Kids Say the Darnedest Things
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- Posts: 8055
- Joined: Thu May 20, 2004 7:32 pm
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- Posts: 8055
- Joined: Thu May 20, 2004 7:32 pm
So my eldest (5 yo) was peppering my wife with questions of the Why variety at dinner, and my wife eventually got tired of it. I said I could answer why questions.
Daughter: Why do girls have vaginas and boys have penises?
(Really? The previous 5 questions were about the weather)
Me: Because when they are grownups, they need those to make babies.
Daughter: What if two women wanted to marry each other?
Me: They could figure out a way.
Daughter: What if two women wanted to make a baby.
Me: They can't do that, you need one set of each parts.
Daughter: What if you had two sets of each parts?
Me: Then you might not be sure who the daddy was.
Daughter: What?
Daughter: Why do girls have vaginas and boys have penises?
(Really? The previous 5 questions were about the weather)
Me: Because when they are grownups, they need those to make babies.
Daughter: What if two women wanted to marry each other?
Me: They could figure out a way.
Daughter: What if two women wanted to make a baby.
Me: They can't do that, you need one set of each parts.
Daughter: What if you had two sets of each parts?
Me: Then you might not be sure who the daddy was.
Daughter: What?
It's not me, it's someone else.
I would have said "DNA."TheCatt wrote:So my eldest (5 yo) was peppering my wife with questions of the Why variety at dinner, and my wife eventually got tired of it. I said I could answer why questions.
Daughter: Why do girls have vaginas and boys have penises?
(Really? The previous 5 questions were about the weather)
Me: Because when they are grownups, they need those to make babies.
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
Wife bugs me to teach our 6-year-old boy how to do subtraction problems. I think a moment, and say:
"You have a spaceship with 7 people on board, and one cat. An alien pops out of one of the people, and kills 5 more. What's left?"
Amid lots of giggling, he says, "One person, and one cat."
I say, "And?" silence. I finish, "And one alien, but good."
"Next subtraction question: You have a squad of 10 Space Marines, and their commander ordered them to take the bullets out of their guns. They walk into a nest of aliens. How many Space Marines are left?"
"Zero?"
"Very good. You understand subtraction just fine."
I am not kidding. I really asked him those question, just now.
"You have a spaceship with 7 people on board, and one cat. An alien pops out of one of the people, and kills 5 more. What's left?"
Amid lots of giggling, he says, "One person, and one cat."
I say, "And?" silence. I finish, "And one alien, but good."
"Next subtraction question: You have a squad of 10 Space Marines, and their commander ordered them to take the bullets out of their guns. They walk into a nest of aliens. How many Space Marines are left?"
"Zero?"
"Very good. You understand subtraction just fine."
I am not kidding. I really asked him those question, just now.
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
The wife and I have had this verbal thing we have done for the last 20 years.... the usage of the phrase, "your mom's butt" to replace most any noun.
"Where is the thing I am looking for?"
"Probably in your mom's butt."
So obviously the kid has heard us say that a lot.
So today:
Wife: Where should we go to eat?
Me: Doesn't really matter, all the places are in your mom's butt, anyway. If you go to Google Earth you can see your mom's butt without even having to zoom in all that much. It is the only manmade butt visible from space.
Wife: Yeah well your mom's butt is so big that we are inside it right now.
My 7 year old son: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! She said Mimi's butt is really big and it is!
I give him a look.
He stops laughing, looks at me, and says, "Metaphorically speaking, of course."
Edited By GORDON on 1370398169
"Where is the thing I am looking for?"
"Probably in your mom's butt."
So obviously the kid has heard us say that a lot.
So today:
Wife: Where should we go to eat?
Me: Doesn't really matter, all the places are in your mom's butt, anyway. If you go to Google Earth you can see your mom's butt without even having to zoom in all that much. It is the only manmade butt visible from space.
Wife: Yeah well your mom's butt is so big that we are inside it right now.
My 7 year old son: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! She said Mimi's butt is really big and it is!
I give him a look.
He stops laughing, looks at me, and says, "Metaphorically speaking, of course."
Edited By GORDON on 1370398169
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."
That's not a good sign.GORDON wrote:Kid: "Country music sucks. Except for banjo music. That sounds really good."
“Every record been destroyed or falsified, books rewritten, pictures repainted, statues, street building renamed, every date altered. The process is continuing day by day. History stops. Nothing exists except endless present in which the Party is right.”
I would strongly advise against that. If he likes the banjo, he might get mad at Burt Reynolds killing those innocent rednecks just defending their land against Ned Beatty...GORDON wrote:I never even knew he liked the sound of a banjo.
Time to watch Deliverance with him.
“Every record been destroyed or falsified, books rewritten, pictures repainted, statues, street building renamed, every date altered. The process is continuing day by day. History stops. Nothing exists except endless present in which the Party is right.”
Nothing wrong with some old skool country. "New country" is to music what O'Doul's is to beer. Johnny Cash did country. Johnny Cash was bad-ass.GORDON wrote:Kid: "Country music sucks. Except for banjo music. That sounds really good."
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Sounds like he might be a potential fan of The Cleverlys.
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