Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey

As long as we recognize Lucas is washed up and most TV sucks, we'll all get along fine.
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Leisher
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Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey

Post by Leisher »

Just WTF?

Although, to be fair, I'd pay money to watch Max and Ruby be brutally murdered.
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TheCatt
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Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey

Post by TheCatt »

Well, that sounds dumb.
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Leisher
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Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey

Post by Leisher »

Easily top 5 worst movies I've ever seen. I think a 5 year old wrote this movie or the writer has an IQ akin to Forest Gump's. Pick one.

There will be spoilers because this movie doesn't deserve to be treated with respect.

Christopher Robin finds Pooh and the gang and enjoys childhood with them. In this telling Pooh and friends are human-animal hybrids or mutants of some sort. (It's never explained.) He brings them food daily, which they become dependent upon. Then he goes off to college. Pooh and the others resort to eating one of their own to survive. They swear off humanity and English. They apparently start killing people and eating them. Oh, and two of them disappear because I guess they're saving them for the sequel. And yes, a sequel was promised at the end of the credits with a "Winnie the Pooh will return" message.

Chris returns to search for his friends only to find the monsters they have become. Meanwhile, a girl that was stalked by some creep (which has NO BEARING ON THE STORY AT ALL) and her friends rent a cabin in the 100 Acre Woods.

Now let me get to some of the brilliance in this pile of shit:
-On the way to the cabin the girls stop at a gas station that is overgrown with plants and everything is clearly abandoned and in a total state of disrepair. Someone is eventually revealed to be there, but it shows how little effort the filmmakers put into this movie. They couldn't be bothered to spend a single bit of effort making the place look like a legit gas station that a normal and sane human would stop at.
-One of the girls is driving there separately and gets lost at the sign into the 100 Acre Woods which looks like it's been written in blood. She's on the phone calling the others for directions. She leaves a message and turns back to the car. No car trouble. No signal trouble. But, literally, the next frame she's shown walking deep in the woods and trying to make another call. WTF just happened? How did she get there? Why? None of that is explained. Also, if this is how they survive, why did Pooh shove her into a running woodchipper, that was clearly NOT running.
-After hearing how main girl has a stalker, moderately attractive girl with daddy issues goes out to the hot tub and is taking selfies. One of her selfies catches a man bear standing in the background that at best would be a large man wearing a mask. She calls him out, but he doesn't come. She turns on a light which flickers constantly on and off for no apparently reason. So what does Einstein do? Gets back in the hot tub with her back to where the villain was standing, closes her eyes, and shows off her tit job.
-The complete randomness of killing some and then torturing or ruining the bodies of others makes no sense. Ditto for why they keep Robin alive.
-During a scene where the lead female is driving like hell to escape and Pooh is on top of the truck, she hits the brakes hard and Pooh goes flying off. This is a newer car. She didn't hit anything, she just applied the brakes. Yet somehow that knocked her out and bloodied her up. Later, Robin drives at Pooh full speed in another car and rams into the now parked vehicle the lead female was driving. Big crash. Robin doesn't so much as get a bruise. WTF!?!?!?!? Did they bother reading their own script?!
-Piglet is hammered unconscious with a single swing of a sledgehammer. He's then easily killed with a few more blows from it while he's tied up. Pooh, on the other hand, is essentially invulnerable. He takes crowbars to the face, a sledgehammer to the legs, a bat to the face, gets smashed between two cars, and so on, but shows no negative effects aside from a brief bit of unconsciousness. Seriously, this whole supernatural thing comes out of nowhere and with no explanation.
-There's a scene in the cabin where the front door is wide open and the girls know one of them was already brutally murdered. Pooh and friend wrote "Get Out" on the windows. One of the girls says, "I think whoever killed X wrote that." No shit?! You know, just in case you wondered if the dialogue was really good. And while the front door was wide open, and IN THE FUCKING SHOT, two girls go to make sure the back door is locked because they don't want the killer getting in...
-A scene in a pool has Piglet swinging a sledgehammer at a girl that's clearly far away. It's one of the worst filmed scenes I've ever seen designed to highlight a very tense moment. The girl somehow fails to simply lift herself out of the wading pool while Piglet is 20 feet away and can't move quickly.
-Oh, and Pooh and the gang somehow can drive cars and understand electrical circuits.

This movie is an embarrassment to cinema. Everyone involved with making this should be blacklisted from professional movie sets forever.
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