Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2004 4:21 pm
Automatic +\- :
More bitter old man Kris Kristofferson : + .5
Goddamn bitch from WB that can't act : - .5
No name dude starring as Dracula : - .5
Subtotal 1 : - .5 stars
Synopsis :
Vampires wake up Dracula, or Drake as his name is, & enlist his aid to kill Blade & place the entire human race in gigantic blood farms, a la Matrix-style energy supply thingie.
Review :
Dear god, where to begin. I'll hit the positive aspects first. I learned a new insult. Now onto the rest...
Damn near everything about this movie felt like it was merely a pathetic attempt to cash in without putting in an ounce of decent film-making. This is supposed to be a brainless action flick & I went in expecting such. Even by that low standard, it falls hideously short.
The director shot for comedy WAY too much. It got tiring after about two seconds flat. The character of Hannibal King looks like he's there exclusively for comic relief. Wesley Snipes has most none of the coolness or kick-ass miasma about him that the other two films managed to capture. The villain, supposedly the most powerful fucking vampire in existence EVER, spends the majority of the film running away from the puny hybrid, bastard hero, afraid to confront him directly. Pussy-ass Dracula, indeed. Couple this w\ the fact that he commands no sense of evil & you get a rather shallow, deflated Dracula.
Then, of course, we've the fun scenes where three of the heroes are walking on in broad daylight, complete with swords, gun, bows, arrows, & other shit that might make you stop & call a cop if you saw them on the street.
& as a last sidenote, the wussiness of the vampires seems to have reached a new high here, where they die by the dozens now not only to Blade, but damn near to anyone who looks at them the wrong way.
The action sequences looked like fifth-rate Matrix fight scenes, Blade looks like he's had a cool-ectomy, the supporting heroes have little to no scene presence or are just fucking annoying, Dracula spends more of his time running than killing, & his minions evoke all the fear of a group of girl scouts picking flowers in a field on a picturesque afternoon with a gentle summer breeze.
Subtotal 2 : 1.5 stars (for a couple comedic reasons)
Subtotal 1 + Subtotal 2 = 1 star
Verdict : Renter, if that. Fuck, just watch the second one again, it's better. Hell, watch someone changing a tire, it's better. If I ever find this director, I will make him piss into a vat & boil him in his own urine.
If anyone really wants a spoilers thread, start it up. Course, that'd mean you might've gone to see it, which is fucking sad.
More bitter old man Kris Kristofferson : + .5
Goddamn bitch from WB that can't act : - .5
No name dude starring as Dracula : - .5
Subtotal 1 : - .5 stars
Synopsis :
Vampires wake up Dracula, or Drake as his name is, & enlist his aid to kill Blade & place the entire human race in gigantic blood farms, a la Matrix-style energy supply thingie.
Review :
Dear god, where to begin. I'll hit the positive aspects first. I learned a new insult. Now onto the rest...
Damn near everything about this movie felt like it was merely a pathetic attempt to cash in without putting in an ounce of decent film-making. This is supposed to be a brainless action flick & I went in expecting such. Even by that low standard, it falls hideously short.
The director shot for comedy WAY too much. It got tiring after about two seconds flat. The character of Hannibal King looks like he's there exclusively for comic relief. Wesley Snipes has most none of the coolness or kick-ass miasma about him that the other two films managed to capture. The villain, supposedly the most powerful fucking vampire in existence EVER, spends the majority of the film running away from the puny hybrid, bastard hero, afraid to confront him directly. Pussy-ass Dracula, indeed. Couple this w\ the fact that he commands no sense of evil & you get a rather shallow, deflated Dracula.
Then, of course, we've the fun scenes where three of the heroes are walking on in broad daylight, complete with swords, gun, bows, arrows, & other shit that might make you stop & call a cop if you saw them on the street.
& as a last sidenote, the wussiness of the vampires seems to have reached a new high here, where they die by the dozens now not only to Blade, but damn near to anyone who looks at them the wrong way.
The action sequences looked like fifth-rate Matrix fight scenes, Blade looks like he's had a cool-ectomy, the supporting heroes have little to no scene presence or are just fucking annoying, Dracula spends more of his time running than killing, & his minions evoke all the fear of a group of girl scouts picking flowers in a field on a picturesque afternoon with a gentle summer breeze.
Subtotal 2 : 1.5 stars (for a couple comedic reasons)
Subtotal 1 + Subtotal 2 = 1 star
Verdict : Renter, if that. Fuck, just watch the second one again, it's better. Hell, watch someone changing a tire, it's better. If I ever find this director, I will make him piss into a vat & boil him in his own urine.
If anyone really wants a spoilers thread, start it up. Course, that'd mean you might've gone to see it, which is fucking sad.
