Welcome to Thunderdome

Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat


Then I remember they feed off of attention.

If the Stork brings good babies, and the Crow brings bad babies, what brings no babies?


The Swallow.

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!"

Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

A math professor leaves a note for his wife that reads as follows:
Dear Wife:
You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that I have rented a hotel room with one of my 18 year old students. I will be home before midnight.
When he gets home around 11:45, he finds a note waiting for him that reads as follows:
Dear Husband,
You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you read this, I will be in a hotel room with our 18 year old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach

Unless he’s a vegetarian.
Then you can get there through his vagina.

That is true.

Agreed.

Damn girl are you a parked car?

Because I would have to be drunk as fuck to hit that

A man got stopped by a Game Warden with his basket full of fish.
Warden: do you have a permit for all these fish?
Man: no sir. These are all my pet fish.
Warden: your pet fish? How's that?
Man: well, every night I take all my pet fish for a walk to the lake, I let them swim for about half hour and then I whistle and they all come back and jump in my basket and we go home. We do this every night.
Warden: Well that's just a crock of lies!!
Man: here I'll show you... (Releases the fish in the lake)
Warden: well this I got to see!!
5 minutes later...
Warden: well??
Man: what?
Warden: the fish!! Where's your pet fish??
Man: what fish??

I have been telling everyone I know about the benefits of eating dried grapes.


It’s all about raisin awareness.

Yo mama is so fat, her alphabet starts with O


OBCD

I proposed to my ex-wife today


She said no, she thinks I'm just after my money

Hey Girl, are you a school?


Because I'd love to shoot kids inside you

That one makes me miss Paul + his "put a baby in it"

Two Jews die and wait outside the pearly gates.

While waiting they realize that they both survived the same concentration camp.

After some chatting, one says to the other: "remember that time when the guard pushed you onto the electric fence and you almost died?" A second of silence passes and suddenly they both start laughing hysterically.

Upon calming down the other Jew asks his new friend: "remember when that dog chased you for so long that you ended up exhausted and almost died of hunger?" Another second of silence passes and again, they both start laughing like crazy.

God, overhearing the conversation, approaches the old Jewish couple and asks them what's so funny about any of these events.

They both look up and say: "Oh you wouldn't understand, you just had to be there".

I like my women like I like my COVID...


19, breath-taking, and easily spreads

If having sex for money makes you a whore, having sex for free makes you a...



Non profit whoreganization.