Thunderdome 2015 » Printable Version of Topic

Forum: General Stuff
Topic: The car you drive
started by: GORDON

Posted by GORDON on Jul. 19 2015,21:50

How do you drive through deep snow, go pick up a half ton of top soil, make a lumber run, pick up a load of stone, hook up a trailer to take your lawn tractor to mow an old lady's grass for her, or drag a ton of tree around with a chain if you don't have a big truck?

I just don't even.

Posted by TheCatt on Jul. 20 2015,05:11

Do people do those things outside of truck commercials?

Posted by Malcolm on Jul. 20 2015,05:51

(TheCatt @ Jul. 20 2015,07:11)

QUOTE

Do people do those things outside of truck commercials?

Only as a precursor to man orgies.

Posted by TPRJones on Jul. 20 2015,06:02

(GORDON @ Jul. 19 2015,23:50)

QUOTE

To each job the right tool. I don't do these things, so as an urban commuter and occasional road-tripper my smart car is the ideal tool. I think most of the people driving big tucks around where I live and work don't do any of those things either, they just wish they did.

Are these things you regularly need to do?

Posted by GORDON on Jul. 20 2015,06:47

(TheCatt @ Jul. 20 2015,08:11)

QUOTE

Do people do those things outside of truck commercials?

That's my life, dawg.

Sometime this week I'll be hooking up some massive chains between my truck and a massive tree that fell last Fall, slapping her into 4 wheel drive, and dragging that piece of shit away from one of my pine trees. Then I'm grabbing my chainsaw off the tailgate and cutting that son of a bitch up.

This morning I made a lumber run.

Lol, just lol if you don't have a truck with which you do your manly things.

Posted by Malcolm on Jul. 20 2015,06:51

QUOTE

This morning I made a lumber run.

Lol, just lol if you don't have a truck with which you do your manly things.

You just stepped out of this, didn't you?

Posted by Vince on Jul. 20 2015,06:57

Even for the urban dweller, there are times you wish you had a pickup. Not even 4 wheel drive necessarily. But yeah, it makes you feel manly doing manly things with your pickup truck.

I feel even more manly when I'm clearing the path on my dad's UTV out in the woods. Using the wench to pull felled trees out of the direction in which I wish to travel.

Posted by GORDON on Jul. 20 2015,06:59

Fuck yeah.

Posted by Malcolm on Jul. 20 2015,06:59

You dudes need some pretty big engines to feel like men.

Posted by GORDON on Jul. 20 2015,07:00

Need a lot of HP to haul my massive balls around.

Posted by Malcolm on Jul. 20 2015,07:03

(GORDON @ Jul. 20 2015,09:00)

QUOTE

Need a lot of HP to haul my massive balls around.

If you wouldn't stick them in the microwave so much, the radiation wouldn't do that.

Posted by TheCatt on Jul. 20 2015,07:23

(GORDON @ Jul. 20 2015,09:47)

QUOTE

Lol, just lol if you don't have a truck with which you do your manly things.

Pretty sure I don't need a truck to bone my wife.

Posted by Vince on Jul. 20 2015,09:07

It's really a strange thing. I never felt less like a man before I started doing stuff like that, but you pull up in a pickup with a chainsaw, a wood splitter and a trailer and take a cord or two of wood back to the house to unload and you feel like you should be in a Marlboro ad.

Posted by Malcolm on Jul. 20 2015,09:42

QUOTE

but you pull up in a pickup with a chainsaw, a wood splitter and a trailer and take a cord or two of wood back to the house to unload and you feel like you should be in a Marlboro ad.

Not always a good fit.

Posted by TPRJones on Jul. 20 2015,12:29

QUOTE

you pull up in a pickup with a chainsaw, a wood splitter and a trailer and take a cord or two of wood back to the house to unload and you feel like you should be in a Marlboro ad

It still works if you're stacking the cord or two of wood into the back of a Subaru station wagon. Especially if you've driven it up into the mountains and off into the woods to cut your own.

No pickup required.

Posted by Vince on Jul. 20 2015,12:41

Not required. But it adds testosterone points. Mine is a 4w drive, banged up with peeling paint, a big dent in the driver's side of the bed and burns through oil like you wouldn't believe.

I love it.

Posted by TPRJones on Jul. 20 2015,12:56

The station wagon in question was similarly well-used. The big dent was on the passenger side and both the gearshift and steering wheel would sometimes fall off while driving.

That last fact made a good theft deterrent. I once had to leave it running while I went inside somewhere (starter had gone bad and no hill to park on) and when I came out it was about 100 yards down the road with the gear shift sitting in the driver's seat.

Posted by GORDON on Jul. 20 2015,13:05

(TPRJones @ Jul. 20 2015,15:29)

QUOTE

you pull up in a pickup with a chainsaw, a wood splitter and a trailer and take a cord or two of wood back to the house to unload and you feel like you should be in a Marlboro ad

I cord of wood is 4x4x8 feet. You aren't getting a cord in a station wagon.

Posted by TPRJones on Jul. 20 2015,17:21

You can if you lay down all but the driver's seat and don't mind driving home completely surrounded by split logs. Although it's not good for your suspension.

Subaru station wagons - the olds ones, at least - are very roomy in there.

Posted by GORDON on Jul. 20 2015,17:45

I remember one of my teenager jobs was a wood cutter, and one day in a raging rain storm me and my (carpenter) buddy had to load, deliver, and unload 5 cords of wood to a guy because of masculinity in the proper, classic sense.

Posted by Vince on Jul. 20 2015,19:45

(TPRJones @ Jul. 20 2015,19:21)

QUOTE

This might even be more manly than hauling the wood in a pickup since you're one otherwise minor traffic accident away from being crushed.

Posted by TPRJones on Jul. 20 2015,20:46

Bonus danger points if you have to stack some wood under your ass in the driver's seat and around the pedals and shifter to get it all in.

Posted by GORDON on Aug. 07 2015,18:28

So last Fall we had a wind storm and it knocked down this big-ass tree into a tall pine in the back part of my property. Some of the limbs were resting on power lines so I called the power company to come get this shit before it knocked out power.... I told the guys to cut the tree off of the pine, too, but those lazy fuckers didn't want to so they just cut the limbs hitting the power line and left to go be lazy somewhere else.

So I've been cleaning up that big ass tree, chainsawing limbs off here and there as I have had time, burning the brush in my fire pit, generally cleaning it up.... and I was finally down to the trunk and a few huge branches that by themselves probably had a 4 foot circumference.... meaning, that shit was heavy and I didn't really want to get up on it to cut only to have the weight shift and roll on top of me because that would just piss me off and I'd go all Hulk and wreck half the town. So as a favor to errybody else I brought my kickass 4x4 out there.

Then I hooked up a 5500lb chain to that son of a bitch

Pulled that bitch tight and had one last look around before I started yanking on it

The first pull and it wouldn't roll. I had to get the chainsaw and cut the base a bit. I couldn't tell how much of it was still attached the way it fell, but it must have had a good hold because I had all 4 tires spinning in the dirt.

I moved over a bit for the second try but same outcome... that chain was strong enough to stop my truck dead and I had 4 tires spinning in the dirt.

Took one more pass with the chainsaw... actually cut down too far and hit dirt and dulled the shit out of my chain, god damn it, but this time I totally severed it. I have an 18" bar on my chainsaw and I had it balls deep in that big mother fucker.

So the third pull and that mother fuck rolled perfectly. The blanket was in case the chain snapped MAYBE the broken end wouldn't go through my back truck window and hit my gun rack and giant testicles.

Here the holes I dug in the dirt, spun all 4 tires twice.

I mean seriously, how do YOU roll a big-ass tree off your tall pine with your little feminine cars??? Do you actually just call for help like a little bitch?

Posted by Malcolm on Aug. 07 2015,18:55

I burn it to ash, like a real man.

Posted by GORDON on Aug. 07 2015,18:56

The entire point was to salvage the pine, dawg.

It'll get burned to ash when I am good and god damned ready, probably next summer when the wood is seasoned.

I may burn a nice hunk of beef over its coals for my enjoyment.

Posted by TPRJones on Aug. 07 2015,19:17

QUOTE

I mean seriously, how do YOU roll a big-ass tree off your tall pine with your little feminine cars?

My apartment has neither big ass-trees nor tall pines.

Posted by Alhazad on Aug. 07 2015,20:31

(GORDON @ Aug. 07 2015,18:56)

QUOTE

I may burn a nice hunk of beef over its coals for my enjoyment.

Usually we eat the beef, Gordon.

Posted by GORDON on Aug. 09 2015,12:21

(TheCatt @ Jul. 20 2015,08:11)

QUOTE

Do people do those things outside of truck commercials?

Without a truck how do you even move a ton of dirt to be unloaded by your strong sons?

And then chicks can ride horses out to your back property to see what you're doing with that big truck?

I just dont even

Posted by Leisher on Aug. 09 2015,12:45

QUOTE

Without a truck how do you even move a ton of dirt to be unloaded by your strong sons?

You have a son, not sons. And why is he doing the Nazi salute?

Posted by GORDON on Aug. 09 2015,12:46

Don't act like you're not impressed. I bet you don't even truck.

Posted by Troy on Aug. 09 2015,15:20

I rent a truck for the ~3 weeks a year I need it. It's like 400 a week.

Posted by TheCatt on Aug. 09 2015,18:48

Gordon's other son

Posted by Malcolm on Aug. 09 2015,19:25

QUOTE

And then chicks can ride horses out to your back property to see what you're doing with that big truck?

What you do with your vehicle's tailpipe is your biz.

Posted by Leisher on Aug. 10 2015,07:12

(GORDON @ Aug. 09 2015,15:46)

QUOTE

Don't act like you're not impressed. I bet you don't even truck.

I do not. My father in law has a truck I have access to anytime I want, so I drive a car. I get better gas mileage, it's cheaper, I'm not skidding everywhere in the winter, I don't look like I'm compensating for anything, etc.

I will say that the recent commercials for...was it Chevy?... where they sat the focus group down and showed them a picture of a guy in front of a car and the same guy in front of a truck and asked their impressions was embarrassing for truck owners.

What does it say about someone when they can be ego stroked like that into a major purchase?

Posted by TheCatt on Aug. 10 2015,07:26

A real man bikes.

Right?

Posted by Leisher on Aug. 10 2015,08:08

I always preferred biking and swimming to jogging.

Posted by GORDON on Aug. 10 2015,09:11

(Leisher @ Aug. 10 2015,10:12)

QUOTE

(GORDON @ Aug. 09 2015,15:46)

QUOTE

Don't act like you're not impressed. I bet you don't even truck.

See here I am actually providing photographic evidence that I use my truck as a truck, and I get "just compensating for something."

Y'all have issues. A truck might fix them, but probably not.

Posted by Malcolm on Aug. 10 2015,09:17

(GORDON @ Aug. 10 2015,11:11)

QUOTE

(Leisher @ Aug. 10 2015,10:12)

QUOTE

(GORDON @ Aug. 09 2015,15:46)

QUOTE

Don't act like you're not impressed. I bet you don't even truck.

See here I am actually providing photographic evidence that I use my truck as a truck, and I get "just compensating for something."

Y'all have issues. A truck might fix them, but probably not.

A functional crutch is still a crutch.

Posted by GORDON on Aug. 10 2015,09:19

Yeah, you guys probably shouldn't bother.

Posted by Leisher on Aug. 10 2015,09:22

(GORDON @ Aug. 10 2015,12:11)

QUOTE

(Leisher @ Aug. 10 2015,10:12)

QUOTE

(GORDON @ Aug. 09 2015,15:46)

QUOTE

Don't act like you're not impressed. I bet you don't even truck.

See here I am actually providing photographic evidence that I use my truck as a truck, and I get "just compensating for something."

Y'all have issues. A truck might fix them, but probably not.

To be fair, you were mocking those who don't have a truck.

If I lived in the boonies managing what is becoming a suburban farm, I would probably have a truck myself.

However, I don't and aside from moving I need the use of a truck maybe once a year.

Posted by GORDON on Aug. 27 2015,10:50

Only tangentially truck related, but last Saturday the cub scouts had a campout in my back yard. They had to put up their own tents, cook their own food over the fire, and generally have fun, overnight.

I decided it would be fun to skip the tent so me and my kid slept out under the stars, like men.

My truck was nearby in case the raccoons attacked and I needed to shuttle kids to the hospital for rabies shots.

The were heard out in the darkness, but the raccoons did not attack that night. The fact I kept the fire blazing all night may have kept them at bay.

Posted by Malcolm on Aug. 27 2015,11:02

(GORDON @ Aug. 27 2015,12:50)

QUOTE

How are they supposed to have fun doing that?

Posted by GORDON on Aug. 27 2015,11:08

(Malcolm @ Aug. 27 2015,14:02)

QUOTE

(GORDON @ Aug. 27 2015,12:50)

QUOTE

How are they supposed to have fun doing that?

Stayed up late running through the property looking for the snakes I told them were out there (there aren't... many), flashlight hide and seek, making s'mores. The usual stuff if you didn't have a shitty childhood.

Posted by Malcolm on Aug. 27 2015,11:18

I'll take four walls, a ceiling, and an oven.

Posted by TPRJones on Aug. 27 2015,11:52

And A/C. And a good internet connection.

Posted by Alhazad on Aug. 27 2015,18:00

A scoutmaster's idea of 'camping fun' was usually telling me that a bobcat was waiting to get me outside and watching me sprint to the latrine whenever I had to pee at night.

I will admit to enjoying the array of large, heavy sticks nature offers. Something about a ready bludgeon in your hand makes you feel good.

Posted by GORDON on Aug. 27 2015,18:47

Oh, that reminds me, I made the boys dig a hole in which to piss and shit.

They thought it was pretty cool.

Posted by Malcolm on Aug. 27 2015,19:16

(GORDON @ Aug. 27 2015,20:47)

QUOTE

Oh, that reminds me, I made the boys dig a hole in which to piss and shit.

They thought it was pretty cool.

Seems like the sort of thing civilization was invented to combat.

Posted by Alhazad on Aug. 27 2015,19:23

(Malcolm @ Aug. 27 2015,19:16)

QUOTE

(GORDON @ Aug. 27 2015,20:47)

QUOTE

Oh, that reminds me, I made the boys dig a hole in which to piss and shit.

They thought it was pretty cool.

Seems like the sort of thing civilization was invented to combat.

No, that's the first tier of civilization -- not shitting where you eat.

Posted by Malcolm on Aug. 27 2015,20:04

(Alhazad @ Aug. 27 2015,21:23)

QUOTE

(Malcolm @ Aug. 27 2015,19:16)

QUOTE

(GORDON @ Aug. 27 2015,20:47)

QUOTE

Oh, that reminds me, I made the boys dig a hole in which to piss and shit.

They thought it was pretty cool.

Seems like the sort of thing civilization was invented to combat.

No, that's the first tier of civilization -- not shitting where you eat.

Most animals are smart enough to do that. That's not civ.

Posted by Alhazad on Aug. 27 2015,20:56

(Malcolm @ Aug. 27 2015,20:04)

QUOTE

Most animals are smart enough to do that. That's not civ.

Then it's weird that humans weren't for a long time.

Posted by GORDON on Oct. 02 2015,05:26

By the way, the original intent of this thread was meant to be nothing more that braggadocio chest thumping using some modern internet vernacular, as a goof, but then I detected some of you, in this thread and elsewhere, may have been taking offense to it.

Man up, nancy boys.

Here's what the NY Times says is manly. I read it... basically it says modern men are women.

< http://www.nytimes.com/2015....an.html >

Posted by TheCatt on Oct. 02 2015,05:54

I can't tell if that's satire or not?

Posted by Malcolm on Oct. 02 2015,07:47

QUOTE

The modern man won’t blow 10 minutes of his life looking for the best parking spot. He finds a reasonable one and puts his car between the lines.

Guess G likes wasting his time looking for parking spots in manic bouts of George Costanza-like OCD.

Posted by GORDON on Oct. 02 2015,08:13

Since we want to slam,

QUOTE

1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.

I think Malcolm doesn't have this problem, he gots that shit memorized.

Posted by GORDON on Oct. 02 2015,08:15

QUOTE

20. On occasion, the modern man is the little spoon. Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical shield.

Especially when he has sympathetic PMS cramps.

Posted by Malcolm on Oct. 02 2015,08:17

(GORDON @ Oct. 02 2015,10:13)

QUOTE

Since we want to slam,

QUOTE

1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn’t have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.

I think Malcolm doesn't have this problem, he gots that shit memorized.

You have to pick something that's at least plausible. I usually have to look at the tag on my old pair to remember my size. Lastly, if I bought footwear as a gift, it'd be something in this vein:

Posted by GORDON on Oct. 02 2015,08:22

You started it. You with your vagina.

Posted by Alhazad on Oct. 02 2015,08:43

(GORDON @ Oct. 02 2015,05:26)

QUOTE

(GORDON @ Oct. 02 2015,05:26)

QUOTE

I don't give a fuck!

Sage of our times.