Welcome to Thunderdome

Malcolm wrote: Ladies and gentlemen, the next "deep threat" WR whose career the Vikings are going to run into the ground...

Fails booze test. Claims it's fermented tea.

NFL Shop put up team-state license plates. According to them, the Redskins play in the pacific northwest.

Malcolm wrote: the Redskins play in the pacific northwest

Well, they used to...

Ahmad Green arrested for child abuse.

Malcolm wrote:

Malcolm wrote: Ladies and gentlemen, the next "deep threat" WR whose career the Vikings are going to run into the ground...

Fails booze test. Claims it's fermented tea.

One day in jail.

Hendrix told Floyd that any alcohol found in his system was a violation of the house-arrest terms.

Why not him? Uh ... he sucks?

That's true, but he doesn't know that or he refuses to accept it.

But for funsies, let's say his skills are on par with Fitz's.

Fitz got a 48 on the Wonderlic. Young got a 6 the first time and a 14 on a retake.

Fitz has had zero scandals, issues with management, interviews bashing current players and former coaches, etc.

If you're any team and you need a backup, which one of those two are you signing? The smart guy who isn't a distraction or the dumb asshole?

Clinton Portis almost shot a motherfucker, according to Clinton Portis.

Remember Todd Marinovich? He's attempting a comeback at 48.

The first sentence of that article is Onion calibre.

Todd Marinovich was selected in the first round of the 1991 draft by the Los Angeles Raiders, signing a three-year, $2.25 million deal.

Same draft slot today (24th) is $10.4M for 4 years.

Joe Montana on why Kaep sucks. Surprise: it's because he can't throw.

Megatron on playing for the Lions:

“It’s the definition of insanity,” Johnson added after pausing.

You've got to respect Cousins' belief in himself.

People think the Patriots are going 19-0 this year.

I just cannot believe in Cousins. I can't.

If you have a child, the Broncos hate you.

Ok, not really, but that's kind of how this story reads. I agree with the former ticket holders too. Any company that's unwilling to communicate with their customers is a shitty company.

The Redskins have a policy that if you do not attend at least half of the regular season games, you can lose your season ticket rights.

I didn't see anything quite like that in the Broncos' policy though.

I guess they just changed it? Or decided to implement it without announcing it?

I get why they would want to promote season ticket holders attending games rather than sell their tickets, but make a fucking phone call!

OBJ is taking a page from the Balls.

Although June wasn't the time to discuss it, apparently the first day of training camp is the perfect time, because Beckham finally opened up about what he wants in a new contract. In a video for Uninterrupted, the wide receiver said he's hoping to become the highest paid player in the NFL.

Genius retires.

His decision, which was announced by the Ravens, comes two days after a medical study indicated that chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) was found in nearly 99 percent of deceased NFL players' brains that were donated to scientific research.

I'll grant you that there may be genetic predispositions to this sort of thing and that not everyone plays as hard as everyone else, and I'm not saying we should go to touch football, but come the fuck on, that's a solid ratio.

Pacman Jones is really glad he knows where Mike Brown buried the dead hookers.

Jones was suspended the first game of the season for violating the league’s personal conduct policy, after his arrest in January on assault charges (which included spitting on a jailhouse nurse).

Suffice it to say, it wasn’t Jones’ first brush with trouble, or even trouble in Cincinnati. And because he turns 34 in September and makes a lot of money, it’s reasonable to wonder whether it might have been the last straw. But the Bengals have always provided safe harbor for guys who need second and third and fourth chances (it’s no accident Joe Mixon ended up where he is)

And now on to the Cowboys who last week set an all-time high for being fucking idiots. Cops arrest some dude who claims he's Lucky Whitehead, WR for Dallas. Dallas promptly terminates Lucky's employment, which comes as a bit of a shock to the dude because he's not the one in cuffs. Turns out the arrestee is just how I described him, some guy who claimed to be Lucky. Jerry Jones didn't bother verifying that before letting him go. Then the Jets picked him up, and that's like getting punished twice. You also have to wonder about Dallas dropping a player with legal problems, because I still think they lead the NFL in the "most starts by a felon" statistical category.