Posted: Sat May 02, 2009 11:44 pm
Torchwood is a Dr. Who spinoff. "Torchwood" is a super secret group of five or six people who have authority over the police and military and pretty much answer to nobody and no laws apply to them. They investigate mysterious occurrences and collect alien technology to help arm humanity against an eminent alien invasion. (They know when the invasions will start)
I like the Dr. Who series and saw that the first episode of Torchwood was running so I started recording the series.
It is terrible.
I mean, I *want* to like it but it is incredibly bad! The characters break tons of their own rules, and their actions make no sense. The British can't do violence.
*spoiler warning*
Here's what set me off to make this post.
In this episode the Torchwood crew investigates missing people. They are led to a town where they find one survior who had barricaded himself in his house.
They find out that it's actually a Texas Chainsaw Massacre-like family who has killed, tortured (they tenderize them with baseball bats) and butchered everyone in town to use as meat.
Two Torchwood members get captured and one escapes and is chased down. She falls on the forest floor and just before she get's macheted to death a gun is put to the lead cannibal's head. Two Torchwood people have come to the rescue, bringing a police officer they found along the way.
Of course, the cop points a gun at the Torchwood member with the gun and tells them that the cannibal is his uncle, and he is in town to eat people, which prompts the other Torchwood person (a woman) to point a gun at him.
The situation: One Torchwood girl is laying on the floor handcuffed. The lead cannibal now has a gun pointed at her. A Torchwood man has a gun at the cannibal's head. The cop has a gun pointed toward Torchwood man. And behind the cop is a Torchwood woman, pointing her gun at the cop's head.
So what happens?
The cannibal tells the cop to shoot, and theTorchwood chick who's at the end of the line hands over her gun to the cop, who uses it to point at her. The Torchwood dude then gives up his gun, and all three Torchwood people are bound and taken to the slaughterhouse. There is almost no hope of rescue because the one remaining Torchwood person wandered alone into a basement back in town (they are outside of town now) and they hadn't seen or heard from him since.
WTF? Look... these are all main characters. They weren't red-shirts. 4/5 of the main characters end up handcuffed/bound and about to be slaughtered, when the series star rams through the building in a tractor at the last second.
BTW, all the dishes and stuff started shaking ten seconds before the tractor burst through.
When Captain Jack arrives, he shoots the cannibal wife in the leg, who drops her shotgun and falls to the floor next to it.
He shoots the cop in the leg, who drops his handgun and falls to the floor.
He shoots the lead cannibal in the leg, who drops his gun and falls to the floor.
The gun is two feet from the cop's hand so Captain Jack shoots the ground by the gun as the cop reaches for it. The cop recoils his hand.
The shotgun is right next to the lady cannibal as well, but we never see her again.
Then Captain Jack turns his back to the cop and jumps over the the lead cannibal. Despite going through all of those pains to keep the killers uninjured, he points a gun at the cannibal's head and says that he doesn't deserve to live. One of the Torchwood people has to talk Jack out of not killing him with an emotional speech and finally convinces him to show mercy by saying that "he has to live because they need to know why."
Ugh.
The episode ends with an interview where the cannibal says he did it because it made him happy.
Torchwood is an abomination.
In the first episode a copy lady joins Torchwood, replacing a lady in Torchwood who was killing random people on the streets by stabbing them with a special knife. She pretty much just walks right into their base, which has a pterodactyl flying around. Without any sort of background check they add her to the team.
In the last episode I saw, one of the Torchwood people revives his ex-girlfriend who was half-converted into a killer robot. She kills people and he covers it up. He almost gets everyone in the Torchwood facility and causes massive damage to the facility.
The robot-chick is defeated by Captain Jack because he sprays some "BBQ sauce for pterodactyls" and the pterodactyl shows up and eats her.
Despite that guy betraying the group, and being really sad at the loss of his girlfriend, Captain Jack hits on him at the end of the episode and the two go off to hook up in his office. Yeah, it ends up they're both bisexual.
There's no policy against hooking up with each other as I think the one hetero guy has hooked up with both females in the group.
Anyway, it's a big illogical mess where they keep trying to do stupid things for shock value and I hate it.
But I keep thinking it'll get better. I keep watching. I feel like a battered girlfriend who keeps going back. The show rapes my brain yet I keep giving it one more chance.
I like the Dr. Who series and saw that the first episode of Torchwood was running so I started recording the series.
It is terrible.
I mean, I *want* to like it but it is incredibly bad! The characters break tons of their own rules, and their actions make no sense. The British can't do violence.
*spoiler warning*
Here's what set me off to make this post.
In this episode the Torchwood crew investigates missing people. They are led to a town where they find one survior who had barricaded himself in his house.
They find out that it's actually a Texas Chainsaw Massacre-like family who has killed, tortured (they tenderize them with baseball bats) and butchered everyone in town to use as meat.
Two Torchwood members get captured and one escapes and is chased down. She falls on the forest floor and just before she get's macheted to death a gun is put to the lead cannibal's head. Two Torchwood people have come to the rescue, bringing a police officer they found along the way.
Of course, the cop points a gun at the Torchwood member with the gun and tells them that the cannibal is his uncle, and he is in town to eat people, which prompts the other Torchwood person (a woman) to point a gun at him.
The situation: One Torchwood girl is laying on the floor handcuffed. The lead cannibal now has a gun pointed at her. A Torchwood man has a gun at the cannibal's head. The cop has a gun pointed toward Torchwood man. And behind the cop is a Torchwood woman, pointing her gun at the cop's head.
So what happens?
The cannibal tells the cop to shoot, and theTorchwood chick who's at the end of the line hands over her gun to the cop, who uses it to point at her. The Torchwood dude then gives up his gun, and all three Torchwood people are bound and taken to the slaughterhouse. There is almost no hope of rescue because the one remaining Torchwood person wandered alone into a basement back in town (they are outside of town now) and they hadn't seen or heard from him since.
WTF? Look... these are all main characters. They weren't red-shirts. 4/5 of the main characters end up handcuffed/bound and about to be slaughtered, when the series star rams through the building in a tractor at the last second.
BTW, all the dishes and stuff started shaking ten seconds before the tractor burst through.
When Captain Jack arrives, he shoots the cannibal wife in the leg, who drops her shotgun and falls to the floor next to it.
He shoots the cop in the leg, who drops his handgun and falls to the floor.
He shoots the lead cannibal in the leg, who drops his gun and falls to the floor.
The gun is two feet from the cop's hand so Captain Jack shoots the ground by the gun as the cop reaches for it. The cop recoils his hand.
The shotgun is right next to the lady cannibal as well, but we never see her again.
Then Captain Jack turns his back to the cop and jumps over the the lead cannibal. Despite going through all of those pains to keep the killers uninjured, he points a gun at the cannibal's head and says that he doesn't deserve to live. One of the Torchwood people has to talk Jack out of not killing him with an emotional speech and finally convinces him to show mercy by saying that "he has to live because they need to know why."
Ugh.
The episode ends with an interview where the cannibal says he did it because it made him happy.
Torchwood is an abomination.
In the first episode a copy lady joins Torchwood, replacing a lady in Torchwood who was killing random people on the streets by stabbing them with a special knife. She pretty much just walks right into their base, which has a pterodactyl flying around. Without any sort of background check they add her to the team.
In the last episode I saw, one of the Torchwood people revives his ex-girlfriend who was half-converted into a killer robot. She kills people and he covers it up. He almost gets everyone in the Torchwood facility and causes massive damage to the facility.
The robot-chick is defeated by Captain Jack because he sprays some "BBQ sauce for pterodactyls" and the pterodactyl shows up and eats her.
Despite that guy betraying the group, and being really sad at the loss of his girlfriend, Captain Jack hits on him at the end of the episode and the two go off to hook up in his office. Yeah, it ends up they're both bisexual.
There's no policy against hooking up with each other as I think the one hetero guy has hooked up with both females in the group.
Anyway, it's a big illogical mess where they keep trying to do stupid things for shock value and I hate it.
But I keep thinking it'll get better. I keep watching. I feel like a battered girlfriend who keeps going back. The show rapes my brain yet I keep giving it one more chance.
