Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2012 10:51 am
I took my oldest (7 years old) to see this on Saturday. The theater was PACKED.
I figured despite this movie sucking, it'd be a good entry point for her due to the little kid and the racist rip off of Goofy. It worked because she enjoyed the film. Meanwhile, I was sitting there thinking, "Holy shit, this is worse than I remember."
George Lucas CAN craft an epic. The problem is that he gets completely lost in the details. This film isn't terrible if you're looking at the summary, but once you hear the dialogue...ugh.
The story of little Vader is just soooooo absurd. Here's a kid with no dad who was miraculously conceived by the Force. Yet nobody thinks this birth is miraculous, not even the Jedi who supposedly have a connection to the Force, so instead of being born in a manger and visited by three kings, this kid becomes a slave. A slave who at 6-8 years old has already constructed C3PO and built a pod racer that "took him a few years". Instead of having him clean and organize in the shop, a wise business guy like whatever that fly's name was, would have him building things to sell! One thing that is really unsettling about the kid is that he acts so unrealistically mature for his age that I believe he starred on Dawson's Creek. The kid goes on to win a pod race where his pod racer was fast enough to catch the super fast leader after failing to start for the race's first 2 minutes, yet once caught up, can't seem to just blow past the leader. It also suffers a catastrophic mechanical failure that killed at least one other driver instantly, yet somehow it stays intact long enough for him to make a repair. From there the 6-8 year old kid, whose whole world is his mom, says goodbye to her with all the emotion that you'd have while throwing away an empty bag of chips. She's staying a slave, but he gets to go free, and he acts like he's just running to the store for groceries. And hey, nobody is around when they leave, why the FUCK, didn't they simply take her with them? Is the fly guy going to chase them to the ends of the galaxy to get her back? No, that bitch was broke from the race. He's not doing shit, and even if he did, they're the fucking Jedi!!! Seriously LUcas, what is the message there? I won't even get into the midchlorians and how the Jedi Council reacts to him because it's mind meltingly stupid. My 7 year old even said it was dumb. But wait, they then take this child to a planet that is currently under siege by an invasion force. Hey Qui-Gon Jinn, social services would like to have a word with you! As soon as they land they get into a fire fight where the enemy is trying to stop people from enter these jet fighters, so that's where they hide the kid!!!! Then he pushes a single button which launches the fighter and sends it into battle...in space! He then gets shot once which sends him into the enemy ship right where he needs to be to destroy the ship. A spot the military attacking the ship apparently had no clue about. He accidentally shots the reactors, blowing up the enemy ship, and escapes safely back to the planet. Oh, and did I mention that Throughout the movie the kid is putting the moves on the queen of this planet who has to be more than a decade older than him? So apparently she's a pedophile.
Seriously, how does Liam Neeson take this role? At the end of the day, Jar Jar Binks came off as the better character. Qui-Gon Jinn is a moron throughout the film. Seriously, watch it again and focus on him. He's a fraud. His character was an elitist jackoff who couldn't be bothered to save a couple of slaves, and instead gambled an entire planet on a 6-8 year old winning a podrace. He ignored the Jedi Council, started teaching the kid, then made Obi-Wan promise to continue the training. So Qui-Gon Jinn made Darth Vader. On top of all that, he got himself killed. Oh, he also saved Jar Jar Binks the first moment we see him, so blame him for that shit too.
One thing I never noticed before was how racist the Gungans were. Did nobody else notice that they had an Asian accent, and an inferiority complex? Not just an Asian accent, but the really racist one. You know what I'm talking about...
I honestly think Lucas could've made a very good Star Wars film here, but he was hampered by his own ego. Far too much confidence in his own story telling, and not enough influence from others. All he needed was another writer(s) to help him fill out the details. Everything that sucked about this film wasn't "grand scope" stuff, it was everything else.
If George Lucas gives Timothy Zahn the overview of the "prequels" and let's him back out the plot details, George would now be working on Episiodes 7-9.
Despite all that, it's still fun to get my kid into the series. I'm doing everything I can not to sway her opinions, but I have indicated that I look forward to Episode 4.
I figured despite this movie sucking, it'd be a good entry point for her due to the little kid and the racist rip off of Goofy. It worked because she enjoyed the film. Meanwhile, I was sitting there thinking, "Holy shit, this is worse than I remember."
George Lucas CAN craft an epic. The problem is that he gets completely lost in the details. This film isn't terrible if you're looking at the summary, but once you hear the dialogue...ugh.
The story of little Vader is just soooooo absurd. Here's a kid with no dad who was miraculously conceived by the Force. Yet nobody thinks this birth is miraculous, not even the Jedi who supposedly have a connection to the Force, so instead of being born in a manger and visited by three kings, this kid becomes a slave. A slave who at 6-8 years old has already constructed C3PO and built a pod racer that "took him a few years". Instead of having him clean and organize in the shop, a wise business guy like whatever that fly's name was, would have him building things to sell! One thing that is really unsettling about the kid is that he acts so unrealistically mature for his age that I believe he starred on Dawson's Creek. The kid goes on to win a pod race where his pod racer was fast enough to catch the super fast leader after failing to start for the race's first 2 minutes, yet once caught up, can't seem to just blow past the leader. It also suffers a catastrophic mechanical failure that killed at least one other driver instantly, yet somehow it stays intact long enough for him to make a repair. From there the 6-8 year old kid, whose whole world is his mom, says goodbye to her with all the emotion that you'd have while throwing away an empty bag of chips. She's staying a slave, but he gets to go free, and he acts like he's just running to the store for groceries. And hey, nobody is around when they leave, why the FUCK, didn't they simply take her with them? Is the fly guy going to chase them to the ends of the galaxy to get her back? No, that bitch was broke from the race. He's not doing shit, and even if he did, they're the fucking Jedi!!! Seriously LUcas, what is the message there? I won't even get into the midchlorians and how the Jedi Council reacts to him because it's mind meltingly stupid. My 7 year old even said it was dumb. But wait, they then take this child to a planet that is currently under siege by an invasion force. Hey Qui-Gon Jinn, social services would like to have a word with you! As soon as they land they get into a fire fight where the enemy is trying to stop people from enter these jet fighters, so that's where they hide the kid!!!! Then he pushes a single button which launches the fighter and sends it into battle...in space! He then gets shot once which sends him into the enemy ship right where he needs to be to destroy the ship. A spot the military attacking the ship apparently had no clue about. He accidentally shots the reactors, blowing up the enemy ship, and escapes safely back to the planet. Oh, and did I mention that Throughout the movie the kid is putting the moves on the queen of this planet who has to be more than a decade older than him? So apparently she's a pedophile.
Seriously, how does Liam Neeson take this role? At the end of the day, Jar Jar Binks came off as the better character. Qui-Gon Jinn is a moron throughout the film. Seriously, watch it again and focus on him. He's a fraud. His character was an elitist jackoff who couldn't be bothered to save a couple of slaves, and instead gambled an entire planet on a 6-8 year old winning a podrace. He ignored the Jedi Council, started teaching the kid, then made Obi-Wan promise to continue the training. So Qui-Gon Jinn made Darth Vader. On top of all that, he got himself killed. Oh, he also saved Jar Jar Binks the first moment we see him, so blame him for that shit too.
One thing I never noticed before was how racist the Gungans were. Did nobody else notice that they had an Asian accent, and an inferiority complex? Not just an Asian accent, but the really racist one. You know what I'm talking about...
I honestly think Lucas could've made a very good Star Wars film here, but he was hampered by his own ego. Far too much confidence in his own story telling, and not enough influence from others. All he needed was another writer(s) to help him fill out the details. Everything that sucked about this film wasn't "grand scope" stuff, it was everything else.
If George Lucas gives Timothy Zahn the overview of the "prequels" and let's him back out the plot details, George would now be working on Episiodes 7-9.
Despite all that, it's still fun to get my kid into the series. I'm doing everything I can not to sway her opinions, but I have indicated that I look forward to Episode 4.
