Desolation of Smaug - spoiler thread

Malcolm · Post by **Malcolm** » Sat Dec 21, 2013 2:25 pm

A few things:

1) The writers obviously love them some elves. Why doesn't the wood elf king just send a crack squad of a couple dozen Legolas-trained assassins to take out both Smaug and the orcs? Looks like they could handle it. Legolas and Tauriel are jacking in from the Matrix while everyone they're stabbing and shooting has to adhere to normal reality.

2) I'm guessing the orcs sent by Sauron are heading to the Battle of Five Armies? Well, shit. That puts a different spin on things.

3) Calling it ... Tauriel dies in the battle after falling for Fili which is what causes Lego to soften towards dwarves. Also betting Gloin dies and Lego keeps Gimli's picture.

4) Why in the mother of fuck did Bilbo remove the ring in Smaug's lair? In the book, he keeps it on right up until he bails out. I don't remember the dwarves storming in and pouring molten gold on the wyrm.

Post by **GORDON** » Sat Dec 21, 2013 3:02 pm

Note: I have read the book to my kid twice in the last couple years, my memory is pretty fresh.

1. I found the wood elf king's interest in "white gems that are rightfully mine" interesting. Were the Silmarils supposed to be in the dragon hoard? No mention of that in the book. In the book he was a bit of a dick, but he wasn't going so far as to offer freedom to a prisoner in exchange for intel, and then kills the prisoner after he talks. That is a tad psychotic.

2. In the book, as soon as Smaug died the word spread, literally with the birds. The orcs had ALREADY been massing to invade the lands of the human homesteaders (and this was mentioned in the actual book, not some LotR or Silmarillion appendix), Smaug dying just gave them a new target. The elves moved in force to support the devestated men of Laketown, giving them food and shelter to survive the coming winter, and oh yeah also brought an army. There hasn't been mentioned the dwarves of the Iron Hills coming in force to support Thorin claim on Erebor. And, one assumes, Bard is going to be put in charge of the men from Laketown who will go and ask for their rightful share of treasure, looted from Dale, from the dragon hoard.

And, Thorin will never discuss any of that while an army is at his doorstep. This all makes sense in the books... let's see how they needlessly change it and screw it up in the movie next year.

3. In the book.... and possible 3rd movie spoilers, here....

Fili and Kili both die in the Bo5A, so yeah, maybe the She Elf will die alongside them and give Legoland a grudging respect that we see blossom with Gimli.

4. The entire time we are in Smaug's lair, after the brief conversation with the dragon, it is all new, anyway, so who the hell knows.

++++

Also.... HOW THE FUCK do they split up the company before they head to Erebor? So completely stupid. One of Bilbo's titles he did not mention to Smaug was, "I am the lucky number." He was added so the party would be 14, not unlucky 13. I guess they had to leave that out since 4 of them were back in Laketown.

Edited By GORDON on 1387656268

Post by **thibodeaux** » Sat Dec 21, 2013 6:33 pm

I decided not to go see this movie. TBH, the shitty 197x cartoon with bucktooth Bilbo and the goofy folk-music soundtrack was so much closer to the book, that it's like....I don't know what to say. PJ basically has shat upon Tolkien with these movies.

Post by **GORDON** » Sat Dec 21, 2013 6:38 pm

The broad strokes are all there, the execution is just all different.

I think I am unhappy with this film.

Malcolm · Post by **Malcolm** » Sat Dec 21, 2013 8:26 pm

thibodeaux wrote:I decided not to go see this movie. TBH, the shitty 197x cartoon with bucktooth Bilbo and the goofy folk-music soundtrack was so much closer to the book, that it's like....I don't know what to say. PJ basically has shat upon Tolkien with these movies.

I still have that on VHS somewhere.

Malcolm · Post by **Malcolm** » Sat Dec 21, 2013 8:28 pm

GORDON wrote:The broad strokes are all there, the execution is just all different.

I think I am unhappy with this film.

One can only imagine how many rewrites the screenplay went through. Weird, though. Aside from the addition of Del Toro, the main writers from the LotR trilogy are all there.

Post by **GORDON** » Sat Dec 21, 2013 9:04 pm

Malcolm wrote:
thibodeaux wrote:I decided not to go see this movie. TBH, the shitty 197x cartoon with bucktooth Bilbo and the goofy folk-music soundtrack was so much closer to the book, that it's like....I don't know what to say. PJ basically has shat upon Tolkien with these movies.
I still have that on VHS somewhere.

I have a digital copy on my server.

Arrrrr.

Stranger · Post by **Stranger** » Mon Dec 30, 2013 9:54 am

In the very first scene of the movie, in the town of Bree. There is a man that walks across the screen and takes a bite of a carrot while looking directly into the camera... Im about 99.9% sure that was Peter Jackson making a cameo appearance. anyone else catch that

Edited By Stranger on 1388415286

Stranger · Post by **Stranger** » Mon Dec 30, 2013 9:59 am

Also, i found it pretty funny at all the groans from the people at the ending of the movie. What were they expecting to see?

It reminded me of when i went and saw the Fellowship of the the Ring and there were a couple of black folks in front of me that obviously didn't know the story at all. When the movie ended one of them said "Aww, damn.. they didn't destroy the ring!"

Post by **thibodeaux** » Mon Dec 30, 2013 10:30 am

Malcolm wrote:Aside from the addition of Del Toro, the main writers from the LotR trilogy are all there.

That's the problem: it's a couple of chicks and they SUCK.

Post by **GORDON** » Mon Dec 30, 2013 1:29 pm

Stranger wrote:In the very first scene of the movie, in the town of Bree. There is a man that walks across the screen and takes a bite of a carrot while looking directly into the camera... Im about 99.9% sure that was Peter Jackson making a cameo appearance. anyone else catch that

I actually thought it was too HEY LOOK AT THIS... because PJ was in Bree eating a carrot in Fellowship, and it was much quicker and subtle. They practically put a spotlight on him this time, it felt to me.

Post by **GORDON** » Mon Dec 30, 2013 1:54 pm

thibodeaux wrote:
Malcolm wrote:Aside from the addition of Del Toro, the main writers from the LotR trilogy are all there.
That's the problem: it's a couple of chicks and they SUCK.

I have forgiven a lot in the past with these movies... whole characters removed and added, entire plots removed and added, motivations mostly removed.... but I think splitting up the company, leaving 4 in Laketown as the rest went to the mountain, is unforgivable.

I cannot forgive that.

I will still see the 3rd movie, but I will be holding off any any more bluray purchases until all 3 are out in a collection, they are extended editions, and they are marked way down for some black friday sale.

Post by **TPRJones** » Thu Jan 02, 2014 12:42 pm

...they are extended editions...

That's just it, I don't want to see extended editions. These three movies are already way too extended as it is. I want to see the illegal three-hour cut someone will eventually make after they're all released that will better reflect the source material and be an all-around better movie.

Post by **GORDON** » Thu Jan 02, 2014 12:46 pm

TPRJones wrote:
...they are extended editions...
That's just it, I don't want to see extended editions. These three movies are already way too extended as it is. I want to see the illegal three-hour cut someone will eventually make after they're all released that will better reflect the source material and be an all-around better movie.

Heh, I mentioned that very thing to a buddy the other day. These movies already feel like extended editions, and someday there will be a fan edit cutting the running time by a 3rd, and removing Jar Jar Binks from the story completely.

Post by **GORDON** » Tue Jan 07, 2014 1:45 pm

GORDON wrote:I have forgiven a lot in the past with these movies... whole characters removed and added, entire plots removed and added, motivations mostly removed.... but I think splitting up the company, leaving 4 in Laketown as the rest went to the mountain, is unforgivable.

I cannot forgive that.

Were there actually orcs in Laketown threatening Bard's family and hunting the dwarves, or did I just dream that?

Malcolm · Post by **Malcolm** » Tue Jan 07, 2014 1:50 pm

GORDON wrote:
GORDON wrote:I have forgiven a lot in the past with these movies... whole characters removed and added, entire plots removed and added, motivations mostly removed.... but I think splitting up the company, leaving 4 in Laketown as the rest went to the mountain, is unforgivable.

I cannot forgive that.
Were there actually orcs in Laketown threatening Bard's family and hunting the dwarves, or did I just dream that?

Think they attacked in the movie. Not the book.

Post by **GORDON** » Tue Jan 07, 2014 1:53 pm

Yeah, meant in the movie.

Ugh.... like I said, PJ has officially lost me, and that was a hard thing to do.

Can't wait for Bard to get on the BLACK ARROW MOUNTED GUN TURRET at the beginning of the next movie and both kill the dragon and overthrow the government of Laketown and install his socialist utopia in the first 20 minutes.

A pox on his prequels.

Post by **GORDON** » Tue Jan 07, 2014 1:59 pm

I have a dollar that says the Laketown mayor's creepy little aid (which wasn't in the book) will end up being Grima Wormtongue's grandfather.

I don't think PJs girlfriends will have been able to resist writing that in.