Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 10:09 am
As far as spoilers go... I mention what happened in the old film, but doesn't happen in this film. I consider it safe to read.
The movie: Terrible.
Even semi-drunk it was terrible.
1) Charlie's mom hasn't been fucked like that since grade school.
2) Willie Wonka's father The White betrayed middle eath.
Okay okay okay okay.... where to begin?
The movie is supposed to be based on the book rather than the previous movie. I haven't read the book, but I *missed* seeing stuff that I liked about the original movie. For example, in the 1971 movie, Mr. Slugworth offered to pay Charlie a bunch of money for an Everlasting Gobstopper, so his company could put it on the market first. But even after Willie Wonka screwed all the kids out of their prizes, Charlie gave Wonka back the Gobstopper. Then Wonka confesses that Slugworth was a plant that he'd hired, and that by returning the Gobstopper Charlie had won the contest.
That didn't happen in this film.
I'd heard that this film was creepier than the original. Nope! The only bit that upped the creep-factor was Veruca Salt's demise.
Know how late night shows like to dress random old men in funny outifts and have them act, even though they pretty much just do the scene straight-faced because they've never acted a day int heir lives? Well CGI that guy into a thousand people, and shrink them, and you have the Oompa Loompas.
___
I didn't want to watch the film but my wife did. The only other movie we could agree on wasn't on for 3 more hours, so I reluctantly agreed to watch it. I made sure I had extra helpings of Samual Adams at dinner though... to take the stink off the film.
Before the movie I decided to do a Peter Griffin quote. "I sit through this and later tonight I get anal. You hear me?"
My wife's expression was worth any torture the movie could bestow. So I moved on to the next line to let us both off the hook. Only, I was so impressed with myself that I got totally off track and completely forgot the next line.
Uh...
The wife turned to look at me.
Shit shit shit shit... damn you beer... uh...
just as she was about to speak I sputtered out a miraculous, "No matter how clean the house is you have to clean it." It's wasn't an exact quote, but it was close enough. Whew!
The movie: Terrible.
Even semi-drunk it was terrible.
1) Charlie's mom hasn't been fucked like that since grade school.
2) Willie Wonka's father The White betrayed middle eath.
Okay okay okay okay.... where to begin?
The movie is supposed to be based on the book rather than the previous movie. I haven't read the book, but I *missed* seeing stuff that I liked about the original movie. For example, in the 1971 movie, Mr. Slugworth offered to pay Charlie a bunch of money for an Everlasting Gobstopper, so his company could put it on the market first. But even after Willie Wonka screwed all the kids out of their prizes, Charlie gave Wonka back the Gobstopper. Then Wonka confesses that Slugworth was a plant that he'd hired, and that by returning the Gobstopper Charlie had won the contest.
That didn't happen in this film.
I'd heard that this film was creepier than the original. Nope! The only bit that upped the creep-factor was Veruca Salt's demise.
Know how late night shows like to dress random old men in funny outifts and have them act, even though they pretty much just do the scene straight-faced because they've never acted a day int heir lives? Well CGI that guy into a thousand people, and shrink them, and you have the Oompa Loompas.
___
I didn't want to watch the film but my wife did. The only other movie we could agree on wasn't on for 3 more hours, so I reluctantly agreed to watch it. I made sure I had extra helpings of Samual Adams at dinner though... to take the stink off the film.
Before the movie I decided to do a Peter Griffin quote. "I sit through this and later tonight I get anal. You hear me?"
My wife's expression was worth any torture the movie could bestow. So I moved on to the next line to let us both off the hook. Only, I was so impressed with myself that I got totally off track and completely forgot the next line.
Uh...
The wife turned to look at me.
Shit shit shit shit... damn you beer... uh...
just as she was about to speak I sputtered out a miraculous, "No matter how clean the house is you have to clean it." It's wasn't an exact quote, but it was close enough. Whew!