The Machine (2023)
The Machine (2023)
“Every record been destroyed or falsified, books rewritten, pictures repainted, statues, street building renamed, every date altered. The process is continuing day by day. History stops. Nothing exists except endless present in which the Party is right.”
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thibodeaux
- Posts: 8056
- Joined: Thu May 20, 2004 7:32 pm
The Machine (Coming Soon - 2023?)
ICYMI:
Trailer looks cool
Trailer looks cool
The Machine (Coming Soon - 2023?)
Wait.... that guy is known as the machine?
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
The Machine (Coming Soon - 2023?)
Apparently. I remember seeing this video a few years back, but didn't make the connection at all.
It's not me, it's someone else.
The Machine (Coming Soon - 2023?)
His schtick of doing comedy with no shirt is weird.
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
The Machine (Coming Soon - 2023?)
He is also the inspiration for Van Wilder.
Not kidding.
Not kidding.
“Every record been destroyed or falsified, books rewritten, pictures repainted, statues, street building renamed, every date altered. The process is continuing day by day. History stops. Nothing exists except endless present in which the Party is right.”
The Machine (2023)
Bert Kreisher is an idiot. This is not me being mean. He says as much all the time. However, he's a very personable idiot that makes people like him because he's not evil or malicious. He is, however, profoundly stupid. Additionally, he's insanely lucky and The Machine is the second movie based on his life.
Yes, Van Wilder was the first and really based on Bert's 7 years at FSU. People did love him, but he was NOT as smart or clever as Reynolds in that movie. You should watch that movie. It's fantastic.
The Machine is based upon Bert's infamous trip to Russia when he was in college, and I highly recommend you watch it in one of the posts above. Know that his FSU schoolmates who went with him, and were legit pissed at him, said his story is mostly true with only a few details altered here and there.
Once you watch that video, go ahead and move on with your life. Pretend The Machine (2023) doesn't exist. Listen, it's fine, but it didn't need to exist. There was no way it could ever live up to the actual story.
First weird choice is that they made a new story that takes place years after Bert's real life Machine story. Why? Make the movie the story of the fucking Machine! That's what got you to the dance. People have heard it, now make it something they can see.
Nope, instead we get a road trip movie where the Russian mob kidnaps Bert to recover a watch he inadvertently stole during the original Machine incident. So we take a real life story that has made Bert's career and gotten this movie made only to make up a fake detail and then build a story around that? Ok...
What follows is a fish-out-of-water comedy with bits of good feels where Bert does his best to prove Dean Wormer about "Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son." He does this with the assistance of Mark Hamill who plays his dad and is apparently doing a voice the whole time? He's also a really pretentious douche, but props to them for avoiding the obvious way they could have gone with an elderly white man from SW Florida...
There are some chuckles here and there, although you'll see a lot of the jokes coming. One moment was a legit LOL that I had to rewind to make sure I saw it properly.
Again, the movie is fine, not great and I'm not even sure it's "good", but I was entertained just enough to look up from my game every now and then.
It just had to chance to ever live up to the actual story.
Yes, Van Wilder was the first and really based on Bert's 7 years at FSU. People did love him, but he was NOT as smart or clever as Reynolds in that movie. You should watch that movie. It's fantastic.
The Machine is based upon Bert's infamous trip to Russia when he was in college, and I highly recommend you watch it in one of the posts above. Know that his FSU schoolmates who went with him, and were legit pissed at him, said his story is mostly true with only a few details altered here and there.
Once you watch that video, go ahead and move on with your life. Pretend The Machine (2023) doesn't exist. Listen, it's fine, but it didn't need to exist. There was no way it could ever live up to the actual story.
First weird choice is that they made a new story that takes place years after Bert's real life Machine story. Why? Make the movie the story of the fucking Machine! That's what got you to the dance. People have heard it, now make it something they can see.
Nope, instead we get a road trip movie where the Russian mob kidnaps Bert to recover a watch he inadvertently stole during the original Machine incident. So we take a real life story that has made Bert's career and gotten this movie made only to make up a fake detail and then build a story around that? Ok...
What follows is a fish-out-of-water comedy with bits of good feels where Bert does his best to prove Dean Wormer about "Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son." He does this with the assistance of Mark Hamill who plays his dad and is apparently doing a voice the whole time? He's also a really pretentious douche, but props to them for avoiding the obvious way they could have gone with an elderly white man from SW Florida...
There are some chuckles here and there, although you'll see a lot of the jokes coming. One moment was a legit LOL that I had to rewind to make sure I saw it properly.
Again, the movie is fine, not great and I'm not even sure it's "good", but I was entertained just enough to look up from my game every now and then.
It just had to chance to ever live up to the actual story.
“Every record been destroyed or falsified, books rewritten, pictures repainted, statues, street building renamed, every date altered. The process is continuing day by day. History stops. Nothing exists except endless present in which the Party is right.”