Posted: Sat Dec 07, 2013 9:10 pm
Synopsis:
Mexicans prove that Americans aren't the only people who can half-ass a movie.
Review:
It's in Spanish and subtitled. A family of cannibals has the patriarch die from ... something to do with hookers. Whether it's a disease he caught from fucking or eating them is never made clear, but it's a good bet his family has eaten at least one streetwalker he fucked an hour before.
Anyway, without the stalk-and-kidnap skills of their watchmaker father, the mother and three teens are the Three Stooges of cannibals. This is fucking Mexico, I'm pretty sure "professional kidnapper" is a job title recognized on tax returns. Instead of electing to outsource the job to semi-pros, the daughter convinces the two sons to go out and fetch someone for "the ritual" which is never fully explained and is completely done away with by the movie's end.
The two boys are the shittiest kidnappers on the face of the earth. The oldest doesn't really want to lead the family and the youngest is just a fucking idiot proto-frat boy. The mother, while possessing a killer instinct, hasn't got the discipline to use it for hunting humans, instead she lashes out with random violence whenever it's triggered by emotional stress. The only one that seems like a competent people-eater is the daughter. Unfortunately, her vagina prohibits her from taking over the leadership role.
This film starts off decent but totally falls apart about 80% of the way through.
1) The entire point of their cannibalism is to satisfy "the ritual." It's implied early on that if they don't eat someone in a couple days, they'll seize and die. Never mind that at least one of them lives past that deadline.
2) If you're going to take someone back to your house to kill them, keep track of their whereabouts there at all times. Invest in some chloroform and learn a few joint locks. Don't let them run out your door and alert the cops.
3) This entire movie is based on the notion that no cop in Mexico ever solves or investigates any case, anywhere, ever, for any reason unless they're paid specifically and directly for it. It's above and beyond the regular call of duty.
Mexicans prove that Americans aren't the only people who can half-ass a movie.
Review:
It's in Spanish and subtitled. A family of cannibals has the patriarch die from ... something to do with hookers. Whether it's a disease he caught from fucking or eating them is never made clear, but it's a good bet his family has eaten at least one streetwalker he fucked an hour before.
Anyway, without the stalk-and-kidnap skills of their watchmaker father, the mother and three teens are the Three Stooges of cannibals. This is fucking Mexico, I'm pretty sure "professional kidnapper" is a job title recognized on tax returns. Instead of electing to outsource the job to semi-pros, the daughter convinces the two sons to go out and fetch someone for "the ritual" which is never fully explained and is completely done away with by the movie's end.
The two boys are the shittiest kidnappers on the face of the earth. The oldest doesn't really want to lead the family and the youngest is just a fucking idiot proto-frat boy. The mother, while possessing a killer instinct, hasn't got the discipline to use it for hunting humans, instead she lashes out with random violence whenever it's triggered by emotional stress. The only one that seems like a competent people-eater is the daughter. Unfortunately, her vagina prohibits her from taking over the leadership role.
This film starts off decent but totally falls apart about 80% of the way through.
1) The entire point of their cannibalism is to satisfy "the ritual." It's implied early on that if they don't eat someone in a couple days, they'll seize and die. Never mind that at least one of them lives past that deadline.
2) If you're going to take someone back to your house to kill them, keep track of their whereabouts there at all times. Invest in some chloroform and learn a few joint locks. Don't let them run out your door and alert the cops.
3) This entire movie is based on the notion that no cop in Mexico ever solves or investigates any case, anywhere, ever, for any reason unless they're paid specifically and directly for it. It's above and beyond the regular call of duty.