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Carol: Sophomore year at my stupid college I had a huge crush on the quarterback, this super-hot guy named Dick Sledge but it was like I was invisible, he wouldn't even sign my cast when I broke my own arm.

But I thought if I knew what he liked I'd have an in, so one Saturday when he had a game I broke into his dorm room to see what kinda music he was into, or turtles, or roll around in his clothes, or whatever, but But you were so busy sniffin his jock you didn't hear him come in Because he totally snuck up on me! Then I guess I blacked out because I don't remember stabbing him at all.

Ray: Wh-? ! Why'd you have a knife?!

Carol: I didn't! It was a stupid pair of scissors, and it was his fault for grabbing me with his throwing hand! That's how his tendon got severed!

Pam: Holy shitsnacks.

Carol: Yeah, they said he could've gone pro.

thibodeaux wrote:I wish I could a find a clip:

Carol: Sophomore year at my stupid college I had a huge crush on the quarterback, this super-hot guy named Dick Sledge but it was like I was invisible, he wouldn't even sign my cast when I broke my own arm.

But I thought if I knew what he liked I'd have an in, so one Saturday when he had a game I broke into his dorm room to see what kinda music he was into, or turtles, or roll around in his clothes, or whatever, but...he totally snuck up on me! Then I guess I blacked out because I don't remember stabbing him at all.

Ray: Wh-? ! Why'd you have a knife?!

Carol: I didn't! It was a stupid pair of scissors, and it was his fault for grabbing me with his throwing hand! That's how his tendon got severed!

Pam: Holy shitsnacks.

Carol: Yeah, they said he could've gone pro.