Topic: "...and remember next Friday is...
started by: Malcolm
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 08 2005,09:24
Just when I think I've landed a job devoid of the normal office shit, "What's your schedule today?""Uh, I'll certainly be here till after five, probably six."
"Good, some potential shareholders are coming by later today, so we're trying to get as many people as we can to stay and look busy."
"Uh, ok."
Son-of-a-bitch bastard. I'm thinking of taking a break at 1:30, drinking heavily, coming back, & passing out on my desk right as they get here.
Posted by mbilderback on Sep. 08 2005,09:26
Yeah...If you could just take care of that...uh....that'd be great. Super...yeah..
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 08 2005,09:32
One day, I'm gonna throw an Office Space drinking party & get a group of IT folk there. If any of the shyte you see in the flick has happened to in the past week, take a drink. If it happened in the past 24 hours, chug. Last man standing wins.
Posted by TheCatt on Sep. 08 2005,09:48
Did you get the memo?
Posted by mbilderback on Sep. 08 2005,10:03
And damnit, Malcom, again, you forgot the damn coversheet for the TPS reports...what is your problem?
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 08 2005,10:06
| (mbilderback @ Sep. 08 2005,10:03) | |
| Q U O T E | And damnit, Malcom, again, you forgot the damn coversheet for the TPS reports...what is your problem? |
"Uh, yeah, I'm going to need you to move your things again. So, if you could just move your desk down to Storage Area B, that'd be great. (notices stapler) Oh, uh, yeah, just let me..." (grabs stapler)
Posted by TPRJones on Sep. 08 2005,13:36
They're making me move at work again.I LIKE my cubical. I don't WANT to move to the corner office with the big window and the huge desk.
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 08 2005,13:53
I've officially reached a new low at work. Normally, I just code tools & apps to sort thru a massive database so admins, rep, & clients can glean useful info. Shit's gotten so slow recently, I'm now designing tools & apps for my tools & apps.
Posted by thibodeaux on Sep. 08 2005,17:01
| (TPRJones @ Sep. 08 2005,13:36) | |
| Q U O T E | I LIKE my cubical. I don't WANT to move to the corner office with the big window and the huge desk. |
Bastich.
Posted by TheCatt on Sep. 09 2005,04:27
| (thibodeaux @ Sep. 08 2005,20:01) | |||||
| Q U O T E |
Bastich. | ||||
At least you have cube walls.
Posted by thibodeaux on Sep. 09 2005,06:00
| (TheCatt @ Sep. 09 2005,04:27) | |||||||||
| Q U O T E |
At least you have cube walls. | ||||||||
Yeah...5-foot high cube walls.
Posted by TheCatt on Sep. 09 2005,19:33
Malcolm at work
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 13 2005,09:11
Better still. The boss has hired his son's friend as my partner techie/code monkey. This could be bad.
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 13 2005,10:36
& guess who just got a shiny new computer shipped to him on his very first day, designed to specs he gave last week before he started...
Posted by mbilderback on Sep. 13 2005,10:37
You? Oh, wait, you didn't get hired within the last week, did you?
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 13 2005,10:56
I'm also guessing this went in over the CTO's head, probably by the CEO. Goddamnit, this job is becoming less spectacular over time.
Posted by mbilderback on Sep. 13 2005,10:58
As with any job.
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 13 2005,11:00
| (mbilderback @ Sep. 13 2005,10:58) | |
| Q U O T E | As with any job. |
We oughta start a company or some such shit.
Posted by mbilderback on Sep. 13 2005,11:03
I've got a hundred business ideas, just no one will give business loans to you unless you're a woman or a minority. Preferably both.
Posted by TheCatt on Sep. 13 2005,11:07
| (mbilderback @ Sep. 13 2005,14:03) | |
| Q U O T E | I've got a hundred business ideas, just no one will give business loans to you unless you're a woman or a minority. Preferably both. |
My wife is both of those.
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 13 2005,11:12
| (TheCatt @ Sep. 13 2005,11:07) | |||||
| Q U O T E |
My wife is both of those. | ||||
Outstanding. We've found our silent partner.
Posted by mbilderback on Sep. 13 2005,11:13
Super, now, what area of expertise do you have?
Posted by GORDON on Sep. 13 2005,11:16
| (Malcolm @ Sep. 13 2005,14:12) | |||||||||
| Q U O T E |
Outstanding. We've found our silent partner. | ||||||||
Silent? I assumed his wife was a woman...
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 13 2005,11:39
| (GORDON @ Sep. 13 2005,11:16) | |||||||||||||
| Q U O T E |
Silent? I assumed his wife was a woman... | ||||||||||||
I've got a Vicodin connection. We'll keep her doped up real good.
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 13 2005,11:41
| (mbilderback @ Sep. 13 2005,11:13) | |
| Q U O T E | Super, now, what area of expertise do you have? |
Computational complexity & algorithmic optimization, back-end web/app programming.
Posted by GORDON on Sep. 13 2005,11:47
| (Malcolm @ Sep. 13 2005,14:41) | |||||
| Q U O T E |
Computational complexity & algorithmic optimization, back-end web/app programming. | ||||
And anal.
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 13 2005,11:55
| (GORDON @ Sep. 13 2005,11:47) | |||||||||
| Q U O T E |
And anal. | ||||||||
Hey, we've told you & V time & time again not to drag your perverted sexual exploits onto the forum.
Posted by TheCatt on Sep. 13 2005,14:10
| (GORDON @ Sep. 13 2005,14:47) | |||||||||
| Q U O T E |
And anal. | ||||||||
He did say back-end.
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 15 2005,11:18
Interesting. Apparently our last major app release was outsourced to Russians. & now we've hired a dude to cut-&-paste their code for further improvement we wish to make.
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 15 2005,12:06
& the newest website developed by Israelis.
Posted by TheCatt on Sep. 15 2005,12:39
so what exactly do you do?
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 15 2005,13:07
| (TheCatt @ Sep. 15 2005,12:39) | |
| Q U O T E | so what exactly do you do? |
Apparently work that Israelis & Russians won't touch.
Posted by TheCatt on Sep. 15 2005,15:59
How does that make you feel?
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 15 2005,16:44
| (TheCatt @ Sep. 15 2005,17:59) | |
| Q U O T E | How does that make you feel? |
Pretty damned good considering I make a shitload more than your average Russian/Israeli code monkey.
Posted by TheCatt on Sep. 15 2005,17:10
| (Malcolm @ Sep. 15 2005,19:44) | |||||
| Q U O T E |
Pretty damned good considering I make a shitload more than your average Russian/Israeli code monkey. | ||||
Point.
Posted by Malcolm on Nov. 18 2005,08:22
Another gem yesterday. Keep in mind I live in Minneapolis & we've gotten snow this past week along w\ ass-rapingly cold temperatures/Salesman : "Hey, uh, do you put antifreeze in your car?"
Me : "Yeah."
S : "Really, what year is it?"
Me : "I think it's a '99."
S : "And you've got to put antifreeze in it?"
Me : "Yeah."
S : "Whoa. I thought you didn't have to put antifreeze in the later model cars."
Posted by Malcolm on Dec. 13 2005,08:35
Ah, more fun at the job.1) On Friday, the head techie (& only dude who knows how the network's wired) leaves about 3pm. Ten minutes after he leaves, net connections are dead on the basement floor. The only people who've got a snowball's chance in hell at fixing this are myself & the other techie. So, who decides to takes charge & have the head techie try to walk him thru getting the connections back? That's right, the CUSTOMER SERVICE REP. He's damn near clueless to begin w\, but he almost flipped the circuit breaker instead of unplugging the switch. Needless to say, he didn't succeed & myself & the other techie know enough to know that it could be zillions of problems & we don't've the tools, time, familiarity, or access to fix most of them. This doesn't prevent the customer service rep from keeping us till 5pm or so.
2) Today, after dealing w\ spending over a grand to fix my car & dealing w\ an asshole professor/TA combo this weekend, the CEO walks into my office & says, "So, what're you working on?" I'm supposed to be working on project A. However, I can't proceed further till the CTO sets up some databases. My fellow techie on the other hand, has been working on project X, which is a huge fuckin' deal, apparently. It's also about a month behind schedule (***)& involves Russian source code & ugly Windows system programming as well as a mix of C++, php, xml, & a few other things. I work on a Mac. There is no PC I could use unless they feel like ordering a new one. Even then, it'd've to be updated with the proper software, integrated into the network, & I'd've to be brought up to speed on what the fuck the Russian source code does & what the fuck improvement we've made, what features we want, & what coding schemes are being used, etc. (***).
Note that I don't think the CEO quite grasps the large technical issues between the (***) marks. What's more is that the CEO will probably bitch to my boss about why I'm not working on project X. At which point my boss could do any number of things depending upon the type of day he's'd.
Posted by Malcolm on Dec. 15 2005,10:22
Yet MORE fun at the job.The preface & disclaimer :
Supposedly, I got hired over two or three other people for my position. Maybe they were mongoloids or something. Anyhow, I've got a fairly laidback job. I figure out the proper SQL query, use Java to prepare/parse it, & use HTML/JSP to display it & get input from a user. I don't've things like deadlines or crucial projects or even mildly demanding work. One day, the boss says to me, "We're thinking of building our own browser toolbar. How's your Windows programming?" My response was, "Uh, you'll want to get someone else to do that." A month or two later, he hires another techie who's first project is to build this toolbar.
The present :
This toolbar is a month or more behind the scheduled release date. The CEO is becoming overbearing to the point of annoying my boss, who in turn takes his frustrations out on the techie who's in charge of making the toolbar. Said techie today has talked about quitting the job cos of overmanagement & my boss changing his code w\o telling him or documenting it.
In the meantime, I was supposed to be working on localization issues, but the proper crap I need to continue hasn't been implemented by my boss yet, which means I spend the day searching for the best Flash games the Mac can run.
The question :
Does not feeling one iota guilty about this make me more of a bastard than I already am?
Posted by Leisher on Dec. 15 2005,10:39
No. Welcome to the real world.
Posted by TheCatt on Dec. 15 2005,12:20
What he said.
Posted by GORDON on Dec. 15 2005,12:50
| (Malcolm @ Nov. 18 2005,11:22) | |
| Q U O T E | S : "Whoa. I thought you didn't have to put antifreeze in the later model cars." |
Granted, my 2000 Firebird had some sort of coolant system that wouldn't need to be changed for 100k miles.
Working at Gateway in North Sioux City was always funny the first snow of every winter (usually late August [kidding])... all the new 1H-B programmers from India who have never seen snow before would be in the ditches in the .8 miles between the Gatway exit and the exit for the housing area on I-29. Exits 2 and 1, respectively.
Posted by Malcolm on Dec. 15 2005,14:10
That reminds me. After seeing how folks 'round here drive in the snow, I'm voting for a passing grade in a physics class to be required to live past the age of 15.
Posted by Selby on Dec. 15 2005,18:04
| (Malcolm @ Dec. 15 2005,10:22) | |
| Q U O T E | The CEO is becoming overbearing to the point of annoying my boss, who in turn takes his frustrations out on the techie who's in charge of making the toolbar. Said techie today has talked about quitting the job cos of overmanagement & my boss changing his code w\o telling him or documenting it. |
Exactly why I am glad I am not a programmer anymore. I had enough of it 4 years ago and said "no more" and decided to go into hardware design (which I suck at, but fewer people can do it, hence I don't look too bad compared to the average monkey that can't). They sucked me back in for this other project, but I'm keeping it under cover because I don't want the controls or software guys to find out I can program microcontrollers. Then they'll stick me with even more crap jobs to get in the way of doing my main job (engineering work).
Posted by Malcolm on Mar. 02 2006,09:34
Boss : Oh, by the way, I changed most of your code. So if anything breaks, that's probably why.I badly need another job. The techie they hired after me is already quitting due to the fact that the company "treats its programmers like shit."
Posted by TheCatt on Mar. 02 2006,10:32
He'll have a long life of quitting jobs.
Posted by Malcolm on Mar. 02 2006,11:04
| (TheCatt @ Mar. 02 2006,12:32) | |
| Q U O T E | He'll have a long life of quitting jobs. |
Yea. I think I said something to him like, "You ain't been in this biz for that long, have you?"
"Well, I want to quit here so I can start my own consulting firm. I mean, hell, I'm already technically a freelance worker, but I just work for this place, so I'm not really. I offered to come back as a real freelancer, provided they can meet certain expectations like remote work and a higher salary."
Ah, the young are so naive.
Posted by TheCatt on Mar. 02 2006,11:16
On the one hand, it never hurts to ask.On the other, it does.
Posted by GORDON on Mar. 02 2006,12:19
Hey, if you can afford to be out of work sometimes, a private consultancy is the way to go.
Posted by Malcolm on Mar. 08 2006,08:45
Sweet. Just found out today I could get laid off the week after next. The hits just keep on coming.
Posted by Paul on Mar. 08 2006,10:37
| (Malcolm @ Mar. 08 2006,08:45) | |
| Q U O T E | Sweet. Just found out today I could get laid off the week after next. |
Off? That's the second-worst way to get laid!
Bummer.
Posted by GORDON on Mar. 08 2006,11:25
Every transition is an opportunity.But, the optimist you are, I'm sure you already know that.
Posted by Leisher on Mar. 08 2006,11:51
What Gordo said.Getting downsized from my last job was the absolute greatest thing to ever happen to my career.
I was stagnating there and didn't realize it because it paid the bills.
Now I'm at a dream job. It's one of those jobs that you hear someone talk about and you think they're either the luckiest person on the planet or lying.
So get your resume ready and start searching now. Don't wait for them to cut you loose, go on the offensive. If they're threatening cuts now, they're either in trouble or greedy and you don't want to work there in either situation.
Posted by Malcolm on Mar. 09 2006,07:22
Also gotta figure out where I'm living this summer & how I'm paying for school next semester.
Posted by GORDON on Mar. 09 2006,09:05
Loans galore!Or the Marines will take care of you.
The GI Bill was one of my top 3 best investments ever.
Posted by Malcolm on Mar. 09 2006,10:25
I don't take orders very well. I also don't play well w\ others.
Posted by Paul on Mar. 09 2006,13:48
Malcolm in the military?I imagine Malcolm cracking, and riding an explosive device a'la Slim Pickens.
But with less "Yee-haw's" and more profanity.
Posted by Malcolm on Mar. 10 2006,07:20
That movie kicks much ass.
Posted by Paul on Mar. 13 2006,06:28
| (Malcolm @ Mar. 09 2006,10:25) | |
| Q U O T E | I don't take orders very well. I also don't play well w\ others. |
< But the military seems like good times. >
Posted by Malcolm on Mar. 30 2006,09:05
Boss : How's that app you're working on?Me : You mean the one that is supported by the software the other techie that used to work here wrote under your orders and specifications?
Boss : Yeah, that one.
Me : I don't rightly know. Turns out that the installer you told him to write doesn't support OS X, Safari, or anything to do with the iMac you make me use. Maybe you should buy me a new computer like you did him.
Boss : Uh, I'll just test it myself.
Posted by Paul on Mar. 30 2006,10:00
I think you need to sign your boss up to go Christmas fishing with Scott Peterson.
Posted by Malcolm on May 23 2006,09:29
I'm becoming more and more Stalinistic in my view of salesfolk and their machines. One fucking salesman was running fucking LIMEWIRE on his machines, single-handedly bringing the network to its knees. Nothing like 120-second autosaves whilst coding. Using a machine should be like driving. Some people just need a fucking license to prove they won't seriously fuck shit up.
Posted by TheCatt on May 23 2006,17:26
Those who can't... teach.Those who are retarded... sell.
Posted by Leisher on May 23 2006,19:26
I have always said, "If you have no skills, you can become a salesperson."
Posted by Malcolm on Jun. 05 2006,12:19
Needed a USB mouse to hook up to a Windows machine. Swiped the one from the iCrap I use. Opened up gmail, opened the graphic I mailed myself, & noticed a problem. Went in to see my boss & said, "Yeah, I need another mouse. This one can't right-click so I can't save the image."
Posted by TPRJones on Jun. 05 2006,13:54
Start -> Settings -> Control Panel -> MouseCheck the box beside "Switch primary and secondary buttons"
Of course once you've done that, you'll need to use the keyboard to undo it again, since you can't left-click anymore.
Posted by TheCatt on Jun. 05 2006,14:07
Real computer users don't need the mouse for anything.
Posted by TheCatt on Jun. 05 2006,14:10
Malcolm, I think you have management potential.I found a < solution > in 30 seconds.
Posted by mbilderback on Jun. 08 2006,07:35
BTW, shift-F10 will give you the menu of a right click.
Posted by thibodeaux on Jun. 08 2006,16:35
So will the little menu key that's between alt and ctl on the right-hand-side of pretty much any keyboard made after 1995.
Posted by TPRJones on Jun. 08 2006,18:09
Sure, but how do you get that menu to pop up in reference to an image on a website, instead of in reference to the website itself?
Posted by thibodeaux on Jun. 09 2006,05:50
View -> SourceF3
Find the img tag, copy/paste into address bar.
Posted by TheCatt on Jun. 09 2006,07:30
Clearly, Malcolm is a serial killer, not a nerd.
Posted by Malcolm on Jun. 09 2006,08:41
| (thibodeaux @ Jun. 09 2006,07:50) | |
| Q U O T E | View -> Source F3 Find the img tag, copy/paste into address bar. |
Tried that. Gmail wouldn't let me view the source w\ the actual graphic.
Posted by Malcolm on Jun. 12 2006,09:02
Boss comes in today (shocked the hell outta me. I think his wife is trying to get him to work from home since that second kid came).Boss : I put something new in your dev directory.
Me : [cringe]
Boss : Look under dev/nutch-0.7
Me : [looking for escape hatch]
Boss : Uh, yeah, try to have that up and running by the end of the day.
Me : [giving up search for a way out] You realize that [the CEO] has a few things he wants me to take care of?
Boss : Uh, yeah.
Me : You realize I can't quite take care of them till you upload the new flash graphics to the production server?
Boss : Uh, yeah.
Me : You realize I'm a programmer and not a sys admin?
Boss : Uh, yeah.
Me : You realize that you're giving me sys admin work that is outside my job description, let alone my area of expertise, when your boss has told me of things that need to be done that are well within both my talents and job?
Boss : Yeah.
Me : You realize that the dev servers, in fact, sit at your house? You realize you could've set up this open source Java beast so I don't have to bug you every ten minutes during the installation when I figure out there's another common-everywhere-else-yet-cryptically-named-folder/file-on-the-dev-server-in-your-house configuration question? You realize that this could be done, right now, by you, in approximately thirty minutes?
Boss : Yea, try to have it running by the end of the day.
Me : You further realize I told you I was going to be ducking out early today cos the dude from Time-Warner was granting me broadband and bringing me back into civilization after weeks of an internetless existence?
Boss : Yea, try to have it up and running by the end of the day.
Me : [finally determining that this is the first project in perhaps two months that I've been given; ergo, I should've about two months to finish this] Alright, I'll see what I can do.
If I wasn't leaving this place come late fall/early winter, I'd be more pissed than normal.
Posted by Malcolm on Jun. 12 2006,09:45
Me : Yeah, what's the JVM home directory?Boss : You shouldn't need to know that.
Me : Well, the software you shoved at me seems to think that I do.
Boss : What?
...
...
...
Me : By the way, they want me to download a three hundred plus meg file to fill the database. Remind me to commend them for not including this in the initial download. Why are we using this again?
Boss : Cos it's Java and it's free and it works...when you get it to work.
Posted by TheCatt on Jun. 12 2006,09:49
Java sux0rs.
Posted by Malcolm on Jun. 12 2006,10:24
| (TheCatt @ Jun. 12 2006,11:49) | |
| Q U O T E | Java sux0rs. |
Indeed it does. But for a huge, industrial-sized piece of software that could be used in dozens of countries simultaneously on different platforms, Java seems to've a leg up. Not to say I enjoy this situation, but I'm waiting for a serious Java competitor to spring up. C# is not a competitor.
Posted by GORDON on Jun. 12 2006,10:56
Speaking of your conflicting priorities, that seems to be common.The last two places I worked I had roughly the same conversation with two different bosses..."So you want project X done first, and project Y done first."
Boss: yes
Me: so which one do you want me to work on first?
Boss: Yes
Literally. No embelishment.
Posted by Leisher on Jun. 12 2006,12:30
It's a product of the "do more with less" trend in corporate America.
Posted by TheCatt on Jun. 12 2006,16:21
We, admittedly, "do more with less" has worked, roughly.... forever.
Posted by Malcolm on Jun. 21 2006,09:09
I remember when I came into this job.[during interview]
Me : Will I ever have to directly interact with any clients?
Future boss : No.
[a month or so later]
Me : Will I be working on the production servers eventually?
Boss : No. Clients will never directly see anything you do. You'll be working on the dev servers exclusively.
[today]
Boss : A client called with a list of ten things he says are missing from this particular webpage. Add them if they're not there.
[a few minutes later]
Me : Yeah, half that list is already on the webpage. I added the other five.
Boss : Well, he sent the e-mail for a reason. E-mail him and tell him to call.
Me : When he calls, who should he talk with?
Boss : Well, you.
GODDAMNIT. I've half a step away from being phone techie support.
Posted by Paul on Jun. 21 2006,09:17
Work would be great if it wasn't for the customers.I'd email the customer, tell him which stuff was already there, and tell him you added the other stuff. Then I'd finish with, "if there's anything else you can email me at <whatever>, or call at..."
That's close enough to telling him to call, and there's at least a chance you'll never hear from him.
Posted by TPRJones on Jun. 21 2006,09:40
Last time I was in a similar situation I "accidently" gave the guy my boss' number (which is only one digit off from mine). Never had to talk to him.
Posted by Malcolm on Jun. 21 2006,09:49
| (TPRJones @ Jun. 21 2006,11:40) | |
| Q U O T E | Last time I was in a similar situation I "accidently" gave the guy my boss' number (which is only one digit off from mine). Never had to talk to him. |
Yea, I don't've fancy shit like an extension or working phone at my desk.
Posted by Alhazad on Jun. 24 2006,19:49
Dude what the fuck, your job is fucking retarded.
Posted by GORDON on Jun. 24 2006,19:50
And unfortunately pretty typical.
Posted by Alhazad on Jun. 24 2006,20:01
Maybe if you're a line worker, as such.Rooms inspector for a hotel is a kickass job.
My daily duties:
- check clean rooms in the morning to make sure some turd at the front desk or maintenance didn't get them messed up.
- get things housekeepers need to finish their jobs
- check dirty rooms after checkout time to make sure guests aren't staying over unexpectedly
- inspect the finished rooms
- meet guest requests
Killtacular!
Here's a question; do people who fix things instead of whining about them typically get promoted? Because, uh, whining seems to be more of a managerial skill.
Posted by GORDON on Jun. 24 2006,20:03
I've rarely known competence to be the driving force behind a promotion.
Posted by Alhazad on Jun. 24 2006,20:17
So you're saying I need to be HIRED as a manager.
Posted by TheCatt on Jun. 25 2006,10:26
Uh, so you're a professional bitch?
Posted by TPRJones on Jun. 25 2006,10:37
Not necessarily, you can get there by demonstrating the proper level on incompetance coupled with good hair.
Posted by Alhazad on Jun. 25 2006,23:10
| (TheCatt @ Jun. 25 2006,10:26) | |
| Q U O T E | Uh, so you're a professional bitch? |
Everybody is somebody's bitch, bub.
Posted by Malcolm on Jun. 26 2006,11:21
If anyone anywhere at any time tries to play up the virtues of moderately sized open source java software, do me a favour & punch him square in the cock. If it's a woman, drug her, get her a black market, back alley sex change, & then punch him in the cock.
Posted by TheCatt on Jun. 26 2006,17:52
Ah... Mondays.To summarize mine: "So we may be disolving your department, or not. Or transfering the stuff you do to another company, or not. We'll give you a bonus if you don't quit before we decided what we're doing."
Posted by thibodeaux on Jun. 26 2006,18:45
| (TPRJones @ Jun. 25 2006,10:37) | |
| Q U O T E | Not necessarily, you can get there by demonstrating the proper level on incompetance coupled with good hair. |
Aw man...if only I had the hair.
Posted by Guest on Jun. 26 2006,19:09
| (mbilderback @ Sep. 13 2005,11:03) | |
| Q U O T E | I've got a hundred business ideas, just no one will give business loans to you unless you're a woman or a minority. Preferably both. |
You just need to write a good business plan and practice selling it to investors.
If your idea is really a good one, it should find capital.
Posted by TPRJones on Jun. 26 2006,20:22
It would in a free market, yes. These days the pockets of free market capitalism are getting harder to find, though.
Posted by Alhazad on Jun. 27 2006,09:57
I heard they found one in Mexico, but then it was eaten by jaguars.
Posted by Malcolm on Jun. 27 2006,10:02
| (Alhazad @ Jun. 27 2006,11:57) | |
| Q U O T E | I heard they found one in Mexico, but then it was eaten by jaguars. |
Jaguars or Jag-yoo-wars?
Posted by thibodeaux on Jun. 27 2006,11:04
"Ha-wa-rose."
Posted by Alhazad on Jun. 27 2006,12:50
"Necro-feel-ya"
Posted by unkbill on Jun. 28 2006,08:27
| (Alhazad @ Jun. 27 2006,12:50) | |
| Q U O T E | "Necro-feel-ya" |
That jokes a little dead isn't it?
Posted by Malcolm on Jul. 13 2006,10:16
Today's "dear god, I actually work here" moment...[CEO & customer support service dude (CSSD) walk out of the CEO's office after a conversation]
CEO : Well, can we do that?
CSSD : I don't know.
CEO : I'll tell you what. See what you can find out.
CSSD : Hey, maybe [Malcolm] knows. I'll ask him.
Me : [dreading inevitable & probably dumbass question]
CSSD : In e-mail, how do you make the subject and the from bold?
Me : Huh?
CSSD : When you're in Outlook & you see your inbox, can you make it so that your subject & from is bold?
Me : You mean when you send an e-mail & someone else receives it in Outlook, you want your subject and from lines to remain bold in the window?
CEO : Here, let me show you.
[All three of us walk into the CEO's office]
CEO : [points to an e-mail w\ bold subject & from lines] Like this one here.
Me :[mentally laughing my ass off] Uh, have you opened that one yet?
CEO : No, why?
Posted by thibodeaux on Jul. 13 2006,10:48
Tell him it means he's got a virus and he needs to reformat his hard drive.
Posted by Malcolm on Jul. 13 2006,10:54
| (thibodeaux @ Jul. 13 2006,12:48) | |
| Q U O T E | Tell him it means he's got a virus and he needs to reformat his hard drive. |
I was thinking of the time when Dilbert was trying to fix his boss's connection. The wire was twisted & shit so Dilbert tells him that information being transmitted is just 1s & 0s. The 1s can make it thru, but the 0s have a hard time. His boss then proceeds to untangle the wire.
It then cuts to Dilbert & Wally talking.
Dilbert : I think next week I'll tell him his token ring was lost in the Ethernet.
Wally : You are the wind beneath my wings.
Posted by TheCatt on Jul. 13 2006,11:10
| (Malcolm @ Jul. 13 2006,13:54) | |||||
| Q U O T E |
I was thinking of the time when Dilbert was trying to fix his boss's connection. The wire was twisted & shit so Dilbert tells him that information being transmitted is just 1s & 0s. The 1s can make it thru, but the 0s have a hard time. His boss then proceeds to untangle the wire. It then cuts to Dilbert & Wally talking. Dilbert : I think next week I'll tell him his token ring was lost in the Ethernet. Wally : You are the wind beneath my wings. | ||||
Your memory sux0rs.
Posted by Malcolm on Jul. 13 2006,11:22
Working w\ open source Java is enough to kill anyone's brain.
Posted by TheCatt on Jul. 13 2006,11:48
| (Malcolm @ Jul. 13 2006,14:22) | |
| Q U O T E | Working w\ open source Java is enough to kill anyone's brain. |
Yes, Drugs/Alcohol are harmless.
Posted by Malcolm on Jul. 13 2006,11:52
| (TheCatt @ Jul. 13 2006,13:48) | |||||
| Q U O T E |
Yes, Drugs/Alcohol are harmless. | ||||
I don't've to spend a week trying to figure out why my vodka bottle won't open. I sure as fuck don't need to go thru a half-correct stack trace to find the reason.
Posted by GORDON on Jul. 13 2006,12:16
I liked the one where his mouse was broken, so tech support had him move his desk around.
Posted by Malcolm on Jul. 31 2006,09:50
Incredible. The only saleschick is leaving. This leaves us w\ a grand total of ZERO salesfolk.Fuck know how they'll stay in the web advertising biz w\o selling add'l advertising, but it'll be nice to've the average IQ of the office go up a point or two.
Posted by Paul on Jul. 31 2006,10:48
Speaking of Malcom's jobs...Malcolm, have you tried TGN1412 during your guinea pig job? < Because if you did I have some bad news. >
Posted by Malcolm on Jul. 31 2006,11:10
Never did shit for them. Course, I stopped being a professional guinea pig about a year ago.
Posted by TheCatt on Jul. 31 2006,11:30
Posted by Malcolm on Jul. 31 2006,11:32
Holy Christ. Her plan is to become a music journalist for some gimmicky magazine about bands & shit coming to Minneapolis. & it sounds like a significant amount of cash is being sunk into it. The dudes running it sound a bit touched in the head.Reasoning is that the bands booked to play up here aren't hyped up or promoted well enough. Goddamn, this is gonna die. Even major sporting events that aren't hockey-related get shit for coverage.
Posted by TheCatt on Jul. 31 2006,12:23
Just see if you can get in long enough to suck the funds out... then be far enough away when it implodes.Does that count as a business plan?
Posted by Malcolm on Jul. 31 2006,12:41
| (TheCatt @ Jul. 31 2006,14:23) | |
| Q U O T E | Just see if you can get in long enough to suck the funds out... then be far enough away when it implodes. Does that count as a business plan? |
Yea, but she's pulling this shit w\ a couple kids in tow. She's neither mobile nor does she've the necessary time it sounds like this shit'll take.
Btw, we're hiring a new sales drone if anyone cares.
Posted by Malcolm on Aug. 15 2006,11:03
The atmosphere of impending doom around the office was rather prophetic today. Got fucking axed cos one of the key investors yanked his cash.
Posted by TheCatt on Aug. 15 2006,11:42
| (Malcolm @ Aug. 15 2006,14:03) | |
| Q U O T E | The atmosphere of impending doom around the office was rather prophetic today. Got fucking axed cos one of the key investors yanked his cash. |
Sorry to hear that.
On the other hand, your job did suck, no?
Posted by Malcolm on Aug. 15 2006,12:06
| (TheCatt @ Aug. 15 2006,13:42) | |||||
| Q U O T E |
Sorry to hear that. On the other hand, your job did suck, no? | ||||
As of late, it's been affording me opportunities to work on other projects & shit. When I wasn't working on work, it wasn't that bad. But, yea, it wasn't my favourite place to go. I was given loads of leeway w\ deadlines (if I'd any at all), I was generally left the fuck alone as long as I was typing into an emacs window.
Posted by GORDON on Aug. 15 2006,13:32
When I got axed in Memphis I was told it was because KMart declared bankruptcy owing the company about $10mil.
Posted by TheCatt on Aug. 15 2006,14:53
Ah... work.
Posted by Malcolm on Aug. 15 2006,17:17
Resume posted on dice.com. We'll see who meets my price.
Posted by TheCatt on Aug. 15 2006,18:43
| (Malcolm @ Aug. 15 2006,20:17) | |
| Q U O T E | Resume posted on dice.com. We'll see who meets my price. |
bottle of liquor a day and cheap prostitute monthly?
Posted by Malcolm on Aug. 15 2006,22:15
| (TheCatt @ Aug. 15 2006,20:43) | |||||
| Q U O T E |
bottle of liquor a day and cheap prostitute monthly? | ||||
That option was not present. The sad bit is that the more I think about that price, the more I might be willing to settle for it.
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 08 2006,09:18
My old boss contacted me earlier this week. Apparently, he's got some simple, yet tedious web dev shit that has been piling up since I left. Since neither of the other two techies can or will touch it, my services have been temporarily retained for the day.
Posted by TheCatt on Sep. 08 2006,11:59
for 50% more, right?
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 08 2006,12:13
| (TheCatt @ Sep. 08 2006,13:59) | |
| Q U O T E | for 50% more, right? |
I figured I'd just do what I did when they "employed" me -- stretch out the project as much as humanly possible w\o arousing suspicion.
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 08 2006,13:20
Holy shit, today has been priceless. The CEO is having the customer support staff put in charge of installing Norton Anti-Virus. The CTO won't do it cos it's tedious work & it's Windows. & since I'm not around anymore, it's simply not getting done.
Posted by TheCatt on Sep. 08 2006,14:14
| (Malcolm @ Sep. 08 2006,16:20) | |
| Q U O T E | Holy shit, today has been priceless. The CEO is having the customer support staff put in charge of installing Norton Anti-Virus. The CTO won't do it cos it's tedious work & it's Windows. & since I'm not around anymore, it's simply not getting done. |
Drama queen.
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 08 2006,15:04
| (TheCatt @ Sep. 08 2006,16:14) | |||||
| Q U O T E |
Drama queen. | ||||
I appreciate my entertainment when it's available.
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 12 2007,09:36
The saga from the beginning :I got hired back at this joint in May or June, I don't quite recall. The boss has this "brilliant" idea of opening up an online mall & do drop shipping w\ all his products. He put some dumb, underqualified ex-salesbitch in charge of this. She fucks things up badly & then quits, leaving me in charge of shit. The CEO says to look into some of the things she couldn't figure out, namely the two vendor apps that, when used in tandem, should let us upload about ten thousand products. I do so & proceed to use said apps.
After about a week of using app A, I tell him that while it will indeed allow us to upload thousands of things at once, there's certain (important, might I add) shit I just can't do cos the app won't let me. He says he understands & to proceed w\ uploading.
I then use app B & tell him that, yes, we can download thousands of products from this distributor's site; however, I noticed there's a considerable amount of missing info without which the products will look like shit. He says he understands & to upload these particular products.
I've spent the past two months or so setting the machinery in place to automate this crap as much as possible. I can most certainly upload the goal of quadruple or even quintuple digits.
Yesterday, he apparently decided that the info on these products is so sparse that we can't realistically use them. Two months. Two fucking months seemingly pissed away. This ain't the first time he's bitched at me to do something like this only to decide a few weeks later that the project I'd been feverishly working to complete was worthless & not worth the time.
My new assignment is to figure out how to get the fifty or so websites he wants up & functional by the end of the year. There's no time to change hosting companies, & even if there's the chance I could hunt one down w\ decent services, there's no way in hell we could find enough vendors to supply us w\ that much accurate product info to get 10% of the sites he wants up. The best hope he's given me is that he's investigating a few kits that we can buy lock, stock, & barrel to spew out the cookie-cutter websites. Problem is that there's no chance in hell they'd be up & running till October, if that.
Goddamnit, I need a new, less schizophrenic job. Weeks ago, I told him WEEKS ago in the middle of summer that proceeding w\ the upload would make things look like shit. No one ever fucking listens.
I get the feeling that my warnings several weeks ago went completely unheeded & now I'm being forced to justify my position (given that, you know, my primary duty has just been nixed out from under me whilst I was absent yesterday).
Posted by DoctorChaos on Sep. 12 2007,12:44
My company is still looking for developers. Just walk away. 
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 17 2007,11:37
(DoctorChaos @ Sep. 12 2007,14:44)
QUOTE
My company is still looking for developers. Just walk away.
I've been relegated to glorified data entry drone again. Where's that company of yours located again? Don't suppose it's in the Twin Cities region, is it?
Posted by DoctorChaos on Sep. 17 2007,12:15
No but we do offer telecommuting. It's out of Austin, TX, I'm in Columbus, OH< Job Listing >
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 17 2007,14:11
(DoctorChaos @ Sep. 17 2007,14:15)
QUOTE
No but we do offer telecommuting. It's out of Austin, TX, I'm in Columbus, OH
< Job Listing >
< Job Listing >
I seriously did consider it, man, but I'm thinking that sort of thing mixed w\ my school load could kill me.
Posted by TheCatt on Sep. 17 2007,16:01
Do you fear success?
Posted by Malcolm on Sep. 18 2007,07:27
(TheCatt @ Sep. 17 2007,18:01)
QUOTE
Do you fear success?
Depends what area of existence we're talking.
Posted by Malcolm on Nov. 05 2007,09:23
Laid off just a few minutes ago. For the second fucking time. Same fucking reason. There's actually not enough work for me to do.
Posted by TheCatt on Nov. 05 2007,09:34
Time to find a real job.
Posted by Malcolm on Nov. 05 2007,09:36
(TheCatt @ Nov. 05 2007,11:34)
QUOTE
Time to find a real job.
Been thinking about that. Getting a techie job of some sort up at school would be ideal, cos the pay is comparable (if not better) than what I got AND the discounted tuition is mighty attractive.
Posted by TPRJones on Nov. 05 2007,10:00
I'm down to less than two weeks, so I should start looking, too.
Posted by Malcolm on Nov. 05 2007,10:14
(TPRJones @ Nov. 05 2007,12:00)
QUOTE
I'm down to less than two weeks, so I should start looking, too.
The remainder of my job will be devoted to finding a new job. I was hoping I could ride this fucker out at least till Christmas.
Posted by TheCatt on Nov. 05 2007,10:56
(TPRJones @ Nov. 05 2007,13:00)
QUOTE
I'm down to less than two weeks, so I should start looking, too.
You got laid off too?
Posted by TPRJones on Nov. 05 2007,11:23
Nah, I quit. My original last day was supposed to be October 31st, but they begged me to stay until the 15th. Not that it's doing them any good; the person they hired for me to train is very nice, but she doesn't know anything about programming and I'm trying to teach her the subtleties of creating and maintaining visual basic macro enabled spreadsheets. It's rapidly turning into a major disaster, and the grants accounting processes should be grinding to a halt by early December. Good luck to them on getting their $28 million reimbursed after that.Not my problem. They shouldn't have tried to hire my replacement at $8 per hour. They need a programmer to do what they want done. They got me for cheap ($13 / hr) for a few years, but I'm done.
Not that that's why I quit. They restructured our department and the new boss of my boss is a bitchy stuck-up whore who doesn't know a journal voucher from her ass and literally has done nothing in her two months in charge but create absurdly unneccesary forms, nitpick everyone's timesheets, and write up my boss on (as of today) 14 seperate occasions (and in every case it's either something she didn't do, something rediculously nitpicky, or something that was total bullshit like when she wrote her up for rebutting prior write-ups as is required by the HR department, then wrote her up for NOT rebutting that write-up because it's required byt the HR department).
I explained my boundless contempt for her in great detail when I turned in my letter on October 1st. Since then she's been avoiding me, which is wise on her part. (Well, except last Tuesday when she came in and tried to kiss my ass and ask me to stay and I told her not as long as she's still employed here would I ever consider staying)
Posted by TheCatt on Nov. 05 2007,11:28
Wow.$13/hour? You don't know .Net do you?
Posted by TPRJones on Nov. 05 2007,11:32
Heh. No, but I'm a very very fast learner. Tell me what you want done and could know how by this time tomorrow. Sadly, that sort of thing doesn't show on a resume. My resume is all accounting, as tech support and programming has always been a side dish on my jobs. *sigh*
Forever doomed to beancounting, when it's the programming that I love. 'Course the upside is that I make new tools and systems to speed up the beancounting so much that I get to spend 80% of my time surfing the web and still get the job done faster than the other beancounters, so I guess it works out.
Posted by Malcolm on Nov. 05 2007,11:36
Props for having the balls to stick to your resignation. Sounds like a shit position you got forced into. Happy hunting.
Posted by Malcolm on Nov. 05 2007,11:38
(TPRJones @ Nov. 05 2007,13:32)
QUOTE
'Course the upside is that I make new tools and systems to speed up the beancounting so much that I get to spend 80% of my time surfing the web and still get the job done faster than the other beancounters, so I guess it works out.
If you replace "beancounting" w\ "glorified data entry," it sounds like we're leaving similar gigs.
Posted by TheCatt on Nov. 05 2007,11:40
Why are you doomed to beancounting? People are getting desperate for software devs right now.I'm an Econ major, but all I've ever done is IT work. I'm sure you could restructure the resume to put more emphasis on the IT stuff. Heck, if you really do that much with new tools, efficiency, reorging processes, etc, that'd be 90% of the resume, in my mind. People love people who improve things.
Posted by Malcolm on Nov. 05 2007,11:44
Well, I find that the jobs you can get greatly depends on your interviewer. If you get someone that knows the score, you can be a helluva lot more frank w\ them & give them the real story of your work experiences. If you get some corporate HR drone, it's just better to do the conversation by the book.But as my cousin once said, "The most valuable ability you can develop is your ability to learn things in general."
Posted by TPRJones on Nov. 05 2007,11:45
I stress it on the jobs, so it's about 80% of the resume, but the title are still "Grants Compliance Specialist" and "Assistant to the CFO". Not much to be done with those pesky titles.
Posted by Malcolm on Nov. 05 2007,11:50
(TPRJones @ Nov. 05 2007,13:45)
QUOTE
I stress it on the jobs, so it's about 80% of the resume, but the title are still "Grants Compliance Specialist" and "Assistant to the CFO". Not much to be done with those pesky titles.
I've got two separate resumes -- one for IT work, one for barkeeping. & if my position has a sucky-ass name, I at least put in some impressive-sounding description in brief sprinkled w\ buzzwords & such. I find that it sometimes makes up for a shitty title or "official" description of your previous gig.
Posted by TheCatt on Nov. 05 2007,11:52
(TPRJones @ Nov. 05 2007,14:45)
QUOTE
I stress it on the jobs, so it's about 80% of the resume, but the title are still "Grants Compliance Specialist" and "Assistant to the CFO". Not much to be done with those pesky titles.
You live in the Houston area right? Hmmm. You interested in other IT-related work in addition to programming? I can't promise anything, and our main office is in Raleigh, but we have a small remote office in Houston. We need someone who can do general IT stuff (probably including some process documentation) - user Admin, programming, scripting of admin stuff, etc.
Currently we're trying to get local college students, but it'd be nice to get someone more experienced.
Posted by TPRJones on Nov. 05 2007,12:02
Sure, as long as it'll pay enough to cover the bills, I'm definately interested! My one weekness when it comes to IT is that I've not done much with large-scale network admin; my IT experience is mostly related to desktop systems themselves (well, except my own home network but that's not at all the same). As I say, though, I'm a fast learner and an excellent problem solver, so as long as I could ask you (or someone else) the occasional question in the beginning I'd be fine. I'm also a good generalist; doing IT and programming and user admin and scripting and etc doesn't daunt me at all.Heck, you've probably gotten at least a vague idea of what I can do just from our occasional techie convos. At this point I'd rate myself as a highly skilled ametaur looking to go pro.
One note: I never did get my BS; I quit with 12 hours to go. I've got an AA if that's sufficient to apply with. Just let me know.
Oh, one other question: which side of Houston? Houston's a big place. It could be about 45 miles away through nasty traffic and still be in Houston, depending.
Posted by TheCatt on Nov. 05 2007,13:30
I'll find out, I've never been to the Houston office. I figure there's two possibilities:
1) Full-time, but stuff you can mostly do from home (VPN'd and such)
2) Contract, part-time, for stuff we need done in Houston, but isn't worth someone flying out there. Could supplement whatever other job you have/get.
You're on the SE part of Houston?
Posted by TPRJones on Nov. 05 2007,13:33
Yup, and I finally picked up an EZTag so commuting around the edges is no big deal overall. Downtown is a pain but worth it for a decent job with an IT label for my resume.
Posted by TheCatt on Nov. 05 2007,13:34
K, If you lived up here I know we could hire you
Posted by TheCatt on Nov. 05 2007,13:47
Our office is at Northwoods, north of Houston? Maybe west of the airport?
Posted by TPRJones on Nov. 05 2007,14:01
Hmmm, I'll have to think about that. That's 37 miles if I go through downtown, or 60 if I go around the loop. I'd definately be moving if I ended up working there.
Posted by TPRJones on Nov. 05 2007,15:56
(TheCatt @ Nov. 05 2007,13:30)
QUOTE
Full-time, but stuff you can mostly do from home (VPN'd and such)
Okay, my reading comprehension is fine, I think my brain just skipped over that bit. So baring emergencies or hardware problems, how often would you guess I'd have to go into the office? Maybe a couple of days a week?
I'm all over this (possible) job except for the commute. And I'm not ready to move my crap just yet.
Posted by Malcolm on Nov. 08 2007,14:46
What fucking dude makes up those little tech tests that consulting agencies give you? Is he a cokehead, alcoholic chimp w\ ADHD & a blunt?
Posted by TheCatt on Nov. 08 2007,15:13
Back in the days of ASP I took one of those.I missed 2 of the easy questions (which were about HTML) and 0 of the medium and hard ones.
Who memorizes syntax for things that you just drag and drop in an IDE?
Posted by Malcolm on Nov. 08 2007,15:49
My favourite one was like the shitty reading comprehension ACT questions."What is the distinguishing feature of a relational database?"
A. Thing X
B. Thing Y
C. Thing Z
D. All of the above
E. None of the above
I had no idea what property they thought was "distinguishing" when all of them were true to a certain extent. The answer, however, was not D.
& yeah, I felt like there should've been the option "I'd read the fucking API or docs and get the answer in thirty seconds."
Posted by Malcolm on Jan. 08 2009,17:59
New job, same thread.Turns out the game design department faculty was particularly hammered by the last round of layoffs. So much so that they've borrowed me to teach 50+ students of theirs OOP w\ C#.
I take back taking back any stereotypes I ever had about mindless gaming nerds.
Posted by TPRJones on Jan. 08 2009,18:03
"Hey, Prof, I'll power-level your WoW character for extra credit."
Posted by TheCatt on Jan. 08 2009,18:05
(Malcolm @ Jan. 08 2009,20:59)
QUOTE
New job, same thread.
Turns out the game design department faculty was particularly hammered by the last round of layoffs. So much so that they've borrowed me to teach 50+ students of theirs OOP w\ C#.
I take back taking back any stereotypes I ever had about mindless gaming nerds.
Turns out the game design department faculty was particularly hammered by the last round of layoffs. So much so that they've borrowed me to teach 50+ students of theirs OOP w\ C#.
I take back taking back any stereotypes I ever had about mindless gaming nerds.
You know C#?
Posted by Malcolm on Jan. 08 2009,18:13
(TPRJones @ Jan. 08 2009,20:03)
QUOTE
"Hey, Prof, I'll power-level your WoW character for extra credit."
The dude that normally teaches this, the students told me that if they didn't want homework, they'd just distract him w\ some WoW questions. Seriously.
Posted by Malcolm on Jan. 08 2009,18:14
(TheCatt @ Jan. 08 2009,20:05)
QUOTE
(Malcolm @ Jan. 08 2009,20:59)
QUOTE
New job, same thread.
Turns out the game design department faculty was particularly hammered by the last round of layoffs. So much so that they've borrowed me to teach 50+ students of theirs OOP w\ C#.
I take back taking back any stereotypes I ever had about mindless gaming nerds.
Turns out the game design department faculty was particularly hammered by the last round of layoffs. So much so that they've borrowed me to teach 50+ students of theirs OOP w\ C#.
I take back taking back any stereotypes I ever had about mindless gaming nerds.
You know C#?
Enough to go on rambling for a further ten weeks.
Posted by Malcolm on Jan. 25 2011,10:07
I work on Project X at work. I'm essentially the second-in-command in the trenches (as in "people who do real work on the code"). The lead announces a month ago he's going on vacation for a couple weeks ...Lead (to our mutual manager, a month before he leaves AND again a week before he leaves AND once more the day he leaves): So ... is there anything we need to worry about handling while I'm away?
Manager: No, I think we've scheduled it all for when you get back or before you leave.
... Yesterday, the first day the lead is gone ...
Manager (to me, now de facto generalissimo): We need to do a performance test on this service. Can you work with these other folk to make that happen?
Me: Uh ... that's not really my thing. I don't know a lot of the high-level processes going on and we don't have any updated docs on the matters ...
Manager: Well anyway, we need to do this performance test ASAP. Work with server support and make it happen.
Me: So, why didn't we do this when the lead was here?
Manager: We just didn't think of it.
Well, I guess that means you kind of FUCKED UP MANAGING things again, don't it?