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Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2015 12:41 pm
by GORDON
I may be in jail, soon.
Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2015 1:18 pm
by Malcolm
In-law jail, wife jail, real jail?
Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2015 1:47 pm
by GORDON
Real jail for murder. Though if I get a chance to tell my story, and there are 6 or more married men on the jury, they'll never convict me.
Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2015 2:22 pm
by Malcolm
GORDON wrote:Real jail for murder. Though if I get a chance to tell my story, and there are 6 or more married men on the jury, they'll never convict me.
You only need 1 if you want a hung jury.
Posted: Thu Aug 20, 2015 2:24 pm
by GORDON
Oh yeah. Whichever works.
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2015 11:25 am
by GORDON
So we have the butter that we eat... real butter in a tub, and Dawn has the margarine that she bakes with, sticks up in the little cubby in the fridge and the MIL has been told many, many times not to use those sticks, but she does. This pot boiled over a few nights ago when Dawn was going to bake some cookies for a work potluck, and all her baking sticks were gone. Just gone. As if by magic.
Dawn: Mother did you eat all of my butter sticks?
Mother In Law: No.
Dawn: We have this butter in the tub that we use for random things, the sticks are for when I bake and now I have to go out and buy more.
MIL: Well it wasn't me.
Dawn: That's bull, Steve says you use the butter sticks all the time when you make an egg. It wouldn't be a big deal but you didn't tell me you used them all and now I am stuck going grocery shopping at 8pm before I can even begin making cookies for tomorrow.
(The MIL will use half a stick of butter to fry one egg, fyi, on a nonstick pan. She pretty much deep fries an egg in butter.)
MIL: *starting to get loud and screechy* IT WASN'T ME. STOP BLAMING EVERYTHING ON ME. Besides... when I try to use the other butter it is too hard so I use the sticks.
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2015 11:25 am
by GORDON
Mother In Law: I want to go get my egg frying pan from my house.
Me: We have every size pan you need, if you can't find it just ask.
*time passes*
MIL: I want to go get my egg frying pan from my house.
Me: I HAVE EVERY SIZED PAN YOU NEED. If you can't find it just ask.
*time passes*
MIL: I want to go get my egg frying pan from my house.
Dawn: JESUS CHRIST MOTHER YOU HAVE ASKED FOR THAT THING 50 TIMES NOW. We don't have room for more pans. We have every sized frying pan that exists in the universe. If you can't find one just ask.
*time passes*
MIL: I want to go get my egg frying pan from my house.
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2015 11:26 am
by GORDON
In the grocery store with my diabetic mother-in-law to get milk because diabetic mother-in-law needed to have some midnight cereal last night, leaving no milk for breakfast. Diabetic Mother in Law is with me. I will skip past the part where she threw some sugary chocolate-covered granola bars in the cart thinking I wouldn't notice (But they have nuts, they are healthy!).
MIL: Can I get these frosted cranberries then?
Me: No.
MIL: Can I get this ice cream then?
Me: No.
MIL: Can I get these cookies, then?
Me: No.
MIL: Can I get an apple, then?
Me: We just picked apples off the tree. There are 50 of them in the kitchen.
MIL: But I want a green apple.
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2015 11:27 am
by GORDON
5 minutes ago I caught her putting Will's lunch packs of oranges into her cereal, 1 day after her doctor told her that yes, fruit also has sugar and she can't have it as much. "But I really like raisin bran" could be an entirely new conversation. No, I am not making her eat cereal for supper.... this is a bowl she made for herself this morning before she realized we didn't have any of the milk she finished off last night, and then she just left the bowl on the counter for someone else to deal with. Found the oranges when I dumped it in the trash.
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2015 11:27 am
by GORDON
I am trying to help her control her diet without being a dick about it, so since she has a massive sweet tooth I try to let her indulge it... conservatively... since she is supposed to be a grownup. So we have been buying her a half gallon of "No Sugar Added" ice cream every 10-14 days when I do a large trip to the grocery store. At first we let her do her own shopping... I watched her buy 3 gallons of it one day, which she would eat nonstop. So I had to stop taking her shopping.
So we get her this half gallon and Dawn says to her, "Don't eat it all in 3 days." Her Mom gets all loud and screechy, "I am not going to eat it in 3 days, I don't know why you say these things to me. God, I don't even know why you think...." etc etc etc, on and on and on. Just all loud and wounded and put-upon.
She ate it all in 2 days.
Edited By GORDON on 1443713382
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2015 11:31 am
by Malcolm
since she is supposed to be a grownup
You need to get your mind out of that mode of thinking.
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2015 11:39 am
by GORDON
Malcolm wrote:since she is supposed to be a grownup
You need to get your mind out of that mode of thinking.
That's my attitude for the outside world, I live with her now and I know she has reverted to childhood. She's literally the most selfish, childish adult I know. But I get opinions from people outside the circle. We take her to a family function (my side) and they see me controlling her diet or whatever, and they think I am being a dick.
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2015 11:41 am
by Malcolm
they think I am being a dick.
Won't they think that anyway?
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2015 11:47 am
by GORDON
Malcolm wrote:they think I am being a dick.
Won't they think that anyway?
A few years ago I learned that everyone in my liberal family is happier if I don't ever say anything, ever, so I'm usually just quiet at family events and talk to my cousin who is about my age and we talk about chopping wood or raising boys or just general man stuff.
I am all about making people happy.
But now they get to have opinions about how I take care of this demented old woman.... which, I guess, probably makes them happy.
I'm a giver.
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2015 11:49 am
by Malcolm
I am all about making people happy.
Well hell, if that's the game, then give the harpy all the sugar she wants.
now they get to have opinions about how I take care of this demented old woman
No they don't. They get those when they take care of her.
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2015 11:59 am
by GORDON
Malcolm wrote:I am all about making people happy.
Well hell, if that's the game, then give the harpy all the sugar she wants.
now they get to have opinions about how I take care of this demented old woman
No they don't. They get those when
they take care of her.
If I control her diet, and her meds, and keep taking her to old-lady-water-aerobics at the YMCA, and keep her healthy, there is actually less work for me to do. I have already discussed with my wife and my MIL's doctor that if she gets her feet cut off (or whatever) due to diabetes, I think that's going to be my limit. Her doctor is thrilled with my work, btw. She says my MIL looks night-and-day better just from the 2 months I have been in charge.
As for my family... people are going to be people, and people are going to feel ways about things that they have no business caring about. I honestly don't care, though. They aren't paying my bills, and we aren't close enough for their cares and concerns to not roll off of me like rain off a poncho. Just doesn't register. I am truly getting myself into a better "do not give a fuck" place. It feels good.
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2015 12:03 pm
by Leisher
I am truly getting myself into a better "do not give a fuck" place. It feels good.
"Serenity Now" can be good and bad.
As for your liberal family members, perhaps when MIL finally passes you can point out the hypocrisy in their actions. Liberals preach big games about helping folks, but when it's time to do the dirty work, they're hard to find.
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2015 12:04 pm
by Malcolm
I am truly getting myself into a better "do not give a fuck" place. It feels good.
If you didn't give a fuck, you'd make way more flippant remarks to them in a nonchalant manner instead of being silent.
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2015 12:05 pm
by GORDON
Leisher wrote:I am truly getting myself into a better "do not give a fuck" place. It feels good.
"Serenity Now" can be good and bad.
As for your liberal family members, perhaps when MIL finally passes you can point out the hypocrisy in their actions. Liberals preach big games about helping folks, but when it's time to do the dirty work, they're hard to find.
"SERENITY NOW" is a household joke around here, but really, SERENITY NOW means you are feeling the stress, and swallowing it.
I am getting to where I don't even feel it, because it just doesn't matter. It's a good thing.
Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2015 12:06 pm
by GORDON
Malcolm wrote:I am truly getting myself into a better "do not give a fuck" place. It feels good.
If you didn't give a fuck, you'd make way more flippant remarks to them in a nonchalant manner instead of being silent.
Maybe if they occur to me, but I wouldn't try to force it, because that takes a meager amount of energy and... I just don't care.