YET MORE archives!!!!!!!!!!
7:00 am EDT - Leisher
Ignorant and The Lazy.
I have been running across several examples of
the ignorance of the average human being lately and I thought I’d
share 5 of them…
1) Let’s start off with a debate on
“America’s War”, a
new game being made by the U.S. Army. Ever since I first read about
this project, I’ve heard the conspiracy ramblings. Hell, in my own
mind the first thing I thought of was “The
Last Starfighter”, a movie where a young man is recruited by
aliens to fight in a galactic war based on his skills at a video
game. Now be aware that the U.S. Army has come right out and
admitted that this is an advertising tool. They believe this might
be the way to go in the future, rather than wasting money on TV or
magazine ads. So, of course, you have morons coming out of the
woodwork to bitch about how much money this is costing the country
and conspiracy theorists yelling about how the U.S. Army will lure
fragile young minds with this game into service.
Would you all please sit down and shut the fuck
up? This is probably my biggest pet peeve in the world, morons who
don’t have the slightest clue what they’re talking about while
conveniently forgetting history. For all of you nut jobs that
don’t believe in the U.S. military and don’t believe it’s a
good thing for young Americans do to, come closer…
Do you know how this country was founded? Do
you know how the slaves were freed? Do you know how Europe was saved
in WWI? Do you know how Europe, Asia, and the Jews were saved in
WWII? Do you know how Kuwait was liberated? Do you know how
Afghanistan was liberated? Do you even understand why you are
allowed to think and believe whatever you want and share those
thoughts and beliefs with others publicly? Do you know why you can
be a Lutheran, Satanist, Catholic, or Atheist and openly go to pray
and worship with others who believe the same things you do? Do you
know why you can sit on your fat lazy ass and collect unemployment
checks while you pretend to look for a job, but you really just sit
and watch soaps and Jerry Springer all day? Do you know why you get
the right to choose between two rich white men to become your
country’s leader? Do you know why you can live whatever life you
want no matter if you’re white, black, Asian, Italian, Jewish,
Mexican, Native American, Arabic, etc.?
Because the men and women who serve and have
served in the U.S. armed forces put their lives on the line everyday
so that you can live the life you desire. Millions have died for
your right to pierce your clit, or your right to demonstrate against
the military, or your right to give your family a living far
exceeding their needs.
The U.S. military is made up of men and women
just like you and me. There’s poor people, rich people, stupid
people, smart people, blacks, whites, Asians, Latinos, etc. and all
are dedicated to protecting this country and our freedoms. During
their service these men and women earn money towards an education,
as well as receiving training and experience for skills that
translate into good paying jobs in the civilian sector. Not to
mention that if a person joins the service at 18, he/she can retire
at 38 with a full pension and benefits.
Anyone who thinks that the military isn’t an
honorable and intelligent way for a young person to spend 2-6 years
of his or her life is, in my humble opinion, a complete fucking
idiot. If you’re that against the U.S. military, please feel free
to leave this country and/or give up the rights and freedom that the
U.S. military has given to you. Although, I’ll bet that not one
of the U.S. military’s critics is willing to do that.
2) This next
example is pretty funny, but the stupidity is hiding between the
lines. If you read the article carefully, you’ll see that charges
have been filed, but R. Kelly denies everything. The punch line
comes in the final sentence though…
post in our forums by Gordon show that there are “people”
out there who are finding racism in everything, in this case Star
Wars: Attack of the Clones. I remember a period in American history
when we were hunting communists and saw them everywhere; hell you
could ruin someone’s life just by making accusations that they
were a communist. So what’s different now? This witch-hunt for
racism is the exact same thing. The truth is that racism will not go
away as long as we look for examples of it everywhere. Racism will
die when we all grow up and stop acting like we’re so different
because of our skin color or because we have different religions or
because we’re from different countries. Wake up people!!! We’re
all human. We all love. We all hate. We all bleed red. As long as
people want to see racism where it doesn’t exist, then racism will
always be a part of our lives. The sooner we forget that there are
minor differences in our appearance or beliefs the sooner racism
will be forgotten.
4) Ok, depending on your age, I’m
either going to be the bearer of bad news or I’m going to be
someone bringing you immense pleasure that you can take out on
unsuspecting teens. I’m sure we’ve all seen the teenagers, and
sometimes older kids (they are kids) wearing their pants really low
so that their boxers are sticking out. How many of you are
completely annoyed by this “fashion”? Ask anyone you know who
does this if they know where that fashion started. I’ll bet you
they don’t. Let’s be honest, they’re simply doing it to try
and “be cool” and “fit in”.
That little fashion gimmick began in prisons
across the U.S. In prisons, there are these guys who are…shall we
say “more feminine” than the other inmates. Whenever they would
become “single” they would wearing their pants in this fashion
while walking around so that other inmates would know they were
there for the taking.
So, in essence, when you wearing your pants
like this you’re telling people you’re ready to get fucked in
the ass. Congratulations, that’s quite a fashion statement.
5) For the finale, I’d like to share
with you an email that recently came to my attention. My comment is
simply, while she may have a point about a growing concern in this
Enjoy (the names have been deleted to protect
the innocent and email addys covered so you can’t ID the town):
From: Mechele ******** [mailto:*********@***.com]
Sent: Wednesday, June 05, 2002 7:54 AM
To: '********@****.com'; '******@****.com'; ****, *********;
Subject: Obesity walking down the
street or eating at a vending cart.
Let me tell you why we are obese. Has anyone been to the grocery store lately to price
healthier food? I have
not seen a report on that yet.
I have recently chosen to eater healthier and I soon found
out why we are obese. Americans can only afford to buy pastas, potatoes, rice and
beans. These are food
staples of a family, because one can make these products stretch a
long way in their budget and meals.
Has anyone priced fresh, canned or frozen vegetables?
Most fresh vegetables start out at $1.99 a pound, canned
vegetables are .99 cents and up a can, frozen vegetables are over
$2.00 a package. Can you feed a family of four with one package of these in a
meal setting? I don't
think so. Meat, any
kind of meat is over $1.69 a pound.
Fruit is sky high. For
a half a gallon of milk is $2.00.
Juices are almost $4.00 a container.
A dozen of large eggs are $1.49. You would be lucky to make a
meal of healthier food for less than $15.00.
Pasta is .99 cents a package for 2 meals.
Rice is $1.50 a package for 3 - 4 meals.
Five pounds of potatoes are $1.99 for 3 - 4 meals.
So why are Americans obese?
You tell me!
the red beans.
6:55 pm MDT - GORDON
- High Plains
No extra days off this last
weekend, but two days off in western Nebraska is still dangerous if
you have nothing to do. I'd planned on doing laundry Sunday,
which left Saturday open. So, I rambled again.
There's another coworker here who
just started, and like me has nothing to do. So, I invited her
along, and she accepted. I mean, duh. A woman who
wouldn't want to spend a day with me? Pshaw.
Anyway, we left bright and early
on Saturday, our first stop Chimney
Rock, in Bayard, Nebraska.
An extinct, eroded volcano cone, the story goes
that this was a major stop on the Oregon Trail, as it was a visible,
distinctive landmark that made a good crossroads. I think it
Behind me, as I took this picture on a dirt road,
a bunch of cows were moo'ing and making a fuss.
Do I make you horny?
My traveling companion and I had lunch at a Chinese
place in Scottsbluff, NE. In spite of it being a small town,
we couldn't find the "Scottsbluff Monument." No
signs, and such.
After, we drove another hour north to Agate
Fossil Beds National Monument.
The scenery is great....a mixture of prairie and
The fossil beds themselves are up high off the current floor of the
prairie. A long time ago there was a watering hole, and
apparently a lot of critters died there. Over time their bones
fossilized, and the rest of the area eroded around them, leaving two
Shan the coworker.
The visitor's center had a big display of bones that had been
found in the area.
That's one of the hills, out the window.
We took the hike up to the excavations, a mile+ each
way. These are the most fossils we actually saw, in the above
picture.....I think I might have seen some fossilized footprint
indentations at the top of the hill. Maybe.
The view from the visitor's center to the top
of the hills.
The view from the top of the hills to the
visitor's center...which is camera left.
It was very gusty, but not uncomfortably so.
It felt nice with the 85 degree ambient temperature. As far as
you can see in every direction there is nothing but unbroken prairie
with the occasional rocky bluff breaking through to the sky.
It was mostly cloudy when we started and became overcast, but the
rain held off the couple hours we were hiking and exploring.
The grasses and other flora are brownish...it is very arid in this
region, and you can also see small cacti on the ground, if you look
hard. The path in the picture is mainly asphalt one and a half
people wide, except for a portion of wooden boardwalk way down the
hill in some bottom land where a river runs. The distance of
the Monument from any major throughway meant that the entire time we
were there, we saw five other people. Very secluded and
More pictures will be linked to a folder in the
8:03 pm MDT - GORDON
- High Plains
So I had an extra day off this
last weekend, and spent a second day rambling.
I was randomly surfing the web
wondering where to go, and was on cnn.com when I saw a link for
"Top 10 Great Places to Visit in America," or some such
thing. I saw there was a spot nearby, and it happened to be Carhenge.
I'll leave you to that link to discover the details beyond the fact
that it was built on a whim by a family which owned a junkyard
during a reunion. That's kind of cool.
The drive to Alliance, Nebraska
took me through some interesting terrain. Interesting to an
Easterner, anyway. Cattle farms (with real cowboys
riding horses through the herd), buttes, eroded volcano cones,
tractor graveyards, even llama farms. You can see an abundance
of sky on a clear day, and I was keeping an eye on the storm cell
about 10 miles to my northwest. The general direction to my
I went through another handful of
small towns. I can't recall their names now, but a defining
characteristic of each was a grain elevator adjacent a set of train
tracks, and a closed (for Memorial Day) diner. Some towns had
more (a grocery store named "Jack and Jill" comes to
mind), but none less.
At one point I was being severely
tailgated by some little blond teen girl, even though I was doing 5
over the 65 mph speed limit. She didn't have enough engine to
pass me, so she remained attached to my bumper.
Inspiration struck: I grabbed my digital camera, and took a
few pics of her from over my shoulder. My aim, unfortunately,
sucked, so you wont see them here. After a few miles we hit
town, and our road split into 2 lanes. I assume she saw me
taking pictures of her, as she zipper around me,
got in front of me, and shot me the bird. She ducked and
weaved through traffic, her cheerleader pom-poms in the back
window....but I kept up. I was right behind her at a red
light, and grabbed the camera again....one middle finger buys you
your picture and license plate number on the internet:
I know the Nebraska plates are about
unreadable...but it's the thought that counts, right?
Anyway, this town pictured above is actually
Alliance, NE, and is only 2 miles south of Holy Carhenge.
First look from the parking lot.
Note the storm clouds which have moved in.
I cant decide if the gray cars against the gray
sky is cool or not.
These are a couple sculptures around the back,
made from car parts. Looks like a scene out of Jurassic Park,
Some very high-tech materials were used in
Carhenge's construction which will be studied by scientists for
ages. Yes, that's a log being used as a shim.
Well, that's enough bandwidth for the front
page. I'll put a folder up for you to view the rest of my pics
if you want. It was a solo flight, so you wont see my handsome
mug in any of them. Sorry.
URL will be linked in the feedback thread.
8:53 pm MDT - GORDON
don't go round here, technology dog.
I decided I wanted to
do some sightseeing, and lamented yet again my lack of digital
camera. I checked some .gov's to see if I could get one for
free with some wealth redistribution, but when that didn't pan out,
I decided to put Cheyenne, Wyoming's Wal-Mart first on my list of
places to go.
I decided to take
back roads on the way there...over 100 miles of them...because I
wanted to catch the vibe of this part of the country. On the
Interstate, all you get is the vibe of the Interstate. I went
through many small towns....Crackerville, Whiteytown, and Honky
Bluff. Casper was farther to the north. My
point....there's a noticeable lack of "Dazzling Urbanites"
in this part of the country.
I saw cows and deer
and buffalo on the way there. I waved at farmers riding their
horses on the side of the road. I figured out how the town of
"Pine Bluffs" got its name. I refreshed my suntan
with my t-tops open and the CD changer on random. I saw
snowcapped Rocky Mountains at bearing 3-3-5 (Which I decided will be
a future trip...perhaps July 4th weekend.).
My first impression
of Cheyenne as I topped a hill was the fact that the largest
structure in town was the cracking tower of a refinery.
I drove straight to
the center of town, and proceeded to find my Wal-Mart. I saw
cowboys walking down the street wearing leather chaps. Real
cowboys, flamingly gay, dunno. Considering they were walking
near "Wranglers; Frontier Wear Since 1867," I'd guess they
may actually have occasion to ride horses. At least their ass
cheeks weren't bare.
I passed Warren Air
Force Base, which had three nuclear missiles at the front
gate. I found my Wal-Mart, had lunch at Outback, and headed
back from whence I came.
I played with my new
camera last night...
Current Casa de Gordo.
And planned my activities for
But that's a story for
tomorrow. I have an expense report to fill out.
the GORDON with new new digital camera.
10:53 pm MDT - GORDON
- Hi there.
Trip was successful
(driving through Missouri sucks), I'm all moved into my hotel room,
and I've got my ID badge for my new job.
So I'm training out at the company's "Distribution Center."
Big fucking warehouse complex....in days of yore it was an ammunition factory. But I digress.
The company HQ is at the far edge of the known universe.....but the "DC" is
about 16 miles beyond it. Back roads, lots of turns. I've been following landmarks.....grain elevators, railroad tracks, and the nuclear missile silo.
I'm not kidding.
Anyway, I was listening to the wind from inside the building all morning, but didn't realize what it meant until I stepped
out of the building at the end of the day...and into Dust Bowl '02.
Quittin' time arrives, and the trek to my car begins......60 mph gusts trying to knock me down.
I get in my car (rocking on its springs) and realize.....the dust has reduced visibility to about half a mile, and I can't see any of my landmarks.
But off I go...
I lodge several tumbleweeds into my car's air intake, and do my best to find my way home. Needless to say, it isn't long until I'm thoroughly lost in the middle of fucking Nebraska, deaf (didn't bring the cell phone), blind, and almost out of gas.
Long story short, I found the nearest Interstate, and I estimate my 15 mile commute was about 45 miles, total.
Then, stupid me decides to go out to dinner instead of ordering in, and I nearly get swept onto my ass again coming
back to the hotel.
THEN, later that night, it starts to rain out here in the wannabe Sahara. This morning my newly washed and waxed car is caked with a layer of dust.
Artists's conception of me
driving through the dust storm.
On a related note, at 10pm this evening I decided to go out to a
grocery store for which to pick up a few items so I could get my
drink-on and my snack-on. Grocery store was already
closed. Oy vey.
really warrant a feedback thread, but when I omit them people ask
2:54 pm CDT - GORDON
- Pages turned.
The job hunt
concludes. I've just accepted a position in a good company in
the Midwest.....there's a good chance you'd recognize the name if I
mentioned it. Considering the current technical job market and
the fact I wasn't forced to take a pay cut, I feel lucky. My
first day of new employment is May 20, and the first couple months
I'll be living in hotels. I have no idea what the internet
connectivity situation will be (time to scratch and reload the
laptop...), so DTMan.com may or may not become static for a little
while. At any rate, the message board is on autopilot so there
will still be activity there.
Now I don't feel
guilty buying DVD's and PC games with my severance money.....but
like I've always said, priorities.
There's a question
I've been contemplating for the last month, or so. I've
bounced it off a couple people, and it seemed to spark some
thought.....the question is, "What do we really want from a
When I first thought
to ask myself that question, almost immediately I thought,
"Defend the borders, and maintain the interstate highway
system." From an absolute minimalist perspective, that's
all we really need.....except for maybe a department to
collect tax revenues. Ask yourself about everything else upon
which the Federal Government spends your money. How much is
regional pork that benefits a handful of people you'll never
meet? How much is basic Socialist redistribution of wealth
from the "have's" to the "have-not's," via
If there must exist
programs beyond the basic necessities... wouldn't they be
better controlled by the States themselves? After all, the
bigger the scale, the greater the inefficiency. As forum
regular "thecatt" is fond of pointing out, people tend to
forget the 9th Amendment to the Constitution, guaranteeing
individual powers to the States themselves. As such, wouldn't
the current tax paradigm.....relatively higher taxes to the Federal
Government and relatively lower taxes to the State
governments....make more sense to be reversed? This would give
the States better ability to spend the money wisely. If there
is "pork spending," at least it would be within the state
to which you paid your taxes. If you don't like the way your
particular state is invading your privacy, you have the chance to
move to a different state and remain an American...something you
can't do when the Federal Government whittles away your civil
course, by John "I Fear Marble Boobies" Ashcroft.
you must pay The Man, which Man would you prefer?
2:54 pm CDT - GORDON
- Forced update.
The job hunt
continues. I just returned yesterday from an interview in
NEBRASKA. It went well, I think, but I've yet to hear
anything. "Jesus, it hasn't even been 24 hours
yet." Lincoln, NE is big enough and would be a decent
place to live, but the other possible location is way out in the
middle of nowhere in the west, where the sign into town says
"Population 6363," or something like that. But,
there's a Pizza Hut there that still serves taco pizza. That's
a big plus.
As the title of this post implies,
I'm making myself write this. My head hasn't been in a Man
Damning place since February 28, even though I have had a few ideas
for updates. Here's one:
What's the point of pulling every
10th business traveler out of line at the airport in Nebraska for a
body cavity search, when it is Muslim countries exclusively that
have vowed to destroy America? It isn't a big deal, but just
seems ridiculous from an objective standpoint. Prior to and
since September 11th, one air traveler in a million had ill
intent. Random searches are an amazing waste of time.
You have to narrow the focus to some kind of logical search
parameter: people of Arab descent. I'm sorry, but that's
just the way it is. Searching Dick Jones the traveling salesman
on his 2 millionth frequent flier mile isn't the threat. It's
the ultra religious bearded zealot who believes his is a religion of
peace that wants to kill you.
The existence of religion has put all
our lives in danger.
But anyway, I'm going to stop
there. I've a few other thoughts to put down, but maybe I can
keep this ball rolling and make another post tomorrow.
See ya, and watch out for the church
Trivia Contest Winners v1.0 !
It was grueling,
but we've got some winners. From thousands and thousands of
entries, we hired a Think Tank out of Boston to compile the winners.
loser - Jaera!
loser - Thibodeaux!
other entrants aren't worth remembering, as people don't care about
the answer key:
1. How tall was
the Predator in the movie “Predator”?
7’6” – That’s according to a documentary on the making of
the film, although I am getting conflicting reports, so I threw this
question out. It didn’t matter to anyone’s score anyway.
2. Going on recent Hollywood gossip and a hit TV show, explain the
fictional title: “The One With The Dead Mother”. From
Friends, Rachel was rumored to die giving birth.
3. In the movie “Tombstone” Doc Holiday says, “Oh! Johnny, I
apologize. I forgot you were there. You may go now.” To what actor
was he speaking? Billy
4. Who was the only actor from the film “M*A*S*H” to regularly
star in the television show, “M*A*S*H”? Gary
5. In the television show “Seinfeld”, George Costanza paid
homage to a scene from Star Trek II while standing in a car
dealership. He raised his arms, looked to the sky, and
(He yelled “Khan” in a different episode)
6. At the funeral for Maude Flanders, four other gravestones are
shown for characters that have died. Who are the gravestones for?
Bleeding Gums Murphy, Marvin
Monroe, Beatrice “Bea” Simmons (Grandpa’s Girlfriend),
7. In “A Fish Called Wanda”, which of these male characters:
Archie, George, Ken, and Otto, did Wanda kiss? All
8. On the show “Scrubs”, Turk and Elliot have a pet dog. What is
unusual about this dog? He’s
dead and stuffed.
9. Finish this rhyme: “No more rhymes now. I mean it!”
“Anybody want a peanut?” (The
10. What was the final card Maverick turned over to win the Poker
Tournament in “Maverick”? Ace
11. In “The Rock”, after completing the mission, the Seals were
to give an “all clear” signal. What was that signal?
12. In “The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly”, who was “Blondie”?
13. Since “Jaws” is a classic, it’s a multipart question:
a. What was the name of Quint’s boat? Orca
b. Of the three men who go out on Quint’s boat, how many
get back to shore?
c. What were Quint and Hooper comparing when the discussion
turned to the U.S.S. Indianapolis? Scars
14. In “Unforgiven”, why did Clint Eastwood kill the bar owner?
Because he hung Morgan
Freeman’s body outside his bar as a trophy.
15. In the movie “Clerks”, a woman explained the odd behavior of
guidance counselors and eggs. What did she do for a living? She
manually masturbates animals for artificial insemination
16. In “Con Air”, what key piece of evidence was picked up
resulting in Nicolas Cage’s character getting convicted of
17. In the movie “Greedy”, what does Uncle Joe do at the end?
He gets out of his
wheelchair and walks
18. In the movie “Cool Hand Luke”, what was Lucille doing to
distract the prisoners? She
was washing the car
19. Where was Sonny Corleon killed? Toll
20. In “Meet the Parents”, what is Gaylord Focker’s vocation?
21. In the original “Planet of The Apes”, what happens to the
female crew member on the team? Her
stasis tube breaks and she dies of old age before they ever land.
22. What cult phrase is used in both “Apocalypse Now” and the
X-Men comic books? Hint: The phrase is only used once in the film in
a non-Brando scene and is used in the comic on a T-shirt with a
picture of the X-men’s leader, Charles Xavier. Charlie
Don’t Surf. (How the hell did Zetleft know that?)
23. “History of The World Part I” opens with a parody of the
opening scene of “2001: A Space Odyssey”. What our “Our
Forefathers” doing? Masturbating
24. Kane, a villain in the movie “Kuffs”, robs a store while
wearing a bandana as a mask, and a T-Shirt. What’s on the T-Shirt?
A picture of himself
25. Answer this question: “Going somewhere meat?” “About
90 feet” (Major League)
endeth Contest v1.0. The winners are in the process of
choosing their prizes, and soon all will be well and there will be
peace in the middle east. Contest v2.0 will appear in the next
month or two. Until then, "go spit." (movie?)
Trivia Contest v1.0
If you’re a
regular reader, you know most of what I’m about to cover. If
you’re new, allow me to introduce you to Damn the Man or DTMan.com.
Welcome to our
humble little site. We’ve been around for a while now, and have
pretty much kept to ourselves. We aren’t out for glory, or money,
or to change the planet. We are simply writing about whatever
strikes us at the moment, and spending way too much time discussing
this planet and its inhabitants in our forums.
The site is still a
bit under construction because Gordon and myself are too busy or
lazy to fix everything up. We will be adding more and more content
when we have the time so stay tuned. In the meantime, check out the
links on your left, some of those sites are “must-sees”, and be
sure to register and join our forums. We pride ourselves on them,
and consider them to be a bastion for intelligent and freethinking.
Also, as you can see by the links on the right, the forum is broken
into sub-categories. We find that this helps keep the forum less
cluttered, and keeps the current, relevant stuff near the top.
Everyone and every opinion is welcome in the forum, just be mature.
Now for the
contest…several of our regular forum members seem to think that
they’re movie experts. Quote after quote is posted in our forums
and members scramble over each other trying to answer first. So, we
got to thinking that a movie trivia contest would be very
appropriate for us to have.
So here’s the
deal: Beginning today, April 3rd and ending midnight EST
Sunday, April 7th we will be having a movie trivia
contest. Monday morning the winners will be announced, or in the
event of a tie, they will be given tiebreaker questions. Or,
possibly, a coin will be flipped. The three people to submit
the most correct answers to our questions before the deadline will
win our fabulous prizes. Currently, the prizes are the DVD versions
of: Monty Python and The Holy Grail, Dogma,
and The Princess Bride. The top winner gets first
choice of prizes, the second place winner gets second choice, and
the third place winner gets third choice. The only catch to all of
this is that the winner will be notified via his/her forum account,
which means that to enter, you’ll need to register in our forums.
It’s a one minute process at most, and it costs nothing. We figure
if you can’t do that, we don’t want to send you anything anyway.
Do not post your answers in the forum! Either email them to GORDON
or myself, or send them to
either of us in the Forum Private Messenger. Prizes will be
sent within the week via one of the more common methods, whichever
is most convenient to us at the time.
If you have any
questions about the contest, the site, or the forums, either email me,
GORDON, or come ask your
questions in the forums.
This contest is being held with the best of intentions, but we
aren't going to guarantee anything. There is 99.999% chance
that it will run as planned, but, if not, you don't have any grounds
to sue us. So there.
1:52 am CDT - GORDON
On the last day of February in the
year of our Lord 2002, I had the Football of Employment snatched
from before my foot by the Lucy of Corporate Downsizing. It
was a Thursday.
My emotions were mixed. I
wasn't happy with my job, but then I like having a steady
paycheck. The economy currently sucks and my employment
options are 1% of what they were pre-Y2K bug, but they aren't nonexistent.
I'm enjoying this time between having The Man looking over my
shoulder, but of course there is still some uncertain anxiety that
threatens to darken my mood.
As in all times of transition, I'm
choosing to look at this period as an opportunity for personal
growth. We can't test our mettle when safe and sound and
comfortable in a cubicle; our true selves are revealed when facing
In the spirit of remaining true to my
nature and declaring loudly to the universe that I know what is best
and important in life, here's another drinkin' story.
Sometime on the month of June, 1991,
young Gordo was on a 10 day period of leave between Marine boot camp
and tech training. I went back to my homeland of northwest
Ohio to see if there was any bit of myself left after the mindfuck
of basic training.
It took a few days, but I managed to
stop popping out of bed at 6am at the position of attention and
relax my sphincter a bit. I spent a lot of time with the
girlfriend (which didn't please my Mother...she wanted her little
boy back)....but one day was set aside to go drinking with my Uncle.
The day started in the a.m. by
driving up to Lake Erie to catch a ferry to the islands. The
larger island, called "South Bass," is a resort island
with lots and lots of bars in a town called "Put in
Bay." In fact, when I was there last a local
establishment called "The Beer Barrel" held the
world record for "longest bar." But I digress.
We took the "Miller Boat Line" that
day. Most bars are near the public docks.
We hit shore a little after lunch time (at #59 on the map) and caught the old bus into town. There we
acquired a golf cart rental and proceeded to go bar to bar, winery
to winery (Put in Bay is on the same latitude as French wine
country, strangely enough) and proceeded to get really drunk.
I never got carded...it's fairly laid back, and I let my Uncle do
the buying. He's older.
You aren't supposed to drink and drive the
carts....but what else are you going to do? We tooled around
the island drinking one bottle of wine out of a paper bag after
another. It was several hours into our excursion that the
speed governor on the engine stopped working. I was fairly
baked by then and my Uncle...well, you never can tell. Not
only could we get our cart going at a pretty good clip, but the
thing would also backfire exactly 8 seconds after letting off the
gas pedal from going full tilt. Eight seconds. Eight
seconds. We were going down the road at approximately #13 when
we saw the 40-something old ladies walking along the road dead
ahead. My mind saw perfectly what was about to happen.
I floored it. I timed it. I
released the gas pedal. It was perfect. Directly beside
them....FUCKING BANG! I think some actually screamed.
Looking back at them, some were laughing, some were crying.
Anyway, if you've never been to the Erie
islands in the summer, you're missing out.
Before sunset we caught the ferry back to the
mainland and proceeded with our adventure. As I recall, we
both drank a six pack of Rolling Rock on the boat ride back and I drank
another bottle of wine on the drive to Toledo.
There was one or three country bars on the way
which I'm forgetting....but I remember my dog tags being ID enough
to get me served (this being immediately after Desert Storm), and
picking fights with fake cowboys in a cowboy bar. I've ridden
horses and shoveled shit from stalls, and yet I didn't need to wear
huge belt buckles and cowboy hats and shitkicker boots and dust
coats in the June heat. I felt it my duty to point out they
were stupid. Hell...someone has to. I think they got
pissed when I asked them when was the last time they actually rode a
horse. Oh well.
We went to a bar near downtown...a biker bar
called "Scott's" (currently "Dobbers").
Very famous, classic biker bar. Scary. But I was up for
We go in, and it's as you expect.
Sleazy, tattoey, dark, dangerous. Again, my dog tags got me
served, and the scurvy barmaid proceeded to try to pick me up by
showing me how cool she was.....by saying, "See? I don't
give a shit! Look!" and then throwing glasses on the
floor. I'm not kidding. Then, down at the end of the
bar, a seedy type sidles over. I know the eye contact rule, so
I'm letting peripheral vision track him. I'm making a mental
image of the locations of bar patrons, the front door, and the
nearest empty bottle and pool cue. He sits next to me and I
can feel his eyes on me. Knowing it's face off or punk out, I
turn to him sharply....and it's a cousin of mine I hadn't seen in
A few drinks later, and it's approaching
"last call" in northwest Ohio. We decided to close
the bar near home, an old place called "The Grapevine," in
which I'd spent half my childhood for various reasons.
Up to this point I'd been drinking hard all
day, and feeling fine. But it was at the Grapevine I learned
an important lesson....what an overabundance of sugar will do to an alcohol
steeped body. I remember a shot of Wild Turkey...no
problem. I distinctly remembered a beer. No
problem. I remember something called a "Cement
Mixer," which was chocolatey and mostly a novelty
drink...you take two different shots at once, and it solidifies in
your mouth. Wacky. But then it was a "Lemon
Drop" that did me in. Nothing but sour and a congealment
of sugar at the bottom. That was what put me over the edge.
I've mentioned before my vomit control, and it
served me, here.
I excuse myself to my table, "I'm going
to go vomit now," and take my leave. I casually walk down
the hall to the men's john. I enter. I close the door
behind me. It smells strongly of urinal cake over urine, and
probably has for the last 40 years. So there I was....one
sink, one toilet, and one urinal....but this is where my brain
misfired. For some reason I thought the best thing to do would
be to open a small window and vomit out of it into the parking
lot. And that I did. Puked and puked. At one point
the owner of that fine establishment was out to get something from
his car, and between heaving I of course said, "Hi," and
thanked him for letting me drink there. He said something, I
said something, we were both laughing. Later he would say,
"I've never, in all of my bar-owning years, seen someone vomit
and laugh at the same time." I heard someone behind me in
the bathroom laughing, and that only made me laugh harder.
Gordo Puking out the window of The Grapevine
at around 2 am.
We left. I remember singing the
quarter-mile drive to Uncle's house. He put me on the couch,
and I kept falling off of it. Hey....the floor kept tilting
back and forth...not my fault. I was puking into a bucket at
this time....and suddenly I remembered I promised to call my
then-girlfriend when I got in. She hadn't wanted me to go
without her in the first place, because she was jealous and
clingy...and I tolerated that because she was so fine...but I told
her I'd be fine and she could survive without my sweet lovin' for
one night. But I did promise to call.
So, there I am, barely on a couch, my head in
a bucket and the phone at my ear. "I love you baby...*puuuuuuuuke*.
No baby, don't drive out tonight, I'm going to sleep...*puuuuuuuuuuuke.*"
And so on and so on. My uncle is laughing his ass off because
the bucket reverberating my voice makes me sound like I'm in a
cave. Eventually I passed out, I think I said good bye to her
and hung up the phone before I did. The next day I had one of those
joint-aching hangovers that tell you you were really serious the
the old drinkin' thread. Share your stories.
10:00 pm CDT - GORDON
- Liar liar.
In an attempt to deal with the fact
of Islamic-types still don't believe Muslims were behind the WTC
bombings, the Pentagon attempted to open an "Office
of Strategic Influence." Criticism in western media
pretty much made the point moot by giving it so much attention, it
pretty much let the cat out of the bag. The Pentagon has
reported it is giving up on the idea.
What are your
I was torn. On the one hand, it would hurt credibility for any
news release, fabricated or otherwise. On the other hand,
nobody is stopping the Muslim world from printing their own
anti-American disinformation on a daily basis, keeping the fury
against us alive so people feel like hijacking planes.
There've been many false stories I've seen; I believe the last one
was that the United States was deliberately dropping the
humanitarian food packages into mine fields so we could kill more
Afghans. And you know those people believe that shit.
And it makes them want to kill Americans.
Should we just start destroying printing presses? I think
that's been tried before.
Do we fight propaganda
with propaganda? We just tried it, and it got shot down.
Is the only
solution to let fundamentalist Islamic governments say whatever they
want to keep their citizens incensed and ignorant enough to walk
into malls with bombs under their trench coats?
10:15 am CDT - GORDON
- Olympic sized
Against my will I've been exposed to a lot of the Winter
Olympic Games this year, and I've seen live a lot of what has made
the news the next day. I watched the US Women's' Bobsleigh team
have a bitchfest when the girl who was
screwed over by her childhood friend won the gold. I saw
the bit when the female Bellarussian
athelete dissapeared after testing 400 times the legal limit for
steroids. I saw the speed skating long track wipeout
with the Korean skater taking down as many other skaters as he
could....and watched as the last place Australian win the gold with
a sheepish grin on his face. I watched the Russian pairs
skaters give an extremely flawed
performance and through corrupt judging score higher than
the flawless Canadians. And, I saw the before mentioned Korean
speed skater body check an American coming up the inside and trying
What has happened to
sportsmanship? What value can a medal have if you know you won
it with deceit?
Here's what happens these days
when three cameras get different angles of hockey tactics on a
You throw down your nation's colors
and cry about it.
This is already
being discussed on the message board, and my disgust for
his unseemly behavior is apparent. What hadn't hit the
forum, though, are the death threats that Ohno has been
receiving. It must be horrible when your self worth and
your national identity relies on a sporting event every four
And the fixed judging
in the pairs skating.....first the woman admitted to being coerced,
then after her people got a hold on her, she denied it
all. "Trust the French," indeed.
I either have no integrity, or I
can't judge for shit. You decide.
And on to the event that actually inspired this
topic.....Russia crying like spoiled babies and threatening to take
their toys and go home. But, their national identity is
now riding on their hockey team.
|Privately, Russian officials admit
that if they were to pull out on the eve of the much
anticipated showdown, people back home simply would not
understand their decision, Reuters reported.|
“They said they just can’t do it now because they
believe they can beat the Americans, and if they were to pull
out now, it will just kill their hockey team,” the source
said, according to
What happens if the American team
wins again? It's interesting to consider what a hysterical
baby could do when it's the size of Russia.
Maybe they'll boycott the rest of
the games after hockey. Maybe they'll boycott the Athens
games, as they've threatened. Maybe they'll start selling
more arms to Iran and Iraq. Russia, if you do decide that life
is unfair, let me be the first to express my feelings to
10:15 am CDT - GORDON
- The new
So I'm doing my morning surfing today while waiting for
my Kona Blend to kick
in. I get to CNN.com, and see the headline, "Zimbabwe's
anger over EU sanctions." It looked interesting, and
clicked it for more details. I'm always morbidly curious to
see how the world is going to fix severely
This post is quite linky so far,
Anyway, I'm in the news article, and the
byline causes me to groan:
HARARE, Zimbabwe -- Zimbabwe
has denounced the European Union's decision to impose
sanctions as "organised economic terrorism."
Has anyone else noticed that since America started the harsh
rhetoric against anything "terrorist," that every little gripe from
every little country in the world has become about
"terrorism?" Economic sanctions are usually highly regarded as
a peaceful way for one group to get a point across to
another group. Gandhi did it, in a way, with his work
stoppages. And these idiot Zimbabweans want to call it
terrorism. Like Gandhi was a terrorist. (I promise you
that today, he would be labeled one by whomever off he was
They want to compare their economic wrist slap to a car bomb in a
mall, a claymore mine disguised as a Valentine's Day bunny rabbit,
or a couple airliners slamming into some buildings.
Here's what I'm going to do next time I get a speeding
ticket....I'll take it to court, call the press, and plead that I'm
a victim of "State" sponsored terrorism in the form of the Highway
Patrol. I can use terms like "Speed Limit Nazi" and "Armed
Extortion to fill Government Coffers" and "Organized Racketeering
to meet Quotas and Justify Positions." I can claim
"Automotive Profiling" because I drive a "Sports Car." Maybe I
can throw in an argument about legalizing Hemp, too.
The U.S. Government is dedicated to stopping all forms of
terrorism wherever it may be, right? They can rattle their sabers
for me, once. Then I'll tell them about their own
2:05 am EDT - Leisher
- How the Networks screw you, and
was raised tonight about the odds of a popular, with Sci-Fi
geeks, programming move by TNN lasting. The executives at TNN have
been trying to recreate their image from The Nashville Network with
mostly “Southern” themed programming to The National Network with
programming aimed at males 18-50. Currently, TNN is running 4
episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation on Friday nights. Will it
last? Sure, if the ratings are there to justify it
Now, a little education about how
television ratings work:
used to determine the popularity of television programs, IE: how
many U.S. households are tuned in to a program each night.
Salespeople from the networks (ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, UPN, and the WB),
cable (TNN, TBS, TNT, USA, etc.), and local television stations go
to their customers and sell advertising space on these shows with
their monetary value based on the ratings each show receives. For
example, Friends ranks at number 2 on the top rated shows list (out
of 1st due to the Olympics) and would cost an advertiser
more to put commercials on during it than Dawson’s Creek, whose
ratings doesn’t crack the top 20.
A “market” in ratings terms is a ranking of
population versus other markets across the U.S. I believe New York
City is the number one market, Los Angeles number 2, Cleveland
number 13, etc.
“Primetime” is the industry standard for
the time period between the news hour of 6 p.m. and the news hour of
11 p.m. This is traditionally the highest priced time slots to
advertise in because it’s when most Americans are watching
television. To show how important a good time slot and ratings are
in each market, a 30 second ad during ER can run an advertiser
$1500, while a 30 minute infomercial at 2 a.m. can run $50 (based on
a market in the 60s).
And that leads us to the issue at
Ratings are currently determined in two
ways: “Metered Markets”, which is through an electronic means that
monitors a household’s viewing habits each second and via a “Book”,
which is assigned to a small sample of the population in each market
and is just a book a single viewer in the house fills out daily and
mails into Neilson (the people in charge of calculating
Most cities across this nation use the Book
as a ratings tool and this is where The Man screws you over.
Remember those shows you liked, and seemed to be popular, yet were
cancelled? Freaks and
(now called The West
Wing), Space: Above and
Beyond, The Lone
Gunmen, etc., etc., etc. were all shows with a following that
were cancelled because their ratings weren’t up to snuff. But were
they really? Why is it that ratings for shows like this seem to be
high is the overnights from metered markets, yet drop when the book
ratings come in the next day? Networks would have you believe that
the books represent the majority of the population and are more
accurate. The truth, however, is that if all markets were metered,
cable companies would see big gains in ratings, while network
ratings would dive, thus lost advertising revenue for the
Some of you might be looking at that list
of shows I have above and are thinking, “But those are all network
shows. Why would the networks risk their own shows getting cancelled
with the “book” system?” The answer is that the networks consider
ALL shows replaceable, but what’s not replaceable is the common view
that the best shows are on the networks. If all the markets were
metered that common stereotype would go out the window with
advertisers when they realized that a larger percentage of people
were watching cable networks than what is currently accepted under
the book system.
What can you do to change this and save
your favorite shows? I honestly don’t know. As long as the networks
have the power and money I doubt the books will be replaced. I would
guess about the only thing you could do is write your Congressman
and ask them to look into this situation. As for any particular show
you like, write the network and tell them how much you love it.
Believe it or not, that has saved a few shows in the past…more proof
the ratings system is garbage. I mean, why would a network continue
running a show they cancelled due to ratings just because a bunch of
viewers asked them not too unless they KNOW the ratings system is
Did the ratings kill your favorite show?
There are some gems here…
- I don’t know if this first link is
bullshit or not, but I’ve got to support the guy either way. This
is a must see! First go here.
Then “vote” here.
- The Catholic Church and the Bush Administration have to
open their eyes and start understanding human
nature. I mean come on,
they’re kids and they’re going to have sex. That’s what their
bodies, nature, Hollywood, their friends, etc. is telling them to
do. Asking them to have sex with a condom is smart to protect
them. Asking kids to use condoms isn’t encouraging them to have
sex. Last time I checked Jesus died for our sins because we’re
mortal and we do sin. How about we stop trying to pretend it
doesn’t happen, and instead try to stop teen pregnancy and VD? An
estimated 10% of Catholic priests in the Boston area are
pedophiles and they’re worried about teenagers going through a
natural process of life? Amazing! I mean science has proven that
masturbation in men is not only natural, but also necessary, so
why stop the girls from having some fun? If you haven’t seen The Meaning of Life, I
suggest you do so; there is a fantastic scene in it that parodies
the Catholic Church’s belief that “every sperm is
- This guy tried to do a remake of this film. Whacky!
(P.S. See the film. It’s a Sci-Fi classic.)
- This is a
tragedy, however I
cannot help but laugh at the fact that he continued to work his
- People, I have a simple belief when it
comes to video
game piracy. If
you continue to copy the good games (Half-Life, Empire Earth,
Metal of Honor, etc.) then they will stop making them as they will
run out of funds. Then all we’ll be left with is shitware from
- This is a
very interesting read (until he gets preachy starting at Time
Utilization), and a must read for future residents.
- If you’re a gamer, this should be required
reading material every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Before the
move knocked them off the site, it was one of my recommended
- Speaking of Penny Arcade, they linked this page
today. Pretty funny stuff. I wonder if any of it is true.
- Sticking with Hollywood, this page is
interesting, hilarious, and disturbing. WARNING: Read the
disclaimer at the top!!! It’s not an adult site, but it may ruin
your image of some people you love…
- There’s tons of reading material and
entertainment above, so I’ll leave you with one last page. Another
one that used to be in my recommend links is this page, it’s a pop
culture/gaming site. Currently, you should read this
article, which is pretty funny, especially the top comic on
So many topics, so much to talk about…
2:08 pm CDT - GORDON
In celebration of the French Olympic judge's
admission that she allowed her integrity to be compromised and her
subsequent banning from the sport, I'd like to offer my submission
for France's new national flag:
already a thread running about it in the "General"
4:05 pm EDT - Leisher - Random
The NFL’s best offense ever(?)
versus a “Cinderella” team in a patriotic themed Super Bowl ending
with a game winning field goal. Yeah, it sounds exciting, but for
me, it was the most boring Super Bowl of all time. This game just
lacked any energy at all. I believe the event itself actually took
away from the game. Has the Super Bowl gotten too big? Can any game
live up to its hype?
Speaking of the Super
Bowl, I wouldn’t scoff at a suggestion that it was rigged.
Seriously! The New England Patriots, with an inept offense and the
24th worst defense in the league wins the Super Bowl? In
the process they defeat three of the best offenses and defenses in
the league? Teams that looked unstoppable suddenly appeared flat,
clumsy, and inaccurate… Do I believe the Super Bowl was fixed? No.
However, I do find it a bit…”coincidental” that the Super Bowl
champions this year were the Patriots and their colors are red,
white, and blue.
Speaking of the Super Bowl (last one, I
promise), what was with the ads this year? They sucked. There were a
couple of decent ones, but nothing close to last year’s crop. I can
remember commercials from last year, but I barely remember even two
or maybe three from this year. People are blaming the recession; I
blame old money making old decisions, and a serious lack of new
Only adults over the age of 18 should click the links in this
catch Fear Factor Sunday night with the
playmates? You want to talk about stereotypes? I’d have to claim
that these playmates did little to prove that they aren’t plastic
bimbos. A couple of them were just idiots with about as much depth
as a child’s wadding pool. Cheers to the three girls who actually
made it seem like non-bimbos pose for Playboy too: Angel, Stacy, and
your convenience, here are the girls that appeared on the show, in
order of elimination:
Nicole Narain – Pissed off women by acting
like a moron and never working out.
Cialini – She was gone too soon to determine her bimbo
Stacy Sanches – Stacy’s sister is hot too,
and you’ve got to love this.
Priscilla Taylor – If Anna Nicole Smith were dead, Priscilla
would be Queen Bimbo
Angel Boris – Mmmmm, smart, sexy, and
Lauren Hill – She won and she wasn’t a
course, if you love naked women, then be patriotic about it.
to the storms last week I was left with power, but without cable.
During this outage, I found time to watch Tomb Raider. What a piece of shit. Avoid it
like the plague. Not only did this film have the typical Hollywood
“touches” with complete character and story changes from the
existing property that made the film possible and the original
property popular, but the acting was so poor and the action so over
the top ridiculous that I felt like the movie should have been done
in Japanimation. You could smell the marketing all over this film.
From the robots to the topless guys to the side view of Angelina’s
naked breast, everything screamed, “My script was touched up by
marketers to appeal to our demographic!!” Hey Hollywood, you want to
appeal to your demographics? Make something that doesn’t suck ass.
Oh, and try to leave existing properties alone, they made enough
cash and enough fans before you came along. You can’t make every
film appeal to everyone, so don’t try. Just make it for the
properties’ audience and let them support it. Don’t worry, they will
(EX: Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, etc.).
discuss the Super Bowl, commercials, shitty marketing movies, and
11:00 am CDT - GORDON
- Stories about
going out drinking with my buddies.
Welcome to February. Seems like
just yesterday it was January.
It was brought to my attention that I
could use more drinkin' stories here. Part of me agrees.
I have many tales to tell, but I'll try to just tell a good one
here, and start a thread for us to share. Because sharing
is.....I don't know. Mom always said I should share. But
I sometimes disagree.
I've always had amazing drunken vomit
control. I've drunk to the puking stage many times, but every
time I've managed to get myself to a receptacle and avoid voiding
all over whatever or whomever happened to be in close
proximity. I have many occasions I could cite, but I think
I'll talk about the one time my amazing self control bit me in the
ass. Kinda. At any rate, it produced one very unhappy sailor.
Once upon a time there was a United States
Marine named Corporal Gordon. He wasn't your typical
Marine. He was unusually reserved and reflective while on
duty, often solving problems with his intellect rather than brute
force. Much like Jean Luc Picard of the
But Corporal Gordon had another philosophy
which helped keep him sane: Work hard, play hard.
"Playing Hard" was his pressure release valve. He could suppress
his emotions when he had to, but there had to be a time to
The year was 1994, and there was trouble
in Haiti. Dictators blah blah blah country in deterioration
blah blah blah starving people blah blah blah military
intervention. Cpl G, deciding he needed a break from deepest
darkest North Carolina, volunteered to join the unit going to Haiti
to take care of business. He was accepted and soon was
embarked on the USS Wasp (LHD-1), the largest amphibious ship in the
Cpl G, not new to being deployed on ship,
soon settled into his new duties.
He and his crew were on station in Haiti
for about two months. It was squalor and hardship,
but he felt they left the place better than they found
it. They even left them minus the one government brute
squad that decided it was a good idea to shoot the Navy interpreter on patrol with a squad of Marines. The Navy guy lived to tell
the tale, the bad guys didn't.
Now, when US military vehicles are
deployed to foreign lands, they need to be cleaned (damn near
sterilized) so they will pass an inspection by customs
officials. They come aboard and inspect for mud or fruit or
anything else that could be harboring foreign insect
stowaways. That being the case, they had a ten day stop in
Puerto Rico for vehicle washdown before returning to The States,
proper. And thus the stage is set for the
"We were docked on the west end of the
island at a US Naval Base Roosevelt Roads. The shorthand is
"Roosey Roads." And it turns out there have a pretty well
stocked E-Club up on a hill," says Corporal Gordon. Click here to
see their current weather conditions.
One night...a school night, it turns
out....the stressed Corporal Gordon decided it was time to release
the pressure valve, grabbed a few buddies, and caught a cab to the
club. "I remember at least 20 shots of various hard
liquor." Hilarity ensued.
1 am rolls around, and the Shore
Patrol (military police) rolls in to collect the drunks
(everyone). "Nobody was being belligerent, so they just
crammed about 25 of us into their van and drove us down to our
ships. I remember a lot of singing."
Fast forward to 5 am. revele is
sounded over the ship's intercom, and in the military there is no
snooze alarm. "I roll out of the rack and realize I am still
plastered.....and I have an uncomfortable knot in my stomach.
I get myself in the shower and attempt to get my central nervous
system operational," remembers Gordo. It was only partly successful, it turns out.
He skipped morning chow.
Mistake? Unknown. "I drag myself up to the office and
crash in a chair next to the Staff Sergeant....my immediate
boss." His head finds its way into his
hands. "We were at dock, but I'd have bet money we were
underway in heavy seas. SSgt Jackson, being enlisted himself,
told me to get the hell out of there before the Commanding Officer
came in and gave me shit. I don't think the CO would have
really cared, as he was former enlisted himself and would have been
amused by my pained status, but I was in no condition to
But he had to pause and
think...."where am I going to go to sleep this off? I cant go
back to the rack because the privates are down there cleaning, and
there's always people supervising who want to screw with you.
But, a Navy ship is a big place full of nooks and crannies, and I
His particular cranny was an
observation deck stuck to the outside of the ship about one level
down from the flight deck (where the helicopters land). "I
went way the hell down to the end where there's no pedestrian
traffic, found a spot out of the field of vision between two large
gear lockers, curled up in a fetal position on a gray steel deck,
and passed out breathing the fresh Caribbean air."
Fast forward two hours. Corporal
Gordon comes awake with a strange feeling in his gut. "Aha,"
he says to himself. "Retribution is upon me." He
realizes it is time for his legendary self control. He closes
his eyes and steadies his heartbeat and breathing, and ignores the
fact his mouth is beginning to water. Softly, he finds his feet
and eyeballs the rail 3 feet from him....the rail that would keep a
person from tumbling sixty feet to the blue waters of the Caribbean Sea. The
Caribbean Sea that would hide all evidence of
Corporal Gordon's drunken overindulgence of the previous
evening. Corporal Gordon approaches the rail and puts his
hands on it. Standing ramrod straight, he closes his eyes and
allows his body's natural response to being poisoned to
He feels his gorge rising. Eyes
still closed, he leans over the rail to deposit his last paycheck
into the secretive waters. Waters that told no tale. He
contributes once. Twice. Thrice. His stomach
begins to settle, and a sense of euphoria falls over him.
"Another price paid," he tells himself.
Corporal Gordon, still leaning over the
rail, opens his eyes.
It is a well known and much lamented fact
of Navy lore that one of the places you don't want to be
assigned on a ship is in the trash incinerator room. In the
past they were dark, hot, smoke filled dungeons where the ship's
burnable detritus ended up. In this ship, only a few years
old, a nice big door had been built into the side of the ship,
actually turning the incinerator room into one of the nicer
compartments on the ship, as you could have a nice big picture
window through which to see outside. This is a luxury on
This particular hatch, square and six feet
on a side, happened to be hinged at the bottom and opened down,
where in the open position it was held perpendicular to the sea by
two large chains on either side.
This hatch happened to be open,
Corporal Gordon was standing directly over
the open hatch of the incinerator compartment.
Corporal Gordon never did find out if
there were any seamen in that compartment at that particular time,
but he did have about five seconds lament for the poor squid who had
to clean up his puke. But then he reflected on the fact that
out of 844 feet of ship, he blindly (but with good intentions)
picked 6 feet that actually blocked his access to the water.
God must have wanted it that way.
conception of Corporal Gordon vomiting onto the open hatch of
the incinerator room of the USS Wasp (LHD-1).
any stories? Share.
8:30 am CDT - GORDON
- Poor, poor rich
Why in the hell is Lay's (the guy who steered Enron into the
iceburg) wife making all these TV appearances defending her
Does she really think newly unemployed and broke
people need help to understand the likable guy with $5 million in
stock (not Enron) and 10 houses? Does she really feel like
he's the victim in all this?
Is she fucking
What is it about rich white people that makes me
hate them so much?
Hey, how bout that State of the Union
Address. Why was Jesse Jackson there? Why was LtCol
McSally there, if she's so universally reviled? Why does
Hillary Clinton seem to go out of her way to look bored when her
President speaks? At whom did the President keep
glancing and laughing?
Here's a webpage a forum member
posted. I spent most of my work afternoon yesterday reading
it. Agree, disagree, maybe it will make you think. Fred on Everything.
Lots of current events and cynicism and grizzle.
The Bush family women sure seem to have a
no? I wonder what kind of hellcat Barbara was when 41 met her
back in 1816.
Why does anyone even take Tyson seriously
anymore? Personally, I only had to be told two or three times
as a child to not eat my playmates. What's his problem...too
much money make him an idiot? You know...I may have nailed
it. In the real world he'd be on the streets starving, or
rotting in jail for any number of felonies.
need to buy the domain gordoneverything.com. Since I know
everything, and everything.
9:34 am CDT - GORDON
- I have a huge
So there I was sitting at a traffic light, when
BAM, an old shit pickup comes out of fucking nowhere and bumps into
the back of my car at 2 mph.
He apologized and had Marine stickers all over
his shit pickup. There was nary a scratch, so I just told him
don't worry about it, nothing's broken.
Light turned green, then the fucker sped around
me and cut me off.
bankruptcy has actually affected my job security. They're
going down owing my employer $10 million, which has seriously
affected our year end figures. I've known this since last week
but I didn't want to panic the market while they were trying to find
funding.... I tell ya, if I lose my job over this, you can believe
I'll be writing a sternly worded post about them, here.
Then I'll move to the tropics and open a
2 + 2 = ?
Remember that airliner en route from Israel to
Russia that exploded over the Black Sea on about Septemer
17th? And do you remember reading that "shoe bombs" was
supposed to have been a widespread tactic of the bad
Have we ever gotten an official word of why that
Whoever is whining about Anghani
prisoner treatment in Guantanamo Bay, please report to my
office, because youre fuckin' fired. Some facts:
- They're fucking
prisoners. This isn't a day at a theme park.
- They were captured as part of a
group plotting to kill as many American civilians as
possible. As far as I'm concerned, the only reason they
shouldn't have been killed on the battlefield is for the
intelligence they may yield.
- They were pulled out of holes
in the ground, and now they're on a tropical island. I'm
stuck in a cubicle with no windows, and no vacation for another
five months. Cry me a river.
- The prisoners themselves are
reporting no harsh treatment. (See the "British are assuaged" bit
in the linked article.)
Next the highly concerned "International
Community" will be crying that the prisoners don't have cable TV and
broadband internet and ice cream on Tuesday. Gordo to
"International Community:" Bite Me. If you were so
concerned about their well being, you should have sent your own sons
to fix Afghanistan. Now shut up and let Daddy take care
of the problems.
ever let it be said I was afraid to sound off on issues I've not
10:34 am CDT - GORDON
- One track
I've got something to share.
From the beginning of puberty and through most
of his life, every single thing a human male does is directly
related to his trying to have sex.
This may not seem like a huge revelation, but
consider what a broad statement that is. Everything a man
does, each mundane detail, is his trying to bed a woman, and
possibly a man, depending.
Examples? Going to college. A person
arguing would say, "A man will go to college to better himself and
have a successfull career." Hell....college is the worse
example one could use to argue with me. Not only are campuses
reknown for being gathering places for the much desired "Drunken
Sorority Chick," but the entire point of getting an education is so
that you can make good money later and attract the females.
Don't even try to tell me that girls don't like the monies.
No, not the only thing...but still.
How about getting up every day and going to a
Life Sucking Cubicle of Doom and Vague Misdirected Anger? See
the "gainfull employment to make money" line, above.
Personal hygeine? All to not repulse the
Cleaning the apartment? The cute girl in
the upstairs apartment might knock on the door any second to borrow
sugar...can't look like a pig. You have to make them think
that you'd still clean up your house after they marry you.
Suckers! Mental note: check the sugar supply at
Maintaining a personal webpage? Vain
attempt to attract geeky webgirls with glasses who enjoy lounging
naked in front of their webcams and if only would remove their
glasses and let their hair down would look like Jennifer Love
Buying new clothes twice a year? men
think chicks like men with fashion sense.
Buying new clothes once evey two years?
Men think chicks like to buy their men clothes.
Going to the gym? Trying to maintain the
hard body to attract the chicks with pheremones, where pure
personality is failing.
Men even borrow their toddler nieces and nephews
for walks in the park. Come on.
Going to a club and acting like they enjoy
Going to a bar and drinking to excess?
Manual lowering of standards so they will be eager to have sex with
a woman they wouldn't otherwise have looked twice at. The only
type, usually, that would sleep with him in the first
here's the challenge.....think of a common thing men do that I can't
prove isn't entirely an ulterior motive to having
6:52 pm CDT - GORDON
I couldn't believe it when I realized it had
been a month since the last post. It wasn't complete
laziness....12 of those days I was on vacation out of state, and
another 3 of those days I was on my deathbed with the flu. But
the rest was laziness.
Elena Sea is still alive (and on painkillers),
but she is between ISP's at the moment. I convinced her to
denounce her AOLish ways, but now she's playing the DSL setup
game. When she'll be connected again is anybody's
Forum is hopping. To me it is by far the most interesting
thing about this web page. You need to register to post, but
it's quick and painless.
Couple new links on the left; The Morlocks are some former
Lummies who, I noticed, linked to me. Right back atcha.
And Wil Wheaton.net is the
page of TV's Wesley Crusher. Fairly interesting stuff...I'll
keep it linked as long as it stays that way.
Fox is showing something called "The Chamber"
right this second. It looks like self induced torture for
money. My first thought was..."stupid." Then I realized
that torturing myself was something I was really good at, and I
could probably win that show. But damn...hard questions.
Top 10 car rental agencies? There are 10?
Some girl just called the Rook a "tower."
Hey look..."Sopranos" repeats.
I'm almost over my Lord of the Rings
obsession. I loved the movie and saw it twice in the
theaters. The only movies I've paid to see more than once in
the last decade are "Fellowship of the Ring," "The Blair Witch
Project," "Starship Troopers," and "Jurassic Park."
Some might say my taste in films is hit and
Well, this technically qualifies as an update,
and my Subway Cold Cut Combo just walked in the door.
9:28 am CDT - GORDON
- Wielding the
Sword of Racism and the Hammer of Not
It appears that if you enjoy Tolkien's "Lord of
the Rings" stories that you're a racist.
From the mind of someone claiming to be more enlightened
than you (no, not me):
The appeal of the Lord of
the Rings is fundamentally racist. Middle Earth is
inhabited by races of creature deeply marked off from one
another by language, physical appearance, and behaviour. It is
almost a parody of a Hitlerian vision: orcs are ugly,
disgusting, brutal, violent - without exception; elves are a
beautiful, lordly, cultured elite; in between are hobbits,
short, hairy, ordinary, a bit limited, but lovable and loyal
and brave when they have to
So there you have it. You
enjoy (or don't, as the case may be) these stories not because they
are well written, but because they appeal to your darker, racist
natures. No pun intended. It has nothing to do with it
being good story or a fun read. It's because you
subconsciously enjoy bashing people different than you.
Another series of books that had received this
kind of scrutiny
is the "Chronicles of Narnia" by C.S. Lewis. The
first and most famous book of the series, "The Lion, the Witch,
and the Wardrobe" was a basic good/evil story written with
children in mind. I had this book read to me in the 3rd
Grade. The king of the land, Aslan, is a talking lion.
Even in the 3rd Grade I recognized some similarities to the Christ
mythology, but I dismissed it as secondary to what was just a good
|The novelist and critic Philip
Hensher, a rising figure in the London literary establishment
(he's a Booker Prize judge), censured the Chronicles as
"poisonous" and "ghastly, priggish, half-witted" books
intended to "corrupt the minds of the young with allegory."
Corruption by allegory? Bailiff, take him away! Never mind
that one of Hensher's own books, Kitchen
Venom (1996), all but glorifies pederasty. What
Hensher meant by corrupting the young was exposing them to
what he derided as "Lewis's creed of clean-living, muscular
The thing that bothers me about all this is...I'm being
taught all about stereotypes.
Racism and stereotyping are
assigning a certain trait across all members of a race, regardless
of its validity, or lack of.
When Episode I came out, I
started hearing instantly about all of the "racism." I never saw it
that way. Watto wasn't a Jewish shopkeeper....he was a small flying
alien. Jar Jar wasn't Jamaican to me...he was just an idiot...who
was an alien. It took the stereotypes of the
people pointing these things out to me to
make me even wonder if Lucas was a racist.
As far as
Tolkein, even if he were subconsciously influenced in his writings
by the events around him (*gasp*), he never came out and said "Orcs
are bad like the dirty Huns or thieving A-rabs." The fact that
people take a fairy tale and assign racist and nationalistic
undertones just displays their own stereotypes, not those of the
they'll be telling us Sylvester, Wile E. Coyote, and Tom were all
homicidal maniacs due to their relentless pursuits of Tweety,
Roadrunner, and Jerry, respectively.
12:41 pm CDT - GORDON
Much stuff going on.
is mulling naming Bin Laden the Man of the Year for 2001.
I found a second
reference to this today; after seeing a reference to it last
Friday, I searched all over time.com and couldn't verify.
According to that news article, there's lots of love being directed
What the HELL is wrong
with you people? I am so mad I can't even type. Have you
lost your minds or are you just idiots? -
Personally, I don't think he qualifies, in spite of the fact past
"winners" included Hitler and Stalin. "Criminal of the Year,"
sure. Man of the Year, no. PS - Fuck Osama. Fuck
him right in the ear. Aural sex!
The "American Taliban."
Unless he officially renounced his citizenship at some point, he
sounds like a traitor to me. And a stupid one, at
that. Idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot
idiot idiot idiot idiot. I hope the Marines are making him
feel welcome. And somebody let Time know we have another
potential Man of the Year.
Israel vs. Arafat
I side with Israel. I vote full attack, occupation and
annexation of the landmass known as "Palestine." Palestinians
are to be relocated and spread out evenly throughout Israel...or
Phoenix, Arizona...and none are to be allowed to remain in what used
to be Palestine. The Palestinians will be forced to share one
meal a week with their Israeli (or Arizonan) neighbors, for a
minimum of 90 minutes. If any bickering occurs beyond how much
butter to put on the beans, the meal period is considered void and
they can try to be civilized again the next day. Once
Palestine is cleared out, a fortified fence is to be erected around
it and patrolled by the United Stated military. Any persons
found trying to enter the Un-Zone will be stopped. Palistine
will remain devoid of humans for the next 50 years, at which time
the United States will decide the best use of the land.
I'm thinking a Disney water park.
If you can't play nice with your toys, I'm taking them away.
I've had to correct a few people on the definition of a "Dirty
Bomb." News stations are going for the sensational by saying
"Taliban developing a nuke!" then going on to discuss dirty
bombs. Bah. A "dirty bomb" is a conventional bomb
surrounded by radioactive material. At best, they will spread
radioactive debris over an area a couple city blocks. They
aren't going to be flattening cities or taking out the corn fields
of Iowa. So stop spazzing already.
When a dirty bomb leaves its house, I go over and bang its
Does "IT" look
stupid, or what? Newsflash, people: we're all waiting
for the Jetsons-cars. Unless it flies, don't waste out
That's about it for now. Nothing has really inspired me
lately, so hopefully this quenches your eternal thirst for my waxing
it? AURAL sex???
9:13 am EDT - Elena Sea - Inhibitions.
I have a question. When I drink alcohol, I
find myself doing and saying things that I wouldn't do under
"normal" circumstances. My question is this: Are we our
"true" selves under the influence of alcohol? My "political
correctness" (or whatever you wish to call it) prevents me from
doing or saying what really is on my mind. But give me a few
drinks and I find myself saying exactly what I feel without
inhibiton, I find myself less concerned about consequence of
action. To me, I am more "true" , I am without the
"mask". It bothers me actually that it takes alcohol to rid of
the walls I put up to protect my ________ <---not sure what to
call it. I'm not a phony person at all, but I think I am
very raw, real, and completely myself when I have had a few.
you have the same experience?
5:39 pm CDT - GORDON
- What's wrong
with the world part XXVI.
More than once on the DTMan forums we've debated
the morality of corporal punishment. It was recently while
rereading Heinlein's, "Starship Troopers" that I found an
excellent dialogue on the subject.
The background for the following bit is a future
around the year 2400. The world is a selective democracy;
selective in that the only people granted full citizenship rights
were those who had volunteered for a stint of "Federal
Service." Society is in full bloom, crime is nearly
nonexistent, the parks are safe at night, and public floggings for
committing misdemeanors is commonplace. Here's a flashback of
a dialogue between the story's protagonist and a teacher he had in
It goes on to discuss the fact that humans don't actually
have any natural sense of morality, so that if it isn't taught,
you'll never have it. I personally agree with the above
argument. I personally agree with the concept of corporal
punishment. I hold those who disagree with scorn and
I found myself mulling over a discussion in our
class in History and Moral Philosophy. Mr. Dubois was talking
about the disorders that preceded the breakup of the North
American republic, back in the XXth century. According to him,
there was a time just before they went down the drain when
such crime’s as Dillinger’s were as common as dog-fights. The Terror had not
just been in North America – Russia and the British Isles had
it, too as well as other places. But it reached its
peak in North America shortly before things went to
“Law-abiding people,” Dubois
had told us, “hardly dared go into a public park at
night. To do so
was to risk attack by wolf packs of children, armed with
chains, knives, home-made guns, bludgeons….to be hurt at
least, robbed most certainly, injured for life probably – or
even killed. This
went on for years, right up to the war between to
Russo-Anglo-American Alliance and the Chinese Hegemony. Murder, drug
addiction, larceny, assault and vandalism were
were the parks the only places – these things happened also on
the streets in daylight, on school grounds, even inside the
But parks were so notoriously unsafe that honest people
stayed clear of them after dark.”
I had tried to imagine such
things happening in our schools. I simply
couldn’t. Nor in
our parks. A park
was a place for fun, not for getting hurt. As for getting killed
in one – “Mr. Dubois, didn’t they have police? Or courts?”
“They had many more police
than we have. And
more courts. All
“I guess I don’t get
it.” If a boy in
our city had done anything half that bad….well, he and his
father would have been flogged side by side. But such things just
Mr. Dubois then demanded of
me, “Define a ‘juvenile delinquent.’”
“Uh, one of those kids – the
ones who used to beat up people.”
“Huh? The book said
“My apologies. Your textbook does so
calling a tail a leg does not make the name fit. ‘Juvenile delinquent’
is a contradiction in terms, one which gives you a clue to
their problem and their failure to solve it. Have you ever raised a
“Did you housebreak
“Err…yes sir. Eventually.” It was my slowness in
this that caused my mother to rule that dogs must stay out of
“Ah, yes. When your puppy made
mistakes, were you angry?”
“What? Why, he didn’t know
any better; he was just a puppy.”
“What did you
“Why, I scolded him and
rubbed his nose in it and paddled him.”
“Surely he could not
understand your words?”
“No, but he could tell I was
sore at him!”
“But you just said you were
Mr. Dubois had an
infuriating way of getting a person mixed up. “No, but I had to make
him think I was.
He had to learn, didn’t he?”
“Conceded. But, having made it
clear to him that you disapproved, how could you be so cruel
as to spank him as well?
You said the poor little beastie didn’t know that he
was doing wrong.
Yet you inflicted pain. Justify yourself! Or are you a
I didn’t know then what a
sadist was – but I knew pups. “Mr. Dubois, you
You scold him so that he knows he’s in trouble, you rub
his nose in it so he will know what trouble you mean, you
paddle him so he darn well won’t do it again – and you have to
do it right away!
It doesn’t do a bit of good to punish him later; you’ll
just confuse him.
Even so, he won’t learn from one lesson, so you watch
and catch him again and paddle him still harder. Pretty soon he
learns. But it’s
a waste of breath just to scold him.” Then I added, “I guess
you’ve never raised pups.”
“Many. I’m raising a
dachshund now – by your methods. Let’s get back to
those juvenile criminals. The most vicious
averaged somewhat younger than you here in this class…. and
they often started their lawless careers much younger. Let us never forget
that puppy. These
children were often caught; police arrested batches every
day. Were they
Were their noses rubbed in it? Rarely. News organs and
officials usually kept their names secret – in many places the
law so required for criminals under eighteen. Were the spanked? Indeed not! Many of them had never
been spanked even as small children; there was a widespread
belief that spanking, or any punishment involving pain, did a
child permanent psychic damage.”
(I had reflected that my
father must have never heard of that theory.)
“Corporal punishment in
schools was forbidden by law,” he had gone on. “Flogging was lawful
as sentence of court only in one small province, Delaware, and
there only for a few crimes and was rarely invoked; it was
regarded as ‘cruel and unusual punishment.’” Dubois had mused
aloud, “I do not understand objections to ‘cruel and unusual’
a judge should be benevolent in purpose, his awards should
cause the criminal to suffer, else there is no punishment –
and pain is the basic mechanism built into us all by millions
of years of evolution which safeguards us by warning when
something threatens our survival. Why should society
refuse to use to use such a highly perfected survival
However, that period was loaded with pre-scientific
“As for ‘unusual,’
punishment must be unusual or it serves no
purpose.” He then
pointed his stump at another boy. “What would happen if
a puppy were spanked every hour?”
“Uh….probably drive him
“Probably. It certainly will not
teach him anything.
How long has it been since the principal of the school
had to last switch a pupil?”
“Uh, I’m not sure. About two years. That kid that swiped
“Never mind. Long enough. It means that such
punishment is so unusual as to be significant, to deter, to
instruct. Back to
these young criminals – They probably were not spanked as
babies; they certainly were not flogged for their crimes. The usual sequence
was: for a first
offense, a warning – a scolding, often without trial. After several offenses
sentence of confinement but with a sentence suspended and the
youngster placed on probation. A boy might be
arrested many times and convicted several times before he was
punished – and then it would be merely confinement, with
others like him from whom he learned still more criminal
habits. If he
kept out of major trouble while confined, he could usually
evade most of even that minor punishment, be given probation –
‘paroled’ in the jargon of the times.
“This incredible sequence
could go on for years while his crimes increased in frequency
and viciousness, but with no punishment whatsoever save rare
dull-but-comfortable confinements. The suddenly, usually
by law on his eighteenth birthday, this so-called ‘juvenile
delinquent’ becomes an adult criminal – and sometimes wound up
in only weeks or months in a death cell awaiting execution for
He had singled me out
you merely scolded your puppy, never punished him, let him go
on making messes in the house…and occasionally locked him up
in an outbuilding but soon let him back in the house with a
warning not to do it again. Then one day you
notice that he is now a grown dog and still not
housebroken – whereupon you whip out a gun and shoot him
“Why…that’s the craziest way
to raise a dog I ever heard of!”
“I agree. Or a child. Whose fault would it
“Uh…why mine, I
have some discussion. Hopefully we can find some "Time-out"
12:54 pm CDT - GORDON
- Marines vs. Army.
Back in November 1775 the North American
Continentals had a problem. Taxation and mistreatment by the
British had American Colonials in a treasonous state of mind.
Many were saying that something needed to be done.
A Colonial Army was already established
comprised of underpaid farmers. They were taught to load and
fire a flintlock, and basic drill. As meager as the army was,
the fighting spirit was strong enough that they they had the
preposterous notion that they could defeat the armies of
the dominant empire of that time.
A known weakness, though, was maritime
combat. Not the ship to ship warfare, but the common practice
of "Coming 'lonside" and being boarded. An standard issue army
dog trained to stand in a formation and fire straight ahead isn't
suited for hand-to-hand on rolling decks....so steps needed to be
"That two battalions of Marines be
raised consisting of one colonel, two lieutenant colonels, two
majors and officers as usual in other regiments, that they
consist of an equal number of privates with other battalions;
that particular care be taken that no person be appointed to
office or enlisted into said battalions, but such as are good
seamen, or so acquainted with maritime affairs as to be able
to serve to advantage by sea."
(Resolution of the Continental Congress, 10
Enter Lieutenant Presley O'Bannon. Charged
with forming a fighting group to not only be competent but to excel
at fighting on the water, he went to where the rough, tough sons of
bitches gather. A bar.
Tun Tavern, to be exact, in a bad part of
Philadelphia. This is considered to be the birthplace of the
Corps. He was laughed at when he made his proposition to the
room, so he opened his purse and started buying the steaks and
beer. Several beers later, and he had his men.
"The Continental ship Providence, now lying at
Boston, is bound on a short cruise, immediately; a few good
men are wanted to make up her complement."
(Marine Captain William Jones, Providence
Gazette, 20 March 1779.)
During the Revolutionary War
Marines served with valor, often taking position in ships' rigging
and using superior sharpshooting skills to fire down on enemy
troops as the ships would come alongside. This proved very
effective. The Marines lost 49 men out of approximateley 2000
(assuming a standard battalion of 1000 men).
"A ship without Marines is like a garment without
(Admiral David D. Porter, USN, 1863.)
Later was the war of the Barbary
Pirates, who were plundering the shipping of the newborn
country. It was decided to hit them where they lived....and
this is where the part of the song, "...to the shores of Tripoli"
comes from. Standard practices of
transport-group-formation-march-fire were not used. The
Marines landed en masse, and ran up the beach like madmen while
screaming at the top of their lungs. It is said that the enemy
was scared to death by the display....such things just weren't done
in civilized warfare.
"The Marines have landed and have the situation well
(Attributed to many sources and popularized by
the correspondent Richard Harding Davis during the late
The Marines spent the next couple
centuries maintaining their tradition of excellence. Under
constant pressure from the army which feels it can handle Amphib and
Takeover duties just fine (see Somalia, and more recently Omar's
house in Afghanistan) with their "Elite Force Army Rangers," the
Marines have carried on doing what they do best: being the most
proficient fighting force the world has known.
"Retreat Hell! We've just got here!"
(Attributed to several World War I Marine Corps
officers, Belleau Wood, June
The "Marine Disband" battle hasn't just been
fought in the 19th century, either. In 1994 when the US
Government decided to occupy Haiti for a second time, (Army) Major
General Shelton, in charge of the operation, actually put his
Rangers on an aircraft carrier so they could be transported to
occupy the high-visibility capitol of Port Au Prince. The
Marines were relegated to take the major military base at the north
end of the island, Cap Haitian. The army, Ranger or not, has
no business doing what the Marines specialize in. But,
anything for camera time. Like their berets?
"I have only two out of my company and 20 out of
some other company. We need support, but it is almost suicide
to try to get it here as we are swept by machine gun fire and
a constant barrage is on us. I have no one on my left and only
a few on my right. I will hold."
(First Lieutenant Clifton B. Cates, USMC, 96th
Co., Soissons, 19 July 1918.)
The Rangers are fine, for being in the
army. It's too bad that all soldiers don't get the same high
quality training to ensure maximum survivability in combat. I
guess some rate better than others.
"Casualties many; Percentage of dead not known; Combat
efficiency; we are winning."
(Colonel David M.
Shoup, USMC, Tarawa, 21 November 1943.)
"The raising of
that flag on Suribachi means a Marine Corps for the next 500
Secretary of the Navy, 23 February 1945.)
"The bended knee
is not a tradition of our Corps."
(General Alexander A.
Vandergrift, USMC, to the Senate Naval Affairs Committee, 5
"I have just
returned from visiting the Marines at the front, and there is
not a finer fighting organization in the world."
MacArthur, USA, outskirts of Seoul, 21 September 1950.)
can't say enough about the two Marine divisions. If I use
words like brilliant, it would really be an under-description
of the absolutely superb job they did in breaching the
so-called impenetrable barrier. . .Absolutely superb
operation, a textbook, and I think it'll be studied for many,
many years to come as the way to do it."
Norman Schwarzkopf, USA, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, 27 February
Once a Marine, always a Marine. Being
ex-Army has little more distinction than having worked at
to fight about it?
11:04 pm EDT - Elena Sea -
I need to tell Gordo what to title my
I was horrified to learn how women have been so
oppressed and brutalized in Afghanistan. I read an article that
astounded me: women endure removal of their genitals so as to avoid
sexual pleasure! This, to me, is the most wretched form of torture
and if I ever have the pleasure to encounter anyone who performed
these acts on women, I would gladly remove his genitalia with a
butter knife doused in rubbing alcohol and while I was at it, I
would slowly force sharp metal toothpicks into each of his nail
beds. Don't even ask me what I would stick in his ass but remember
that scene at the end of Braveheart?
12:51 pm CDT - GORDON
- Don't let the
tent flap smack you on the ass on your way out.
The Taliban and the caveman are in full haul-ass
mode. They sure stayed in for the long haul, didn't
they. Even in full retreat, they still jabber like they'e
winning. Reminds me of something..... ahh yes.
Children talking smack on the internet. But I
Of all the news footage I've seen, what I like the best is the
images of men shaving, and women smiling. It amazes me to
think of a woman living her life outside of her house under a bed
sheet. If ever an example of organized evil were needed, the
Taliban would be it.
From the destruction of thousands of innocent lives in New
York City to the liberation of thousands of innocent people in
a faraway land. Sometimes it hurts to be the beacon of freedom
for the entire world. It is not a task for the timid.
The United States is equal to the challenge.
In the archives, you'll find many posts from Jesus and myself
making fun of the Taliban well before September
11th happened. They were tolerated about 5 years too
I vote we move our bases out of Saudi Arabia, and set up shop in
Afghanistan. Get some GI's spending their paychecks in Kabul,
which will stimulate the economy.
Build a McDonalds, for the love of Allah.
what happens now?
3:07 pm EDT - Leisher - How long before HBO makes this a
I received an
email this morning that was a press release for a book of
confessions. It claimed that all the confessions were anonymous and
made through a website.
I found the
page in question and downloaded a sample from the book. All the
samples come categorized by the seven deadly sins (nice touch). Here
are a few of the confessions:
an upper-middle class notion if there ever was one, but I
occasionally envy white trash. I want to drink, fuck, and fight
without moral qualms. I hate feeling guilty about every single
thing I do.
envious of my sister because she died and everyone loves her more
now than ever and they only pity me for having to live without
was supposed to bring my fish home from college for Xmas break,
but I was so lazy I just flushed them and told everybody that they
died of mysterious circumstances in
worked in the business of a friend for years and stole from him
Sometimes when my wife leaves the house, I put on her bra
and panties and masturbate to pictures of her
put poison ivy in my ex-husband's underwear so he would think he
has a disease.
These are just
ones I choose to show you as examples, they do not represent the
most twisted or hilarious.
Now, the very
first thing I thought about while reading the sample is “how many of
these are fake”? Obviously, some are fake there is no question. The
cool part is that you know that the majority isn’t fake. However,
for those people who feel the need to make up lies on an anonymous
confession page…how big of a fucking loser do you have to be? That
is quite easily the most pathetic thing I have ever heard of. Your
ego (among other things) is so tiny that you actually have to try
and out-do people on an anonymous confession page by making one up,
even though you get no credit for it. You should honestly go out and
kill yourself. You obviously have nothing to offer
Anyway, if you want to read the
rest of the samples go here. (You’ll need Adobe
If you want to visit the site and
order the book, go here.
If you want to confess your sins,
12:54 pm CDT - GORDON
Not in the mood to rant on any one particular
thing, so here's some stuff.
Halle Berry nekked in a movie! Woohoo! I'd
say she's on my List.
Appears the not-quite-as-bad guys are kicking ass in
Afghanistan. Gordo is
pleased. They're not exactly the NORTHERN Alliance
anymore....wonder what new name the media will give them.
I'm glad to see the Queens plane crash was probably
an accident. Still incredibly horrible, but at least the
caveman doesn't get to claim another victory.
Had a little Mexican for lunch. Speaking of which....my
first kiss/girlfriend was a little Mexican.
Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter. I'm going to see it
just to piss of the religious right. Damn the God
Feedback thread here.
9:47 am CDT - GORDON
- I just wanted to
see the water.
I had house guests this weekend from Ohio who
had never been to this part of the country. As such, they
wanted to be sure to go into Mississippi so they could mark it off
their list of visited states.
There isn't really anywhere to go in
Mississippi....most people are trying to leave as it is. So I
grabbed a map, and found a lake that looked to be about an hour
drive into the state. It was a mission, would give us a goal,
and looked like it would get us off the highway and onto some back
roads where you can really experience the area.
We got as close as we could get on the beaten path, and made our
first turn into the Twilight Zone.
The weather was sunny and 70 degrees as we accelerated up the two
lane blacktop. We had just seen a big brown sign that told us
Arkabutla Lake was indeed in the direction the map said it would
be. Good ol' Rand McNally.
As we motored about 15 miles down this road, the Yankees were
impressed by the untouched and freshly picked cotton field.
"Jill" had us stop so she could get some cotton puffs off the ground
as a souvenir. It looked like a lump of drier lint, to me.
We came to a crossroad and another brown sign told us to turn
left to get to the jewel known as Arkabutla DAM. Yes, the lake
turned out to be a dam. Even better. Turning left took
us through the town of "Eudora." My geek mind wondered if
"that was where the email came from." My self amusement was
soon ended when I saw a platoon of Southern Rebel Soldiers with
Battle Flag unfurled....the stars and bars....about to attack our
Eudora was either having a Civil War reenactment....or word of
General Lee's surrender at Appomatox Courthouse hadn't reached here,
yet. Considering that I didn't see any Union soldiers for
the "reenactment," it suddenly occured to me that I needed to take
on a southern accent.....and fast. "Drive like you're a
southerner," said I. "Weave and don't use turn signals and
Apologies for being anticlimactic, but we managed to cross their
lines without challenge and egressed Eudora.
Another 20 miles down this country road, we were beginning to
wonder if we'd made a wrong turn. This was the point our road
ended in a t-intersection, and yet another happy brown sign told us,
while smirking, that Arkabutla Dam was down the road to our
The road that was barracaded with "Road Closed" signs.
So we got some pictures of "Cattle Crossing" signs, hay stacks,
tarpaper shacks and some swamps, and went back to Eudora for
ice cream. Which was an adventure in itself.
9:14 am EDT - Elena Sea - Needs More Juice.
In the deep dark world of
sports gambling , "THE MAN" refers to the bookie taking all
your money. "Damn the man" (Fuck the man) is a common
phrase in sports betting. Everybody wants to "kill the
man".......few actually do , the edge always goes to "the
I was talking to a friend of mine who was driven out of
New York by the IRS as he was running one of those scams preying on
the vulnerable gambler. He ran one of thousands of "sports pic
phone lines" where they offer a "game of the year" pick or
"guaranteed winner" or your $$ back scam.
He moved to
the Carribean and started a sports booking service accessable by
phone and internet. The service is legal overseas......so long
as the money doesn't make it back to the States. The money is
in the "juice". For every bet, there is a "fee" or "juice" of
10%. Example: To win $100 on the NY Jets -4, one has to risk
$110. Juice equals $$$$$$.
They are raking in the cash,
every weekend, on the plus side. They have grown in numbers
due to demand and on any given weekend, they can have a cool million
out there in pending bets. Unbelievable. He said in 3 years,
they have had only 3 losing weekends. DAMN THE
interested in a move to the Carribean?
9:30 am EDT - Elena Sea - Go ahead and be rough, I've done this
So I was "on call" last weekend
where patients call an answering service and complain about the
flavor of the day. The calls then get triaged to me and I call
the patients back to give advice or whatever need be done.
Last Saturday, I was on call. I was swamped all day with heart
attacks, shortness of breath, and the usual plethora of people who
feel they have been exposed to anthrax nowadays. Then I get
this call : Here is the
conversation that took
ME: "Hi this is Elena Sea
taking call for blah blah blah blah , how can I help
BIMBO: "ummmmmm. (imagine a whining crying
18 year old voice) I'm really really upset. See, I had my hair
braided yesterday and it's too tight and it hurts my
ME: "And what exactly do you want me to do for
you on a Saturday over the phone"
BIMBO: "I called you
to help me, it hurts!! My scalp feels tight!"
"Uhhhh. I assume you have taken your braids
BIMBO: "NO!! It cost me a lot of money and time!
Do I really have to take them out!?" (crying whining voice
And this call is one of hundreds of STUPID IDIOT phone
calls I have logged over the years.........
6:57 pm EDT - Leisher - I’ll
take “Pet Names” for $500, Alex.
This morning, while preparing
for work, I remembered a time in my life when everyone I knew called
me a slut. Hell, even my own mother was guilty of this crime. They
all knew I was very involved with the female community and doing my
best to improve male/female relations. Besides bringing back some
memories, both good and bad, this got me to thinking about
derogatory names. I began to wonder what the difference is between a
“slut” and a “whore”. See, my problem is that most people would
think the two words are interchangeable and both are insults…unless
you’re a guy in which case society says its ok to be a slut, but
that’s another subject.
I’m here to say we have all been
misled and these words are not interchangeable.
“Whore” is defined
] noun (plural whores)
an offensive term for a prostitute
2. an offensive term for somebody
regarded as being sexually indiscriminate
offensive term for somebody who is regarded as willingly setting
aside principles or personal integrity in order to obtain something,
usually for selfish motives (insult)
“Slut” is defined
] (plural sluts) noun
offensive term for a woman thought by others to be sexually
2. an offensive term for a woman who
is regarded as not concerned about conventional standards of
domestic cleanliness (dated)
Obviously, to call someone a “whore” is an insult.
Implying someone is a whore is basically saying that they would be
willing to do anything to help themselves, even at the expense of
their souls, friends, families, morals, values, etc.
Now look at that definition for
“slut” again. It is the year 2001 right? I believe that we now
accept a woman as being allowed to be a bit more sexually active,
and it has always been ok for men…so why is “slut” an
On a side note, I look at the
word “slut” as being related to the word “glutton”. You’ve all heard
the phrase “a glutton for punishment”? It implies someone loves
something a lot and continues to search for it. I believe that
somewhere in time, somebody was kidding around with someone else
regarding his or her sexual habits. Somewhere in the teasing the
word “glutton” came up, however it was changed in an attempt to be
humorous. The “ton” was probably dropped off of the end to shorten
the word, as insults and barbs are much better when short and sweet.
The “s” might have replaced the “g” to signify the word’s
relationship to sex. Yeah, it’s a stretch, but that’s actually how
some words were invented.
Anyway, if you still don’t
understand, here are some examples:
- All salespeople.
- “Yes Men”
- Entertainers, athletes, and bandwagon fans who sellout
their art or sport for personal gains. (Examples: The people
planning to remake Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
N’Sync/Backstreet Boys/Menudo/etc. Fans who only cheer for that
year’s winning team. Major League Baseball “juicing” the
- Any guy or girl who puts out because they believe it
will make them popular.
- Your mom.
- Any guy or girl who has sex with whomever they want
because they enjoy having sex.
Follow me? Being a slut is not a
bad thing unless you’re Catholic.
Hell, you can even be a slut
while you’re married. Who cares if you’re only with one partner, if
you crave that sexual attention then Webster’s says you’re a
So before you call Mary Jane
Johnson a slut just because she fucked and sucked those three guys
at that party, remember she may have done it because she likes to
get gangbanged. Thus, her being a “slut” might be true, but not a
bad thing. On the other hand, she may just be a whore trying to
increase her popularity by spreading her legs…speaking of which,
notice you didn’t get any? Now what’s that say about you?
A proud slut,
P.S. Make sure you read Elena
Sea’s first post, directly below this one…and welcome to Damn the
2:21 pm EDT - Elena Sea -
Be gentle, it's my first
So I came home today and checked
my email to find a surprise. For those of you who think that
women would be offended by a picture of a
hard..........mmmm...............you are mistaken, it is quite
alluring and it took me back to a place and time that lives in my
memory. I had a connection to a man once upon a
time.........and due to distance, circumstance, and unfortunate
decisions, we spent a short time together and then we
separated. But the connection was far deeper than the
physical....which was mmmmmm very deep in its own sense of the word.
Well today, in my email, there was
a picture of my past lover quite hard..........and reminding me of a
time we once shared. It reminded me what awaits me if I so choose,
it stirred me to distraction, and I thought I would write about it
to you today.
Have you ever wished you could go back in time and
stop the clock........?
8:25 am CDT - GORDON
- A mystery
wrapped inside an enigma. With a great ass.
Ladies and gentleman, it gives me great
pleasure to introduce you to the newest member of
the DTMan Army, Elena
I first met Elena in a naval hospital in
Vietnam. I woke up in the hospital bed with her looking down
on me...."So we've decided to live," were the first words she
spoke. "The other doctors said there was no chance....but I
could tell you were special. And congratulations....according
to our records, you're the first human transplant recipient of
a heart from a Carnivora Felidae Panthera Tigris." I
managed to answer "Groovy" before I passed out again. It turns
out that I had been wounded while on a mission to get some food to a
Vietnamese village. Turns out that Charlie had burned their
rice fields, and they'd missed breakfast.
Nobody misses breakfast on my watch.
And we've been close ever since.
Describing her to others has always challenged
me. Those who know me know my penchant for adjectives (as
strong as my dislike for non-organically grown vegetables), but I've
never found a good way to describe her. Physical description
is easy..."hottie." Personality is something different all
together. I'll let you decide for yourselves.
So, prepare for Elena. She is
coming. She should have a post up sometime later
already said HI.
I've been trying to think of a
relevant and witty topic on which to write, but damned if I can
think of one. So here's a potpourri of non-interesting
Remember back about a month ago I mentioned I
had a bad feeling about the State Department and the Pentagon
squabbling about the best way to fight a war? Remember I said
that was the major problem in Vietnam? Look what's
happening. If it were me, I'd already have established Fort
Ronald Reagan about five miles outside of Kabul with 2nd Marine
Division keeping the peace. Bush made the witty remark,
"I'm not going to fire a million dollar missile at a tent and hit a
camel in the butt." Well...isn't that what he's
doing? We're half stepping this war, sending in Army Rangers
12 at a time to get their asses handed to them. Rangers or
not, they're still army. I say the following statement with
full conviction.....a Battalion of Marines would have had Bin Laden
singing "I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandy" by now with the Taliban singing
backup. For the uninitiated, a nice reinforced battalion
consists of about 1200 men who were mentally conditioned to laugh at
pain and enjoy killing.....and they have their own Howitzers.
The biggest battle an Army Ranger has seen lately is in picking a
nice color for their beret.
I have a new updater who has already submitted a
few posts. She thinks she's enlightened....but in reality
she's just anti-male. She'll argue about that, too.
Should make for some interesting posts. As soon as I get her
dtman accounts in order, you'll be seeing her here. In
Time Warner RoadRunner still sucks, after all
this time. At least they're consistent. After eight
days, they still haven't updated their DNS tables, and I can't do
any of the web work I've been wanting to do from home. Three
days is standard. Four is unheard of. They're going on
What do I want for lunch today? Food is
the only pleasure I get out of life, so it is not a decision to be
I think Episode II is going to suck. It
will be dumbed down for five year old kids the same way Episode I
was. The only thing that will save it will be to take it away
that's about it for now.
- Blue moon....you
saw me standing alone....
Happy Halloween to all except Jesse
Jackson. Jesse sez celebrating Halloween is against God.
The server transition is in progress.
Right this instant, if you're reading this post, then you're seeing
the new host, and the message board is broken. This is all
dependant on your particular ISP's Domain name Server. They
take 24-72 hours to update....it's been about 48 now.
Yesterday I was seeing the new page at work, but the old page from
Assuming I can see the new page from home
tonight, I'll get the message board fixed. Can't do it from
work for various reasons. It's technical.