Argylle (2024)

[Leisher]

This is a Matthew Vaughn movie, the guy behind Kingsman, but he did not write this one. Still, you'll see some familiar visuals and cameos from two of the people in the Kingsman movie.

This movie had promise. Henry Cavill, Sam Rockwell, Bryce Dallas Howard, Bryan Cranston, Catherine O'Hara, John Cena, and [redacted in case you want the surprise]. It's an all star cast in a spy movie. It's can't miss, right?

Wrong.

It starts off strong and could have been an enjoyable romp. Unfortunately, it suffers from a pretty common mistake. The writers overdo it. Same as a painter who adds too much and ends up ruining the painting, or the chef who adds too many ingredient. There's just twist after twist after twist after twist and some of them are just shit. None are shocking and you'll see them coming a mile away. Plus, taken as a whole they just don't work together.

Additionally, while the movie starts off with one visual style that is pleasing and the action is realistic, by the end it's painfully cringe to watch. It's just so bad and there's one fight scene at the end that just makes zero sense tactically.

I just kept looking at Sam Rockwell thinking, "Really? You read this script and accepted?"

The CGI is pretty shit throughout too.

Also, Bryce is a beautiful woman, but damn she put on the pounds after childbirth. And save me your "that's what a real woman looks like". I'm not bashing her, but going from the thin girl in Jurassic World to this was pretty jarring for me as a viewer. Thus, I'm mentioning it.

There's a mid credit scene setting up a prequel that will probably never happen. This movie was a flop. It made less than $100M worldwide. Rightfully so.

I love everyone in this movie and Vaughn is an amazing director, but this was not it.