Torchwood is a Dr. Who spinoff. "Torchwood" is a super secret group of five or six people who have authority over the police and military and pretty much answer to nobody and no laws apply to them. They investigate mysterious occurrences and collect alien technology to help arm humanity against an eminent alien invasion. (They know when the invasions will start)
I like the Dr. Who series and saw that the first episode of Torchwood was running so I started recording the series.
It is terrible.
I mean, I *want* to like it but it is incredibly bad! The characters break tons of their own rules, and their actions make no sense. The British can't do violence.
*spoiler warning*
Here's what set me off to make this post.
In this episode the Torchwood crew investigates missing people. They are led to a town where they find one survior who had barricaded himself in his house.
They find out that it's actually a Texas Chainsaw Massacre-like family who has killed, tortured (they tenderize them with baseball bats) and butchered everyone in town to use as meat.
Two Torchwood members get captured and one escapes and is chased down. She falls on the forest floor and just before she get's macheted to death a gun is put to the lead cannibal's head. Two Torchwood people have come to the rescue, bringing a police officer they found along the way.
Of course, the cop points a gun at the Torchwood member with the gun and tells them that the cannibal is his uncle, and he is in town to eat people, which prompts the other Torchwood person (a woman) to point a gun at him.
The situation: One Torchwood girl is laying on the floor handcuffed. The lead cannibal now has a gun pointed at her. A Torchwood man has a gun at the cannibal's head. The cop has a gun pointed toward Torchwood man. And behind the cop is a Torchwood woman, pointing her gun at the cop's head.
So what happens?
The cannibal tells the cop to shoot, and theTorchwood chick who's at the end of the line hands over her gun to the cop, who uses it to point at her. The Torchwood dude then gives up his gun, and all three Torchwood people are bound and taken to the slaughterhouse. There is almost no hope of rescue because the one remaining Torchwood person wandered alone into a basement back in town (they are outside of town now) and they hadn't seen or heard from him since.
WTF? Look... these are all main characters. They weren't red-shirts. 4/5 of the main characters end up handcuffed/bound and about to be slaughtered, when the series star rams through the building in a tractor at the last second.
BTW, all the dishes and stuff started shaking ten seconds before the tractor burst through.
When Captain Jack arrives, he shoots the cannibal wife in the leg, who drops her shotgun and falls to the floor next to it.
He shoots the cop in the leg, who drops his handgun and falls to the floor.
He shoots the lead cannibal in the leg, who drops his gun and falls to the floor.
The gun is two feet from the cop's hand so Captain Jack shoots the ground by the gun as the cop reaches for it. The cop recoils his hand.
The shotgun is right next to the lady cannibal as well, but we never see her again.
Then Captain Jack turns his back to the cop and jumps over the the lead cannibal. Despite going through all of those pains to keep the killers uninjured, he points a gun at the cannibal's head and says that he doesn't deserve to live. One of the Torchwood people has to talk Jack out of not killing him with an emotional speech and finally convinces him to show mercy by saying that "he has to live because they need to know why."
Ugh.
The episode ends with an interview where the cannibal says he did it because it made him happy.
Torchwood is an abomination.
In the first episode a copy lady joins Torchwood, replacing a lady in Torchwood who was killing random people on the streets by stabbing them with a special knife. She pretty much just walks right into their base, which has a pterodactyl flying around. Without any sort of background check they add her to the team.
In the last episode I saw, one of the Torchwood people revives his ex-girlfriend who was half-converted into a killer robot. She kills people and he covers it up. He almost gets everyone in the Torchwood facility and causes massive damage to the facility.
The robot-chick is defeated by Captain Jack because he sprays some "BBQ sauce for pterodactyls" and the pterodactyl shows up and eats her.
Despite that guy betraying the group, and being really sad at the loss of his girlfriend, Captain Jack hits on him at the end of the episode and the two go off to hook up in his office. Yeah, it ends up they're both bisexual.
There's no policy against hooking up with each other as I think the one hetero guy has hooked up with both females in the group.
Anyway, it's a big illogical mess where they keep trying to do stupid things for shock value and I hate it.
But I keep thinking it'll get better. I keep watching. I feel like a battered girlfriend who keeps going back. The show rapes my brain yet I keep giving it one more chance.
TV - Torchwood *SPOILERS* - *spoiler thread*
I like it quite a bit. Once you accept that they're going to usually be pansies about violence and make bad decisions because of that, the show is otherwise pretty good IMO.
It also helps to know something about Jack. It's something that comes from Doctor Who before Torchwood begins, and is also eventually brought up on Torchwood again.
SEMI-SPOILER:
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Jack is completely immortal, so turning his back on a bad guy near a gun is no big deal. Plus he's from another time with different rules, and they aren't quite as opposed to guns as modern Brits.
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Yeah, that doesn't explain anywhere near everything, but it helps a little.
Edited By TPRJones on 1241325072
It also helps to know something about Jack. It's something that comes from Doctor Who before Torchwood begins, and is also eventually brought up on Torchwood again.
SEMI-SPOILER:
.
.
.
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.
.
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Jack is completely immortal, so turning his back on a bad guy near a gun is no big deal. Plus he's from another time with different rules, and they aren't quite as opposed to guns as modern Brits.
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Yeah, that doesn't explain anywhere near everything, but it helps a little.
Edited By TPRJones on 1241325072
"ATTENTION: Customers browsing porn must hold magazines with both hands at all times!"
I know who Captain Jack is, I saw why he is the way he is (and who did it), I know who's hand is in the jar they keep, and I even got to see Captain Jack finally die in a Dr. Who episode (possibly... it's hinted that it was Captain Jack).
But Jack had a lot of friends in that room when he turned his back on the two murderous cannibals with guns. When Jack gets shot, he still goes down. When his friends get shot, barring some temporary reprieve via a resurrection gauntlet, they're BBQ.
Torchwood is a group of 5 people who follow no rules, pretty much have no idea what they are doing, don't seem to carry radios or cell phones, like to have sex with each other, have authority that supersedes all government authority, have no paperwork, answer to nobody but Jack even though nobody knows who he is, disobey their own rules (taking alien technology off the grounds, killing people to provide more bodies, resurrecting an evil cyborg ex-girlfriend and then covering up when she starts to murder).
They're a bunch of irresponsible wimps, a bunch of horny and idealistic college freshmen.
Edited By Paul on 1241375996
But Jack had a lot of friends in that room when he turned his back on the two murderous cannibals with guns. When Jack gets shot, he still goes down. When his friends get shot, barring some temporary reprieve via a resurrection gauntlet, they're BBQ.
Torchwood is a group of 5 people who follow no rules, pretty much have no idea what they are doing, don't seem to carry radios or cell phones, like to have sex with each other, have authority that supersedes all government authority, have no paperwork, answer to nobody but Jack even though nobody knows who he is, disobey their own rules (taking alien technology off the grounds, killing people to provide more bodies, resurrecting an evil cyborg ex-girlfriend and then covering up when she starts to murder).
They're a bunch of irresponsible wimps, a bunch of horny and idealistic college freshmen.
Edited By Paul on 1241375996
I figured the odds were very high that you did, but was just being careful.Paul wrote:I know who Captain Jack is
They're a bunch of irresponsible wimps, a bunch of horny and idealistic college freshmen.
Well, yeah, it's a British show. Most of them are either just like that, or about posh theater snobbery. There's not much in-between that I've seen on the BBC or PBS.
"ATTENTION: Customers browsing porn must hold magazines with both hands at all times!"
I watched the next episode. It was "Greeks Baring Gifts" or something like that, involving who I had believed to be the only responsible person in TorchWood, Toshiko.
This was a good episode.
She also made it official that everyone in Torchwood is bisexual. That's sort of odd and makes me wonder if the writers are trying to be edgy and overusing the bisexual thing, or if they're trying to spread "any hole will do" propaganda.
Anyway, the person who I thought was the most stable didn't report a strange device she had (even though all strange alien devices so far have been evil) and then had her first lesbian fling with an alien and then brought he alien into their top secret facility, but the circumstances they created it were enough where it didn't insult my willing suspension of disbelief. (Well, her being mad because they were playing soccer in her computer lab and the soccer ball unplugging her computer that was compiling an important translation thingy was a bit stupid. I mean, with where else would they play soccer? And really, power cords are really easy to unplug with soccer balls.)
I did cringe when they destroyed the necklace on a whim after they called it the most powerful device they'd ever found. It wasn't deadly and she didn't even want to wear it anymore so why not just put it in a safe an pull it out in case there's an emergency? I mean, they have things that are more dangerous which they keep. Heck, that entire race of aliens had the same powers as the necklace. Destroying it that was lame, especially for a group who's mission is to collect that sort of stuff.
Now, I realize that it *had* to be destroyed from a plot standpoint, because it would make things too easy for Torchwood in future episodes, but the writers did it in a terrible way. Make it not work when the alien leaves, or have it destroyed in a fight, or have the alien take it with her.
I think the writers have problems with details. They're trying to do these big sweeping plot things, trying too hard to be dramatic/epic while missing out on the little details.
This episode was quite a bit better with the details (probably because the writers were forced to get into people's minds) and really the only thing I really disliked was getting rid of the device.
Maybe the series will improve? I mean, the acting is getting a little better, but it's always rough early in a series because the actors are still trying to find their characters.
Anyway, I'm about to watch the next one, where Jack and Toshiko go back to 1941, and I'm quite a bit more optimistic.
This was a good episode.
She also made it official that everyone in Torchwood is bisexual. That's sort of odd and makes me wonder if the writers are trying to be edgy and overusing the bisexual thing, or if they're trying to spread "any hole will do" propaganda.
Anyway, the person who I thought was the most stable didn't report a strange device she had (even though all strange alien devices so far have been evil) and then had her first lesbian fling with an alien and then brought he alien into their top secret facility, but the circumstances they created it were enough where it didn't insult my willing suspension of disbelief. (Well, her being mad because they were playing soccer in her computer lab and the soccer ball unplugging her computer that was compiling an important translation thingy was a bit stupid. I mean, with where else would they play soccer? And really, power cords are really easy to unplug with soccer balls.)
I did cringe when they destroyed the necklace on a whim after they called it the most powerful device they'd ever found. It wasn't deadly and she didn't even want to wear it anymore so why not just put it in a safe an pull it out in case there's an emergency? I mean, they have things that are more dangerous which they keep. Heck, that entire race of aliens had the same powers as the necklace. Destroying it that was lame, especially for a group who's mission is to collect that sort of stuff.
Now, I realize that it *had* to be destroyed from a plot standpoint, because it would make things too easy for Torchwood in future episodes, but the writers did it in a terrible way. Make it not work when the alien leaves, or have it destroyed in a fight, or have the alien take it with her.
I think the writers have problems with details. They're trying to do these big sweeping plot things, trying too hard to be dramatic/epic while missing out on the little details.
This episode was quite a bit better with the details (probably because the writers were forced to get into people's minds) and really the only thing I really disliked was getting rid of the device.
Maybe the series will improve? I mean, the acting is getting a little better, but it's always rough early in a series because the actors are still trying to find their characters.
Anyway, I'm about to watch the next one, where Jack and Toshiko go back to 1941, and I'm quite a bit more optimistic.
Saw the next episode. Takes place in WWII and we learn where Jack got his name from.
When we meet the original Jack I swear I thought "Oh thank goodness he has a girlfriend so those damn writers won't make him semi-incestuously fuck our Jack."
Ugh. It turned worse than that. A captain in the 1941 military decides, on a whim, to dance *and* made out with a dude publicly in the middle of a dance hall in front of all his men?
Oh... and Tosh wants to leave a message for the future so she uses a Polaroid photo of a message she wrote instead of just leaving the note? Then she says "pencil will fade" so she writes a second note in blood. But then someone comes back and *erases* the last bit of the message? Lead fades? You can erase blood?
I like the idea of the episode and the Torchwood concept, but I really think they really spoil it with the lousy/illogical details.
...yet I keep going back because I *want* it to be a good show and keep hoping that something changes.
Edited By Paul on 1241930962
When we meet the original Jack I swear I thought "Oh thank goodness he has a girlfriend so those damn writers won't make him semi-incestuously fuck our Jack."
Ugh. It turned worse than that. A captain in the 1941 military decides, on a whim, to dance *and* made out with a dude publicly in the middle of a dance hall in front of all his men?
Oh... and Tosh wants to leave a message for the future so she uses a Polaroid photo of a message she wrote instead of just leaving the note? Then she says "pencil will fade" so she writes a second note in blood. But then someone comes back and *erases* the last bit of the message? Lead fades? You can erase blood?
I like the idea of the episode and the Torchwood concept, but I really think they really spoil it with the lousy/illogical details.
...yet I keep going back because I *want* it to be a good show and keep hoping that something changes.
Edited By Paul on 1241930962
I don't recall it getting better, it stays pretty consistent throughout. But it's still as good as much of Doctor Who, IMO.
Although when I say that I'm including all of Doctor Who, not just the recent years which are on a higher plane than the previous Doctors and better than Torchwood as well.
Although when I say that I'm including all of Doctor Who, not just the recent years which are on a higher plane than the previous Doctors and better than Torchwood as well.
"ATTENTION: Customers browsing porn must hold magazines with both hands at all times!"
Another decent episode!
Someone in Torchwood finally pulls a trigger. Ok, technically he was fired at the time (like the chick who did fired a gun in episode #1), but he was rehired. He was rehired after attempting to murder his boss so that he could disobey a direct order and do something that releases a monster bent on consuming all live on Earth.
The firing: Dude screws up (just like everyone in Torchwood has) while trying to save jack and coworker, then when things go wrong he tells Jack that Jack is the boss and the one with all the answers so jack needs to act like their leader and tell them what to do.
Jack responds by firing him.
Then Jack gives a speech about how he was fired because the dude didn't trust Jack, and (on the impending destruction of all life on Earth) threatens to fire the three remaining member of the organization.
I'm willing to overlook that though. I'm also willing to overlook how everyone on earth though it was their own religion's end-of-the-world because a few UFO's were spotted and a few people from the past were showing up on the streets, and how the Black Plague had 40 people instantly showing signs of infection.
They had some good jokes (even Jack's joke about having sex a gladiator was appropriate for the scene).
Anyway, I enjoyed the episode. It was a lot less clumsy and I feel like they (finally!) weren't trying to accomplish too much.
Someone in Torchwood finally pulls a trigger. Ok, technically he was fired at the time (like the chick who did fired a gun in episode #1), but he was rehired. He was rehired after attempting to murder his boss so that he could disobey a direct order and do something that releases a monster bent on consuming all live on Earth.
The firing: Dude screws up (just like everyone in Torchwood has) while trying to save jack and coworker, then when things go wrong he tells Jack that Jack is the boss and the one with all the answers so jack needs to act like their leader and tell them what to do.
Jack responds by firing him.
Then Jack gives a speech about how he was fired because the dude didn't trust Jack, and (on the impending destruction of all life on Earth) threatens to fire the three remaining member of the organization.
I'm willing to overlook that though. I'm also willing to overlook how everyone on earth though it was their own religion's end-of-the-world because a few UFO's were spotted and a few people from the past were showing up on the streets, and how the Black Plague had 40 people instantly showing signs of infection.
They had some good jokes (even Jack's joke about having sex a gladiator was appropriate for the scene).
Anyway, I enjoyed the episode. It was a lot less clumsy and I feel like they (finally!) weren't trying to accomplish too much.
