Black Christmas (2019)

As long as we recognize Lucas is washed up and most TV sucks, we'll all get along fine.
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Leisher
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Black Christmas (2019)

Post by Leisher »

Seems like this is an action horror and not a whodunit because that trailer gives a lot away.

https://youtu.be/gF4yRYbo1WE
“Every record been destroyed or falsified, books rewritten, pictures repainted, statues, street building renamed, every date altered. The process is continuing day by day. History stops. Nothing exists except endless present in which the Party is right.”
Leisher
Site Admin
Posts: 65258
Joined: Thu May 20, 2004 9:17 pm
Contact:

Black Christmas (2019)

Post by Leisher »

Currently on HBO Max.

You always hear people railing on and on about "woke bullshit" and a lot of the time that claim is the bullshit. However, in this case, this is woke bullshit. So just know, I'm putting spoilers in this review. The political horseshit is too deep in this film to not discuss it.

Billed as a remake of the 1974 film of the same name. (Hint: In no way is it a remake.) That original has a 7.2 rating on IMDB. This "remake" has an amazing 3.3 rating. FYI, I found this one because of my interest in the original.

Let me start with this blurb from IMDB about the director/co-writer, Sophia Takal:
a "third" Black Christmas film, which was such a critical and commercial disaster that it essentially ended her directing career.
She also cowrote and directed an installment of Into the Dark, which I reviewed here.

She co-wrote this with April Wolfe, whose IMDB page is almost blank. Seriously, how did she get this gig? Is she Sophia's girlfriend?

Imogen Poots, who I am a fan of, stars, but they really dress the women down. In fact, this is woke bullshit #1. All the women in the film are dressed and wear make up like they are just hanging out at home with their folks or some other ridiculously casual event where a normal woman would put zero effort in to looking "done up". In any other movie I would dig this as I think woman are most beautiful when they're not caked in makeup. However, here it was done as a "fuck you" to men, as if we're the ones that make women do that. There's a reason the saying is "Women dress up for other women".

The story is... Sorority girls begin dying during a college's X-Mas holiday. Meanwhile, Imogen is trying to deal with her drugging and rape by a frat boy. He was a member of the fraternity the founder of the school was in, and this is key to the plot. We're taken to a class where Cary Elwes is the professor and I immediately said aloud, "Well, there's the bad guy." There is a petition being pushed to try and get him fired because his teachings are misogynistic and so on. Seriously, it's a whole woke speech moment that is thankfully short, but like a lot of woke bullshit it doesn't have much logic. Anyway, the students on campus had petitioned to have the bust of the aforementioned founder removed from a public display on campus as he used to own slaves. So the bust ended up in the frat house. Turns out that he was into the dark arts and his bust was able to turn all men into alphas who are super strong (they aren't...not even a little as small women can easily overpower them). Those killers now go out and murder women who have opinions. Why? Because they're a threat to their masculinity and male domination.

I swear to you I'm not making this up. This is the fucking movie.

The protagonists are all women, with two exceptions:
1. A white guy who drinks and dies instantly after giving a line about how as a man it's his job to protect women.
2. A black guy who is Imogen's love interest and a complete beta male. If he's even a beta... He's weak, not confident, not attractive, and basically subservient to Imogen.

The antagonists are all white men with one exception:
1. A white woman who agrees to be the housewife/slave of the past.

This is a real scene from the movie:
Imogen sneaks into the frat after her beta distracts the cultists. She's, literally, 10 feet away from being able to smash the statue and save the day, but she hears a woman crying for help. It's the "traitor" who is tied up in a nearby room. What. The. Actual. Fuck? How in the holy hell did she know Imogen was there? Why the ruse? Why not just have a guard at the statue? Just embarrassingly bad writing.

Here's another:
During a "chaotic" scene at a sorority where these bad guys are slowly trying to kill the women one at a time, literally one dies and then another shows up at the door, one is walking around with a bow and arrow. He only kills the one good guy who turns alpha with a perfect shot. Every other shot is a miss, but a really, really bad miss. When two girls are escaping, he walks to about 5 yards away from them and fires. He hits the very bottom of the side of their vehicle as they had not yet pulled away. Do you know how hard you would have to try to shoot that poorly? And this isn't his first time firing that night? He had already perfectly killed the other guy, and of course, that was the only shot he hit. Later, he is seen about to shoot a car load of women from behind. The driver of the car stares him down and then throws the car into DRIVE. It's very obvious and the camera even focuses on this. It is 10000% clear the point of the last few shots were to let you know she was attacking him, but the car was thrown into gear the wrong fucking way! A few minutes later she and the rest of the women in that car up like the Avengers (even posing as such) to save the day and she's holding the bow. That's how little attention detail was given to this movie.

Here's another:
The first kill happens right away in a neighborhood full of houses with lights on and Christmas lights. Oh, and the ground is covered with a few inches of snow. There are no super close bushes, and the ones that are there aren't dense. Despite all of this, the killers are able to mess with their victim and disappeared from sight in less than a second. Seriously. Picture standing in your front yard and there's three inches of snow on the ground. Now imagine taking a stick around the length of a baseball bat and turning while swinging it behind you. That amount of time is how long the killer(s) need to not only disappear from the victim's ability to see them, but to also do so without making a sound. Or apparently leaving any tracks in the snow! Best part is the killer shoved a normal icicle right through the sternum and into the heart of the victim. An icicle. They can do that, but a 110 pound Imogen Poots can overpower them?

I could genuinely go on with stupid scene after stupid scene.

And what's the political statement we're supposed to take away besides women are the dominant sex and the only good men are subservient betas and not white? This movie genuinely does more harm to the women's equality movement than good.

The only thing this racist, sexist film is good for is to be mocked.
“Every record been destroyed or falsified, books rewritten, pictures repainted, statues, street building renamed, every date altered. The process is continuing day by day. History stops. Nothing exists except endless present in which the Party is right.”
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