Today be my baby girl 18th Birthday.
I be so glad that dis be my last child support Payment! Month after month, year after year, all dose payments!
So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my house, And when she get here, I Say, "Baby girl, I want you to take dis check over to yo momma house
And Tell her dis be the last check she ever be gettin' from me, And I want you to Come back and tell me the 'spression on yo mama face." So, my baby girl take The check over to her momma.
I be anxious to hear what she say, and bout The 'spression on her face.
Baby girl walk through the door, I say,
"Now What yo momma say 'bout that?"
She say to tell you that "you ain't my daddy" .
And watch the 'spression on yo face"!!!
UnkBill jokes.
Summer Classes for Women at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Thursday September 3, 2009
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM ..
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures a nd Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Send this to all your guy friends for the best chuckle of their day . .. ... and to all your gal friends who have a sense of humor .. . ..
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Thursday September 3, 2009
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM ..
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures a nd Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
Send this to all your guy friends for the best chuckle of their day . .. ... and to all your gal friends who have a sense of humor .. . ..
In marriage there is always one person right. And the other one is the husband.
I TRULY DID NOT KNOW THIS!!!!
LAS VEGAS CHURCHES ACCEPT GAMBLING CHIPS!!!
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.
SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU ?
LAS VEGAS CHURCHES ACCEPT GAMBLING CHIPS!!!
THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.
NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.
SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.
THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU ?
In marriage there is always one person right. And the other one is the husband.
In South Los Angeles , a 4-plex was destroyed by a fire.
A Nigerian family of six con artists lived on the first floor, and all six died in the fire.
An Islamic group of seven welfare cheats, all illegally in the country from Kenya , lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire.
6 LA, Hispanic, Gang Banger, ex-cons, lived on the 3rd floor and they, too, died.
A lone, white couple lived on the top floor. The couple survived t he fire.
Jesse Jackson, John Burris and Al Sharpton were furious. They flew into LA and met with the fire chief, on camera. They loudly demanded to know why the Blacks, Black Muslims and Hispanics all died in the fire and only the white couple lived?
The fire chief said, "They were at work."
A Nigerian family of six con artists lived on the first floor, and all six died in the fire.
An Islamic group of seven welfare cheats, all illegally in the country from Kenya , lived on the second floor, and they, too, all perished in the fire.
6 LA, Hispanic, Gang Banger, ex-cons, lived on the 3rd floor and they, too, died.
A lone, white couple lived on the top floor. The couple survived t he fire.
Jesse Jackson, John Burris and Al Sharpton were furious. They flew into LA and met with the fire chief, on camera. They loudly demanded to know why the Blacks, Black Muslims and Hispanics all died in the fire and only the white couple lived?
The fire chief said, "They were at work."
In marriage there is always one person right. And the other one is the husband.
A guy from Ohio dies and is sent to Hell. He had been a horrible man his entire life.
The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledge hammer. To make it worse, he cranks up the temperature and the humidity.
After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the guy from Ohio is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune.
The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?"
The guy from Ohio , with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Ohio . Hot, humid, a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"
The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the remarks of the guy from Ohio . Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential wind. Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess.
Walking in mud up to his knees with rain blowing into his eyes, the guy from Ohio is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks.
Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions.
The guy from Ohio replies, "This is great! Just like April in Ohio . It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting!"
The devil is now completely baffled but more determined to make the guy from Ohio suffer. He makes the temperature plummet. Suddenly Hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will surely make the guy from Ohio unhappy, the devil checks in on him.
He is again aghast at what he sees. The guy from Ohio is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee.
"How can you be so happy? Don't you know its 40 below zero!?" screams the devil.
Jumping up and down, the guy from Ohio throws a snowball at the devil and yells, "Hell's frozen over! This means the Browns won the Super Bowl. "
The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledge hammer. To make it worse, he cranks up the temperature and the humidity.
After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the guy from Ohio is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune.
The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?"
The guy from Ohio , with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Ohio . Hot, humid, a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!"
The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the remarks of the guy from Ohio . Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential wind. Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess.
Walking in mud up to his knees with rain blowing into his eyes, the guy from Ohio is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks.
Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions.
The guy from Ohio replies, "This is great! Just like April in Ohio . It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting!"
The devil is now completely baffled but more determined to make the guy from Ohio suffer. He makes the temperature plummet. Suddenly Hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will surely make the guy from Ohio unhappy, the devil checks in on him.
He is again aghast at what he sees. The guy from Ohio is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee.
"How can you be so happy? Don't you know its 40 below zero!?" screams the devil.
Jumping up and down, the guy from Ohio throws a snowball at the devil and yells, "Hell's frozen over! This means the Browns won the Super Bowl. "
In marriage there is always one person right. And the other one is the husband.
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk,' worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:
1.) It is perfect formula for the child.
2.) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3.) It is always the right temperature.
4.) It is inexpensive.
5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6.) It is always available as needed.
And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote...
7.) It comes in 2 cute containers.
He got an A.
1.) It is perfect formula for the child.
2.) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3.) It is always the right temperature.
4.) It is inexpensive.
5.) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6.) It is always available as needed.
And then, the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote...
7.) It comes in 2 cute containers.
He got an A.
In marriage there is always one person right. And the other one is the husband.
HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES?
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women... Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.
This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton
Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.
Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?
The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.
Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.'
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women... Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.
This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.
Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?
Sincerely,
Bill Clinton
In marriage there is always one person right. And the other one is the husband.
Two Middle Eastern mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a
plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers
pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And
they start reminiscing. 'This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be
24 years old now.' 'Yes, I remember him as a baby' says the other
mother cheerfully. 'He's a martyr now though' mum confides. 'Oh, so
sad dear' says the other. And this is my second son Kalid. He would be
21' 'Oh, I remember him,' says the other happily, 'he had such curly
hair when he was born'. 'He's a martyr too' says mum quietly. 'Oh,
gracious me ...' Says the other. 'And this is my third son. My baby.
My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18, she whispers. 'Yes' says the
friend enthusiastically, 'I remember when he first started school'
'He's a martyr also,' says mum, with tears in her eyes. After a pause
and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the
photographs and says... 'They blow up so fast, don't they?'
plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers
pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And
they start reminiscing. 'This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be
24 years old now.' 'Yes, I remember him as a baby' says the other
mother cheerfully. 'He's a martyr now though' mum confides. 'Oh, so
sad dear' says the other. And this is my second son Kalid. He would be
21' 'Oh, I remember him,' says the other happily, 'he had such curly
hair when he was born'. 'He's a martyr too' says mum quietly. 'Oh,
gracious me ...' Says the other. 'And this is my third son. My baby.
My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18, she whispers. 'Yes' says the
friend enthusiastically, 'I remember when he first started school'
'He's a martyr also,' says mum, with tears in her eyes. After a pause
and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the
photographs and says... 'They blow up so fast, don't they?'
In marriage there is always one person right. And the other one is the husband.
Happy Holloween
http://terrisfp.com/hallo1/ghost1.swf
http://terrisfp.com/hallo1/ghost1.swf
In marriage there is always one person right. And the other one is the husband.
One year I decided to buy my mother-in-law a
cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.
--------------------------------
My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?"
I replied "Dust"
And that's how the fight started..
--------------------------------
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
And that's how the fight started.
--------------------------------
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's how the fight started.
--------------------------------
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's how the fight started
cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.
--------------------------------
My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?"
I replied "Dust"
And that's how the fight started..
--------------------------------
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
And that's how the fight started.
--------------------------------
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's how the fight started.
--------------------------------
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's how the fight started
In marriage there is always one person right. And the other one is the husband.
John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
John's favourite rooster, Hussein, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed Hussein's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing
pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.
To John's amazement, Hussein had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Hussein, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded Hussein the No Bell Piece
Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly Hussein was a politician in the making.
Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully, the bells are not always audible.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
John's favourite rooster, Hussein, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed Hussein's bell hadn't rung at all!
When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing
pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.
To John's amazement, Hussein had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.
He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Hussein, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded Hussein the No Bell Piece
Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly Hussein was a politician in the making.
Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Vote carefully, the bells are not always audible.
In marriage there is always one person right. And the other one is the husband.
A Congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane when the he turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming or universal health care?" and he smiled smugly.
"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know shit?"
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming or universal health care?" and he smiled smugly.
"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know shit?"
In marriage there is always one person right. And the other one is the husband.
It was just reported that Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger!
Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly… but put me down for a 5."
Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.
What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly… but put me down for a 5."
Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.
What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
In marriage there is always one person right. And the other one is the husband.
You knew they were coming....
What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seal?
They've both been clubbed by a Norwegian.
Why does Tiger Woods prefer driving a golf club more than his Cadillac Escalade?
Because he can drive the golf club over 400 yards without hitting a tree.
It was just reported that Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger!
Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly… but put me down for a 5."
Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.
What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
Edited By unkbill on 1260273144
What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seal?
They've both been clubbed by a Norwegian.
Why does Tiger Woods prefer driving a golf club more than his Cadillac Escalade?
Because he can drive the golf club over 400 yards without hitting a tree.
It was just reported that Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger!
Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly… but put me down for a 5."
Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.
What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning? They went clubbing.
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
Edited By unkbill on 1260273144
In marriage there is always one person right. And the other one is the husband.
A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very pretty female doctor.
The female doctor says, 'I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99'.
The guy obeys and says, '99'! The doctor says, 'Great. Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, please take a deep breath and say, '99.'
Again, the guy says, '99.'
The doctor said, 'Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis and your testicles, to keep them out of the way.
Now take a deep breath and say, '99.'
The guy begins, 'One ......................Two.................................................Three'.
The female doctor says, 'I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99'.
The guy obeys and says, '99'! The doctor says, 'Great. Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, please take a deep breath and say, '99.'
Again, the guy says, '99.'
The doctor said, 'Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis and your testicles, to keep them out of the way.
Now take a deep breath and say, '99.'
The guy begins, 'One ......................Two.................................................Three'.
In marriage there is always one person right. And the other one is the husband.