Wife and I got into it last night, I told her that I am trying to change my life so that "chill" is my default mood, and I didn't like her constant negativity. She told me that her style of telling people off was healthier than me just not giving a fuck about other people's shit in the first place, that it isn't my job to educate them or make them happy. She disagreed. She thinks a constant state of irritation is the way to go.
Thoughts?
Best stress coping mechanism?
Best stress coping mechanism?
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
Honestly, I've moved a lot more towards chill in the past 7 years. Most things just aren't worth getting upset about, and the decreased stress has made life better, imho. People get themselves all twisted about over the stupidest things, when they should just move on with life.
I'm with you.
I'm with you.
It's not me, it's someone else.
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
For example, I block ALL political pages on Facebook, and I even block the new ones that other people "Share." And if people in my friend list can't restrain themselves from being political, they get the ol' "See fewer posts from this person."
So my wife likes to engage with them on facebook, and she tells me about all the dumb shit that I blocked because I didn't want to see it. And I nicely tell her that I am not interested, but she tells me all about it anyway. Then I get irritated, and try to leave the conversation that she is having at me, and then I am an asshole because I don't care about the same shit she does, and she wants me to get angry about it, too.
I know Fight Club is the go-to movie for angry, disenfranchised youths who know everything is terrible and the system sucks, but there was a line that stuck with me, "Slide.... the ability to let that which does not matter truly slide." That's where i am trying to get. My wife isn't sharing my journey.
So my wife likes to engage with them on facebook, and she tells me about all the dumb shit that I blocked because I didn't want to see it. And I nicely tell her that I am not interested, but she tells me all about it anyway. Then I get irritated, and try to leave the conversation that she is having at me, and then I am an asshole because I don't care about the same shit she does, and she wants me to get angry about it, too.
I know Fight Club is the go-to movie for angry, disenfranchised youths who know everything is terrible and the system sucks, but there was a line that stuck with me, "Slide.... the ability to let that which does not matter truly slide." That's where i am trying to get. My wife isn't sharing my journey.
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
Your options are wrong.
For me, the third is the correct option without that caveat.
I think if you're someone who tells people how wrong they are all the time and gets crazy heated and upset, it's a fail. People will tune you out and assign a viewpoint to you that, right or not, is how they think you'll come at things. You'll be part of the problem. The most vocal people in this election cycle are examples of this type of person. I have uncles who scream every day on FB about this election and everyone has completely tuned them out. They even get tuned out when they're discussing other issues because people are sick of hearing from them on the other.
So I agree with you that constant irritation is not the way to go, nor is it healthy.
Meanwhile, if you're just chill and silent, you're equally a huge part of the problem. Sorry, but there's a reason the "silent" majority's issues are mostly ignored. There's a reason that this nation is completely focused on a minority group that represents 12% of the population, while another minority group that represents 22% is completely ignored. If you always sit silently people won't care if you even have an opinion. You'll be sitting there "chill" while they spout complete ignorance. So if you're at a party and a girl is passed out and your buddy starts fucking her you're just going to sit there and do nothing? Same shit. (Yes, I know not EXACTLY the same, but follow me here...)
I'm not saying you need to correct everyone spouting dumb shit, but pick your spots. You know who you can talk to about things and who you can't. You know who is too stupid to talk logically to and who can accept your argument and process it.
I just returned from SC where I had several lunches and dinner with one of my best friends, Billy Martin (no relation), who happens to be black. He's also young and very, very angry about what's going on with the cops shooting black people. He's all in on "the police are openly murdering black people". However, he's a smart guy, and we have an open dialogue that allowed us to be very honest about the issue as we discussed it all week. That's where our friendship stands. He can give me any opinion without offending me and vice versa. (Same type of relationship that fueled The Chapelle Show's success. A black guy and white guy who could be completely open about differences between their races.) We had a great discussion that opened my eyes to some things, and opened his eyes to others. I was able to say "fuck Michael Brown" to him without backlash and even get him to admit that maybe the cops in Cleveland who shot the 15 year old (or whatever) weren't wrong. The biggest thing we agreed upon though is that one thing that makes this issue worse is that people can't sit down, like we were, and have a rational conversation about the issue.
Those uncles I discussed have made it impossible for me to discuss anything remotely political on FB. Why? Because they'll immediately chime in with ignorance and that will reflect upon me, especially if I don't "correct" them and just ignore it.
So my point is don't completely shut down or you're part of the problem. But also, don't become the loud mouthed, preaching asshole who thinks he's right about everything and can't be swayed by opinion or fact or people will tune you out.
I constantly tell my oldest "Worry about the things you can change, not the things you can't."
I love my uncles, but I don't engage them on politics. However, I can engage the folks here because we're mostly able to see different sides of things and can accept that our position might be wrong and we can move it. (Mostly...)
So pick your spots. You can even sway those stubborn bastards from time to time by finding a common theme that even they agree with. For example, they might be crazy anti-Trump people, but they'll still be able to admit that if the Dems had put up someone better than Hillary this election wouldn't even be remotely in doubt.
That's bullshit. You can't tie your "other" category into the first category. It means your poll only has two options, one you're promoting and one you've claimed is wrong.Other, but don't give the "balance" shit. That is still deciding when to keep it real.
For me, the third is the correct option without that caveat.
I think if you're someone who tells people how wrong they are all the time and gets crazy heated and upset, it's a fail. People will tune you out and assign a viewpoint to you that, right or not, is how they think you'll come at things. You'll be part of the problem. The most vocal people in this election cycle are examples of this type of person. I have uncles who scream every day on FB about this election and everyone has completely tuned them out. They even get tuned out when they're discussing other issues because people are sick of hearing from them on the other.
So I agree with you that constant irritation is not the way to go, nor is it healthy.
Meanwhile, if you're just chill and silent, you're equally a huge part of the problem. Sorry, but there's a reason the "silent" majority's issues are mostly ignored. There's a reason that this nation is completely focused on a minority group that represents 12% of the population, while another minority group that represents 22% is completely ignored. If you always sit silently people won't care if you even have an opinion. You'll be sitting there "chill" while they spout complete ignorance. So if you're at a party and a girl is passed out and your buddy starts fucking her you're just going to sit there and do nothing? Same shit. (Yes, I know not EXACTLY the same, but follow me here...)
I'm not saying you need to correct everyone spouting dumb shit, but pick your spots. You know who you can talk to about things and who you can't. You know who is too stupid to talk logically to and who can accept your argument and process it.
I just returned from SC where I had several lunches and dinner with one of my best friends, Billy Martin (no relation), who happens to be black. He's also young and very, very angry about what's going on with the cops shooting black people. He's all in on "the police are openly murdering black people". However, he's a smart guy, and we have an open dialogue that allowed us to be very honest about the issue as we discussed it all week. That's where our friendship stands. He can give me any opinion without offending me and vice versa. (Same type of relationship that fueled The Chapelle Show's success. A black guy and white guy who could be completely open about differences between their races.) We had a great discussion that opened my eyes to some things, and opened his eyes to others. I was able to say "fuck Michael Brown" to him without backlash and even get him to admit that maybe the cops in Cleveland who shot the 15 year old (or whatever) weren't wrong. The biggest thing we agreed upon though is that one thing that makes this issue worse is that people can't sit down, like we were, and have a rational conversation about the issue.
Those uncles I discussed have made it impossible for me to discuss anything remotely political on FB. Why? Because they'll immediately chime in with ignorance and that will reflect upon me, especially if I don't "correct" them and just ignore it.
So my point is don't completely shut down or you're part of the problem. But also, don't become the loud mouthed, preaching asshole who thinks he's right about everything and can't be swayed by opinion or fact or people will tune you out.
I constantly tell my oldest "Worry about the things you can change, not the things you can't."
I love my uncles, but I don't engage them on politics. However, I can engage the folks here because we're mostly able to see different sides of things and can accept that our position might be wrong and we can move it. (Mostly...)
So pick your spots. You can even sway those stubborn bastards from time to time by finding a common theme that even they agree with. For example, they might be crazy anti-Trump people, but they'll still be able to admit that if the Dems had put up someone better than Hillary this election wouldn't even be remotely in doubt.
“Every record been destroyed or falsified, books rewritten, pictures repainted, statues, street building renamed, every date altered. The process is continuing day by day. History stops. Nothing exists except endless present in which the Party is right.”
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
It's a good think you're so pretty, because your personality sucks.
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
You already used that one today.GORDON wrote:It's a good think you're so pretty, because your personality sucks.
“Every record been destroyed or falsified, books rewritten, pictures repainted, statues, street building renamed, every date altered. The process is continuing day by day. History stops. Nothing exists except endless present in which the Party is right.”
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
Giving it good coverage.
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
Your mom gives good coverage.
“Every record been destroyed or falsified, books rewritten, pictures repainted, statues, street building renamed, every date altered. The process is continuing day by day. History stops. Nothing exists except endless present in which the Party is right.”
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
Where is the option for "I've never understood what this stress thing people talk about actually is. Life comes at you at full speed and you handle it based on the information and resources available. I do not get where or what emotion comes into that process for some people that is labeled as stress."
"ATTENTION: Customers browsing porn must hold magazines with both hands at all times!"
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
Get married sometime.TPRJones wrote:Where is the option for "I've never understood what this stress thing people talk about actually is. Life comes at you at full speed and you handle it based on the information and resources available. I do not get where or what emotion comes into that process for some people that is labeled as stress."
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
Ah.
No.
No.
"ATTENTION: Customers browsing porn must hold magazines with both hands at all times!"
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
There's good points, but think of all the opportunities to improve yourself that you're missing by not being told how often you are wrong about stuff.TPRJones wrote:Ah.
No.
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
Stress is what happens when you obsess over something you might do or what others might think or even simple paranoia run amok. In any case, the worrying is useless. Everyone has their own ways of handling that anxiety. Most people just don't have the psychological balls to do so.
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
Yeah, I've heard of the concepts but I just don't understand. I don't mean "why worry about things you can't control" so much as "how is it possible to worry about things you can't control?" I can understand anxiety over having to make a difficult decision or to perform a difficult action, but anxiety over the actions of others or random happenstance makes no sense to me. And once the decision is done or the action is completed, regardless of how it went I can't understand feeling anxiety over that since it can no longer be changed. I guess I'm weird.
So I'll vote "Other".
So I'll vote "Other".
"ATTENTION: Customers browsing porn must hold magazines with both hands at all times!"
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
I was wondering if we would get any "Beep boop does not compute to my emotionless robot brain" responses. 
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
You can always count on me for that. 
"ATTENTION: Customers browsing porn must hold magazines with both hands at all times!"
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
So nothing makes you nervous or jittery?TPRJones wrote:Yeah, I've heard of the concepts but I just don't understand. I don't mean "why worry about things you can't control" so much as "how is it possible to worry about things you can't control?" I can understand anxiety over having to make a difficult decision or to perform a difficult action, but anxiety over the actions of others or random happenstance makes no sense to me. And once the decision is done or the action is completed, regardless of how it went I can't understand feeling anxiety over that since it can no longer be changed. I guess I'm weird.
So I'll vote "Other".
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
GORDON wrote:I was wondering if we would get any "Beep boop does not compute to my emotionless robot brain" responses.
- Axl RoseI don't worry about nothin', because worrying's a waste of my time
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
Almost never, no. I remember feeling a bit on edge when there was a knife pulled on me in Tucumcari in '92, but I think in that sort of situation it's common to be a bit hyper aware.Malcolm wrote:So nothing makes you nervous or jittery?
"ATTENTION: Customers browsing porn must hold magazines with both hands at all times!"
Re: Best stress coping mechanism?
Another reason I appreciate my wife. She basically accepts me as-is.GORDON wrote: There's good points, but think of all the opportunities to improve yourself that you're missing by not being told how often you are wrong about stuff.
It's not me, it's someone else.