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Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 2:26 pm
by GORDON
Here's the first facts I could dig up.
* Sesame Street's Ernie traded in his rubber duckie for a squeaky plastic John Edwards.
* Silk was invented to allow women to feel as soft and smooth as John Edwards.
* John Edwards has never understood what that stupid zipper on the front of his pants is for.
* WARNING: To avoid being attacked by John Edwards, do not wear Tag Body Spray.
* The holy grail of botany is to develop a rose whose petals have the dewy softness of John Edwards.
* Every year for Lent, John Edwards forgos the pleasures of a woman's touch, with the obvious exception of when he bathes himself.
* Some politicians inspire bi-partisanship. John Edwards inspires bi-curiosity.
* It's not true that John Edwards wouldn't hurt a fly, it's just that he couldn't.
* You know that thing that gorgeous women do in movies where they walk towards a diving board, drop the robe to show off a bikini, dive in, swim to the other side, then come out of the water and shake their hair - all in slow motion? Not to ruin it for you, but John Edwards invented that move.
* John Edwards was once treated in the emergency room after receiving a large gash in his hand from a jet puffed marshmallow.
Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 2:50 pm
by thibodeaux
So. You're not a John Edwards fan?
Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 3:04 pm
by TPRJones
Isn't he the guy that channels dead people or some such bullshit?
Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 10:22 pm
by GORDON
* Before entering politics, John was known as Edwards Spice.
* Until they met John Edwards, the Klingons had no word for "manicure".
* The phrase "useful as a screen door on a submarine" will eventually be replaced by "useful as John Edwards in a presidential race".
* John Edwards was kicked off "The Price is Right" for screaming at the merchandise models, "That's not how to gesture towards a prize! Do it like THIS, you graceless cow!".
* You can always count on John Edwards for sympathy and advice if you have that "not so fresh" feeling.
* John Edwards was the original model for the international "women's restroom" symbol.
* The inventor of the My Little Pony toys got the idea after seeing John Edwards in a courtroom.
* The $1,250 bill isn't just for John Edwards's haircut. It also includes his Brazilian wax.
* When John Edwards was in high school, he would stay home and cry for a week every time he had a pimple.
Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 10:25 pm
by GORDON
John Edwards blames Republican budget cuts for obesity among the poor.
I can't tell if that's a joke, or not.
On a side note, what a country.... our poor eat so well that they have an obesity problem? USA! USA!
Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 10:37 pm
by TPRJones
The idea is that poor people can't afford good quality food, and thus eat cheap food that makes you fat. The truth is that poor people are too lazy to cook good quality food and buy cheap fast food instead. Also, too lazy to exercise.
As with all generalizations, there's only some truth to it, of course.
Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 10:40 pm
by GORDON
What a country, our poor are free to lay around all day and have someone else prepare their food for them!
Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 11:22 am
by GORDON
John Edwards: The Sexiest Woman Alive.
http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l31/pupster67/edwards.jpg
Not 'shopped, I've been told.
Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 12:02 pm
by TheCatt
Not shopped.
Posted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 10:32 pm
by Vince
What is it that Limbaugh calls him?
Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 9:32 am
by GORDON
Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 12:54 pm
by TPRJones
Fuck that. Ain't goin'.
Posted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 1:59 pm
by Malcolm
Fuck you, John. I have nothing but suspicion and accusations for an industry whose continued existence is based upon keeping everyone unwell in some sense of the word.
Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 12:48 pm
by GORDON
These peeps say John Edwards may be cheating on his wife, and they have proof.
http://www.slate.com/id/2175509/
Yeah he has less of a chance in hell to win than does Hillary and Obama Hussein, but I figure it's worth posting since the media is ignoring it, and I don't think they'd ignore it if it were about a republican candidate.
Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 2:10 pm
by Malcolm
The National Enquirer claims to have enough of the Edwards cheating-on-cancer-stricken-wife story,
The National Enquirer? Come the hell on.
Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 2:20 pm
by GORDON
Yeah but how often do they claim to have evidence?
Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 2:45 pm
by Malcolm
They claim a lot a outlandish shit w\ a lot of outlandish photos. Fuck "we have evidence." Either publish it or say you're fact checking it, but why's it just sitting there if you got "it," whatever said "it" may be?
Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 2:58 pm
by GORDON
Bah.
Pops and clicks.
Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 3:54 pm
by Malcolm
The Raelians have been saying for years that they've cloned a human that's walking 'round amongst us. They say they've got proof. 'Course, they won't actually let anyone see it.
Edited By Malcolm on 1192132501
Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 4:44 pm
by GORDON
Malcolm wrote:bleep bloop bleep bloop bleep
Stop talking like a damned robot! I can't understand you!
