VInce mentioned a kid never learning responsibility.
We've all heard of "helicopter parenting" in which a parent hovers over their children, and adult children, to the extent that they never make a move in their lives without their parent monitoring it, to the point where the parent, for example, writes a college prof a nasty email if the kid gets a bad grade on a test.
Recently I heard of "Snowplow Parenting." That's where the parent removes all obstacles in the kid's way before he or she gets to them. Making sure he gets the nice teacher in grade school, starting to save money for him when he is 12 so he can get a car at 16, calling your buddy in admissions at his preferred college, calling in a favor from your buddy so he can get that first job. Clearing the path.
One can argue that the best parent will make a kid so tough that no obstacle could stop him. I see that, I get it. But also isn't it in the nature of "Team *family name*" that you all look out for each other, and everyone helps everyone when they can?
I am doing my best to prepare my kid for the real world.... and in my opinion, his biggest obstacle is always going to be other people trying to take advantage of him. He is already very personable, but he is way too sincere. Mean people upset him, and the world is full of mean people. So I am trying to teach him that "there's always another jerk," and that the world is full of them, and ultimately they won't matter when he passes them and leaves them in the dust. But, at the same time, if I see an obstacle in his way, I am not going to let him slam face-first into it. I can't even think of a good example, I just woke up.
Parenting! - Continued from the "Netflix" thread.
Yeah. It's a fine line often between those different modes. Yes, I believe that kids need to learn to fight their own fights. But, they are kids, and parents should help when they can, providing guidance, etc.
For example, I think it's reasonable to use a connection to get a kid a summer job, or first job out of college, etc. But if the kid fucks up, that's on them. Mommy/Daddy aren't there to go to bat to them. They opened a door, the kid still has to walk through it and earn the right to keep being there.
There you go. "Door opening" parenting.
Edited By TheCatt on 1420126281
For example, I think it's reasonable to use a connection to get a kid a summer job, or first job out of college, etc. But if the kid fucks up, that's on them. Mommy/Daddy aren't there to go to bat to them. They opened a door, the kid still has to walk through it and earn the right to keep being there.
There you go. "Door opening" parenting.
Edited By TheCatt on 1420126281
It's not me, it's someone else.
I think you do a disservice if you remove ALL obstacles. But I don't see anything wrong with making life easier, especially in the areas where you usually only get one shot.
Getting them into a good school or school system I'd expect. I can see wanting to make sure the first couple of teachers are good and keep your kid from having a bad first experience when it comes to education. After that, they are going to need to learn that sometimes you have to deal with difficult people. Sometime you even find that your boss is a difficult people.
If my buddy had a job opening, I'd tell my kid to go apply for it. But they'd have to actually go apply and fill out the application and if he did a half ass job of it he'd keep doing it until he got it right.
So I guess if it's something they are assured to run into in life, I let them learn and try to guide them through the learning process of it.
My first marriage, we were visiting my sister-in-law that lived in a log cabin and wasps would lie half dead/ half dormant up in the loft where my step daughter liked to go and play. Wife and sister-in-law were worrying non-stop about her stepping on a wasp and getting stung and wouldn't stop warning her about them. I finally asked them to stop. She's aware of the danger. Up to her now. She either has learned from your warnings or she'll learn from getting stung. She learned from getting stung. Learned it well enough that they never felt compelled to warn her of the wasps again.
Getting them into a good school or school system I'd expect. I can see wanting to make sure the first couple of teachers are good and keep your kid from having a bad first experience when it comes to education. After that, they are going to need to learn that sometimes you have to deal with difficult people. Sometime you even find that your boss is a difficult people.
If my buddy had a job opening, I'd tell my kid to go apply for it. But they'd have to actually go apply and fill out the application and if he did a half ass job of it he'd keep doing it until he got it right.
So I guess if it's something they are assured to run into in life, I let them learn and try to guide them through the learning process of it.
My first marriage, we were visiting my sister-in-law that lived in a log cabin and wasps would lie half dead/ half dormant up in the loft where my step daughter liked to go and play. Wife and sister-in-law were worrying non-stop about her stepping on a wasp and getting stung and wouldn't stop warning her about them. I finally asked them to stop. She's aware of the danger. Up to her now. She either has learned from your warnings or she'll learn from getting stung. She learned from getting stung. Learned it well enough that they never felt compelled to warn her of the wasps again.
"... and then I was forced to walk the Trail of Tears." - Elizabeth Warren
calling in a favor from your buddy so he can get that first job. Clearing the path.
Wtf-ever. That's not parenting, that's nepotism. You may also recognize it as "the thing which renders your education and experience 99% worthless when applying for a job."
So I am trying to teach him that "there's always another jerk," and that the world is full of them, and ultimately they won't matter when he passes them and leaves them in the dust.
Not necessarily a true thing, at least the second half. Some jerks are quite adept at their chosen trade. Also, almost everyone's a "jerk" to someone.
Edited By Malcolm on 1420136605
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
That's not nepotism. Nepotism is owning the company, and giving him the job despite any qualifications or lack thereof.Malcolm wrote:Wtf-ever. That's not parenting, that's nepotism. You may also recognize it as "the thing which renders your education and experience 99% worthless when applying for a job."calling in a favor from your buddy so he can get that first job. Clearing the path.
Relationships are real. Relationships matter. There's a strong lesson there to teach your children. Who you know matters.
It's not me, it's someone else.
Nepotism is favoritism granted in politics or business to relatives.
If you'd give the job tip to a relative and not some random, yet qualified dude, then it's nepotism. I'd extend the definition to cover friends, personally.
Relationships are real. Relationships matter. There's a strong lesson there to teach your children. Who you know matters.
Sure they do. Lots more than what you know. No one ever makes that second part clear.
Edited By Malcolm on 1420141661
Diogenes of Sinope: "It is not that I am mad, it is only that my head is different from yours."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC, SSC: "Better dead than smeg."
Parenting! - Continued from the
This is my nightmare.
Anyone else have this fear? There's something about being helpless to do anything that really hits a nerve with me.
Anyone else have this fear? There's something about being helpless to do anything that really hits a nerve with me.
“Every record been destroyed or falsified, books rewritten, pictures repainted, statues, street building renamed, every date altered. The process is continuing day by day. History stops. Nothing exists except endless present in which the Party is right.”
Parenting! - Continued from the
I don't know.... those carnies seem to be really trustworthy and competent.
"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid."