Spenglish - Or, "funny shit our kids say"

Post by **GORDON** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 9:24 am

My kid watches some Plahouse Disney sometimes in the morning, and one of the shows is called "Handy Manny." It's about a general contractor with a peck of talking tools. As Manny is voiced by Vilmer Valderama ('Fez' from "That 70's Show"), Manny, and some of the tools, have a spanish accent.

The show currently on is called , "Showbiz," and at the beginning of the episode the title of the show is on the screen and one of the tools says it, so kids can learn to read better.

The tool with the spanish accent was the one who said the name of today's show, and my 4 year old son turns to me and says, "What does 'choo bees' mean?"

Post by **GORDON** » Wed Jul 21, 2010 12:58 pm

The other day at a carnival, he and I were on a Ferris wheel. Looking down, he saw one of those kids-on-a-chain dealies. He asked me, "Daddy, why do they have a human being on a leash?"

unkbill · Post by **unkbill** » Wed Jul 21, 2010 6:24 pm

GORDON wrote:The other day at a carnival, he and I were on a Ferris wheel. Looking down, he saw one of those kids-on-a-chain dealies. He asked me, "Daddy, why do they have a human being on a leash?"

Well for me tell him for unkbill it is called being married.

Post by **GORDON** » Mon Sep 20, 2010 3:25 pm

Kid gets out of the bath the other night, and the wife has "Little People, Big World" on TV. It's a reality series about midgets or dwarfs or whatever they are.

The kid walks in, looks, and says, "Mommy... I just saw a hobbit!"

unkbill · Post by **unkbill** » Tue Sep 21, 2010 5:43 pm

GORDON wrote:Kid gets out of the bath the other night, and the wife has "Little People, Big World" on TV. It's a reality series about midgets or dwarfs or whatever they are.

The kid walks in, looks, and says, "Mommy... I just saw a hobbit!"

A person just on TMZ the other day. He said "They" prefered to be called little people. Not that I will remember when I see one. But just point of fact.
Umpa lumpa digity day. Hey look Muchkins!! Not really funny but.

Post by **TPRJones** » Tue Sep 21, 2010 6:00 pm

You watch TMZ?

Interesting.

unkbill · Post by **unkbill** » Tue Sep 21, 2010 7:22 pm

TPRJones wrote:You watch TMZ?

Interesting.

I'm just not a drunk. I do have a personal life. TMZ makes me laugh.

Personal life could be interrupted in so many ways. Or as one man said "life is a banana."
That also made me laugh and have been looking for the punchline ever since.

Edited By unkbill on 1285111581

Post by **TPRJones** » Tue Sep 21, 2010 7:59 pm

No judgments here. I also watch it. Although mostly in the mornings as I get ready for work. It's a filler recording to make sure there's always something on the DVR that might be mildly entertaining yet mostly mindless noise.

I just didn't think it would be your thing is all.

Lisa Lampanelli was hilarious, wasn't she?

Edited By TPRJones on 1285113636

Post by **GORDON** » Mon Nov 15, 2010 7:07 pm

The other day we were sitting around telling each other knock knock jokes. Half of the ones he tells are ones he heard from school, the other half he makes up. "What did Jupiter say to Saturn? Nice rings."

So I gave him the long one:

Me: Knock knock,
Kid: Who's there?
Me: Banana
Him: Banana who?

Me: Knock knock,
Kid: Who's there?
Me: Banana
Him: Banana who?

Me: Knock knock,
Kid: Who's there?
Me: Banana
Him: Banana who?

Me: Knock knock,
Kid: Who's there?
Me: Orange
Him: Orange who?
Me: Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

He laughed and laughed.... but not to be outdone.... he adds....

"Come in!"

He wins.

Post by **TheCatt** » Mon Nov 15, 2010 9:03 pm

LOL.

Our kid told her first joke:

Why did the wheel take a nap?

Because it was tired!

Quickly followed by her second joke...

Why did the banana take a nap?

Because it was tired!

Post by **GORDON** » Tue Nov 16, 2010 10:17 am

Sitting at the dinner table eating and talking the other day. My son was asked a question, and he sort of crosses his arms and puts his hand on his chin. I asked, "What are you doing?"
He answers, "This is what Andy Warhol does when he is thinking."

I think they taught him about Warhol in his Kindergarten art class. I asked him, "What does he do?"

"Paint soup."

Post by **thibodeaux** » Tue Nov 16, 2010 10:56 am

Good God, I don't know if ever want my kids to know about Andy Warhol; certainly not in Kindergarten. WTF?

Post by **GORDON** » Tue Nov 16, 2010 11:41 am

No idea. Hippie art teacher? Doesn't bother me. Art teachers should be hippies.

Post by **TPRJones** » Tue Nov 16, 2010 1:49 pm

Sounds like they're not focusing on the art. Wonder if the lesson came with a nice dose of communism, too?

Malcolm · Post by **Malcolm** » Tue Nov 16, 2010 1:51 pm

Best to be exposed to idiots & has-beens early on so you can more readily recognize them later.

Post by **GORDON** » Tue Nov 16, 2010 2:09 pm

TPRJones wrote:Sounds like they're not focusing on the art. Wonder if the lesson came with a nice dose of communism, too?

They can teach him whatever they want... he'll get the other side of the issue at home.

Post by **GORDON** » Tue Nov 16, 2010 2:31 pm

Parent/teacher conference the other night.

While you are waiting in the hall for your turn with the teacher, they have folders out there showing pictures the kids drew. Each folder had a designated color, and the pictures were something related to that color.

In the blue folder, kids were drawing blue berries, birds, the sky, smurfs. My kid drew Neptune.

In the red folder, kids were drawing apples, stop signs, fire trucks. My kid drew a man down bleeding red blood from a bug bite.

Teacher says she really likes my kid.

Post by **GORDON** » Fri Nov 19, 2010 8:16 pm

He just recognized Starry Night because he saw the Doctor Who episode.

"Hey Will, who painted this picture?"
".....Mr. Van Gogh?"
"Yep."

I loved that episode. The last 10 minutes makes my eyes water. Like a Viking.

Post by **GORDON** » Fri Dec 10, 2010 10:45 am

I was reminded of this yesterday...

Last Christmas with my family from my Dad's side, WHO I LOVE SO MUCH AND ARE SO AWESOME...

Several of them are apparently very religious, and wanted us all to hold hands and sing happy birthday to jesus.

I'm serious.

I hate that stuff, but in order to not be the christmas dick I just bite my tongue and hold hands. I don't participate in the singling/praying/whatever they are doing that day, but I don't raise a ruckus. I try to be respectful of their beliefs, because I love them so much and they are so awesome.

But anyway, they start singing happy birthday to jesus.

It ends and my five year old son looks up at me and asks, "Who's Jesus?"

I barked out a laugh.

I might have to say something about it this year at the gathering. The over-the-top religious stuff makes me uncomfortable both for me and him. I'd honestly rather not go at all if they are going to do that.

I hate the religious holidays...

Post by **thibodeaux** » Fri Dec 10, 2010 11:06 am

You better at least teach him who Jesus is, or else move to some Godless heathen country like Russia, you commie.