Conan the Barbarian - remake
Saw this on TV. Fucking awful. Like Green Lantern, DOOM and Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine fucking awful. I don't know who the fuck Jason Momoa is, but he should be legally barred for life from making anymore Conan films. It's obvious not one producer, writer, or director even read word one of Robert E. Howard's source material. A list of grievances follows:
- PG-13? Go fuck yourself. Conan is not known for killing shitty CG tentacles and magical sand warriors.
- The chick was terrible. Sandahl Bergman (Valeria from the original) looks like a goddamn Amazon warrior next to Rachel Nichols.
- Rose McGowan was wasted. I could barely tell that was her in all the makeup and gauche costuming.
- The animatronics and puppets from the original seem better than the X-Box CG I saw.
- The original was written by Oliver Stone, scored by Basil Poledouris, and directed by John Milius. These are names that still hold sway to this day, 30+ years after the fact. No one will ever give a flying fuck about anyone involved in the remake.
- The original had James Earl "I Find Your Lack of Faith Disturbing" Jones as a villain. The remake has some guy who looks and sounds like he could be a Broadway choreographer.
- The original had very little dialog at the request of the director. In the remake, motherfucking everyone is an armchair philosopher, including Conan's dad, Ron Perlman.
- There was no drunken punching of camels.
Edited By Malcolm on 1449429360
- PG-13? Go fuck yourself. Conan is not known for killing shitty CG tentacles and magical sand warriors.
- The chick was terrible. Sandahl Bergman (Valeria from the original) looks like a goddamn Amazon warrior next to Rachel Nichols.
- Rose McGowan was wasted. I could barely tell that was her in all the makeup and gauche costuming.
- The animatronics and puppets from the original seem better than the X-Box CG I saw.
- The original was written by Oliver Stone, scored by Basil Poledouris, and directed by John Milius. These are names that still hold sway to this day, 30+ years after the fact. No one will ever give a flying fuck about anyone involved in the remake.
- The original had James Earl "I Find Your Lack of Faith Disturbing" Jones as a villain. The remake has some guy who looks and sounds like he could be a Broadway choreographer.
- The original had very little dialog at the request of the director. In the remake, motherfucking everyone is an armchair philosopher, including Conan's dad, Ron Perlman.
- There was no drunken punching of camels.
Edited By Malcolm on 1449429360
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
I didn't mention that because he was actually interesting in that role.GORDON wrote:Kal Drogo.Leisher wrote:Aquaman...I don't know who the fuck Jason Momoa is
“Activism is a way for useless people to feel important, even if the consequences of their activism are counterproductive for those they claim to be helping and damaging to the fabric of society as a whole.” - Dr Thomas Sowell