Possibly the worst movie ever made.
I was soooo happy when Wayans got killed.
I was so bummed when they had a feel-good "maybe he's not dead!" ending.
I was amazed that they actually had a much better alternate ending in the deleted scenes.
The entire movie just sucked on multiple levels. There was, literally, about 18 total seconds of movie where "cool" wasn't overshadowed by "this is the cinema equivalent of The Holocaust."
I've never 'quit' in the middle of a movie before... well, not true. Recently, I deleted "The Producers" and "The New World" off of my DVR after watching about 20 minutes of each...
But I almost killed this one, too. It went beyond bad to, "I can't believe how bad this is and I can't stop watching because of the stunning levels of shittiness.
At the end I expected our protagonist, as he jumped on the bad guy, to yell, "Ha HA! Backstab! +4 to hit, for the thief class!"
That would actually have been an improvement to the actual dialogue.
The female elf, the female magic user, and the female queen. I'd hit it.
Dungeons & Dragons - Not the sequel.
This fucker definitely earned its way on my "10 Worst Goddamned Films Ev4r" list. It was painful to Irons struggle thru the scenes, looking in vain for some secret passage from which to escape this shitty set.
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
In one of the deleted scenes... I only watched 2 out of about 10.... Iron finishes a take and then storms off the set looking more disgusted than in any other role I've seen him in.Malcolm wrote:This fucker definitely earned its way on my "10 Worst Goddamned Films Ev4r" list. It was painful to Irons struggle thru the scenes, looking in vain for some secret passage from which to escape this shitty set.
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
Yikes. Not sure if I can take that.
Production values... everything was so clean. Even when the characters were supposed to be dirty, it looked like clean dirt.
When the chick mage was trapped in the jail cell, why didn't she just Dimension Door her way out, the way she did multiple other times in the movie? She never sat and memorized spells then either, so it isn't like she suddenly didn't have time while cooling her heels in the slammer punctuated with the occasional ear canal rape.
Edited By GORDON on 1178765689
Production values... everything was so clean. Even when the characters were supposed to be dirty, it looked like clean dirt.
When the chick mage was trapped in the jail cell, why didn't she just Dimension Door her way out, the way she did multiple other times in the movie? She never sat and memorized spells then either, so it isn't like she suddenly didn't have time while cooling her heels in the slammer punctuated with the occasional ear canal rape.
Edited By GORDON on 1178765689
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
GORDON wrote:In one of the deleted scenes... I only watched 2 out of about 10.... Iron finishes a take and then storms off the set looking more disgusted than in any other role I've seen him in.
Wonder if he fired the agent that got him this role. I'm trying to wonder how one pitches this job to Irons.
Agent : So, there's this one role I think you'd be perfect for. It's the next big sword-and-sorcery flick. Got a built-in audience, guaranteed solid.
Soon-to-be Profion : I'm listening.
Agent : Marlon Wayans is also on board.
Irons : ...
Agent : I also took the liberty of signing the contract for you.
Irons : I'm going to fucking kill you.
Edited By Malcolm on 1178766572
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Wasn't that the sequel?TPRJones wrote:I think I might have been wrong, it must be some other movie with the roleplayer commentary.
I wish I could figure out what it was so I can make sure I never get within 200 yards of that DVD again.
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
This movie was so good that I have seen it within the last year and not only can I not remember a single scene, but I'm happy to say I didn't even remember that Irons was in it.
The only thing I could remember from the film...Wayans.
The only thing I could remember from the film...Wayans.
“Every record been destroyed or falsified, books rewritten, pictures repainted, statues, street building renamed, every date altered. The process is continuing day by day. History stops. Nothing exists except endless present in which the Party is right.”