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Forum: Movies, Television, Books (Does anyone still read?)
Topic: The Gallows
started by: Malcolm

Posted by Malcolm on Apr. 10 2016,20:15

Synopsis:
Another goddamned found footage flick, this time with a high school drama club motif.

Review:
Fuck this genre. What it touts as "realism" is nothing more than "we're too fucking cheap to buy professional camera equipment." I can't believe this $100K snoozer made $43M. How much weren't they trying? Here are the main characters:

QUOTE

Reese Mishler as Reese Houser
Pfeifer Brown as Pfeifer Ross
Ryan Shoos as Ryan Shoos
Cassidy Gifford as Cassidy Spilker
Price T. Morgan as Price

Come the fuck on. I can only assume the actors were dim enough that they couldn't hit their cues unless their real names were used and Ryan was the dumbest of all. Anyway, 20 years ago (the mid '90s, holy shit) a high school play goes awry when the prop gallows works a bit too well and some tights-wearing swirlie fodder gets hung. Two decades after that, someone decides that staging the same fucking thing would be a fine idea in spite of the fact that the theatre gave birth to the term "the Scottish play."

Three retards break into the school after hours with intentions of destroying the set and preventing the production. They run into retard #4 and find themselves locked in. What follows is a formulaic isolate and eliminate fest that drags on for sixty minutes.

Verdict:
Fuck this movie.

Posted by Leisher on Apr. 11 2016,07:03

I've heard nothing but bad things about this movie.

Posted by GORDON on Apr. 13 2016,07:50

I caught the last 50 minutes on cable the other night, and it came down to watching this or a Family Guy rerun that I'd already seen 14 times.

After Family Guy finished there was like 30 minutes of this movie left, so I finished it... and it seemed terrible, and didn't even deliver any tits. I guess while the horrible screaming actress was blowing the director to get the role she must have made him promise "no nudity on film" or something.

This seems like the kind of movie where a bunch of young, stupid adults had access to a school at night for a week, and brainstormed real quick, "What kind of movie could we film with full access to a school?" They even made "Most of the classroom doors in here are locked!" part of the movie.

Just terrible.