Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2007 2:55 pm
Quentin Tarrantino presents Tony Jaa as an elephant trainer who has to retrieve his stolen elephant.
No really.
Ok, don't come for the story. Just don't as it's bad. Really bad.
But to sum up: Elephants are sacred. Kings get power from elephants. A woman on a power trip wants the power of the elephant that rightfully belonged to the king, thus she steals it. Tony Jaa and his dad train the elephants. Dad dies in the robbery, Tony doesn't stop to mourn...at all...not even for 10 seconds...not even a 10 minute period where he was inconsolable. That fact becomes totally ridiculous later in the film. I'm sure you can figure out why, but this is "no spoilers". Ok, back on the story: Tony seeks elephant and Tony's baby elephant. Lots and lots of people get beat up along the way. Throw in some pointless side plots about a cop and...I don't know, there might be a chick, might not be.
Seriously, just mute your TV and watch the fights scenes.
But even those weren't anything too special. Tony is fast as hell, and he's kinda, sorta intense, but he's not the second coming of you-know-who. You-know-who brought charisma and style to his fights. They seemed epic. but more importantly, they seemed REAL. When you-know-who fought multiple people, they were all there at once. The crowd around him would sway with his moves and everyone's delay seemed logical. The fights here have none of that. You'll see a dozen guys running into a room at the same time, but only one reaches Tony at a time. The rest are apparently standing in a single file line OFF CAMERA waiting until he's done beating up whomever he's working on. And even the one on one fights are too "bullshit" to buy into.
Which reminds me, the sound effects are hilarious. You'll hear spines break due to the lightest of slaps.
There's no bad ass Chinese Connection you-know-who versus an entire dojo all at once scene here.
In fact, the main threats to Tony are the aforementioned woman and three guys who can only be classified as professional wrestlers/body builders.
Overall, this is a movie you can skip unless you're a die hard martial arts fan. Even then, you'd be hard pressed to be entertained.
Bruce Lee is still the king.
3 out of 10.
No really.
Ok, don't come for the story. Just don't as it's bad. Really bad.
But to sum up: Elephants are sacred. Kings get power from elephants. A woman on a power trip wants the power of the elephant that rightfully belonged to the king, thus she steals it. Tony Jaa and his dad train the elephants. Dad dies in the robbery, Tony doesn't stop to mourn...at all...not even for 10 seconds...not even a 10 minute period where he was inconsolable. That fact becomes totally ridiculous later in the film. I'm sure you can figure out why, but this is "no spoilers". Ok, back on the story: Tony seeks elephant and Tony's baby elephant. Lots and lots of people get beat up along the way. Throw in some pointless side plots about a cop and...I don't know, there might be a chick, might not be.
Seriously, just mute your TV and watch the fights scenes.
But even those weren't anything too special. Tony is fast as hell, and he's kinda, sorta intense, but he's not the second coming of you-know-who. You-know-who brought charisma and style to his fights. They seemed epic. but more importantly, they seemed REAL. When you-know-who fought multiple people, they were all there at once. The crowd around him would sway with his moves and everyone's delay seemed logical. The fights here have none of that. You'll see a dozen guys running into a room at the same time, but only one reaches Tony at a time. The rest are apparently standing in a single file line OFF CAMERA waiting until he's done beating up whomever he's working on. And even the one on one fights are too "bullshit" to buy into.
Which reminds me, the sound effects are hilarious. You'll hear spines break due to the lightest of slaps.
There's no bad ass Chinese Connection you-know-who versus an entire dojo all at once scene here.
In fact, the main threats to Tony are the aforementioned woman and three guys who can only be classified as professional wrestlers/body builders.
Overall, this is a movie you can skip unless you're a die hard martial arts fan. Even then, you'd be hard pressed to be entertained.
Bruce Lee is still the king.
3 out of 10.