on the TKV page.

A bystander, Bruneil, doesn't like TKV's style of gameplay, and throws in his two cents.

He started making fun of me for res killing the orange.

Look at this picture...think...and call me a res killer again.

Bruniel is a moron.

Alas, no more orange showed up, and we got bored again.

If people would just SHUT UP and take the beatings they ask for, they wouldn't look like such idiots.  He comes to the bank flagged, and then doesn't like getting attacked.  Is there a word that means "More than stupid?"

GORDON

20010401 - And this aint an April Fools thing.

If you've been following the forum conversations, you'll see quite a bit of talk between US and THEM.  In this case, THEM being AIA.  They have the distinction of being the only guild in a long time to be able to claim they held an early lead in war kills.  This is wholly because of our not having done anything remotely resembling a "guild activity."  And that means hunting.

That changed over the weekend, when it was brought to our attention that we were losing.  We organized.  And turned things around.

In a 24 hour period, TKV scored 20  non-res kills against a combined force of BSR and AIA, and suffered exactly 1 loss from a combined enemy attack.

20:1.  The icing on the cake: we were outnumbered almost the entire time.

Late, LATE into the night was when they finally scored their kill.  The 2 mages that caught poor Opolis with the fatigued horse had each fallen at least 4 times throughout the day.  The loot chest at home contained at least 200 of each reg that weren't there before.

So, after an entire day of enjoying a 5 to 2 advantage in numbers and STILL getting picked off over and over, they manage to score a kill. This makes all their deaths ok...they are tickled pink they were able to get on the scoreboard.  They are giddy as schoolgirls.  "Lol"ing over Opolis's corpse....and me as a ghost taking pictures.

Then they opened a gate to Whistler's (Wilsterpimp) house.  Don't mind if I do!

Malevolence is speaking.  Redrum, GM Hauler of Ass, is "lol"ing.  I spent about 25% of the night chasing him alone, but he's fast.  So Mal is talking about the mage stuff he was casting.

Whistler is saying "no shit me too," showing that Opolis and his fatigued horse got taken down by 2 mages casting combos.  No biggie.  No shame in getting killed while outnumbered.  What kills me is Redrum's "Nice work" comment.  NICE WORK???  I have 9 kills pics between the 2 of them from the previous 3 hours....but their getting ONE kill is good work???   Not bloody likely.  Need to rename their guild LSE - Low Self Esteem.

What can you say.  We've been called "gankers" hundreds of times for killing someone 2 on 1....but when they do it "we owned his ass."  Do you think they consider themselves "owned" when we ambush them?  Nah.  To Professional Victims, their shortcomings are never their own fault.  The "gankers" just don't play right.

Dunno if the guy maintaining the TKV page is gonna maintain any time soon, so you may or may not get to see all the kill pics.  If public outcry is too great, I'll post them my damned self.

If you'll scuse me, I have 2 full chests full of loot to sort through.

GORDON

20010329 - Mark your calendars.

The main TKV hunting force has not seen any enemy guild members for over a month, but "Val" from our forum just sent me one of the few existing TKV death shots. He managed to find one of our newbs and kill him, at one time or another.  Nothing wrong with that; our newb was verbally abused for breaking procedure.  Here is the photo, I converted it from .bmp to .jpg, and reduced it 80% in size.  The original, due to the rarity of TKV deaths, will be auctioned off on eBay Monday morning.

Clean out the system tray, chief.

Click pic for full image.

GORDON

20010216 - Burying the hatchet.

Took some time off UO to persue other activities, and I got to thinking...when it comes to Berzerker, Rumblefish and Seker, I shouldn't be making them look bad both in real life and in UO all the time, which can only be making them feel bad.  It isn't their fault they are the way they are.  They can't help acting anti-social....it was probably poor parenting.  But I'd rather light a candle than curse their darkness.  It aint cool for me to be spreading the bad vibes.

It was brought to my attention that there was a UO gathering taking place where zerk, rf and seker could go to spend quality time with like minded/oriented people.

http://my.uo.com/cgi-bin/uo_events_list.pl?20217

Considering it is a club for both homosexuals and people of less than excellent skill (I hate the term "Newbies,"), they would fit in like a screw into a nut.  Or a banana into a doughnut.  Or a train into a tunnel.  And, it's on Atlantic Shard, so they'd be free from dropping dead whenever any TKV gets within three screens of them.

Love to all.

GORDON

20010120 - There isn't enough soap.

We got an email the other day, and just having read it makes me feel dirty. Not sure why he didn't post it right to the message board...but I'll remedy that by posting it here so the world can enjoy his lunacy. I did not correct for spelling, grammar, poor sentence structure, or lack of coherence.

Allow me to address his ramblings one point at a time. He claims to be one of the "Intelligent" kinds of bigots, so I'll disprove him by pointing out his spelling and gramatical mistakes, also.

"I actually think the fact that you are white collar overpaid Americans or such isn't impressing."
ImpressIVE.

"Infact its depressing that you never got to live in slum suburbia as a white working class."
Incorrect assumption, a trait of flawed reasoning. And, "In fact" is two words.

"I am infact what we call a National Socialist Skinhead. I am not some red necked bigot who will be spending time in jail. And as for me being a moron, Half of those things are jokes with IRL friends..."
I find it cute that the bigot community is so cliquie. But, it stands to reason; the only reason a person would associate themselves with a group whose primary purpose is to hate and feel superior to other people based only on skin tone and country of origin is because of already present feelings of inferiority. If a person already has an inferiority complex, it won't go away just from hating people of color; it will extend out into your own race, to groups not directly associated with yours. Feelings of inferiority lead to fear, fear leads to hate, hate leads to people becoming sheep and joining like (small) minded people with hilarious but sad websites. Drawing from my own experiences, I don't feel inferior to anyone. To me, the world is filled with equals, and less than equals. My judgement of people is not based on skin color, but character. People of low character are those who make illogical judgements based on inconsequential attributes, such as skin pigmentation. And "in fact" is still two words.

"I am well educated and lack respect for your use of slander."
I can't prove or disprove his level of higher learning, but from my observations of him, my guess is he's lying. Most of the time his behavior is reminiscint of that of an angry, dissenfrachised teen. If he has any education beyond high school, I need to know what school it was so I can write them a strongly worded level of dissaproval of the quality of their curriculum. And "slander" apparently doesn't mean what you think it means, unless you've been able to somehow stifle my 1st Ammendment Rights. You get to bad-mouth black people, so I get to bad-mouth bigots. God bless America.

"You are in the army correct? do me a favor. tell to me the soldiers code."
The capitalization errors are obvious. And negative, Ghostrider, I personally was a Marine. And I know nothing of this "Soldier's Code." The only unwritten laws we had were things like "EVERY Marine is your brother" and "There are no 'black' or 'white' Marines. We're all Green." Words like "Honor," and especially "Inegrity" get used a lot. And we have a general disdain for all of the other so-called armed forces. So, please don't think your claims of being in the army impress me. Quite the contrary. If you had the guts, you'd would been a Marine, and my opinion of you might be different. The army is a joke.

"Its a shame that you consider your skills superior when the only truth is that you have every advantage BUT skill over us."
Said another way, zerk gets his ass handed to him every day by players with no skill. I can live with that. And what "us?" Every recruit he hires quits before the server goes down. Every single one.

"You have attack advantage, you are obsessive and sick individuals with your hiding for hours to listen to our convos and you always out number us because we are ambushed."
Yeah. You suck! Hahahaha. We are team players in every way. Sorry nobody likes you enough to stick with you in a rough period.

"As soon as we have attack advantage and our members return home you wont have to much to write on your website in your own narcissism."
We hear this "But I'm drinking milk, and SOMEDAY..." line a lot, and it is really meaningless at this point. But the "narcissism" comment gave me pause. First, I was impressed he could use it correctly in a sentence. Seriously. Secondly, I had to wonder...am I being narcissistic on this site? I thought for a moment. No, narcissism would mean that I'm focussing on myself, where in reality I'm pointing out the stupidity in others. So that's that.

So, those are my thoughts, which I'm not afraid to state publically. Here's what our guild GM had to say. You'll see he has much more brevity than I.

"My first reaction was "Oh, you're not the "Redneck in jail kind of bigot," you're the "working class slum" kind of bigot". But there's so much more to this than that.

I've already addressed the game play issues. We play to win, and well. . . we are!!! So, say what you will about our tactics, but bottom line, you can't hang."

And an old UO player (who quit before zerk even initiated his account) and personal friend had this to say. He's the director of IT at one of the big 3 television networks, and is more long winded than even me:

Uhm, I don't even play UO, but I have comments to this:

First and foremost, he's educated? What school system graduated this unintelligent schmuck? Honestly, his letter looks like a ten year old's attempt at sounding "adult" by using a dictionary and a limited knowledge of life based on what he's heard from friends and family. I'm amazed that this chimp actually knows how to turn his PC on, let alone get it to play UO and send email.

Now let me address his little “Army speech.” Let me tell you something boy, if went to war today, know what would happen? Guardsmen and Reservists across this country would be called up to active service. The Air Force and Navy would bombard the shit out of our enemy. The Marines would land on their beaches and drive forward earning enemy ground with their blood. Know when the Army is called in? When the main fighting is over and its time to parade around and police the area, the Army is called in to do the job. Oh, and don’t get macho and say I’m infantry, because Army infantry has to be filled with the stupidest human beings alive. The truly macho guys joined the Marines. The intelligent guys joined the Navy and Air Force for the good jobs and training. People earning money for college joined the Army and became communication specialists or supply people. Only the truly ignorant, or those ordered by a court, joined the Army infantry. No fame, no glory, no training for the outside world, just mud, and lots of it. Brilliant!!!

As for his whining about losing, dear God, I am so sick of this crap. Every guild you guys have fought does nothing but talk about how good they are, and how you'd never beat them if it wasn't for "enter lame excuse here." Whether it be their sprained thumbs, or their cable modem acting up that day, or how they didn't have all their buddies online this month because they're all at fat camp, whatever, its all a bunch of garbage. This is the number one problem facing America; nobody takes responsibility anymore. I would have a heart attack if one of these little egotistical kids actually said, "Know what? You guys are pretty good."

Nope, in their brain it’s got to sound a like this: "Hey, what just happened? I got ganked by TKV! But I have mad l33t skillz, so it can't be my fault. It must be the way those assholes play because they play by the rules of the game...and that's not right. Or it must be that all my friends weren't there to heal me or fight alongside me. I mean this wasn't even a fair fight! It was 3 of us against two of them!! Let's see how those weak pricks do when my other ten friends get here. Then we'll see who's good. Sure there's only two of them, but we got l33t hakzor skillz, and we'll wipe the floor with them."

I mean, I laughed the first time I experienced stuff like his when I was playing UO. I thought, they're young; they have to be goofing around. Then I saw this attitude everywhere and in every guild we (and now you) spanked, and I have to wonder what the hell is up with these idiots? They cry constantly and blame everyone but their own skills if they die, and when they do win, they act like they won the Super Bowl single handedly, even if they were a part of a ten on one mauling of a newbie's miner.

I mean, come on, it’s just pathetic that these kids (even worse if they’re adults) actually respond to all negative situations that it’s not their fault under any circumstances. I honestly believe the first time these people will learn what responsibility for their actions means is when the judge says to them, “I sentence you to…” and most of them will still shirk responsibility by blaming their parents, society, or “the system”.

Grow up kids; you aren’t perfect, not even close. There is always someone out there that is smarter than you, faster than you, better looking than you, tougher than you, etc. There are people in this world that can kick your ass at UO and there are people who can just plain kick your ass. Deal with it. It’s called life, and the sooner you accept that the better your life will be, I promise.

Good rant, Timbo.

Here's a photo from zerk's club's webpage. Say hello to the scary nazis, everyone! THAT is an attractive group of people, if I do say so myself. And those burly boys have a way with the ladies, too. Here's their "bigot's need love too!" page. They have no problem hooking up"Men for Men," so you won't find a link to that. Yes, I believe at least two people in that photo are closet homosexuals. Just a hunch. Probably more like 90%.

So, in summary, we smart people feel you and your friends and your little hate clubs are pretty ignorant, and we feel superior to you in every way. Does this means we have the same feelings of hate that you do? No. One does not hate an insect in your house, one merely squishes it in toilet paper, flushes it, and moves on, never to think of it again.

GORDON the Human Being.

20010103 - Zerk's FNG.

Zerks got another log for the TKV wood chipper. Say hello to "steve," everybody.

Buenos dias!

We actually got to meet him last night in Delucia.

And buenos noches!

Keep 'em coming, zerk.

Additionally, had 3 new people on his stone who lasted about 5 minutes. Literally. So here's and updated 'bad guy' roster:

Raven
Liquid Turd
Bo Duke
Berzerker
Knifeboy
Willie
Aurora
Hulk Hogan
Berzerker
Hollywood Hogan
vandal
Rumble Fish
DemimooreX
malevolence
child's play
steve
LegacyOfKane
deadly
DemigodX

Plot thickens, eh?

GORDON

20010102 - Reality check.

Did a little math. Since December 1, 2000, the guild TKV has scored no fewer than 54 non-res kills of zerk's b/d (or whatever) guild. They've scored one kill on TKV. Let's see how that breaks down:

December 1 - January 1 is 32 days. That means we've killed 1.7 of them a day, every day, for 32 straight days. They got 1 kill. That is 1 kill every 32 days. And counting.

The Kill ratio is 54:1. Not exactly good betting odds.

The total percentage of v/d kills since December is 1.8%. TKV accounts for 98.2% of all victories.

If you halve their deaths, they are losing 27-1. If you halve them again, they are losing 13-1. And that is still an incredibly poor showing. My god...how bad can they be...

They are so far past "Owned" that it would take the light from "Owned" 2 million years to reach them.

Not sure what keeps these guys hanging on. Their recent recruiting drive has only driven up the number of their deaths. But, considering that each and every death delivered upon them is not met with silent dignity or even, "Yep, I walked into an ambush...good one." but rather, "newb dp magic gankers," it is obvious that they are not burdoned with an overabundance of synaptic responses in the gray matter. Even the 1v1's they fight, they have an excuse for losing....the most recent is my using of Deadly Poisoned katanas. Zerk's 2 handed axes and GM Lumberjacking is ok...it's l33+....but leveling the field with a little easily counteracted (and quickly used up) dp is just wrong. And then he still has jacking. Moron.

Once, I saw a guy get on a highway the wrong way, and that was the stupidest guy I've ever seen. Then I met Berzerker.

GORDON

20001229 - Oops! Spoke too soon!

Zerk already lost a member of his puss....err, posse, Childs Play, A mediocre mage and tamer. But, he's ALWAYS come and gone as it suited him....I'm guessing he may be orange again the next time zerk manages to get 4 or his guild online at the same time. Meaning, during working hours when TKV isn't playing (because they know that zerk's guild + TKV = dead zerk's guildmembers). Here's the updated idiot roster:

Berzerker
Hollywood Hogan
vandal
Rumble Fish
DemimooreX
malevolence

child's play

Way to keep a team together, zerk! You rock as much as a leader as you do as a PvPer, as evidenced last night! You own! Go girl! Or....*gasp*...maybe CP wasn't an aryan....hmmm....

FYI, TKV has been relatively unchanged for almost 3 years. I wonder....will zerk have an etherial mount when vet rewards go in? :-) That newb.

"lol"

GORDON

20001228 - Welcome, The New Nazis.

After Zerk's new recruiting drive last night, I thought I'd take a moment to welcome the newest members whose possesions will soon be decaying on the floor of our guild HQ.

Here's the current roster. Everyone take a moment to say hello.

Knights of the Dark Counsel Black Star Rebellion Blue Eyed Devils

KDC BSR NZI BSR B/D

Raven
Liquid Turd
Bo Duke
Berzerker
Knifeboy
Willie
Aurora
Hulk Hogan
Berzerker
Hollywood Hogan
vandal
Rumble Fish
DemimooreX
malevolence
child's play

May you have as much good luck as the many who've come and gone before you!

GORDON

20001223 - State of the Union.

Idiot Part Duex...

Addendum to last night's post.

After a few hours sleep, I get on, and they're still at it. Being stupid, that is. Check this:

I missed a line here, he said he bought a new account to make our names

As in "Damn, that's stupid." But that guy was blue healing later, so he probably thought the idea was a good one. I wonder if these people know he is a nazi.

In a nutshell, we are disturbing him so much in-game that he is taking his obsession with us into the real world, in hopes of "to piss them off." Good luck, david duke. I'm not really sure how you plan to piss us off, but I guess imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Stop loving us so much.

In other news, the bad guys threw away another dragon on us.

Beauty is, it still had 2k loot on it. Oops.

That is all. The following happened 12 hours earlier in the day.

========================================================================

The morons are still at it, and proving themselves bigger morons by the second. Initially I thought BSR/NZI were slightly brain damaged, but then one of their members, Retard Fish, decides to make a website to advertise their ignorance. Berzerker has already claimed to not be associated with it, but as far as I'm concerned, guilty by association. He is named on a page celebrating white supremecy, and has links to hate websites.

Their page.

Ordinarily that would be sufficient, but I'm going to beat them over the head with the Common Sense Stick a few minutes more.

In case they delete it, I'm including the comments of their "Rants" page here. I didn't bother to correct misspellings.

My List of things I hate

1. Immigrants - the fucking trashy niggers or the dirty indians, or the border jumping mexicans. They come to our country and they don't get real jobs or just start trouble and jump or rape us proud, white american citizens!
2. Wiggers & Trendies - And all the assholes who just don't understand the idea of being and an individual and being proud that ur white!
3. Stationwagens - No need to explain that one.
4. Punks - The anti-fascist, vegetarian dorks that have no idea why they believe the things they do (ex. racism is supposedly "wrong?" b/c - "It's wrong"
   ex. eating meat is wrong? b/c - "Animals shouldnt die!"
   Guess what...those arent real reasons!)
5. People that do Drugs - Asides from pointless, drugs are also stupid...DUH!

My List of Reasons They're Idiots

1. Huh? - Unless you're Sioux or something, you're an immigrant, or descended from one. A shrink might be able to help with this self hatred you are dealing with.
2. Be Proud of Your Individuality - Just like the thousands of other white supremicists and millions of white people. Baaaa.
3. No idea.
4. Yes and No. - A) Meat is good. B) This is America, and people have the same right to hate meat as you do to hate "Wiggers." As for "Why," it has a lot to do with the concept of a "civilization," "morals," "class," "education," "enlightenment," and "common sense." I don't expect you to be familiar with many of the words, so hit this link and think about it.

In conclusion, my friends and I are all overpaid white collar proffesionals, and not only do we not have any racist peers, the common concencus is that all the bigots we know are either in prison, or two steps from it.

Think of me as Bubba is tearing your rectum, and remember you were warned. I'll enjoy using the personalized license plate you made on my 2000 TA.

Enough of that.

We ran into Berzerker tonight, who quit his guild to join factions. He was with 2 or 3 other Minaxians. I made my presence known to see what he would do....suprise suprise, trash talk. He dissapears and returns with an orange character I knew I could take, but not with 2 or 4 healers on his side. I had no backup available, so when he got two guys revealing me, I bugged out to rally troops. Five minutes later, I'm back in Del with a friend and find him again, and this time he has a white wyrm. He tells me what a girl I am for not taking on superior numbers, and then claims that he never uses healers....that one about blew me away. I've never NOT seem him use healers.

Anyway, I attack him and his small white wyrm. My guild mate comes to help. We soon kill him and start on the wyrm, and are instantly called 'gankers.' Mmm hmmmm. He picked the fight, he brought a pet, he died in a 2v2, and we're gankers. Gotcha.

Oh, what about the wyrm?

So we took care of it and went back to Del to bank loot.....where we find him ressed and fully healed and with another dragon. So, we take him out again.

Oh, what about the dragon?

And yet again, we find him ressed and healthy and with dragon, and we take him out yet again.

Oh, what about the dragon?

Expensive night for the bad guys.

*owned*

GORDON

20001108 - With a fast connection, blue healers, and trash talk, who needs skill?

Our good friend Zerk decided he needed help in his war against us, so he recruited one of the bigger scumbags that hang out in Del, "Liquid Turd." Betting her mom didn't approve of that character name. Maybe there is a lot of fruit in her diet. Maybe she has a poor self image. She runs around typing "lol" more than a 13 year old girl in an N*Sync AOL chatroom. But the girl has a fast connection, I'll give her that. And as we know, fast connection = l33t uo playah. She moves like the rest of my guild are standing still. Add to that the plethora of blue healers she has, and she appears to have a lot to giggle about. Here's some pics of happy fun, and the nonstop-mental-patient-type giggling.

This is her running away from the bank.

This is her running in circles above the bank.

This is her running in circles below the bank.

All that really is very funny, I suppose. But I have to wonder....does taking the time to be an ass and say "lol" to your opponent ever hurt your gameplay?

Perhaps it does.

*Wishing really hard that people would stop acting like idiots*

GORDON

20001017 - Morons, newjack style.

New people to ridicule. Been fighting them for a couple months now, but they haven't been overly inspiring until recently. The main Torchbearer for Those Who Have Not Yet Touched the Monolith is a character named "Berzerker." He was in KDC Guild until my guild beat them down, at which time he formed BSR.... Black Sheep Rebellion, or some such thing. His crew has not yet figured out how to use the message board, but I've dedicated a couple posts to him and BSR, which can be found here and here.

"Pimp."

GORDON

20000714 - State of the Union

All blow, no show.

One guy left. TD3 Status: Dead.

Three people I've never seen nor heard of. Status: Dead.

They undeclared from us. Status: Beaten.

d.P Guild will not return declaration. Status: Afraid.

So, our guild is currently....about 5-0 for wars. Undefeated. Can any guild of grief players remain a unit long enough to defeat TKV? Methinks not. That is why they are grief players...no appreciable social skills.

Prove me wrong.

GORDON

20000708 - "TKV is lame u guys fight from inside ur house."

Nuff said.

And the following is a little object lesson about talking out of your ass:

30 seconds later.....

See him talking....and see my response. Hey Slim... "Karma" was not invented for UO. Look it up, learn what it means, and see how it applies to this situation.

Thus endeth the lesson.

GORDON

20000707 - I think this means we win.

Hunted for orange for over 2 hours. We are warring 2 different guilds at the moment, but none of them are on with their orange characters. Then low and behold what do I see.....the Blue Jay of Happiness. Jay has featured prominantly over the last couple weeks as our main dead guy. I asked him if this meant the TD3 war was over, as he was the GM, and he had begged us to declare on him because, and I quote, "I need to prove to myself that I can beat you bastards." Serious self respect issues. But, when I asked if TKV had won, I was told to "Go fuck myself," and if TKV declared peace, then it means we lost the war.

*sigh*

We will remain declared, and pick the little kids off one by one, as we see them....IF we see them....

We were here long before, and we'll be here long after.

GORDON

Here's a little walk down memory lane.... All those blue healers, and so little skill.

20000705 - For the children.

I may or may not go out killin folks online tonight....but my associates and I decided it might be fun to allow the unwashed masses in which we take so much pleasure in ridiculing to speak. So here is your forum, boys. Talk back. Be as stupid as you wanna be. I know you can. So Speak.

GORDON

20000704 - With friends like these, who needs reality?

Didn't go orange (Jay) hunting today, but cleaned out my UO Text log. Few things to share. These were all overheard while in ambush or actually fighting in Minoc against one of the few people willing to be orange against TKV.

El Whoppo: he had the aduacisty to post about me being a lame net pimp
El Whoppo: about how i beat him senseless at his house
El Whoppo: in 2 spells

1. Not really sure what "aduacisty" is. Perhaps it is an artical of clothing. He is still a lame net pimp though.

2. I learned last night that our old TDE adversary and loot horse "El Whoppo" is actually Dark Sol, who featured prominently in a post of a few days ago. Apparently he likes being ridiculed on this site, because he keeps behaving like an idiot and giving me good ammunition with which to riddle him.

Anyway, near as I can tell, he is talking about when I took the mage to the forge to logout and switch characters, and he hit me with a mind blast and something else...I wasn't really paying attention. The other character wasn't at the forge. By the time the other character got to the forge, about 45 seconds, couldn't find Dark Sol. Went to the usual spots, no Dark Sol.

He actually thinks he can "beat someone senseless" in 2 spells. Hmmm. Got a pic?

I stood still the other night while looting his guildmate Brodie while he put at least 5 spells into me, then recalled away easily. I feel owned.

Abe: TKV is the most pathetic display of pvp attempt.

Nuff said.

Gordon: Vas Ort Flam - Explosion
Jay: Bleh
Jay: Login Kill
You see: a corpse of Jay
Led zeppelin man: LET ME HAVE HIS SANDLES
Led zeppelin man: thx man
Gordon: 'welcome

Sitting there waiting to ambush an orange, one appears, and whines that I am suposed to somehow read his mind that he just logged in, and I am supposed to count to 30 or something while he gets ready. Mmmm hmmmm. Here's a bit of conversation 2 minutes later:

Gordon: You have hidden yourself well.
Led zeppelin man: you got fucked up
Solstice: lol led
Jay: OH god shut your fucking mouth
Led zeppelin man: lmao
Solstice: led your a faggot
Solstice: go away
Jay: I'd rape your pale newbie ass
Led zeppelin man: i'm a faggot
Jay: Yougin
Led zeppelin man: lmao

Translation:
Led zeppelin man: You were bested in fair combat.
Jay: I disagree. GORDON cheated somehow.

Jay: Rag!
Solstice: hi ragu
Jay: Wanna fight TKV rag? :)
The Big Ragu: hola
The Big Ragu: no
Jay: aww
The Big Ragu: where a waste of time
The Big Ragu: and my petients

Trying to recruit....cute. I'm not sure what "petients" are. But apparently he wastes them on us.

Inego: tkv is good......
Inego: kill somoene disconed
Inego: then hide to res kill

GrizwalD: only took 2 TKV and a lbue healer to res kill!!!

About 30 minutes later, all the blues were there talking their idiocy and protecting Jay. At one point they completely blocked in Jay, equipped him, and Jay opened fire on me. Was hitting decently hard. Jay was at full health, equipped, dealing damage, and had at least 4 healers around him. The two TKV there decided to drop him. And it was still called a res kill. Simply amazing. The line by GrizwalD says it all....why would we need a blue healer if he was a new res? He was dealing damage. The blue healer was a random bystander who agreed that these people are idiots, btw.

All in all.....we seem to be killing one orange over and over, Jay. I'm almost starting to feel sorry for him....he logged as a ghost last night. It is like kicking a puppy or something. Neither a challenge nor fun. But...I guess we do what we do to ruin the idiots' fun....not make them happy.

Note to idiots: If you stop being morons, we won't ruin your fun.

GORDON

20000701 - Discretion is the better part of valor.

Ok.

Didn't play much yesterday. But tonight, after watching fireworks and half drunk (which is my excuse for breaking our no trash-talk rule...)...I met up with Jay the Orange in Minoc. I saw he had about 4 blue friends around him....and I thought about it long and hard....but decided to go for a sneak attack and see if I could catch him of guard.

So I opened up with the mage.

First attack was right in the thick of all his blue friends...so I pulled back a bit when someone healed him, and I was then less than full mana

He followed, with only one blue, "Vincent Valentine," to heal him. We used to kill Vinnie all the time back when he was in the TKV/TDE war. Back when he wasn't afraid to fight TKV. Anyway....I decided that I might be able to take him, with him having only one healer. So I stopped evading and went into fight mode. Started some spells.....Vinnie healed Jay once, then walled me. I was stuck, but I kept casting....and next thing you know....

Hard to see, but Vinnie is right on top of me. He's the blue-haired naked guy. You can see my horse's head under his.

Anyway, I figure Vinnie's guild (WkP) is at war/allied with Jay's, as Vinnie was looting his corpse as fast as I was, and not flagging. I ruined Jay's nice set of gold chain, anyway.

Gordon: Jay is attacking you!

Gordon: Kal Vas Flam - Flame Strike

Gordon: Vas Ort Flam - Explosion

Vincent Valentin (Jay's Blue Healer): In Vas Mani - Greater Heal

Gordon: Only one blue helaer?

Jay: yeah

Gordon: Brave.

Jay: no demons

Jay: brave

(Editor's note: TKV hasn't used demons in battle since magic in Minoc got turned off....at least 5 months ago. This Jay is right on top of things.)

You have to wait for the spell to have an effect.

Corp Por

Gordon: Vas Ort Flam - Explosion

You are already casting a spell. (Gotta slow down!)

Vincent Valentin: In Sanct Ylem - Wall of Stone

Gordon: Corp Por - Energy Bolt

Vincent Valentin: Kal Vas Flam

Vincent Valentin: In Vas Mani - Greater Heal

Corp Por

Gordon: Insufficient mana for this spell.

You see: a corpse of Jay

Bummer! Nothing embarrasses me more than getting ganked when I had all the advantage....and especially after I shit talked, too.

Dumped most of Jay's stuff in the trash can, and went back to try again....Jay was lots smarter this time, had at least 4 blues chasing him around to heal him. I couldn't get the first spell of a combo off without at least 2 people healing him. Then he had the sense of humor to tell me "RUN" when I was evading his hoard. I honestly don't expect to hear him say, "u wont even take me 1 on 1" any time soon.....when he is losing to me 2 on 1, his advantage.

GOD do I love being a good guy.

GORDON

2000062 - The joys of sleep deprivation.

Short and sweet tonight, I haven't slept in a couple days.

I went TDE !M! TD3....oh hell...ORANGE hunting tonight, solo. Everyone else in TKV is away for the weekend. SOME of us can't get away from work....ANYWAY...

Went hunting with the mage. First Orange I saw was Dark Sol.....a self admitted GM Resist guy. Pure mage vs. GM Resist guy isn't too good....so The Dude abided. Some people talk too much.

"DarkSol: gm resist mean anything to you idiot"

Anyway, here's some fun.

Such a netpimp. "rox." Him and his 5 blue friends.

I fear your innattention to detail. I'm 2 tiles away.

Thanks for the info, blabbermouth. Now I know not to mindblast you. Idiot.

Blue Minivan, again. Blue Brodie, again. And look at all the old friends on the screen. Should rename this town to Mos Minoc. (A "scum and villainy" reference.)

Besides that, I bumped into a red while looking for oranges at Brodie's house. He was attacking one of Brodie's guildmates, who I never had a problem with...so I attacked the red. Fought for about 20 minutes, and I was out of GHP's, low on baids, and half my armor was gone. Then the wife kept calling me for dinner, so I cut it off. All the combat I had that evening. "Big Poppa" was his name, I believe. Didn't suck, PvP wise.

Here's a fun conversation from last night:

---Something about Slim's sexual skillz, and online cybering. Too tired to fish through the journal ----

Lonthorolyn-IG: Actually slim Im gonna go..}

Slim Shady: i stretched my hip flexors and all}

Lonthorolyn-IG: Cause I dont wany mah dad bitchin at me}

Slim Shady: go ahead i dont wanna piss your pappy

Lonthorolyn-IG: LoL

Slim Shady: !

Slim Shady: :P

Lonthorolyn-IG: He'll beat yer ass =P}

Slim Shady: can he bench 265?

I remember 265......long time ago. Not really funny....just surreal. Now we know Slim plays football (that is from an earlier conversation I decided not to post - ed.) and is almost ready to leave the lower levels of benching. And to think.....all I thought he was good at was trash talking. Then again, that isn't that good a bench, and he might suck at football. Maybe trash talking IS all he is good at.

Anyway, time to go comatose. G'Night.

GORDON

20000628 - Ack! I would have updated sooner....but....I.....ran out of gas on the way here! And I got a flat tire! And there was a traffic jam! And an orphanage caught on fire! And I had to save a bunch of nuns trapped inside! And I slipped and fell into a coma, and they had to cut my clothes off me, and they threw away the pants in which I had your phone number! No, wait....what am I giving excuses for, again?

Since April, TDE sickened and died. Their page got wacked by their own disgruntled webmaster, they lost all but a few core members, and finally surrendered to TKV when they were getting picked off one by one at Minoc bank. All in all, they died with a fizzle, and not a bang. Some people just don't know when they are beaten.

ANYWAY.....after the mental exhaustion from beating TDE down on every front....combat, wit, class, and intelligence....I took a little UO siesta. Travelled a bit. Caught up on my reading.

Then word got to me recently that TDE was reformed in some way or another. I was hesitant to mix up again.....they just get beaten over and over and talk trash. Even though it is our guild's mission to rid UO of idiots.....these idiots were more tiring than the norm. You kill them in a 5 to 1 ratio, and they strut around like decapitated chickens, hitting their macro keys for "I owned u TKV, u suk" et al, ad nausium.

I debated the renewal of hostilities.

I was reminded how easy they are to kill.

I was persuaded to take up the mantel yet again, boldy dare once more into the breach. Consider the sticking place screwed with courage, and the dogs of war slipped. I think one was a Sheltie.

Night one, my partner and I wacked Jay, an old TDE member, now in Guild !M!...."Minoc Moose." In spite of being an ex-Member of TDE, I was pleasantly surprised by his lack of trash talk. I began to wonder if perhaps we should not be in the war....for we only war to silence the ignorant. Perhaps Jay has matured? One can hope. Well, Jay had at least 3 blues healing him, and to his credit, did not run in spite of being outnumbered 2 to 1. Not counting his 3 support personnel. There was really no reason for him dieing the way he did; but his healers were too busy trash talking to keep him healed. He fell under 2 hallies.

The next night of battle, we recalled to our Forge HQ, and found "Booger" waiting for us. My character, GORDON, was still blue from the previous evening's house placement event, so I had to attack while blue. And he reported me as a murderer. If he hadn't, we might have given him his rune home, or perhaps gated him to a city. As it is, he walked, and fumbled his opportunity to be a gracious loser.

THe 3rd night we battled was somewhat surreal. The evening began with us finding the Moose GM, Mini-van, in his Guild HQ. Typically it is much more difficult fighting someone from outside, when they are in a house. But he died handily. We looted. We took pictures.

The night was still young, so we checked their favorite stomping grounds....the grubby city of Minoc. While waiting at the bank, some members of TDE were there talking trash, to nobody in particular. Suddenly, Kurt tha II recalls in, flagged. Kurt always was a poor loser, so I open up with a magic attack. I never noto-kill......but this guy and I went way back. i knew he would understand. After a Flame Strike and an exp/eb combo, I had his health bar completely red. He had inflicted about 10 points of damage on me. I was preparing the ebolt to end his life when he got a para off on me and ran, causing me to have to cancel my spell and hit a pouch. By this time he had fled town. I chased about 30 seconds, knowing he was healed/blue/recalled....or all of the above. I walked back into town. I circled the bank patrolling, and walked right through the middle of their group...including a now blue Kurt tha II. Nobody said a word to me.

A short time after that, I signal to my partner that I had a hankering to patroll the mining caves on the north end of town. So I went. And what do I find...A horde of assholes killing miners. First person I see is the most vocal member of TDE...Slim Shady. And he is damaged. So I help his transition ghost along, and leave...because he is with about 6 friends. By this time my partner shows up to the cave. And then....out comes a newly ressed Slim Shadey with a hally. 1 hit...50 points. I begin a heal. 4 seconds after the 1st hit, a secoond hit, for at least my remaining 42 of 92 health points. Never in my character's life had I been taken down with 2 hits, and never in only 4 seconds with just a weapon. He then did the decapitated chicken strut, boasted of his "leet skillz" and just continued talking trash for quite awhile, with only 5 of his friends there for backup. 6 of them, and 2 of us....I commend his bravery. Only a 3 to one advantage....risky for them, to say the least.

And I can prove this...as tonight, I single handedly walked into the middle of 5 of them, killed one of them who had just looted a buddy, looted HIM, and successfully escaped. With 5 of them after me. Pretty embarassing for them, methinks. Good thing I have screen shots to prove it, huh....

Die Hard: Who killed Brodie???

Yep! But who is it?

You guessed it!

GORDON!

And for the record, Brodie was at full health when I wacked him. This is typical of their warped version of reality. "He hides and then strikes when your health is low" indeed. I was actually overweight with all the loot I grabbed off Brodie...had to dump that bone chest to make my getaway.

Last of the really weird things we saw that night.....the Moose GM we killed, Minivan, decided it was just too hard sometimes being at war with TKV. The GM of the Moose guild RESIGNED HIS GUILD. That is always the thing we love to see the most....it is SO lacking in character....but this is the first time we made a Guild Master resign. So officially tongiht, Booger is the GM of Moose. Simply amazing.

"I'm so blue! I'm so BLUE!!!! I'm so blue, hoping you, won't be too."

Loser.

These guys are too easy.

Well, that is quite enough for one night. Now that I'm back into the swing, updates will be more frequent, as we make them embarass themselves.

Carry on.

GORDON

20000402 - Who has no common sense? TDE has no common sense!

I am continuously stunned by the lack of judgement shown by members of this guild. Just when I think I've seen the dumbest thing they can do..... they go and post screenshots of the kills they make on their own webpage. This in itself isn't too bad. But these idiots....these morons....they post pics of themselves using illegal 3rd party UO applications.

TKV has admitted several times that they will use any means neccesary to win a fight. Summoned demons and tamed dragons are our fave tactic. But we always thought it went without saying that cheating was precluded. We always gave our opponents the benefit of the doubt in these matters. But, they are now self-admitted cheaters.

The following pics were copied from their webpage (recently hacked by their own disgruntled [that means pissed-off, TDE] webmaster), and sent to OSI about a week ago. We'll be anxiously watching TDE's member roster in the next few days...it typically takes OSI 10 days to respond to things like this. And....be watching for them soon on a web-board near you. These pics are just too comical not to share.

The biggest idiot appears to be Jay. He has the most "please ban my account" screenshots of any other TDE member. Peruse (that means 'look at,' TDE), and enjoy.

He is so proud of that kill. So proud, he didn't even take the time to edit out the UO Extreme version 6.08d running on his taskbar before he posted the pic. Moron. Here's more.

Even worst, they seem to think it is really funny or cool or something to post pics of his enemies recalling out of an unwinnable fight. They find that LAME or something. They are so excited about it, in fact, that again.....they post pics that scream "BAN ME!!!" Following is the last I have from Jay, TDE Guild, Great Lakes Shard.

Ordinarily, I would say that every barrel has a bad apple. But.....this guild....TDE....has time and and again proven themselves to be complete morons. I generally don't jump to conclusions. But if I had to put money on it, I would guess that at least 75% of the entire guild is also cheating. Read their message board sometime.....these kids aren't exactly brain surgeons. They are definately the 'monkey see, monkey do' type.

Following is a different person using an illegal app I've never even heard of, UO Autopilot. Dont know what it is, just know it aint on the Approved Utilities list.

PS....I've killed this character twice in the game, and from those 2 kills, I've gotten 3 power weapons off of him. So in a way....I kinda hope he doesn't get banned, because he is a loot horse.

So. What to do? I've often wondered how some of these clowns were outrunning me on foot, while I was on horseback, and I had a sub-100ms ping to the server, on my cable modem. I never assumed they were cheating, because I don't make assumptions like that....and up to this point, I had a little more respect for my in-game enemies. That is all bye-bye now. I abhor cheaters. Can't stand them. They are the slimiest, no-honor having pieces of shit on the planet. I officially have zero respect for their entire guild. The shard would be a better place without them.

And that is my proffesional opinion.

Nothing but love.

GORDON

20000327 - Who can plagarize? TDE can plagarize!

In an effort to prove themselves more and more pitiful, TDE has completely copied their webpage from another existing page. I had a feeling they had when I first saw it....but figured I'd never see the original. After all, the internet is a big place. But these peoples' stupidity is bigger, apparently.

Here is the original page...

And following is the brilliantly original TDE page....

I'm sure it is merely a coincidence. They've proven themselves so brilliant in the past...from their trash talk, to their altered views of reality, to their constant references to us as "loosers..." I'm sure some brilliant person just happened to think of the exact same design for their page, as another popular page.

Oh, but wait. Here is the actual HTML from TDE's page....notice the references to both TDE...and Stratics UOX Emulator....within the same code. How odd.....

src=http://thedarkexile.8m.com/cgi-bin/b/468/60/dXNlcmJhbm5lcg==/is/'+g+'/>'); //-->

http://thedarkexile.8m.com/cgi-bin/fsbar ismap>

The icing on the cake is....the reference no longer appears on their main page, but they themselves slammed our own webpage, saying we had poor style. That may be the case. Ours, at least, was original work.

My contempt for them can not go far enough.

If you want to send one of the people responsible for this carbon copy an email telling them how stupid they are, send emails to Salem, rshaw@ala.net. ICQ# 1710883 might be interesting to play with too, as it is listed above...

TDE...when you plagarize and cheat, you are only cheating yourselves. The world is really going to kick you in the teeth when you get out of high school.

And by the way, errant members of TDE...."To Plagarize" means to claim someone else's work as your own. That stuff might get you through high school....but it isn't going to fly in real life. People have been sued for less.

GORDON....putting on his combat boots.

20000326 - The most ignorant people you've ever met....let me introduce you.

TDE...The Damp Exile.....are our current enemies in UO. They started their own cute little webpage, about 8 months after we started ours....with almost the sole purpose of payback. You see....we were posting hundreds of screenshots of dead TDE members. And they had killed us...maybe....20 times, total. So, all they have left is to talk trash, and do their best to embelish the truth....because for them, the truth aint pretty.

On their message board, I was pointing out basic flaws in their logic...calling them on blatant lies and mistruths...and correcting a lot of mispelled words on their part. I was banned from the board....I'm thinking they didn't like the English lessons. But, I've gotta be me....so the following pic is me correcting their grammar on the 'banned' screen that I get.

Aint that a hoot?

All we need is love.

GORDON

20000325 - Welcome to my UO page...I kiss you.

I'll start innocently.

Fuck innocent.

This is a pic of my opponent's blue healers/dispellers/trash talkers commenting on my character's fighting style. Specifically, that of using summoned demons. They say this over and over and over and over. And over and over and over. It is the main thing they say, actually. I guess they think we can't hear them, or something. The following words have been uttered literally hundreds of times: "TKV SUX U CANT PVP." Ironic thing is, I'm not doing that, here. Here I am here trying to figure out how to kill a person in a non-magic town using only paralyze and poison. Is a real challenge. In this picture....it is basically me alone, against a main opponent....and 3 other people backing him up. But you'll never hear me complaining...we're winning.

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