Today's Moron Champion

[TPRJones]

I wonder what the charges were. The act of burning the flag isn't in itself a crime.

[TheCatt]

It could be incitement doing that in close proximity to those you know are going to be offended. Or recklessness/public endangerment due to, you know, starting a FIRE with a bunch of people around.

[Vince]

Or recklessness/public endangerment due to, you know, starting a FIRE with a bunch of people around.

This would be my guess.

[Malcolm]

You're on fire, stupid"

I don't care if you hate cops or not. This cop is awesome just for being responsible for this headline.

[TPRJones]

Or recklessness/public endangerment due to, you know, starting a FIRE with a bunch of people around.

That's fair. Hopefully so. I'd be disappointed to see yet another attempt by law enforcement to overrule the Supreme Court on something they disagree with them about.

[Leisher]

Paramedics Gone Wild.

[Malcolm]

Paramedics Gone Wild.

Special mentions:

Investigators identified a total of 41 patients who were props in the game, three of whom apparently gave their permission, the sheriff's office said.

[Malcolm]

You've just won $3M in the lottery and are looking to create a financial portfolio.

Music "decided to test his luck by sinking millions of dollars of lottery winnings into the purchase and sale of crystal meth," U.S. Attorney Ed Tarver said in a statement. "As a result of his unsound investment strategy, Music now faces decades in a federal prison."

[Leisher]

Women pissed off at "pee pee doll" used in Hibachi restaurant.

The bitch actually called police and her husband called it "a sexual style assault".

Holy shit snacks.

While the chef probably shouldn't have sprayed her with it, I usually only see it used on the grill, he was probably using to water to see if she's a demon. Click the link and scroll down until you see her picture. There's a solid chance that she's hell spawn.

[Malcolm]

Police haven’t filed any charges, and even if they did, it’s unlikely they would stick, according to Los Angeles-based criminal defense attorney Adam Sostrin.

“As far as I can tell, there was no sexual assault made by the obnoxious yet marginally entertaining toy at the hibachi restaurant,” Sostrin told HuffPost. “Nor should any humans be found criminally culpable.”

Countersue.

[GORDON]

She looking to get PAID, yo.

[Vince]

Said it didn't matter that the little plastic boy didn't actually have a penis. Guess it's enough that it identified as a male.

[GORDON]

Wow, it just evolved into a hate crime. Someone's going to prison.

[Leisher]

Guy gets 30 years in jail, until he asks for 33 to match Bird's jersey.

[Malcolm]

Guy gets 30 years in jail, until he asks for 33 to match Bird's jersey.

Too bad he's not a fan of Amir Johnson or Jae Crowder.

[Malcolm]

Impulsive vigilantism only works in the movies or when done by people who actually have fucking knowledge of real security procedures.

Police say Kenneth Wisham, 64, tried to steal nearly $400 worth of DVDs from the Lakeland store in February when store workers confronted him, according to WFLA.

Wisham ran but had trouble keeping his pants up, eventually causing him to trip and fall to the ground, police said. The Wal-Mart employees held him down until police could arrive, but Wisham stopped breathing.
...
The man was rushed to an area hospital where he later died.

An autopsy found Wisham’s cause of death to be mechanical asphyxia due to restraint. The Medical Examiner’s report also found that he had 15 broken ribs.

Three Walmart employees have been charged in his death – Nathan Allen Higgins, a 35-year-old support manager; Crucelis Nunez, a 23-year-old customer service manager; and Randall Eugene Toko a 58-year-old loss-prevention specialist.

Hope the DVDs were worth not knowing a proper arm or ankle hold, dumb-asses.

[TheCatt]

Try not being a thief, Kenneth. Or wait, too late for that.

[GORDON]

Yeah, I'm not sure where I fall on this one. Thieves are scum, but being executed for DVDs in the age of bittorrent... that's just stupid. At the VERY worst I would just have cut off one of his hands.

[Vince]

I have little sympathy for the thief. The Walmart employees were not intentionally trying to kill the guy. The guy was intentionally trying to be a thieving prick.

[GORDON]

Yeeeeaaahhhhh....................... my sympathy is 51% walmart guys.

But they should have known at some point they were killing him and breaking ribs.