Thunderdome 2015 » Printable Version of Topic » Need advice from the DTMan community

Forum: General Stuff
Topic: Need advice from the DTMan community
started by: thibodeaux

Posted by thibodeaux on Jun. 19 2014,14:25

At work, they gave me an intern. He's a rising junior in college. But omg he is a total DORK. A tool. A chode. I don't even know. And it's not even really that he's bad, he's just grating on me.

How do I fix him? I'm his mentor, I'm supposed to fix him, right?

A couple of specific behaviors:

1. Repeats dorky cs-student tropes. When his code is compiling, he says "I twiddle my thumbs back and forth." Or he says "copy-pasta." Jeez.
2. He comes into my office and just sits down at my desk with his laptop and starts coding. And doesn't leave. I'm new to having an office so I'm not sure how to deal with this. I guess I'm gonna have to start closing my door.
3. He belches! Like, he's right next to me at my desk and he's belching. Not a loud, just chugged a beer, bro-belch. Like an I've got gas and I'm trying to hide it belch.

Posted by GORDON on Jun. 19 2014,14:54

"Copy pasta" has always annoyed me. Sever his internship and call whoever you have to at the college to make sure he is kicked out.

Everything else sounds like you need to be the parent he never had. Tell him to cut that shit out. See how he deals with authority... that's part of being a student.

But the copy pasta thing... destroy him.

Posted by Malcolm on Jun. 19 2014,15:36

Eh ... we got a couple interns/slaves on my team right now. With contractors, we'd pretty much pretend we were buying their illusion, but we'd shred them behind their backs because we knew they weren't going to stick around long. Also, I've encountered these types in school when I've been a student, TA, and professor. Those times, I reminded myself I wasn't in charge of them and I'm not supposed to solicit advice, so they can derail their lives all they want.

I'm going to assume the following about him:

1) He hangs out exclusively with people like himself.
2) He is goddamned near surgically attached to a keyboard during all waking hours.
3) I'll bet only child.
4) Gotten laid only on account of accident, pity, someone else losing a bet, or money exchanging hands.

QUOTE

I'm his mentor, I'm supposed to fix him, right?

No. You're supposed to explain to him how to get a job and stay gainfully employed in his chosen industry. If you want to go with your line of thought, you ought to be making him aware of the means to fix himself, and encourage him to use them. Give a dude a fish and all that.

QUOTE

1. Repeats dorky cs-student tropes. When his code is compiling, he says "I twiddle my thumbs back and forth." Or he says "copy-pasta." Jeez.

Sounds like you have an extravert on your hands. Impressionable, too, so the more time he spends around people, the more he tends to pick up habits from them he figures he needs or wants -- kind of like a sponge. Problem is he's talking to himself to fill the time and it's killing your ear drums and brain. There's a word for people who talk to themselves; they're called crazy. Explain that it: a) is distracting to everyone within earshot who isn't protecting themselves with headphones and b) makes you look like someone you'd dread working with on a team. Uncomfortable silence beats uncomfortable words almost every time. Same goes for #3 on your list with the added warning of "it's fucking goddamn common sense." I would quote me. There aren't a lot of places that will take techie prowess over the ability to work with others. If you look like someone others don't want to work with, then your job will become unpleasant if you somehow even manage to get past the HR interview.

If you have time to vocalize whatever mindless drivel is floating through your head, you've got time to multi-task. Keep him busy. If he's a mildly competent programmer, you should have plenty of dink work to keep him busy.

As for #2, tell him where his workstation is and that he should note the "work" part of the word. Unless you want him hovering around you or he's got a question or some shit, he should be sitting where he's expected to be found.

Posted by thibodeaux on Jun. 19 2014,15:47

I think he might have Aspergers.

Posted by GORDON on Jun. 19 2014,16:07

Tell him to leave that shit at home or you will destroy him.

Posted by TheCatt on Jun. 19 2014,17:06

#3 Does he drink a lot of soda?

Posted by thibodeaux on Jun. 19 2014,17:14

Not that I've seen.

Posted by TheCatt on Jun. 19 2014,17:32

Maybe you should work out less. Then he'd not want to be so close to you.

Posted by GORDON on Jun. 19 2014,17:59

"I used to rape guys like you in prison."

Posted by Malcolm on Jun. 19 2014,20:18

(TheCatt @ Jun. 19 2014,19:06)

QUOTE

#3 Does he drink a lot of soda?

Eating like crap will do it, too.

Posted by GORDON on Jun. 19 2014,20:21

"I've got little chunks of guys like you in my shit."

Posted by Malcolm on Jun. 19 2014,20:22

(thibodeaux @ Jun. 19 2014,17:47)

QUOTE

I think he might have Aspergers.

There's a reason people in IT picked an industry that involves talking to machines more than people. If he does, I'd not be shocked because that wouldn't prevent him from getting a degree.

If he can't hack it socially, then he's pretty much fucked for getting work unless he knows everyone in the hiring process who matters. Or blackmail. That's always an option.

Posted by GORDON on Jun. 19 2014,20:28

"I blow a hole in your face and then I go home. And then I sleep like a baby. You can count on that. We used to stack fucks like you five feet high in Korea. Used you for sandbags."

Posted by Malcolm on Jun. 19 2014,20:31

You wish you were Clint.

Posted by GORDON on Jun. 19 2014,20:33

"You burp in my presence one more time I will by God put an end to you here and now, you son of a buttfucked whore."

Posted by Malcolm on Jun. 19 2014,20:35

(GORDON @ Jun. 19 2014,22:33)

QUOTE

"You burp in my presence one more time I will by God put an end to you here and now, you son of a buttfucked whore."

And you wish you car was as cool as his in that flick.

Posted by GORDON on Jun. 19 2014,20:36

"Newbie, if you don't listen to me and stop burping...you'll disappoint me".

Posted by GORDON on Jun. 19 2014,21:53

"Well, I don't need to kill you, newbie. I mean, you could accidentally hurt yourself falling down on something real hard, you know? Like a shiv, or my dick?"

Posted by GORDON on Jun. 19 2014,21:57

"Come not into my presence with thine regurgitations! Or I will not slay thee in thy turn. I will bear thee away to the houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness, where thy flesh shall be devoured, and thy shriveled mind be left naked to the Lidless Eye."

Posted by thibodeaux on Jun. 20 2014,05:00

(GORDON @ Jun. 20 2014,00:57)

QUOTE

I *wish* he was no living man.

Posted by GORDON on Jun. 20 2014,06:07

I knew you'd get that one.

Posted by Stranger on Jun. 20 2014,06:41

(GORDON @ Jun. 20 2014,00:57)

QUOTE

LOL!! i like this one!

Posted by Malcolm on Jun. 20 2014,07:21

(thibodeaux @ Jun. 20 2014,07:00)

QUOTE

(GORDON @ Jun. 20 2014,00:57)

QUOTE

I *wish* he was no living man.

I think you could call both those qualities into question.

Posted by TheCatt on Jun. 20 2014,07:31

Take him lifting with you.

Bring him over for dinner.

See if he wants to join your band.

Posted by GORDON on Jun. 20 2014,08:35

Then ask him if he likes gladiator movies.

Posted by TheCatt on Jun. 20 2014,08:54

Or if he's been in a Turkish prison.

Posted by thibodeaux on Jun. 20 2014,11:13

You people are useless.

Posted by Malcolm on Jun. 20 2014,11:16

(thibodeaux @ Jun. 20 2014,13:13)

QUOTE

You people are useless.

I made my suggestion before pseudo-Clint wanna-be hijacked things. Besides, you should be < enjoying the World Cup >.

Posted by TheCatt on Jun. 20 2014,11:34

(thibodeaux @ Jun. 20 2014,14:13)

QUOTE

You people are useless.

Have you tried snuggling?

Posted by GORDON on Jun. 20 2014,12:00

He wants to avoid sexual harassment accusations because those are always believed, but if he says something truly psychotic to the guy with no witnesses, no one would ever believe him.

Posted by TheCatt on Jun. 20 2014,12:03

(GORDON @ Jun. 20 2014,15:00)

QUOTE

He wants to avoid sexual harassment accusations because those are always believed, but if he says something truly psychotic to the guy with no witnesses, no one would ever believe him.

Downside to an office.

Posted by Cakedaddy on Jun. 20 2014,13:08

Ya, but it's only harassment if he's ugly.

So, ya, never mind.

Posted by Cakedaddy on Jun. 20 2014,13:11

When I find myself in situations like that, I ask myself "What would Don Draper do?".

Posted by TPRJones on Jun. 23 2014,07:44

That's not helpful. The answer is always "have another drink."