Rogue One - SPOILER thread

[GORDON]

- Yeah, how bout that Tarkin. I think I've seen better cgi in video games.

- The new jokey robot, while funny.... I dunno. His humor was good in the same way Threepio's was shitty. I always assumed it's because they couldn't program droids to be funny.... but now here we are.0

- The one Stormtrooper says, "What the..." and then blows up. I will always wonder what his next word was going to be.

- I liked seeing Vader, in the last 5 minutes, actually fighting like the Annikin Skywalker we knew in the Clone Wars cartoons. I liked the famous, "Let's open this door with a light saber" moment, just like we saw a hundred times in that same cartoon.

- And I think they fucked up putting R2 and Threepio at the Yavin base, and not on the Tantive IV (the ship cgi Leia was on), at the end. I liked the idea of Vader immediately taking off after that ship and the stolen plans, and that's where Ep4 starts.... but now.... the ship goes to Yavin IV and gets the droids, THEN Vader catches them? I mean, at that point the rebel alliance already has the plans, so there's no need to smuggle them out on R2. I think I see a continuity error.

Maybe the droids.... somehow come with the fleet when they all decide to fight on the planet of tropical beaches? We didn't see that, but maybe.

- Also, they borrowed a ship from Homeworld: Cataclysm. Remember those ships that ram, and then crank up the engines, pushing the other ship away? Member those? Here they are, the "Hammerhead Corvette."

- And it's interesting that every fucking body fucking dies. I never expected that, it isn't like we HAD to kill everyone who didn't show up in Ep4, but they sure as hell did.

[TheCatt]

I had been prepared for everyone dying, and yet... I wasn't prepared. I mentally knew they all died, but somehow, seeing it happen, I was still surprised.

Vader was nice.

I like the new robot.

[TheCatt]

Yeah, how bout that Tarkin. I think I've seen better cgi in video games.

Something felt off that I couldn't put my finger on... but I didn't realize he was cgi til now.

[Malcolm]

They hired a lookalike and digitally plastered Cushing's face on him from what I heard.

[TheCatt]

Cameos

[Leisher]

For the cameos: I noticed the guys from the cantina, all the obvious ones, Red 1, and loved Red 5 dying. I feel like there was one or two more I noticed that they didn't cover in that article.

Yeah, how bout that Tarkin. I think I've seen better cgi in video games.

Nobody else in my group of two other adults and three kids noticed he was CGI.

The new jokey robot, while funny....

Loved him. Best part of the movie. Considering C3-PO is already walking around, I'm fine with the differing personalities. Besides, R2-D2 has a brave personality that C3-PO doesn't have, so why can't another robot be jokey?

I liked seeing Vader

Ditto. It was like a reminder for the audience: "Hey, in case you forgot, this guy is a legit bad ass."

And I think they fucked up putting R2 and Threepio at the Yavin base, and not on the Tantive IV (the ship cgi Leia was on), at the end. I liked the idea of Vader immediately taking off after that ship and the stolen plans, and that's where Ep4 starts.... but now.... the ship goes to Yavin IV and gets the droids, THEN Vader catches them? I mean, at that point the rebel alliance already has the plans, so there's no need to smuggle them out on R2. I think I see a continuity error.

Yes, they showed the droids on Yavin IV, but I thought C3-PO said, "Now we're going to (whatever planet that fight was on)" and I'm paraphrasing. Remember, they showed them when the fleet was prepping to head over there to provide backup.

And it's interesting that every fucking body fucking dies. I never expected that, it isn't like we HAD to kill everyone who didn't show up in Ep4, but they sure as hell did.

Well, "Many Bothans died to get us this information"... so they kinda did. I liked it. More heroes needed to die in the Star Wars universe, and do so at the hands of stormtroopers. It gives them some legitimacy.

[TheCatt]

Well, "Many Bothans died to get us this information"... so they kinda did. I liked it. More heroes needed to die in the Star Wars universe, and do so at the hands of stormtroopers. It gives them some legitimacy.

Wrong movie.

[Leisher]

Well, "Many Bothans died to get us this information"... so they kinda did. I liked it. More heroes needed to die in the Star Wars universe, and do so at the hands of stormtroopers. It gives them some legitimacy.

Wrong movie.

How so?

[GORDON]

The second death star plans killed Mannie Bothans.

[TheCatt]

The second death star plans killed Mannie Bothans.

This.

[Leisher]

Interesting.

[TheCatt]

In case you don't just believe us

[TPRJones]

Maybe the droids.... somehow come with the fleet when they all decide to fight on the planet of tropical beaches? We didn't see that, but maybe.

Well, Leia wasn't supposed to be going to the battle, either. She was going to be sent directly to find Obi Wan. But when the call came in they scrambled all ships, and no doubt Leia and the droids being on the "flagship" means they're going to be coming along for the ride regardless of prior plans. Although I'll need to watch it again to nail down that timeline for certain.

But I did love the cameos. Mostly because they were all short and to the point instead of drawn out and stupid like fan service often goes.

I especially like that they used this movie to plug one of the long-complained-about plot holes in the original movie, about how there's no way the Death Star could have a one-shot kill switch like that. Yes, yes it can, and now it makes perfect sense.

Yeah, how bout that Tarkin. I think I've seen better cgi in video games.

Something felt off that I couldn't put my finger on... but I didn't realize he was cgi til now.

There was something around his eyes that looked just a little off to me. But if I hadn't already known that Cushing was dead I probably wouldn't have been judging and may not have noticed.

In case you don't just believe us

Holy shit. I spent the whole movie wondering where the bothans were going to come in. *sigh* But yeah, know I clearly remember the 3d plans being when bothans were mentioned, and Ep 4 had the older flat-screen plans. Oops.

The Rebel Alliance are a bunch of fucking idiots. Three times they completely fucked over the mission of Rogue One while theoretically trying to help. First they send in bombers to blow up the platform and screw up the rescue mission that was secretly an assassination that turned into a real rescue mission. Then while Rogue One has everything well in hand on the tropical planet they storm in with their fleet and make the empire close the shield so they get cut off from escape. And then when what's-her-butt is on the bridge at the top aligning the dish they blow up the bridge trying to kill her. If the Rebel Alliance never got involved their missions would have been much easier.

They certainly blew the hell out of the theory that Rogue One would later become the Knights of Ren. I spent the whole movie thinking of the characters by those Knights of Ren titles, and I'm kind of sad there's not possibility of that left. I especially like The Monk and The Heavy, they really stole the show IMO.

Anyway, I thought it was right up there with the best of Star Wars, and better than most. I have hope for the future of this franchise.

[GORDON]

Also interesting that their fucked up democracy put an emperor in charge, and then they rebel and form a new small Senate and immediately vote to give up the fight.

[TPRJones]

Oh, and I forgot to mention the Hammerhead Corvette. I know it was mentioned up above, but I wanted to add that it was one of the best things I've seen in all of the action scenes in all of Star Wars. I won't be able to watch the battle over Endor's moon now without wishing they would do that there as well.

[Leisher]

[GORDON]

Kylo Ren's full review.

http://nerdist.com/kylo-rens-review-of- ... t-matters/

[Malcolm]

This movie was fucking awful. I'll call it better than Ep VII strictly on the basis that someone didn't rip it off from Lucas (who himself ripped it off from various other sources).

The new jokey robot, while funny.... I dunno.

He felt like a PG version of Bender. Other than the "we have to have a droid" reason, what's the fucking point of having him? Why couldn't you get a person for the role?

"Hammerhead Corvette."

Just fucking wow. The zenith of the epitome of stupid I've seen the since "punch them to death" fights from Pacific Rim. Aside from the physics of massive objects colliding in 3-D space dictating that you'd need juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust the right angle to make that combo shot in the cosmic billiard volume AND the opposing ship not being able to get it's granny-slow ass out of the way, there's also the matter of WHY you would fucking need this when you have a technology I'll refer to as "Malcolm's Secret Universal Fuck You Weapon." Steps:

Step 1: Get the biggest heap of junk ship you can. As long as it's got a lot of mass, you're cool. Hell, put your garbage into it and kill two birds with one stone.
Step 2: Get a working hyperdrive in said heap of junk. Enable remote navigation and autopilot.
Step 3: Plot a clear course to something you want to destroy.
Step 4: Hit the autopilot until a straight line course is lined up and redline the hyperdrive. You now have a self-guided bomb with a ridiculous amount of energy which should obliterate anything it runs into. It also moves as fast as the speed limit of the universe, so nothing's going to fucking intercept it.

For the cameos: I noticed the guys from the cantina, all the obvious ones, Red 1, and loved Red 5 dying. I feel like there was one or two more I noticed that they didn't cover in that article.

Yeah. By far, the best part of this flick was all the shout-outs to previous movies. Some were obscure. J. J. should take lessons from this screenwriter about how to drum up nostalgia without hackily plagiarizing it.

Nobody else in my group of two other adults and three kids noticed he was CGI.

If he weren't standing next to real people, I wouldn't have noticed. The mouth and face still aren't quite right.

Ditto. It was like a reminder for the audience: "Hey, in case you forgot, this guy is a legit bad ass."

No, not until Eps I-III are retconned/remade. He's always and forever that whiny-ass, emo loser. His cloak is tainted with the aire of the trenchcoat of a disaffected, angsty teen until that shit's undone.

Skip to about 1:45.

...there's no way the Death Star could have a one-shot kill switch like that. Yes, yes it can, and now it makes perfect sense.

No, still idiotic. There's literally no other engineer in the entire motherfucking Galatic Imperial Empire that knows his shit well enough to find the flaw in the plans? The lead scientist dude himself admitted that he wasn't the only guy who could make the thing.

Oh, and let's chat about the Empire's data center having the most batshit insane design in the universe versus it's satellite realignment program, which is so fucking well-tuned, you simply push one button and everything works again.

...Knights of Ren titles, and I'm kind of sad there's not possibility of that left. I especially like The Monk and The Heavy, they really stole the show IMO.

Were those the dudes from the temple? The Force is with that dude strong enough to guide him through a bullet storm unscathed, yet it's not with him enough so that he can just flip the switch telekinetically from safety? The Force sounds like an asshole.

[TPRJones]

The Force sounds like an asshole.

Yes. That seems to be the case most of the time.

Things the force has done or been party to in chronological order (off the top of my head): rape, failure to pay child support, destruction of trade federation property*, mind-control*, race rigging, cheating at gambling, murder*, dismemberment*, voyeurism, reckless driving and violations of traffic regulations*, attempted genocide, slaughtering of animals*, elder abuse*, unlawful execution of a prisoner (decapitation), causing nightmares leading to mental breakdown, betrayal, massacre of children, subversion of the democratic process, evading arrest*, destruction of imperial property*, impersonation of imperial personnel, unlawful release of imperial prisoner, sabotage*, suicide, necromancy*, mass murder*, attempted filicide, destruction of Hutt cartel property, theft of Hutt cartel property, impersonation of a supreme being, attempted patricide, torture*, assassination of the Emperor, theft of private property, destruction of First Order property, unlawful release of First Order prisoner, and patricide.

(items with * happen many times throughout the series but in the interest of brevity are only listed once each)

[Malcolm]

Things the force has done or been party to in chronological order...

Most of that ends up being douchebags or angsty teens abusing the Force by ... I don't know, enslaving and brainwashing their mitochlorians (who seem to have absolutely no veto power when they're misused). The dark/shortsighted side sees the power as a tool to further their own megalomanical dreams of grandeur. The light/pussy side acts like it's some quasi-Buddhist consciousness with a distinct "It moves in mysterious ways" motif that permeates everything, and if you listen to those fucking stupid tiny critters, then you can hear the will of the universe or some other hippie crap. In both cases, it appears to fail at the most inopportune times and function in the dumbest of ways.