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The message she is spreading is that with her marriage “in a ditch,” she reluctantly started taking the advice she received from happy wives to practice gratitude, apologize to her husband for emasculating and disrespecting him, metaphorically “duct tape” her mouth to curb her criticisms, make herself open to sex anytime, and relinquish control — even of their finances, even if it meant sitting in the dark because he forgot to pay the electricity bill (which actually happened). That taking care of herself (naps, beach volleyball) would help her show up better. That trying to change her husband got her nowhere, but changing herself gave her the marriage she had always dreamed of. That the intimacy returned so strongly that, nine years after marrying, she took her husband’s name. That the “intimacy skills,” as she came to call her findings, would work for other wives, even ones facing abuse, adultery or husbands with addictions.